If a girl breaks up with because she met someone else, has she done anything wrong?

[reservoirdog1]

The funny thing is she used to tell me how he would sleep with girls at the office then dump them, and she told me his last relationship was with a woman who already had a boyfriend too. She used to say she was disgusted with his behaviour....maybe she was just saying that to throw me off the scent in hindsight.

Pretty common. That's exactly why she told you that. When I was married, XW had a male friend. Periodically she'd complain to me that he was being an a**hole. I remember observing the two of them arguing once, and I remarked that they were more like siblings than friends.

 

Little did I know she was screwing around with him at the time. She made no attempt to conceal who she was having a drink with, and she brought him into our social circle and our home. Hell, she tried to fix up my sister with him! All in all, she was pretty successful at throwing me off the scent... I didn't learn the truth until seven years later, and only when she came clean because she wanted out of the marriage.

[Dream Brother]

Man this post hurts. OP I went through same and I'm a few months down the road. Don't bother looking for answers, there aren't any - just move on, tough as it sounds. I will probably never understand what happened but in the long run I guess I will realise she wasn't the person I thought she was and that she was no good for me despite the seemingly wonderful relationship she cut short out of nothing. I'm talking zero signs and I'm an astute guy but she should get an oscar for her performance, she looked me in the eyes and lied to me and said everything was fine a few days before the break. It's weak.

[nobleguy]

Man this post hurts. OP I went through same and I'm a few months down the road. Don't bother looking for answers, there aren't any - just move on, tough as it sounds.

 

This is what this thread comes down to. Hard I know but...

[columbia]

Jay, let me answer this straight for you. Same thing just happened to me. YES, it is VERY WRONG. The world has these liberal rules that tell humans, "do what makes you happy" not to do what's RIGHT. I was in a 6 year relationship where i loved the girl so much you couldnt even imagine; im only 2 months out of it. I've been treated like total crap and this new guy, 10 years older than us, now has my world in his hands, no sacrifice, didn't have to do CRAP. I gave up 6 damn years of my life in a town i absolutley hate just to be by her side and i've taken a job where i make barely 40k a year, and commute 45 mins both ways working 60 hr weeks. We were talking about marriage almost 2 days before it was all over. That's WRONG. I've gone through hell to be with her, and the day she meets him it's the hell with me, all our memories, all we've gone through, EVERYTHING. Some will argue that, "if she's not happy, it wasn't meant to be, yadda yadda", and that would be fair, however; its wrong to get with another man that quick and push the knife further through the guys heart who owes you loyalty and respect. She needs to take time for herself ALONE and respect YOU. But it's a free country and God gave humans free will which gives us the opportunity to determine a good person from a shady one. It sucks man, i dont know why its ever condoned, its NOT OK. She is WRONG. Good luck man, im hurting too, happens to the best of us.

 

Wow, this is EXACTLY what happened to me, only 4 years and not 6

[harmfulsweetz]

Aliveandkicking, people do flake, people do bail for no reason, but not often. I'm not saying he has issues, I'm saying he may have certain problems he could spend this time working on, instead of wondering about whether or not she was right or wrong.

[harmfulsweetz]

She doesn't owe the R anything. If she's not in it, she's not in it. Sorry. but thats the truth.

[jayboy]

She doesn't owe the R anything. If she's not in it, she's not in it. Sorry. but thats the truth.

 

I am sorry but I cannot agree with this....her actions over the past year only affirmed my belief that she wanted to marry me and be with me. I have a garage full of stuff for the bathroom she wanted to fix (bought only 1 month before the split), she asked me to marry her, she introduced me to all of her family abroad, we planned for a holiday in Dec, and more. I believe she led me down the garden path now truth be told.

 

I am currently seeking a Counsellor, and she says that she believes my ex displayed narcissistic tendancies.....I guess this would explain my ex's complete blase attitude about the whole thing, and her confusion/annoyance as to why I am upset. She has also never accepted any blame whatsoever for what has happened and has pinned it all on me....even though she was the one lining up another guy behind my back.

[NopeNah]

I am sorry but I cannot agree with this....her actions over the past year only affirmed my belief that she wanted to marry me and be with me. I have a garage full of stuff for the bathroom she wanted to fix (bought only 1 month before the split), she asked me to marry her, she introduced me to all of her family abroad, we planned for a holiday in Dec, and more. I believe she led me down the garden path now truth be told.

 

I am currently seeking a Counsellor, and she says that she believes my ex displayed narcissistic tendancies.....I guess this would explain my ex's complete blase attitude about the whole thing, and her confusion/annoyance as to why I am upset. She has also never accepted any blame whatsoever for what has happened and has pinned it all on me....even though she was the one lining up another guy behind my back.

In the end it doesn't matter what,who,why...It's done and over with. She could take all the blame and at the end of the day...It's over! The longer you look for your blame on her to be justified by you/her/others is nothing but wasted time and energy..Because... IT'S OVER!

[harmfulsweetz]

However, if she didn't want to be with you, (which her actions prove she doesn't) she doesn't owe you a thing. granted, she could have and should have behaved better, but that doesn't take away the fact she owes the R nothing, it wouldn't be worth it anyway. I believe you should focus entirely on moving on and you, and forget her. If she led you on like that, she is cruel.

[silic0ntoad]

The way I look at things: If a girl/guy meets someone else, then breaks up with you, they cheated, regardless if d*ck + v*gina met. It's emotional. And it's cheating. It sucks, but it happens.

 

IMHO, relationships are all a game. Once in one, you have to retain dignity and sense of self. If you don't, you're *****ed.

 

If your GF did this to you, I suggest the following:

 

2+ months of clinging to friends. Going out as often as possible. Fake happiness til you make it.

Permanent changes: Join a gym. Something that SPECIALIZES. I say this because I joined a regular gym and it just made me angry. Then I joined a Muay Thai gym and I had something to FOCUS on, getting myself in shape, and learning technique. Very clutch.

 

In all honesty, yeah, what was done was wrong. Some people will spit all these BS bogus lines like "It's a get out of jail free card" and "It's better now then later" Well, I call shenanigans on that sh*t. It's never good to happen. Sure, you learn some lessons, and you never will learn if everything works out the first time you try it, but honestly, those lines are a load of crap. Feel free to feel like a victim for the first few days/week. Get it out. Then realise you're stronger than what was done to you and how you were disrespected.

 

You'll be fine. The way I look at it: I don't have to deal with the ex lying to her parents about us quitting smoking so whenever I go up there I have to wait 6+ hours for a smoke. I don't have to hear about engagements and stupid sh*t that happened at a dead end job all day every day. So yeah, there are the upsides to it.

[ClayM]

Clay, I partially agree with you from an adult obligation stance. Honesty would have prevailed if it was applied.

I will say this about your mental attitude, I cringe at anyone who comes off as the martyr and says they "gave up 6 years of their life"- What were you in prison? Seriously that part is most irritating even as an adult to read. No one gives UP in a relationship but DOES share those years be they good or challenging...so maybe you need to realize that your former partner was less then forthright with themself and will continue such with their new choice. Think of it as a free get out of jail card if you so choose......

Yes morally the person didn't follow the norm in being adult to come forth BEFORE changing Horses so to speak.

 

 

Yea, you just may be one of those "CHICKS" i'm talking about. The B type, as i like to say. Love is a spell that when in it, it will drive you to craziness; you'll do anything. I did GIVE UP 6 years of my life because i REALIZED the woman who i was so invested in would have never done the same for me. I could go on to make you look like a fool, but ill just leave it simple. I gave up OPPORTUNITIES, CHANCES, and other REALATIONSHIPS( among other things) to stay where I was; i did it for love. I learned that when she broke it off with me. I turned down a GREAT job offer 2 weeks prior to this breaking when things were probably going on between her and this new guy. Thats one of many OPPORTUNITIES and circumstances that could have bettered ME and my position in life. But what i was pointing out to Jay is that its Wrong; black and white, there are no AND, IF, or BUTS about it. You can take the truth and wrap it anyway you want to, but in the end, the truth is the truth. Cringe all you want to, you weren't there through all the blood sweat, tears and YEARS that i GAVE up and sacraficed to be with the woman of my dreams.

[soheartbroken]

I do think it's "wrong" in the lay sense of the word. She should have cut contact with this fellow as soon as she realized something was going on. Instead, she decided to see where it lead, and didn't tell you. She kinda played you both at the same time in a sense.

 

Sorry that she ****ed you over.

[GrayClouds]

I do think it's "wrong" in the lay sense of the word. She should have cut contact with this fellow as soon as she realized something was going on. Instead, she decided to see where it lead, and didn't tell you. She kinda played you both at the same time in a sense.

 

Sorry that she ****ed you over.

 

Very good post. As people we can always controll our feelings but we can control reaction to them. If you respect your relationship and your partner you remove yourself from temptation. I too say its wrong. I know everyone has been waiting for my input:laugh: