tVII Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I read all the advice about NC with your ex, unfortunately i don't have that luxury. She was my first everything so Ive never been through anything like this...We broke up 7 months ago but only went out for 6. I hear her laughter in the small workplace we work at and it tears me up inside. Im frustrated that I can't be like that. She has found someone new and I wish i could too, and believe me Ive tried! But it seems im losing energy and just don't have the confidence to talk to girls. My energy and confidence is crashing, im stressed out, and now im failing my classes and cant kick my reawakened cigarette habit. Ive already been through the grieving process TWICE (denial, depression, anger, mourning, acceptance, etc.) once after the break up and another after she found a new bf. Now im pass the process im just AMAZINGLY STRESSED OUT. i just wish she knew the battle i was facing, how hard it is for me to go day by day, exercising doesnt help, and playing piano doesnt ease anything...I want her to be miserable like me so she'd know and understand what shes putting me through. Lately, shes been trying to make convo with me and my co-worker says she just wants to make sure im okay. WELL IM NOT but i always have to put on a face or mask THAT EVERYTHING IS OK BUT ITS NOT! I WISH I COULD JUST QUIT MY JOB BUT I NEED MY JOB!!!! PLEASE ADVICE I AM DESPERATE.
McGrupp Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 when i went through my breakup i didnt have the luxury of having so much on my plate. it sounds like your in uni or HS and if either just focus on THAT. immerse yourself in you studies and leave that place better off and without her but a brighter future. thats my advice.
NopeNah Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Tell her not to speak to you. You could care less what she has to say. Then go on with your day.
Odyssey Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Hey tVII, I was in the same situation as you, about 6 months ago. I know you feel like just quitting everything and giving up right now. But whatever you do, don't pack in your job! It's super tough out there at the moment and coping with a breakup is already bad enough without worrying about the lack of income and a job. I can relate to the feelings that you're going through because my ex-gf sat opposite me in the office everyday. I remember it tore me up inside having to hear her voice, her awkward glances, her flirting with other co-workers, and even her meaningless greetings. Arhhh. All i know is that it is best to keep any contact to a minimum as best as you can. She feels guilty and will sometimes make idle chit-chat that will lead to nothing. You two have to be professional about it and act like business associates rather than friends/co-workers. And in time, everything will take care of itself. Trust me, in 6 months time you will feel a lot better than today. I've been through this and so can you.
jv032889 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Talking to her will get you nothing. Let her know you don't want to speak to her. Be firm and serious. I did this 4days ago and its been NC. She will try to make small talk but ignore her.
TaraMaiden Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Read the 'Caliguy No contact Guide' in my signature. He works in the same building as his ex. If he can do it, so can you.....
CaliGuy Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Read the 'Caliguy No contact Guide' in my signature. He works in the same building as his ex. If he can do it, so can you..... It's much easier now that she's on the 1st floor and I am on the second. I hardly ever see her. Rarely does she do the "drive by" thing. I think she got the message I hardly think about her anymore too and I don't care to know what's going on in her life. You just have to move on and leave the past behind you. "You can not drive a car while staring in the rear view mirror" and that is the analogy I use with my life and exes. You can't sit around pondering the "what ifs" in life. What's done is done and can not be changed.
trueblue72ny Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) Hey that’s a good analogy. "You can not drive a car while staring in the rear view mirror" Hey tVII I also work with my ex gf. Let me tell you it was hard, real hard to deal with when my heart was into it, but a year later I am much better. and so will you be. we went out for 4 years. I didn’t think I was going to pull thru, but I did. I just kept to myself at work, tried my best to keep real busy. did things for myself that made me feel good. held my head up high at work. Met new friends. Didn’t let her know or show that it was bothering me. and now it doesn’t that much. Fake it till you make it. I don’t mean to over simplify the whole thing, because there were lots of weeks I was in a terrible mood over it. for weeks and months I was in a really bad mood. But it has sort of reversed it self in a sense. a year later I feel the spell is pretty much now broken. And it is very relieving. To this very day, and I literally mean today, she continues to walk by snapping her fingers, making noise, showing off her new stupid outfits (today) and putting on a show to get me to notice. I do not do any of that, or walk by her desk, or speak with her friends at work, nothing. If I see her around and she wants to wave, fine, I will wave back to be nice, but that is as far as it goes right now. I don’t initiate communication with her anymore - that in itself, in my opinion, is a major message to someone. I don’t go out of my way to find things out. I don’t look at her stupid myspace page. In fact I don’t want to know anything anymore what she is doing. I don’t want to know if she is seeing anyone, or who her friends are. Nothing. Goodbye. You are dead to me. she told me she wants to be ‘friends’ guess what? I don’t want to be her friend. it’s completely stupid, utterly ridiculous and a waste of my time. That is what you need to be careful about, she will try to be your friend. Somehow being friends is supposed to make her a nice person again regardless of the fact she broke your heart into pieces. Do yourself a favor and don’t fall for the friends thing. You will only wind up prolonging your own personal agony while she is living it up. you will never get anything out of it. xcept more agony. Unless you like agony than feel free. Her games annoy me at this point because I am trying to move on in my life. I don’t hate her. I just want to move on since she is the one who decided I am not good enough. Whatever. I know I have a lot to offer. More than what she has to offer anyway. Hang in there. You will get thru it. and down the road you will see the tides turn. You wont even care what she is doing. You wont even care if she talks to you. she will be trying to say hello and you will be like uhhh ya ok sure later. Edited November 12, 2009 by trueblue72ny
GrayClouds Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I read all the advice about NC with your ex, unfortunately i don't have that luxury. She was my first everything so Ive never been through anything like this...We broke up 7 months ago but only went out for 6. I hear her laughter in the small workplace we work at and it tears me up inside. Im frustrated that I can't be like that. She has found someone new and I wish i could too, and believe me Ive tried! But it seems im losing energy and just don't have the confidence to talk to girls. My energy and confidence is crashing, im stressed out, and now im failing my classes and cant kick my reawakened cigarette habit. Ive already been through the grieving process TWICE (denial, depression, anger, mourning, acceptance, etc.) once after the break up and another after she found a new bf. Now im pass the process im just AMAZINGLY STRESSED OUT. i just wish she knew the battle i was facing, how hard it is for me to go day by day, exercising doesnt help, and playing piano doesnt ease anything...I want her to be miserable like me so she'd know and understand what shes putting me through. Lately, shes been trying to make convo with me and my co-worker says she just wants to make sure im okay. WELL IM NOT but i always have to put on a face or mask THAT EVERYTHING IS OK BUT ITS NOT! I WISH I COULD JUST QUIT MY JOB BUT I NEED MY JOB!!!! PLEASE ADVICE I AM DESPERATE. That is a tuff one. I suggest: At work be honest and polite; Tell her your not in the mood for chit chat, you request we keep conversation on a professional level. And them limit them to work and work only. She ask you how you are doing reply "Good, thank you" and move on. While you say they are not working, Hit them harder: the piano and exercise. Do both until you can hardly doing any more. Give it time is will make a difference. Do some journaling, write it down, paper and pen, try to write ever night fast and hard and don't edit yourself...just get it out. Try to find some book on break up, abandonment, and healing. It helps you focus you yourself. Write a list of all the things that was not perfect about her and continue to add to it and when you see think of those Good Luck.
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