famke Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 hello everyone, so last summer something really special happened to me. I met my boyfriend. And ever since I met him, I love him. We are together for 3,5 months now, and I love to be with him. here's the story: In july his mother died. His mother had cancer for more then ten years, and my boyfriend is only 21, so he grew up taking care of is mother and worrying about her. After being really really sick, his mother died this summer. Anyway, two weeks after this happened I first met my boyfriend at a short vacation he took. It was love at first.. we had a great connection. It was magical. We both felt like we had known eachother for years. We sat on the beach at night, looking at the stars, and talking about life, love and the death of his mother. It was soo real, so pure. After that week we started dating, and things only got better. I was really surprised about his positive attitude about life, while his mother died so shortly. He is really open, he cries about her when he wants and talks alot about her. I feel like he is the love of my life.. until.. two weeks ago.. suddenly he has changed. He doesn't call me as much as he did before.. he used to tell me he missed me, he threated me like a princess, told me how proud he was that I was his girl. Now he is a lot colder, he is always tired, and sometimes just ignores me. I haven't talked with him about this, because I really don't want to be a bitch about it. I don't want to come around as needy or something. So I just wait around.. being patienced and just let him do his thing. I give him the same uncondicional love I gave him from the beginning. I do want to talk about this with him, but I just want to think about this myself first, and just give him some space, also because I think that maybe his behavior is temperary, and he might be the old him again soon. But my questions are: why has he changed so much? Does this have something to do with me or is it just him grieving about his mother? If it is the last one, then why was he so sweet to me in the beginning? what do you guys think about this? thanks alot! ps: sorry for my bad english! I'm from the netherlands.
A O Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 But my questions are: why has he changed so much? Hard to say. I don't really want to say this, but you might have been a quick fling type thing or he may have found someone else. His behavior mirrors that of someone who has found someone else. Does this have something to do with me No or is it just him grieving about his mother? Quite possibly, but given that he's been very open and emotional about her death then it's not likely. Its a tricky one isn't it. but I just want to think about this myself first, and just give him some space, also because I think that maybe his behavior is temperary, and he might be the old him again soon. Usually I advocate a proactive approach but in your case I think you're probably doing the right thing. I give him the same uncondicional love I gave him from the beginning. One more thing.....there is no such thing as unconditional love, as you'll no doubt find out in time. Take it from a middle-aged man whose debated this concept hundreds of times through the years. .
Author famke Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 thanks A O! I see why you think that he might be cheating, or is a quick fling thing.. but the thing is: at first he was soo sweet to me, so real.. he told me that he had never met a girl like me.. telling me I was everything he wanted in a girl. and I don't think he was lying. he just cant be. It really is a tricky one.. I am really wondering about this. what you say about his grief.. he still talks about her and cries sometimes on the phone. that part still lasted.. but he just doesn't act like he is really in love with me. the best way to discribe it: we are only together for 3,5 months but he acts like we're together for ten years. about unconditional love: I know what you mean.. but he gave me sooo much love in the beginning.. I'll always charise that, whatever happens.. and I also believe that when you send out love, love people around you, that they will give you love back.
A O Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 at first he was soo sweet to me, so real.. he told me that he had never met a girl like me.. telling me I was everything he wanted in a girl. and I don't think he was lying. he just cant be. One of life's great lessons is to learn to put "actions" above words. It really is a tricky one.. I am really wondering about this. what you say about his grief.. he still talks about her and cries sometimes on the phone. that part still lasted.. but he just doesn't act like he is really in love with me. When people experience traumatic events, they sometimes hold their emotions in, they sometimes deny that the event has even happened. That all catches up with them later, one can't bottle their emotions forever, nor forever deny what has happened. So, when this does happen, then withdrawing is one thing people in this situation may end up doing. So, this is quite possibly what may have happened to your bf, but given that he's been very upfront and emotional with you already then I don't think its likely. But overall I'm not sure one way or another, henceforth, giving him space as you are doing isn't a bad idea. the best way to discribe it: we are only together for 3,5 months but he acts like we're together for ten years. Very sweet about unconditional love: I know what you mean.. but he gave me sooo much love in the beginning.. I'll always charise that, whatever happens..and I also believe that when you send out love, love people around you, that they will give you love back.I hope the guy comes to his senses because you sound like a pretty cool girl. .
Recommended Posts