Author faithfulone Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 2sure....thanks for reading. Hindsight is always helpful. Until then......
SummerLady Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 When you first find out its tough. You know the answer but its hard to digest. These emails are completely inappropriate in every way and you have every reason to be angry. You may be in denial as you came in here and asked opinions on the validity of your response or reaction. I have been through this and know what you are going through. Don't ignore it, address the issues, they will not go away on their own. I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve better. Dont forget that, ever.
EarthGirl Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Why would a man that could have ANYTHING he ever wanted and needed in ONE woman, stray? Maybe that's what all of us wants, even men, but then it only counts if it is the RIGHT woman. She is ONE woman too...I don't get your point.
stuckinoz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Here's something else to ponder. I'm not saying he is or isn't cheating on you. BUT...IF he gets his emails on his cell phone - isn't that a little dangerous? Wouldn't you think that if he really has something to hide, he'd have a different email (that doesn't come to his phone) that this "Secret" woman would be emailing to? Even if he would think you'd never check his phone - It's still very dangerous. I'd think if there was something going on he'd be more careful about hiding it than that. Just my opinion. (I would still - keep quiet for a day or so & keep checking - Just to make certain)
Author faithfulone Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Here's my point: We are married. He asked me. I accepted. I chose him just as much as he chose me. I was under the assumption that somehow qualified me, at least at that time as the RIGHT woman, the ONE woman for him. Things change and so do people, I get that much, but if you chose a partner (someone that you envision spending the rest of your life with), aren't you agreeing that you will NOT go outside of your marriage for ANYTHING?? That the person you choose is the one that provides what you need, when you need it and will do what they have to do to make it right. Looking at your response, I guess I answered my own question, its not about the wife's inability to fulfill his needs and wants...its the husband's need for MORE!
Author faithfulone Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Stuckinoz....that's a good one....but how about this: Maybe he knows that he has never given me a reason to doubt him, there's no way I would think about looking because I trust him. I don't know if he's "cheating" on me in the traditional way or not, but it opens the door to a million scenarios and questions. It is certainly not an honorable relationship because he wouldn't hide it from me. I've never heard of this woman and she mentioned in one of her emails about the condo that he and his friends rented this year. Do you think she's been to the condo? I don't yet but I'm certain that I will. I appreciate
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 its the husband's need for MORE! Exactly! I'm sorry you are going through this, it will take time to wrap your head around it. Maybe its nothing, maybe its not much, and maybe it is. He's unlikely to offer you a true confession if it is. I don't really think calling the OW is in your best interest right now either. You really need more information. Definitely call her before you alert him or confront him. I just think you need more information in order to have a clue whether what he tells you is even in the ballpark of the truth.
Author faithfulone Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Stuckinoz....that's a good one....but how about this: Maybe he knows that he has never given me a reason to doubt him, there's no way I would think about looking because I trust him. I don't know if he's "cheating" on me in the traditional way or not, but it opens the door to a million scenarios and questions. It is certainly not an honorable relationship because he wouldn't hide it from me. I've never heard of this woman and she mentioned in one of her emails about the condo that he and his friends rented this year. Do you think she's been to the condo? I don't yet but I'm certain that I will. I appreciate you putting a different spin on it though.....thanks
Spark1111 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I love Dr. Phil's line: If you wouldn't do it with you SO standing right beside you, then it's cheating. If he never mentioned a woman sending him emails and pictures from bike week, if you don't even know her name, if you don't know who stayed at the condo....ask him. Ask him all about bike week: How it was, who he stayed with, did he make friends, oh, who with? What are their names? Have you heard from any of your new or old friends. Gauge his reaction. Trust your gut. My husband's affair could have been titled, My Wife Sooooo Trusted Me that having an affair was a Piece of Cake. An innocent person may be insulted, but eventually tries to reassure you, if they care for you. A guilty person becomes enraged that you even dared to snoop. It is a deflection from their actions, IMHO.
EarthGirl Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) Here's my point: We are married. He asked me. I accepted. I chose him just as much as he chose me. I was under the assumption that somehow qualified me, at least at that time as the RIGHT woman, the ONE woman for him. Things change and so do people, I get that much, but if you chose a partner (someone that you envision spending the rest of your life with), aren't you agreeing that you will NOT go outside of your marriage for ANYTHING?? That the person you choose is the one that provides what you need, when you need it and will do what they have to do to make it right. Looking at your response, I guess I answered my own question, its not about the wife's inability to fulfill his needs and wants...its the husband's need for MORE! No...I talked about this in another thread.. I have had my own issues with being in love with multiple people...although I have never cheated I am just not that kind of person, but neverthelss I've hurt people and been hurt myself. It can be quite painful not only for the multiple love interests but for the well..loving person..themselves I think...It's devastating ..although I have a feeling for men, they handle that emotional confusion better, it's less traumatic just in and of itself, and a part of them I do believe just thinks it is super cool that they can get away with getting it on with 2 or more different women...Although I think for men ...it's the guilt involved, rather than the emotional confusion that is most damaging emotionally...And yes I do think men who are mostly good people can still be real jerks when it comes to this stuff..does not mean they are a psychopath or a totally bad person.. And when that is true (that they do have a conscience are a good guys deep down) they usually do feel a lot of guilt which can be crippling for them...but ironically sometimes I think that that makes them "act out" with this stuff even more...lie more cheat more, etc. Almost like they have different compartments of their head but once in a while some stuff from one part will seep into the other part and that's when the trouble starts... Except of course when information in the real world seeps into a compartment it wasn't supposed to (i.e. you finding those emails) and starts trouble for him. Anyway in the other thread I talked about the idea of "soulmates" (and I know this will not be looked upon well by many love shackers-and I will probably be laughed out of the forum and look like nothing more than a naive little girl that has watched too many disney movies...oh well, I've been called much worse)...And the idea that a man's "wife" in God's eyes is one woman and one woman only that God created for him and he for her. And that can't be overruled by a judge or a priest or a rabbi or a captain or whatever on this earth signing a paper all nice and pretty and performing a ceremony..cause after all they are still only humans just like the rest of us. In our earthly world though people marry people that aren't their God approved "wives" and "husbands" all the time. Sadly it might even happen more often than people marry their "God approved" ones. ...Because this is a very complicated and painful world..wires get crossed..people marry for all sorts of reasons, attraction, convenience, and sometimes they do actually marry for real love..however that doesn't mean it's "true" love. I kinda think there is a difference. Edited November 10, 2009 by EarthGirl
Sparty97 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 "I love Dr. Phil's line: If you wouldn't do it with you SO standing right beside you, then it's cheating" Well I wouldn't wipe my ass or pick my nose in front of my wife. Is that cheating? Dr. Phil is an idiot. A fat guy giving weight loss advice, I love it.
2sure Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 "Dr. Phil is an idiot. A fat guy giving weight loss advice, I love it. Lotta that going around
Recommended Posts