Can I email him my final thoughts?

[9Lives]

I just cant stand the silence...we both just apologize and walk away as if we just dont want to say good bye. I have this email I want to send...please tell me how it sounds

 

Well there is no sense in going on not talking to each other like we normally do cause at the end of the day, it dont matter.

 

For some reason, we always wind up right back HERE. Not speaking...then trying to get along again..then about a month and a half later...back HERE. Whose fault is it this time? We both said some things that just did set well with each other period.

 

I know you want a homey lover friend. I know I am not good at being that girl for you. I wish I could. I know L is a bad word right now.

 

This last time, I was chilling and I thought things were good... but you was concerned. It is like you say... Janette l want you around but dont get to close to me. Your not sure what you are going for. Its just a matter of time...Im going to get hurt really bad.

 

It is hard to let go. Hard to close that door. I didnt want this to happen. You were family. Even as I write this out to you...Im so sad. It just time.

 

I am sure things will get better.

It is just a matter of time.

I just need time to adjust so I really do that.

 

how does it sound

[feelingempty]

Hun,

 

Don't bother I've been there and done that for the last 2 years and I'm 45 and still in the same place. I'm coming to realize if needs are not meet communication is bad doesn't mean anyone was at fault this time it is you just don't have what each other need.

 

I don't know how old you are but you seem still young not to start this merry-go-round behavior. Leave it be keep this letter to yourself and try to be positive and I know it's hard but it's the only way to continue. I still have false hopes things will work out but ya know what i'm getting sick of spinning and I bet he is also. Keep writing here and to him but don't send anything to him.

 

Keep strong just remember use the help of others on here many smart people!

[9Lives]

Your probably right. Im 41. I wish I could say these things maybe it is just a waste of time. I just cant stop thinking about him. I want to say something

[feelingempty]

We all have a different situation but being at this age **** it is scary....to tell you the truth being married for 15 years dating for 7 yrs settling down to this for 5 I've come up empty handed I had alot more at the start and now have to fight for my rights.

 

One thing I'm glad for are my children I have not been the best mother at times esp younger working and raising 3 young ones, I never hide any emotion from them without explanation and with disclosing to much anger.

 

I sit and wait feeling really crappy for what I done and feeling really crappy for what he done. But it just wasn't meant to be love or not!

 

Be strong because sad as it may seem this time I'm going to take my time and not wish for anything but happiness for me I will faulter but it's all in the name of love and growth.

[AliveAndKicking]

You most certainly can send that...

 

But you shouldn't.

 

No matter how much you say it won't be enough. You might even get a response. A response that will open up more questions and/or more things you feel you need to say. And so on. And so on. And so on.....

 

Think of ANY possible mistake one can make after a breakup. Then raise them to the tenth power. Then add one. That's me; I've made them all.

 

Rest assured that when I say "don't do it-it won't help-it will probably make matters worse." please know that I am not parroting something I heard- I'm telling you something I know because I have learned it the hard way: through my own actions.

 

Spare yourself the agony. You won't get the closure you need from your ex. You will only get closure aka satisfaction aka aceptance from within yourself.

 

If you need to write to your ex use the "Post here instead of your ex" thread or write in a journal or start a thread as you did here.

 

Carry on with eyes forward. There is nothing behind you that you haven't already seen.

[adamt]

don't do it. not long after my break up i drafted a letter. but decided not to send it and i look back and glad i never sent it. I had loads of questions unanswered. didnt speak to the ex for 5 months. again i could have asked loads questions. but whats the point? i just end up with more questions and the dumper wont want to answer them. we chatted for 20 minutes aout catching up and now a few days later lots on my mind again. it does no good

 

if you get a response it will give you hope and think you have a chance and you will then want to send another letter. you have to learn to let go

Edited November 10, 2009 by adamt

[hellopack]

I wrote a letter to me ex about 3 days after we split up. When we split I still felt there were a lot of things left un said and I wanted to comunicate them to her in a coherent way.

 

I never write letters to people and have never written her a letter. With this in mind I poured my heart out to her hoping it would get a response.

 

As you might of guessed I got nothing back. I tried communicating with her a few times but again got nothing.

 

I felt it really helped writing all my feelings down, however if your doing this to prompt a response and nothing comes be prepared to feel upset.

 

At the end of the day you need to do what feels best for you.

[tryagaintoday]

Listen to the folks here and don't send this.

 

I asked a similar thing before and I am so glad that I listened to the ppl here and not send it.

 

Just gotta love LS.

[WTRanger]

It is a catch-22 style situation. You can be damned if you send it, you can be damned if you don't send it. This is one of those situations where LS is best used as advice and not rules. No one on here knows your situation, only you know it. But be warned with what the other posters are saying as they have experienced this, and got less than favorable results.

 

If you can honestly withstand his not responding to that letter, then send it. If you think it will help you heal, regardless of his response, then send it. If you can withstand a the worst possible response you can't even imagine at this point, then send it.

 

If you truly in your heart feel like you need to send it, to say some final words then I would say go for it. I would write it, let it rest for a few days, then re-read it. If you honestly still feel that way, then go ahead and send it off. Then FORGET about it. Once you send it, any future actions are completely out of your control. You can only control up to the point where you hit send. You can't build up this great response by him either. It will just be a gigantic let down, if/when he responds with indifference.

[9Lives]

It is a catch-22 style situation. You can be damned if you send it, you can be damned if you don't send it. This is one of those situations where LS is best used as advice and not rules. No one on here knows your situation, only you know it. But be warned with what the other posters are saying as they have experienced this, and got less than favorable results.

 

If you can honestly withstand his not responding to that letter, then send it. If you think it will help you heal, regardless of his response, then send it. If you can withstand a the worst possible response you can't even imagine at this point, then send it.

 

If you truly in your heart feel like you need to send it, to say some final words then I would say go for it. I would write it, let it rest for a few days, then re-read it. If you honestly still feel that way, then go ahead and send it off. Then FORGET about it. Once you send it, any future actions are completely out of your control. You can only control up to the point where you hit send. You can't build up this great response by him either. It will just be a gigantic let down, if/when he responds with indifference.

 

Wow, this is super great and thank you EVERYONE for your input. I did not send that message but I did send one for closure for me. It was a small good bye in my own way. It said

 

miss you so much & i wish we never had that conversation. we were good!! enjoyin the little time. thats all. Now we are back here again..sucks!! life not the same without you.

 

I had to get it off my chest. I am not expecting a response. I am not trying to get back with him cause it wont work right now or maybe ever. I just wanted to be honest and say what I was thinking. I feel free to move on with my life. I know he is gone.

 

love to hear your comments

[AliveAndKicking]

<edited>

 

I had to get it off my chest. I am not expecting a response. I am not trying to get back with him cause it wont work right now or maybe ever. I just wanted to be honest and say what I was thinking. I feel free to move on with my life. I know he is gone.

 

love to hear your comments

 

If it helped you detach then all is well.

 

Now that you feel free to move on the next step is to do it!

 

Time to get on with it and move forward towards the future.

 

Your new life starts right now!

[9Lives]

If it helped you detach then all is well.

 

Now that you feel free to move on the next step is to do it!

 

Time to get on with it and move forward towards the future.

 

Your new life starts right now!

 

Your absolutely right. I am going keep this post and remind myself. I am ready I believe

[JL911]

Honestly Emails...Bleh...Its kind of a cowards way of saying hello or goodbye during silence. I do not think this email will do anything except stirr emotions up with you, and I believe it was meant to stirr emotions up in him and if you dont get the proper response well, its just going to set you back.

 

My ex gf broke up with me for bs reasons. Looking back I cant say I much care and am happier now with my current lady. But I did send out an email to her trying to have her change my mind, it was useless and stupid and set me back. I gave up and got my validation 3 months later when she sent me emails stating how sorry she was for the break-up and how heartless she was when she ended things with me and wished she had never done it....I smiled deleted all the emails and moved on with my life.

[9Lives]

Honestly Emails...Bleh...Its kind of a cowards way of saying hello or goodbye during silence. I do not think this email will do anything except stirr emotions up with you, and I believe it was meant to stirr emotions up in him and if you dont get the proper response well, its just going to set you back.

 

My ex gf broke up with me for bs reasons. Looking back I cant say I much care and am happier now with my current lady. But I did send out an email to her trying to have her change my mind, it was useless and stupid and set me back. I gave up and got my validation 3 months later when she sent me emails stating how sorry she was for the break-up and how heartless she was when she ended things with me and wished she had never done it....I smiled deleted all the emails and moved on with my life.

 

Thanks for the input. I did not send the message you just read. I send a text about two post up from this one. I know it is over because I am not going to put up with things he is doing but i do miss him. It was my way of saying i wish we would have worked out. he can go do whatever he wants. Im finish.