IDGH. Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 i ended things with the guy i was dating for 5mnths bc i felt he didn't appreciate me, simply because he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet. i've dropped hints about the title, and he said things like "baby steps", and that i shouldn't worry bc i was the only girl and he swore to god. i just don't understand why i can't be his gf yet he can ask me to move to florida with him? he told me that if i moved with him i'd def be his gf. why can't i be his gf here? is it bc he doesn't have a job here but would have a job down there? but i don't even think he would ever move, it's just bc his dad just recently moved down there. so after i ended things, i was mad at myself for doing so. bc he didn't even fight for me back, he just let me go and didn't say a word. and i tried talking to him here and there after i ended it, and for the first two wks he ignored me. then finally one night he answered me back, and he wanted me to go over, just like old times. and i told him no, and that half of me really wanted to go but the other half of me said no. so we talked about things .. and he told me he isn't looking for a title right now bc he doesn't want to feel like he has to talk to someone 24/7, and that he likes trust over being checked up on. (mind you i've never checked up on him like he says) ... and he told me i'm not confident, and that i'm too nice and need to learn how to put him in his place bc i should know that i got it like that. and i told him i didn't know how he expected me all of this out of me if i'm just his friend .. and he got offended that i called him a friend. and told me he doesn't see me as a friend, and that everything he has said or done has to have been wrong if i can't see that. we made plans to hang out the other night, to go see a movie, and i talked to him on my break at work and asked him if we were still on ... and he said yah but not a BS excuse or anything but he was on the floor inn pain bc his back hurt so much, but he told me he'd take some meds and be fine. so i told him to pick a movieee while i was at work. i get home, try contacting him .. no answer. he blew me off. so i sent him ..17 texts messages .. bitching him out. and i told him that if he didn't apologize to me by tmrw to never talk t me again. then i changed my mind and said to nnot bother apologizing, bc he should have done it that night, and an apology the next morning would mean nothing to me. and that i officially give up on him. and hr and a half later he answers back and says he's sorry he fell asleep after we talked ... and that he thought i understood he didn't wanna go out bc he felt miserable .. and that 17 txts was a lil over the top but that it was his fault he should have clarified .. so i waited til the morning and told him it was fine and like i said i give up. i know he wasn't asleep bc i know he was at his friends house, bc we have mutual friends. i know he was getting all my messages. i don't why he blew me off. i don't really wanna give up on him, i miss him like crazy, since i ended things i've been miserable .. i burst into tears out of no where. but i can't go on feeling like i'm his doormat. i don't get what is holding him back. i need advice. should i try talking to him again or should i wait to see if he contacts me ?
Author IDGH. Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 oh. and i've also asked me if he's using me, or stringing me along and he's said no a million times. and he told me i just need to "feel us".
Weezy Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 i ended things with the guy i was dating for 5mnths bc i felt he didn't appreciate me, simply because he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet. i've dropped hints about the title, and he said things like "baby steps", and that i shouldn't worry bc i was the only girl and he swore to god. i just don't understand why i can't be his gf yet he can ask me to move to florida with him? he told me that if i moved with him i'd def be his gf. why can't i be his gf here? is it bc he doesn't have a job here but would have a job down there? but i don't even think he would ever move, it's just bc his dad just recently moved down there. so after i ended things, i was mad at myself for doing so. bc he didn't even fight for me back, he just let me go and didn't say a word. and i tried talking to him here and there after i ended it, and for the first two wks he ignored me. then finally one night he answered me back, and he wanted me to go over, just like old times. and i told him no, and that half of me really wanted to go but the other half of me said no. so we talked about things .. and he told me he isn't looking for a title right now bc he doesn't want to feel like he has to talk to someone 24/7, and that he likes trust over being checked up on. (mind you i've never checked up on him like he says) ... and he told me i'm not confident, and that i'm too nice and need to learn how to put him in his place bc i should know that i got it like that. and i told him i didn't know how he expected me all of this out of me if i'm just his friend .. and he got offended that i called him a friend. and told me he doesn't see me as a friend, and that everything he has said or done has to have been wrong if i can't see that. we made plans to hang out the other night, to go see a movie, and i talked to him on my break at work and asked him if we were still on ... and he said yah but not a BS excuse or anything but he was on the floor inn pain bc his back hurt so much, but he told me he'd take some meds and be fine. so i told him to pick a movieee while i was at work. i get home, try contacting him .. no answer. he blew me off. so i sent him ..17 texts messages .. bitching him out. and i told him that if he didn't apologize to me by tmrw to never talk t me again. then i changed my mind and said to nnot bother apologizing, bc he should have done it that night, and an apology the next morning would mean nothing to me. and that i officially give up on him. and hr and a half later he answers back and says he's sorry he fell asleep after we talked ... and that he thought i understood he didn't wanna go out bc he felt miserable .. and that 17 txts was a lil over the top but that it was his fault he should have clarified .. so i waited til the morning and told him it was fine and like i said i give up. i know he wasn't asleep bc i know he was at his friends house, bc we have mutual friends. i know he was getting all my messages. i don't why he blew me off. i don't really wanna give up on him, i miss him like crazy, since i ended things i've been miserable .. i burst into tears out of no where. but i can't go on feeling like i'm his doormat. i don't get what is holding him back. i need advice. should i try talking to him again or should i wait to see if he contacts me ? 17 Txt Messages? I would be running for the hills if you pulled it on me.
Author IDGH. Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 well a wk ago he told me i was too nice, nd that i need to learn to put him in his place. i've never pulled any crazy girl stuff like that, would never keep txting if you was ignoring ... i just felt the need to that night.
Author IDGH. Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 and it wasn't really 17 .. it was more like 9 ... but i write really long ones so it sends them in pieces.
name witheld Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 you are being used. You are not his girlfriend because he wants to be (or is) seeing other women. After 5 months, love should either be there or at least on the horizon. You should be enjoying the honeymoon period, not wondering of you are an item. Walk away from him and find somebody who appreciates you instead of just himself. Sorry.
torranceshipman Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 He wants you to 'feel us'? Sheesh, what a big douche! To be with this guy you'd HAVE to be a doormat, as he doesn't respect you and constantly messes you around. You're obviously better than that. And all that tripe about 'you're too nice' - well, that's crap. A great guy who has mnners and who can see a good thing in front of him will LOVE your nice side. He's treating you really badly and messing you around, and has said outright that he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend, so I'd majorly avoid this guy...he's nothing but bad news.
carhill Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Well, there's a guy who's a 'challenge' who lost his GF (a reference to another thread about Dr. Loving's 'system'). Glad that worked out for him OP, my sympathies. Kudo's to you for setting a boundary and defending it. That took a lot of guts. Nothing is perfect. You had an emotional response (those long texts) to the dynamic and the breach of your boundary. Sure, you could've just gone black hole, but that's not your personality. I hope this helps you, when the right man for you appears, to really see and appreciate those positive aspects that were in short supply here. A healthy relationship doesn't have to be such a 'challenge'.
Mixitup123 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 You poor thing! Us girls can be so silly sometimes. A while from now you'll look back and wonder what the hell you were doing even wasting a second on this BOY, because that is what he is. He is using you for when he wants you and then telling you what you want to hear when it suits him, he is all words words words and no action. PLease forget him and get a nice MAN, they are out there, but just don't get drawn in until you know more about them and get to know them before making up your mind whether you want to be their girlfriend. Just remember no one should have to ask to be someone's partner, if they love you and want you then it is just a natural progression. Have more respect for yourself girl, because no person (him or you) like your describing has. Good luck.
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