stupidboi Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I really needed 2 let this out and guess its so much easier tryna deal with things virtually.. Guess i'll start from the beginning.. I was in probably the most amazing relationship of my life for about a year and a half, for the first time in a very long time i felt content and guess secure within myself. I thought i had found someone that i could build a life with, share my world with. I was happy real freeking happy and it took me ages to let him in.. let my emotions go.. when we first got together i had just turned 28 and he was 19.. i was real aprehensive about the whole relationship in the first place, the age gap kinda scared me, felt we were at different stages of our lives, i am secure financially and he has no securities watsoever.. but as we were getting to know each other he made them insecurities lift away and we had something that was so special.. spent soo much time with each other and if we never saw each other we'd speak on the phone atleast 10 times a day... My friends were all envious cauz i had something that everyone thought was so real,it was great cauz it wasnt one of those relationships where either of us was clingy we still had our own lifes individually but also had an amazing time together. and he did love me, i know he loved me soo much.. but things started to go a little wierd just before we broke up. It was his birthday in March.. his 21st and i wanted to do something special so i surprised him and took him on holiday to the caribean, needless to say i worked every hour under the sun to pay for that trip .. but thats irelivant (why am i even mentioning that) The trip felt a bit weird and he eventually told me that he thought we should break up, i broke down, i cant believe i broke down but i did that was the first time any partner of mine has seen me get like this.. but we spoke and we decided together that we would try to make things work,, we did try for i guess 2 weeks and i thought everything was gettin better, he told me he loved me one minute and the next broke down and we split up. I was so confused so we wrote. He told me in his letter that he loved me sooooo much but was confused and felt like he was too young to be settling down and that he didnt know what he wanted anymore.. It broke me .. totally but i get it now, i really do.. he was right, the split was for the right reasons but that hasnt taken away my anguish. my brain understands this break up but it hasnt made anything easier.. i get that we are at different stages in our lives i get that he probably needs to get out there and let himself loose, i get that he probably needs to go out there and have other relationships to really understand and appriciate being with someone. Theres so much more that i can write about how our relationship was great but it aint gona change the fact that we are not together anymore.. The break up was in April this year and were in November now and things are no easier, im still madly in love with him and i beat myself up about it everyday, i still jump whenever i get a text thinking its him. But the thing that hurts me more than anything is that he has seemed to move on with his life just fine and i cant... why cant i?? facebook is the worst thing ever invented aswell lol.. i still cant help myself and go check his status on there and i know i really know i shouldnt be doing that... and i know i should just delete him from my list it hurts me so much that he promised that we would stay intouch but that hasnt happened... i feel like ive totally shut down.. am i depressed?!? i dunno.. i dont want to really socialise and have become a sad case.. i turned 30 2 months ago and ive lost all hope in finding love.. i dont think i believe in love... loves a lie.. everything just seems to be for the moment, guess its been even worse cauz all my mates are in relationships now and i'm the odd one out.. i'm so scared of being alone but even more scared to be with anyone.. this break ups also taught me that i dont have as many friends as i thought i did.. who can you trust? i want to get over him and dont know how.. how ? i want to move on with my life... i know what i need to do but why cant i do it? arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggg
kickintheaz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 i feel for ya i really do... actually taking those steps to move on are the hardest ones, but once your up and walking it gets easier.. first things first, DELETE HIM FROM FACEBOOK.. you are just torturing yourself every time you go into it... then, start on you.. its been what 6 months? you don't want to be in contact with him now if you are feeling like this, it only prolongs the pain. don't be worrying whether he has moved on or not, focus on you. You are your priority now. Get yourself active, change what ya wanna change about yourself, start to think positively, you are a wonderful person and once you are happy with you then someone else can be happy with you. You're only 30 (belated happy bday for that!), you're a pup... things will happen when ya least expect it, but you need to get you back up and standing on your own 2 confident feet first. the fact you know what you need to do is half the battle, now go and do it, its easier typed than done, but you know you must, for your sake. You can take the lessons you have learned from this and move forward, you know you can do it... and as to friends, you may not need tonnes, 1 will do, who will help you, family are good at that too and when all else fails, post here, everyone here is feeling some semblance of the same emotions and they are an extremely helpful bunch, ya only need to read some of the posts to see that. Now, get up, dry those eyes, and then decide what you are going to do.. wallow for another 6 months or take step 1 now... (and I know, the wallow option is definitely the easiest one, but don't)... the past is for learning from, not living in. stay strong and be look after no 1 now..
Eisenhower Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Stupidboi, I could have written every word of your post. I'm 38, my exgf is 29 and she broke up with me in April ... we had a rough time trying to be "friends" in the following months as she wouldn't rule out getting back together but said she couldn't be in a relationship now. I tried being "there" hoping she's come around but last month when I found out she'd been out with some other guy, I lost it and ended all contact. So even though we broke up in April, I'm now REALLY feeling the brunt of it because I've given up all hope and ended communication. I know it's hard and seriously, I question love just like you do. It's very depressing and I can only say, for what it's worth, as bad as you feel, you're not alone. I'm sorry for your pain and I wish you the best. Eisenhower
brokenrightnow Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 DELETE HIM FROM FACEBOOK. As much as it hurts just do it. Don't just delete him, but BLOCK him. my bf broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I BLOCKED him this weekend. I could not bear the anguish of seeing his page, my imagination runs wild. Believe it or not, it helps..not knowing anything about him. he is dead to me. I love him to death. but he does not want me in his life. HE DOES NOT WANT ME IN HIS LIFE. why am I going to add more pain to my already broken soul and heart??? BLOCK HIM.
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