smit Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I need help! My wife said that she is not in love with me but loves me, we have two very young kids and just bought a house together. i know that we dont talk as much due to kids but i love her so much and want to make this work. there is not another person but she says that i dont listen to her and she is emotinally drained from me, the spark is gone. I feel like this can be worked out but would like some advise before my family is torn apart.
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 don't have much time to respond. Short reply: 1) I love you but I'm not in love with you - this is almost always the statement from someone having an affair - either emotional or sexual. Can you investigate? (cell phone? email? ETC.) It can only get better if the truth is out. 2) Can you try marriage counseling? 3) Try to be strong and let her know you want it to work above anything else in the world - just don't appear desperate, begging, pathetic, excessively crying - that will turn her off. OK to be emotional - just in a controlled way. TRUST ME ... Keep us informed, keep posting ... You will get other posts helping you. Can you post a little more about you situation? (how long married, when the speech came from her, kid's ages, has she asked for divorce, is she still at home, if she's at home how is that?...). It will help others understand and help you better.
seibert253 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Ahh, the old I love you but not in love with you (ILYBNILWY) ILYBNILWY = other man (OM) She may not currently be involved with someone else, but if she isn't, she wants to be. Follow Feeling's advise here. The worse thing you can do is grovel and be weak. You need to appear to her you are ready to move on.
ann09 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 But....I love you but am not IN love with you is fair isn't it?? I love my husband - care for him deeply - but I am not IN love with him. Why is that wrong to feel???
JLoves Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 But....I love you but am not IN love with you is fair isn't it?? I love my husband - care for him deeply - but I am not IN love with him. Why is that wrong to feel??? Sorry to jump in on the thread, but from what I read of your situation Ann09, you were never truely in love with your husband in the first place. You have always cared for him but as a friend I think you said. You have realised you need someone who you can love. In smit's case, his wife loved him, but has lost the spark somewhere along the way. Smit, follow Feelings advice.. It is totally against what you want to do in your heart. Get the divorce busting books, do the 180, re-ignite the smouldering spark that your wife still has in her heart. I agree with seibert, there may not be anyone else... yet.. but if he comes along, he will take your wife away with him. (I have exactly the same feelings about my marriage.) I'm in the same situation, and still fighting for my marriage 9 1/2 months later. You gotta keep trying for your own sanity.
dazedandconfused2008 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 But....I love you but am not IN love with you is fair isn't it?? I love my husband - care for him deeply - but I am not IN love with him. Why is that wrong to feel??? There is nothing wrong with feeling that. It just sucks for the person on the other end of hearing that. Usually by the time that line comes out by the person saying it...there is usually another person in the picture in some way or another.
jaymack Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Got that line not too long ago from my wife but it went more like "I love you but I'm in love with someone else". Now she says she still likes me, how sweet! She added that she only wants to have sex with him and no one else, she makes me feel so good about myself. I'm waiting everyday for the divorce papers to arrive.
seibert253 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Got that line not too long ago from my wife but it went more like "I love you but I'm in love with someone else". Now she says she still likes me, how sweet! She added that she only wants to have sex with him and no one else, she makes me feel so good about myself. I'm waiting everyday for the divorce papers to arrive. Good for you Jay. Everyday she's gone, it only gets better.
seibert253 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 But....I love you but am not IN love with you is fair isn't it?? I love my husband - care for him deeply - but I am not IN love with him. Why is that wrong to feel??? Then let him go. That's the right thing to do. It's right for him, and it's right for you.
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