Author JellyTot Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Gee, I guess my prospects aren't very good then Seeing as I'm waaay over the hill because I'm past thirty (despite the fact that means I'm in better shape financially and career-wise, and I still look better now than some women do at 25). I guess I should just put my hair in a bun, buy a cat, get dressed in black and and sit at home knitting for the rest of my life. Did you like any of the men who chose these women or are you just making a statement here. I have in the past liked guys who were already in a relationship with someone else, and I've wondered why those girls could get a decent guy but I couldn't, because I was just as good a catch if they were - what do they have that I don't? Maybe they were just lucky, and were in the right place at the right time Judging from the way the OP talks about herself, she has enormously high standards. She still thinks of herself as a chick who has it all: good looks, intelligence, education etc. Well it's true - I'm bright and well educated, not bad looking, well traveled and (I think) quite interesting - the only thing I don't have is youth (i.e. I'm not in my twenties any more). But I'm not really that old, and I certainly don't look it, because people tend to assume I'm in my twenties until I tell them otherwise. OK, so I don't have youth - but neither do the guys I'd be interested in dating. Is it so unreasonable to want someone who offers roughly the same things as I do? Maybe I should just be a cougar instead, and date hot young guys in their twenties
gypsy_nicky Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 OP, Even if your lamenting is perfectly valid I don't think you should complain at all. By going through all this men, you have the blueprints you want and need out of a relationship and a man. It may seem like your jaded but the truth is you really aren't, It's just that the absolute experience with each men didn't turn out well that's all. if you could take these experiences, work through them, reflect on them, you'll find that you've actually narrowed down what you really want. The 'baggage' people mention here are not actually always detrimental for a new relationship but are also useful in screening out what you don't want. A good analogy can be learning to fight (boxing wrestling etc). As you start, you fail, fail more, fail again. But as you gain experience, you slowly start winning, then losing, then winning and winning. Until finally you will know where you particularly rank in the pecking order and do the things to stay in it or rise above it.
Johnny M Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Is it so unreasonable to want someone who offers roughly the same things as I do? Maybe I should just be a cougar instead, and date hot young guys in their twenties Yes, it is unreasonable because there are very few single men that fit your criteria and the ones who are available can get everything you offer but in a younger package.
JolliX Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 You are to hand in your man card for letting girl # 2 go :mad:! Boo! Lol. If I beat myself up over past mistakes, I think that might be one of them. But really, what can I do now. I was young, and didn't feel like being the one that made all the decisions and did all the pushing. And if me and OP dated, then we would just both be on the boards and at each other's throats when we broke up.
Rudderless Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Is it so unreasonable to want someone who offers roughly the same things as I do? You're a model and a scientist. Surely the scientist part of you can work out that you're a statistical anomaly when the median has a 5 minute attention span and a beer gut? Oh and again, you're a model and a scientist, surely it can't be too difficult to have the pick of men that work in your field?
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Dude, you're SO screwed up . While the delivery is not stellar, I tend to agree. For a lasting relationship, I think that one of the important secrets is to behave like the Godfather - he could annihilate you any time, but won't (as long as you play by the rules). The reason this is important is because for whatever reason women seems to have the tendency to always push the envelope just a lil bit farther. I don't know if it is for validation or out of selfishness, but the point being is that if the guys is too welcoming or accomodating (because he loves them!) it is not inconceivable that a girl could arrive the "I love you but I'm not in love" conclusion. So I guess it is important to go back to scary/aloof at least every once in a while, just as punctuations in otherwise loving relationship, to make sure that all the parties involved understant that love/shmove, there are a-consequences for bisbehavin'. In any case, among other things, love is also about mutual accountability. Interesting points, dude. I can't say I don't agree with them, except the screwed thing. I believe women are that way, because 1. They are like children....always testing the boundaries and looking for weakness to use you. I know what I'm talking about - where there are children I always end up being the only adult with children hanging on him literally trying to piss him off . But when they manage to make a sucker out of you, they loose their respect for you. With kids it is easy to switch the balance back - with one kid thrown to a pool you get the respect back...for a while. I tend to think childish behaviour is not the main reason for womens testing. Kids do the testing to make sure you will take care of them even if they are bad....sort of a simulation of hard times and to make them feel powerful. Women try to piss you off not to figure out if you love them but to figure out if they can love you. 2. There is maybe some adult piece to it....they want to make sure their man is not a sucker prone to women's manipulation. Why? They want to be sure you slap them, when it happens they end up in Eden with you and offer you a bite. Side note: the fact they eat the apple first is irrelevant....it doesn't make them wise(as you can see now) in common sense, it just made them more wicked and therefore they figured out they can manipulate Adam in taking a bite too...to not be only ones punished. 3. They have no self confidence. They can't respect someone who respects them. 4. Women subconsiously feel, that when man loves them so much he let them push the envelope farther, it could mean they are too good for him. Man who doesn't have so much respect for them wouldnt let them do so. Meaning - they married down, which is a disaster - they could have done better. 5. And ofcourse there are women on power trips too. They are very consciously trying to piss you off. Sort of as kids do. Kids do it to have some fun. But these women want revenge for whatever happened to them. Very vicious and poisonous.
Malenfant Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Interesting points, dude. I can't say I don't agree with them, except the screwed thing. I believe women are that way, because 1. They are like children....always testing the boundaries and looking for weakness to use you. I know what I'm talking about - where there are children I always end up being the only adult with children hanging on him literally trying to piss him off . But when they manage to make a sucker out of you, they loose their respect for you. With kids it is easy to switch the balance back - with one kid thrown to a pool you get the respect back...for a while. I tend to think childish behaviour is not the main reason for womens testing. Kids do the testing to make sure you will take care of them even if they are bad....sort of a simulation of hard times and to make them feel powerful. Women try to piss you off not to figure out if you love them but to figure out if they can love you. 2. There is maybe some adult piece to it....they want to make sure their man is not a sucker prone to women's manipulation. Why? They want to be sure you slap them, when it happens they end up in Eden with you and offer you a bite. Side note: the fact they eat the apple first is irrelevant....it doesn't make them wise(as you can see now) in common sense, it just made them more wicked and therefore they figured out they can manipulate Adam in taking a bite too...to not be only ones punished. 3. They have no self confidence. They can't respect someone who respects them. 4. Women subconsiously feel, that when man loves them so much he let them push the envelope farther, it could mean they are too good for him. Man who doesn't have so much respect for them wouldnt let them do so. Meaning - they married down, which is a disaster - they could have done better. 5. And ofcourse there are women on power trips too. They are very consciously trying to piss you off. Sort of as kids do. Kids do it to have some fun. But these women want revenge for whatever happened to them. Very vicious and poisonous. maybe you'll get a bite off this post?
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 maybe you'll get a bite off this post? I certainly hope so. I have some stocks in PC/notebook manufactures bussiness. Everytime I post something I've posted sales just skyrocket. It has something to do with punching the keyboard/screen in futile act of rage.
Sharon1961 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Gee, I guess my prospects aren't very good then Seeing as I'm waaay over the hill because I'm past thirty (despite the fact that means I'm in better shape financially and career-wise, and I still look better now than some women do at 25). I guess I should just put my hair in a bun, buy a cat, get dressed in black and and sit at home knitting for the rest of my life. I have in the past liked guys who were already in a relationship with someone else, and I've wondered why those girls could get a decent guy but I couldn't, because I was just as good a catch if they were - what do they have that I don't? Maybe they were just lucky, and were in the right place at the right time Well it's true - I'm bright and well educated, not bad looking, well traveled and (I think) quite interesting - the only thing I don't have is youth (i.e. I'm not in my twenties any more). But I'm not really that old, and I certainly don't look it, because people tend to assume I'm in my twenties until I tell them otherwise. OK, so I don't have youth - but neither do the guys I'd be interested in dating. Is it so unreasonable to want someone who offers roughly the same things as I do? Maybe I should just be a cougar instead, and date hot young guys in their twenties JellyTot, I've learned that love can happen anytime, anywhere. And it's rarely something we previously envisioned. And shouldn't that be the way it is? There are many, many nice guys out there who would fall over themselves to be with you. It's just a matter of finding someone you click with well. And maybe it's not so much that your standards are too high or unrealistic but maybe people mean you should be looking for things like kindness, intelligence, humor and let the rest take care of itself. I think that the way we focus really does affect what comes to us. Good luck.
ElChup Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 JellyTot, What you are describing does not exist. Every man you are going to run into will have something about them you don't care about and from the sound of your post, if you don't find something at first you will dig and dig into him until you find something wrong with him. I think like most women out there now a days like you are brainwashed by Sex and the City and various chick flicks to think that you MUST find the perfect man with a fairy tale wedding which includes horses and a 18th century church. No one is perfect and neither is any man you or any other girl on this earth is going find. You need to remember that. It sounds like you already found some good men, but you aren't looking for a good man, you are looking for something only seen in movies. Tell that to my ex. At 36 she still wants:- 1) Someone to support her financially....and to a good level....even though she relies partly on her father for money. 2) Someone who is career ambitious and hard working.....even though she isn't. 3) Someone who can be emotionally strong and deal with any amount of life stresses...... .....yet...... 4) Is relaxed and is prepared to tolerate her stubborn personality. 5) Is supremely easy going. 6) Only sees his mates on pre-arranged weekday evenings, except Fridays. 7) Doesn't drink much at all. 8) Doesn't smoke (not that I did). 9) Doesn't spend too much money. 10) Is prepared to accomodate and conform to her family's values and cultural background (she is second generation Iranian) at the expense of his own. Yup, if she doesn't have all of those then she's "not happy" and her aim is to be "happy". Worst part of of it is that because of her age she won't accept that she has yet to mature in these areas. In some respects, despite loving her and missing her, I am supremely happy to be rid of the pressure to live up to her standards.
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