Why can't I find a good man?

[Ruby Slippers]

If women who are less attractive, less educated, etc can get decent guys, why can't I?

Probably because those women expect less and put up with more crap. Who knows how disengaged and lame these men behave in these relationships, how often they cheat, and so on?

 

Every time I begin a new relationship, the man tells me I "bring out his best". I have figured out that this is because I don't settle for lame behavior in a man, I communicate my needs and desires clearly, and he knows he's going to have to step up if we're going to work out. Like you, I never ask for anything that I myself don't contribute regularly.

[SoleMate]

Let's not forget the helpful truism from dear Nancy Astor: "I married beneath me," she once said. "All women do."

 

Just prioritize your needs, pairwise. E.g. if all else are equal, would you choose the faithful one or the good looking one? The good looking or the family-wanting? The family-wanting or the well-heeled? The divorced father of 3 or the chronically unemployed?

 

Also, make sure that you are not OVERRATING yourself.

 

Double also, roll more dice and get clarity quicker, like jerry18 said. Dr. Harley (His Needs, Her Needs) says that everyone should "sample" 30 (THIRTY!!!) potential mates to have the proper odds. Try speed dating maybe?

[canadaguy98]

Current boyfriend: OK looking, the most intelligent and kind and considerate person I've ever met, and a perfect boyfriend who would marry me immediately. However he has very little education and no career to speak of (he's in a dead-end unprofessional job), plus he's divorced with kids. I question whether he could realistically marry me and support a family given his financial commitments to his kids and his lack of a good career, not to mention that I'm not overly keen on his baggage in the first place. ...

What do you think? Are my expectations unrealistic? Should I just settle with my current boyfriend (who is the best so far) and give up on this fanciful idea of true love?

 

I hate to say it... but your my age and I'll level with ya.

 

I think once you enter your 30s true love is a goner. I think thats something for your early 20s when the world looks like such a great place full of hope and promise going forwards.. in your early 30s it can look like such a minefield. Experience is a great thing but it also can leave us a but jaded; and if we arent hooked up with the person of our dreams living a relatively happy life with kids by the time the three-o rolls on the odometer finding someone to have those kids with becomes almost like finding a career.

 

I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I run my own business, I worked in finance before I did that, both in investment brokerage as well as mutual funds. Business is slow as molasses but I'm used to making $50 an hour. In the past year I've met a receptionist who makes $12000 a year, a security guard of unknown income (she lied about everything including her job, so who the hell knows) and a casino dealer...

 

I want to have kids one day. I'm not rich and I dont drive some sportscar, and I find that on the flipside the women that I do meet who have good jobs, are crossing off these impossible checklists.

 

I dont know what to tell you... having kids and a family is a big deal - but think more of the man than the amount of money he makes. Would you be happy with this person for the long haul? Do you think that you could undergo the stressful times that accomany having a newborn? A teenager? With this person?

 

Having kids is expensive, but not quite as expensive as we are led to beleive. I had this woman living with me who had three kids, the 7 year old was pretty cheap to look after, the two 18 month old twins were mostly expensive because of how much milk that she fed them, but I dont think that she had to feed them that much milk anyway, the kids were pot bellied.

 

With proper cooking practices it can be really cheap to feed kids.. university savings thats another matter.

 

There are people who dont make much money and raise great, smart kids who are kind and respectful. Kids are better the more time you can put into them. I've seen the kids of stupidly rich people who have no respect for anyone get crappy grades in school and get in trouble with the cops for stealing. I've seen the kids of hopelessly poor people who get straight A's and are extremely respectful and involved in all the right activities.

 

So what I'd suggest for you is (other than giving you my phone number... lol) find a man that you think you can spend the rest of your life with. Attraction is important but he doesnt have to be the MOST attractive guy in the world. Other than the basics, dont trip about his job or how much money he makes. Make your own money let him make his.

 

When you find that guy, you can get onto the next phase of life do the marriage, kids things all you like. Just dont trip about "hes in a unprofessional career" or "he isnt that highly educated". Just look for someone compatible. And if your ending up in relationships with people you dont think are compatible on a fundamental level (education, etc) then I dont quite understand.

 

A guy who never finished high school can actually be quite witty and charming. A PhD guy may be real book smart but a complete nerdy loser. What matters isnt whats on paper. What matters is how the guy makes you feel each and every day.

 

Hope this helps.

[Sam Spade]

i agree with thegreatmoose.

 

the important things are

 

does he make you happy?

does he make you laugh?

is he considerate?

does he make you feel like an attractive, sensual, sexual woman?

 

as far as i'm concerned, if all these answer 'yes' you have the foundation of a great relationship. anyone who does all these things for you should be given a chance, regardless of looks and career.

 

 

Someone pleas ****in' pin that or something. Much of the drama and frustration in the relationship world would be avoided if this simple advice was followed.

My gf checks out on all 4 of these lists, and although I could point to shortcomings in her - it doesn't effin matter. We're good to go for the long haul .

[Jerry18]

Why don't you just date more men in greater frequencies. Date them for a month and make a decision.

 

You take way too long to decide if you like them.

[Johnny M]

I'm in my early 30s, well educated with a professional career, and nice looking (in my youth I made extra cash from modelling, and I still turn heads when I walk down the street). I'm in good health and I exercise regularly; I'm 5 feet 7 inches tall and a US size 6, with perfect teeth and no grey hair. I have never been married and have no children.

Ex-model or not, you are simply too old to snatch the elusive "perfect guy". Successful, desirable men in their 30s can (and usually do) date women in the 20-something demographic.

[Sam Spade]

Ex-model or not, you are simply too old to snatch the elusive "perfect guy". Successful, desirable men in their 30s can (and usually do) date women in the 20-something demographic.

 

That's a little harsh, but sadly, probably true. It is kid of shocking how small the window of opportunity becomes (both for women and for men, with a few years of slack), once the big 30 rolls around .

[aerogurl87]

I hate to say it... but your my age and I'll level with ya.

 

I think once you enter your 30s true love is a goner. I think thats something for your early 20s when the world looks like such a great place full of hope and promise going forwards.. in your early 30s it can look like such a minefield. Experience is a great thing but it also can leave us a but jaded; and if we arent hooked up with the person of our dreams living a relatively happy life with kids by the time the three-o rolls on the odometer finding someone to have those kids with becomes almost like finding a career.

 

I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I run my own business, I worked in finance before I did that, both in investment brokerage as well as mutual funds. Business is slow as molasses but I'm used to making $50 an hour. In the past year I've met a receptionist who makes $12000 a year, a security guard of unknown income (she lied about everything including her job, so who the hell knows) and a casino dealer...

 

I want to have kids one day. I'm not rich and I dont drive some sportscar, and I find that on the flipside the women that I do meet who have good jobs, are crossing off these impossible checklists.

 

I dont know what to tell you... having kids and a family is a big deal - but think more of the man than the amount of money he makes. Would you be happy with this person for the long haul? Do you think that you could undergo the stressful times that accomany having a newborn? A teenager? With this person?

 

Having kids is expensive, but not quite as expensive as we are led to beleive. I had this woman living with me who had three kids, the 7 year old was pretty cheap to look after, the two 18 month old twins were mostly expensive because of how much milk that she fed them, but I dont think that she had to feed them that much milk anyway, the kids were pot bellied.

 

With proper cooking practices it can be really cheap to feed kids.. university savings thats another matter.

 

There are people who dont make much money and raise great, smart kids who are kind and respectful. Kids are better the more time you can put into them. I've seen the kids of stupidly rich people who have no respect for anyone get crappy grades in school and get in trouble with the cops for stealing. I've seen the kids of hopelessly poor people who get straight A's and are extremely respectful and involved in all the right activities.

 

So what I'd suggest for you is (other than giving you my phone number... lol) find a man that you think you can spend the rest of your life with. Attraction is important but he doesnt have to be the MOST attractive guy in the world. Other than the basics, dont trip about his job or how much money he makes. Make your own money let him make his.

 

When you find that guy, you can get onto the next phase of life do the marriage, kids things all you like. Just dont trip about "hes in a unprofessional career" or "he isnt that highly educated". Just look for someone compatible. And if your ending up in relationships with people you dont think are compatible on a fundamental level (education, etc) then I dont quite understand.

 

A guy who never finished high school can actually be quite witty and charming. A PhD guy may be real book smart but a complete nerdy loser. What matters isnt whats on paper. What matters is how the guy makes you feel each and every day.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Best advice ever canadaguy!

 

OP I'll give you my experience in dating two guys on opposite ends of the dating meter. The first guy was a millionaire who flew me out to Miami for a weekend earlier this year. He read all the right books, was so knowledgeable of art (I'm an artist so that's a big plus in my book), and he looked like he could be a model on the side if he wanted to be. In essence he was perfect, even all my friends said so. So when I broke things off with him for my ex they were all wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Now my ex was a computer nerd, had dropped out of college, and wasn't the hottest guy in the world. But he knew me inside and out, he was there for me, and I felt like I could be at complete ease with him. The millionaire was arrogant and a workaholic who turned out to be a player although he claimed he was looking for the woman to spend the rest of his life with. So my point is, what's always good on paper doesn't always translate to what will make you happy in reality. I know some guys who don't have a college degree and make a lot more money than the average joe. Then I know some college educated people who are book smart but lack the most basic common sense. So you shouldn't judge a man's worth by his bank account or by his degree, but by who he is as a person. When you start looking at who he is inside and not the logistics of who he is on the outside you might be able to find happiness.

Edited November 11, 2009 by aerogurl87

[Chicago_Guy]

There are MANY double standards involved with dating, and virtually all of them are applied against men. The only "double standard" that is not in favor of women is the "slut" thing, but only women really use that term to insult each other. I don't recall any guy using that term. But that's the only one I can think of... But the man is expected to earn more, etc...

 

I totally disagree with you. Guys might not say it to a woman's face, but many guys do talk amongst themselves and use that word or a similar word to describe women whom they think is promiscuous.

[Chicago_Guy]

What about all the men out there that work who have wives that don't so they contribute absolutely no income. How come these men don't dump the women, and why did you dump him? He's doing something he loves. Do you see the double standard here?

 

That guy made less than a fry cook at McDonald's. I think that most educated women wouldn't even have seriously dated that guy in the first place.

[JolliX]

I'm pretty sure anyone that isn't in a good relationship right now or happily married can ask themself this same question... "Why can't I find a good partner?"

 

If we run it down like a list, I can do my own...

 

1) Very good looking, full of energy, but not the brightest bulb, and cheated on me.

 

2) Very intelligent, very good looking, honest and trustworthy, and always there for me. But she had no drive to lead he own life, she always wanted me to lead the way. Even though it's the best relationship I've had to date (and the longest), it wasn't going to work out because I had to be the pushing factor behind the both of us.

 

3) Attractive (but not stunning like the first two), fun to hang out with, intelligent, and energetic. However, she played games. She would set up situations where I would have to essentially "battle and ex" for her affection, and that just wasn't cool. So she broke up with me and went back to her ex who was willing to put up with her gams (well, he finnaly got smart and dumped her).

 

4) Cute, but I actually was very minimally attracted to her at first. She was very amusing though, and we shared almost every interests. She was very fun to hang out with (when things were going well). However, her issues and mine just went for each other's throats. She wouldn't allow girlfriend and boyfriend to be used (even after 8 months of dating), opted to move in with her ex (they only broke up b/c he was stationed in Egypt for a year for the military), and things just stressed me out b/c t felt like a combination of #1's cheating (I have no idea if this one did cheat or not though), and #2's head games.

 

As you can see, my streak is horrible as well. These are just the relationships that I would consider as having gotten to the serious level. I've had many smaller series of dates in between with your typical 'psychos', immature girls, people I just wasn't into, girls that weren't into me, etc.

 

So, I kind of ask the same question, "why can't I find a good girl?" The answer I'm finding for myself is that I'm looking for it, and in doing that, I pushing out so many opportunities. So, I'm working on getting into social situations to meet new network connections and friends, and leaving the "looking for love" at the door, and if it happens, then it's a nice sruprise. Very tough to do so far, but I recommend it.

[thegreatmoose]

Ex-model or not, you are simply too old to snatch the elusive "perfect guy". Successful, desirable men in their 30s can (and usually do) date women in the 20-something demographic.

Nothing you said is necessarily true. Many guys want a women like her, including ones which meet all or at least most of her requirements.

 

Desirable men in their 30s often look for women in both their 20s and 30s. To a lesser extent, they they might look for women in their 40s. I'm looking for women within about 8 years of my age, though it is debateable how desirable I am.

[thegreatmoose]

That guy made less than a fry cook at McDonald's. I think that most educated women wouldn't even have seriously dated that guy in the first place.

I agree and I think it is good that the OP has standards in this area. She's not being unreasonable at all.

[EcstasyX6]

I think a lot of how I feel about men has to do with traditional gender roles and how I relate to them. Traditionally the man is the breadwinner, the protector; the woman looks up to and respects him, and he takes care of her. I don't want to take on the traditional masculine role of protecting and supporting my partner and family - I want to feel like the "woman" in a relationship, I don't want a weak and effeminate guy who makes me feel like I'm more of a man than he is. I have felt that before - I've looked at guys and thought: I'm a girl and I'm still more of a man than you are - it's a very off-putting feeling.

 

I'm not saying that I expect a man to completely support me in the traditional manner, but I'd at least like to have the feeling that here's a decent man who I can rely on and respect, who contributes equally so I don't have to carry him, a man who makes me feel like a woman. I want a man to be physically bigger, strong and confident, and able to challenge me intellectually and contribute to supporting a family. If a man seems significantly less capable than I am, I immediately equate that with effeminacy and weakness, and it makes me feel like the man in the relationship so I lose sexual attraction to him. The guys I've been in love with were the strong, confident, capable guys who made me feel like a woman, even though they weren't necessarily smarter or wealthier than me. The guys I wasn't in love with were the ones who were wishy-washy and weak, who had no ambition or drive, who weren't particularly masculine or confident.

 

 

This is very reasonable. I'm the same way. I think you make the mistake of hanging on to a guy too long when you know he's not right for you, and you need to take the science out of dating. Trust me I know because I married an intellectual, but we lacked the chemistry that it took to keep us together. You stated at some point that you needed someone to look up to intellectually, but your quote above suggest that you feel otherwise when you've actually fallen in love. I skipped pages 7-9 because I gtg, lol, but it seems to me you have clearly identified what are deal breakers for you. So, do not date men who are:

 

• alcoholics
  
• have children(no disrespect to Dads with kids-just going by her dislikes)
  
• who you do not find attractive
  
• who earn significantly less than you
  

 

 

You can find out all of this information early on, and if they possess any of these, do not proceed. Also, do not let men move in with you. Maybe I'm a little old school, but this is one sure way to see how they manage on their own two feet. Having an aspiring career or pursuing a higher degree is romantic, but not if you have to support a guy while he's doing it.

[Johnny M]

Nothing you said is necessarily true. Many guys want a women like her, including ones which meet all or at least most of her requirements.

 

Desirable men in their 30s often look for women in both their 20s and 30s. To a lesser extent, they they might look for women in their 40s. I'm looking for women within about 8 years of my age, though it is debateable how desirable I am.

The highlighted part is really key. Judging from the way the OP talks about herself, she has enormously high standards. She still thinks of herself as a chick who has it all: good looks, intelligence, education etc. She's not looking for a guy like you. She's looking for a 'super amazing' guy who is good looking, educated, successful, intelligent, and doesn't have kids from a previous relationship. The problem is that most men like this are already taken, and the ones who are not have extremely high standards of their own. Why would they date the OP, who is already past her best before date, when they can date younger, more attractive women?

[Malenfant]

The highlighted part is really key. Judging from the way the OP talks about herself, she has enormously high standards. She still thinks of herself as a chick who has it all: good looks, intelligence, education etc. She's not looking for a guy like you. She's looking for a 'super amazing' guy who is good looking, educated, successful, intelligent, and doesn't have kids from a previous relationship. The problem is that most men like this are already taken, and the ones who are not have extremely high standards of their own. Why would they date the OP, who is already past her best before date, when they can date younger, more attractive women?

 

owch! harsh but fair

 

seriously though totally true about how the men like that are already taken. Guys like that may be out there single, but more than likely they have numerous exes and kids.

[stillafool]

If women who are less attractive, less educated, etc can get decent guys, why can't I?

 

Did you like any of the men who chose these women or are you just making a statement here.

 

Also you never know what else these women have going for them besides what seems to be the "obvious" to you. People get so hung up on superficial things they fail to realize that there are other things besides looks and education that make someone desireable. It could be something as simple as the sound of her voice, a certain softness about her, the kindness and work she does for others, or that she is just different from other women. Who knows what makes a person beautiful in another's eyes. Why are we women so hard on each other?

[stillafool]

I'm pretty sure anyone that isn't in a good relationship right now or happily married can ask themself this same question... "Why can't I find a good partner?"

 

If we run it down like a list, I can do my own...

 

1) Very good looking, full of energy, but not the brightest bulb, and cheated on me.

 

2) Very intelligent, very good looking, honest and trustworthy, and always there for me. But she had no drive to lead he own life, she always wanted me to lead the way. Even though it's the best relationship I've had to date (and the longest), it wasn't going to work out because I had to be the pushing factor behind the both of us.

 

3) Attractive (but not stunning like the first two), fun to hang out with, intelligent, and energetic. However, she played games. She would set up situations where I would have to essentially "battle and ex" for her affection, and that just wasn't cool. So she broke up with me and went back to her ex who was willing to put up with her gams (well, he finnaly got smart and dumped her).

 

4) Cute, but I actually was very minimally attracted to her at first. She was very amusing though, and we shared almost every interests. She was very fun to hang out with (when things were going well). However, her issues and mine just went for each other's throats. She wouldn't allow girlfriend and boyfriend to be used (even after 8 months of dating), opted to move in with her ex (they only broke up b/c he was stationed in Egypt for a year for the military), and things just stressed me out b/c t felt like a combination of #1's cheating (I have no idea if this one did cheat or not though), and #2's head games.

 

As you can see, my streak is horrible as well. These are just the relationships that I would consider as having gotten to the serious level. I've had many smaller series of dates in between with your typical 'psychos', immature girls, people I just wasn't into, girls that weren't into me, etc.

 

So, I kind of ask the same question, "why can't I find a good girl?" The answer I'm finding for myself is that I'm looking for it, and in doing that, I pushing out so many opportunities. So, I'm working on getting into social situations to meet new network connections and friends, and leaving the "looking for love" at the door, and if it happens, then it's a nice sruprise. Very tough to do so far, but I recommend it.

 

Hey, why don't you and OP date?

[Sam Spade]

I'm pretty sure anyone that isn't in a good relationship right now or happily married can ask themself this same question... "Why can't I find a good partner?"

 

If we run it down like a list, I can do my own...

 

1) Very good looking, full of energy, but not the brightest bulb, and cheated on me.

 

2) Very intelligent, very good looking, honest and trustworthy, and always there for me. But she had no drive to lead he own life, she always wanted me to lead the way. Even though it's the best relationship I've had to date (and the longest), it wasn't going to work out because I had to be the pushing factor behind the both of us.

 

3) Attractive (but not stunning like the first two), fun to hang out with, intelligent, and energetic. However, she played games. She would set up situations where I would have to essentially "battle and ex" for her affection, and that just wasn't cool. So she broke up with me and went back to her ex who was willing to put up with her gams (well, he finnaly got smart and dumped her).

 

4) Cute, but I actually was very minimally attracted to her at first. She was very amusing though, and we shared almost every interests. She was very fun to hang out with (when things were going well). However, her issues and mine just went for each other's throats. She wouldn't allow girlfriend and boyfriend to be used (even after 8 months of dating), opted to move in with her ex (they only broke up b/c he was stationed in Egypt for a year for the military), and things just stressed me out b/c t felt like a combination of #1's cheating (I have no idea if this one did cheat or not though), and #2's head games.

 

As you can see, my streak is horrible as well. These are just the relationships that I would consider as having gotten to the serious level. I've had many smaller series of dates in between with your typical 'psychos', immature girls, people I just wasn't into, girls that weren't into me, etc.

 

So, I kind of ask the same question, "why can't I find a good girl?" The answer I'm finding for myself is that I'm looking for it, and in doing that, I pushing out so many opportunities. So, I'm working on getting into social situations to meet new network connections and friends, and leaving the "looking for love" at the door, and if it happens, then it's a nice sruprise. Very tough to do so far, but I recommend it.

 

 

You are to hand in your man card for letting girl # 2 go :mad:! Boo!

[MoreAwesomeUsername]

That's a good question, and one I have pondered myself. It isn't a problem to get guys interested in me - the problem is meeting guys who I want to be interested in me! I'm not the most sociable person, I don't have heaps of friends, although I do try hard and I go to things like amateur dramatics and stuff. Still there are a limited number of people who attend such things - maybe several dozen people, usually the same people every week. I don't tend to meet many NEW people. So what usually happens is I assess the guys available to me and don't have the hots for any of them - time passes and I become more lonely and don't meet any new people, so I re-assess the available guys who I originally rejected - and I end up dating a guy who I don't really have the hots for but he's ok and he's the best option available at the time. I still have my eye out for a guy I really like, but I don't meet one, so I end up staying with the "good enough" guy for quite a while, trying to persuade myself that I like him more than I really do, until it's the last straw (whatever that may be). Then we break up and the cycle starts over. The two guys I was really in love with were the ones I immediately had the hots for - the others were guys I dated because I was lonely and they were the best option available at the time.

 

So I guess my problem is that I don't meet enough guys to find one who I really like - but there are so few guys who I seem to like anyway, and still fewer of those are available (and that number is becoming smaller as the years pass, which makes me feel even more like I should settle for less). I don't have young girlfriends to go nightclubbing or bar crawling with, so I tend to meet people via dance classes or theatre clubs or discussion groups - and as I said, a limited subset of people attend such things, the same people each week. I really don't know what else to do in order to widen my search - I thought I was trying pretty hard, but obviously not hard enough

 

This is the most useless thread I have seen in a long time.

 

JellyTot, you already know what your problem is, your not social enough and don't make any efforts to widen your circle. You don't take any risks or even attempt to socialize with the guys your are interested in.

 

I'm baking a batch of oatmeal cookies, renting "The Notebook", and buying a box of extra-absorbent tissues so I can FedEx them all to your residence and you can dwell in your misery some more...

[Malenfant]

 

I would say that my main faults are that I'm somewhat vain, I can be judgemental and opinionated at times, I tend to lecture people on boring subjects that I find interesting (in my "teacher" voice as my ex used to call it), I'm a dreamer and I walk around with my head in the clouds, I'm sort of the absent professor type so I'm quite forgetful and absent minded, I'm not overly practical when it comes to mundane things, I'm a little shy and not usually the life and soul of the party, I'm a worrier and I can sometimes be a bit depressive, I don't share many common interests such as sports or television, and I have allergies to some foods and cosmetics (you'd be surprised how many people find allergies to be a dealbreaker). I have no illusions that I'm perfect, but I don't think I have what most people would consider to be major dealbreakers. I think I could tolerate all of those things in another person, assuming they were attractive, smart, and generally good in other respects.

 

 

being judgemental and vain would be a deal-breaker for me.

if you're too opinionated, it could come across as being intolerant.

I'm all for having strong opinions, dont get me wrong, but I know that sometimes I have come across as that and it is offputting for others, men or women.

 

that might be a factor in you not getting a chance with these men who go out with girls who are seemingly not as good as you.

also, the idea that they're not as good as you is a very bad one. it comes across as spitefull and jealous. you feel indignant because how could they get a lovely man when they arent as pretty or clever as you.

 

Maybe they're not as pretty or clever as you, but maybe they're not vain, judgemental and opinionated either.

consider every possibility, thats all i'm saying.

[thegreatmoose]

The highlighted part is really key. Judging from the way the OP talks about herself, she has enormously high standards. She still thinks of herself as a chick who has it all: good looks, intelligence, education etc. She's not looking for a guy like you. She's looking for a 'super amazing' guy who is good looking, educated, successful, intelligent, and doesn't have kids from a previous relationship. The problem is that most men like this are already taken, and the ones who are not have extremely high standards of their own. Why would they date the OP, who is already past her best before date, when they can date younger, more attractive women?

I don't feel her standards are enormously high and I don't feel she is past her prime. She already mentioned that she's willing to compromise on some things and that is key. That is why I would not consider her standards enormously high. She's in her early 30s and many men desire women who have matured from their 20s.

 

I will agree with you that she would not be interested in someone like me. I feel that I would come up short in a couple areas, as I would with most women who are in her position. Would I like a women like that? Yeah. Is it realistic? Probably not. I don't think I would get a first date. I'm realistic and my statndards, or lack thereof in some areas, reflect that.

 

There are many men that don't have the weaknesses I have and are single that would meet most of her requirements. If she's willing to bend a littlel bit, which she siad she would do, she has a good chance of finding someone ideal for her. She may very well have to go through some bad ones to find him.

[Nick883]

Jellytot,

 

I think you should dump your current boyfriend and marry me. I'm in the exact same situation, only I'm seeking a woman.

 

I'm 28 years old, caucasian, five foot eleven, and 160 pounds with a tight athletic build thanks to military service. I've never been married and I have no kids, no drug habit, no overwhelming debt threatening to swallow me alive, and no communicable diseases except for an infectious sense of humor. I'm also highly intelligent (graduated from weather forecasting school at the age of 18, and currently maintaining a 3.8 GPA at a major American university), worldly (visited or lived on five out of the seven continents) and financially secure with money in the bank. I'm currently taking a leave of absence from my job to get some college coursework done, but my job pays very well and I get to travel overseas because of it.

 

I go to house parties/bars every weekend and talk to different women of all ages, and get phone numbers if I ask for them, but it never pans out. I've gone on dates with at least eight different women just since August, and I'm going on one more tomorrow night. Sometimes, my date and I just don't "click," and other times they flake out or drop off the radar, and I'm not going to be that guy who can't take a hint and calls and sends unanswered texts over and over again.

 

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever dealt with - far worse than trying to stack slippery, mud-covered sandbags in the pouring rain. I get so tired of sprinting down the runway over and over again and never getting clearance for takeoff.

 

So yeah, we should get married and quit this lousy dating **** forever. Do you like Chinese food and movies by Martin Scorcese?

Edited November 11, 2009 by Nick883

[SierraRose]

I don't claim to be perfect, or to be looking for perfection - I just want someone who can offer the same as I can, i.e. someone single with no ex-spouses or kids, ok looking, reasonably intelligent and solvent, and no unmanageable vices.

 

ROTFLMAO:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Gee, and at 39 I was just looking for a man with A job and is not mental. A sence of humor a must.

[Ody]

What do you think? Are my expectations unrealistic? Should I just settle with my current boyfriend (who is the best so far) and give up on this fanciful idea of true love?

 

I don't think your expectations are unrealistic at all. It really sounds like you just want an ex #2 who doesn't cheat and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. However there's something to Pandagirl's notion that "a guy who is very good-looking doesn't feel like he has to settle down until much later in life." It's actually not related to a guy's looks as much as it is to his confidence, attractiveness (not just physical looks) and success (with women and in general). Any guy who meets your standards will have all of these in spades, and men like this realize pretty quickly that they don't have to settle. Just like you realize that you can "go out any night of the week and get hit on by half a dozen guys" they realize they can date many reasonable attractive women looking for children and stability and settle down if they feel like it. So the qualities you list about yourself are great, but not enough. They really have to fall hard for the woman - not just realize it's a compatible match or that a woman has a lot to offer. The honest ones will sleep around a lot until they really find the right woman and settle down, and they won't lie about it in the process. The dishonest ones will do the same thing and lie about it, and possibly continue sleeping around even after they settle down. It sounds like you wind up with the latter - although if you are not asking these men up front about it, just assuming they are being monogamous, then that's your mistake.

 

What you might examine rather than your expectations are some of your assumptions and attitudes. Alchoholism and cheating are not limited to attractive people and if you're as bright as you say you are you should realize this. You also seem unwilling to break up with your current BF when you pretty much know you are not satisfied with him, and you gave multiple chances to someone who was unfaithful - perhaps you have some dependancy issues you should examine. Also I suggest losing the Romeo and Juliet notions - Romeo was a teenager not a man in his thirties. It's never going to be fairy tale (or Shakespeare!) quality stuff at our age, even if it still can be magical...

 

Also just assume any man who meets your criteria is going to be sexually active when you meet him. You're not the only highly eligible bachelorette looking for this brand of guy. So if you are demanding monogamy immediately, reconsider giving things some time before you make that demand. He might fall for you after a couple of months. If you hit a guy like that very early with the monogamy thing, especially before you've slept together, if he's honest he'll leave at that point. If he's dishonest, he'll stay and just keep sleeping around. So you basically would be chasing away the good ones, and setting yourself up to be cheated on. I'm not saying you're doing this, but if you are, reconsider.

 

Good luck. It's tough on this end too, I actually related a lot to your post.