Beebie Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Well, I've met with my Solicitor this morning and started divorce proceedings. God it hurt so much! I sat there in his office wondering what the hell I was doing there. After 15 years of marriage, this isn't happening to me, right? I'm feeling very low again. Now I've set the ball rolling and divorce is underway, this is for real and I hate my husband for what he's done to me. For those who don't know my story, here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205051/ Got a date with a bottle of wine tonight. Wrong thing to do, I know. Just don't know how else to deal with it right now. "Shattered" doesn't even come close to how I'm feeling right now.
broken hearted Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 My heart goes out to you! Filing is the hardest thing I have ever done, and like you, I don't want a divorce, I only filed bc of my husband's actions! We're all entitled to a little self medication now and then. Lucky for me, I have been pregnant or nursing the entire time I've been going through this...otherwise, I would probably be a raging alcoholic by now!
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Beebie - I'm proud of you. YOU need to do this. Like you I don't want the D - SHE does. I will be delivering all my D papers to the court system this week - probably Wed. It will be very difficult once I hand everything over to the processor. VERY much so. Get ready to get on the rollercoaster with me - and countless others. I'm up, then down, the good, then rock bottom low again. But, I keep moving forward, I have to. Your emotions will swing all over the place. My swings are less now than before. Some events will swing them a lot - others barely at all. Keeping myself occupied seems to be the key for me. Take Care. PEACE!
Author Beebie Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Oh I don't want this. I bloody well DON'T WANT IT. I can't begin to imagine my life without him. I still don't understand how it came to this and WHY. That rollercoaster is really kicking in now. It's hard to see where my next 'up' is going to come from! If it wasn't for coming on here to vent I don't know what I'd do. Ugh! I feel just about down and out!
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Oh I don't want this. I bloody well DON'T WANT IT. I can't begin to imagine my life without him. I still don't understand how it came to this and WHY. That rollercoaster is really kicking in now. It's hard to see where my next 'up' is going to come from! If it wasn't for coming on here to vent I don't know what I'd do. Ugh! I feel just about down and out! You know I am still struggling BIG time with this (how did it happen, is this a dream, when is she coming home, ETC.). But a few months ago my struggle was MANY times worse. It was almost all lows and there were definitely no highs, --> it was mostly low and lowers. HOWEVER, my family (sisters, mom) and LS were the two constants that would pick me up. Honestly, if either one of those were missing I don't know WTF would have happened. So, get on LS. It will help you. You are learning a lot about you right? Others posting have helped you right? (I hope I help a little!) Well, it was therapeutic to take what I learned from Gunny, Seibert, tojaz, dela, LisaUK, ETC ETC ETC... and help others. It picked me up just knowing I was maybe helping someone just as someone else helped me. AND go to your support system (family, friends), they will probablytire of your ranting about the situation, but they will be there and help you. I forget who said this but someone said th try every day to do something "fun" or just for you, even if you don't feel like it. It will little by little pick you up. If your H or my W is to comeback it has nothing to do with whether you are depressed or have dusted yourself off and are doing ok or are somewhere in between. They have to figure it out on their own. In the meantime YOU need to take care of Beebie!! If they come back it won't be because you have made a new and improved Beebie. If they don't come back - well guess what. We have a new and improved Beebie and you'll feel better, ok? Good Luck Beeb. Hang in there, ok. PEACE!
Auroracoladybug Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Beebie...I know you don't want this but it is right for you to do as you need to...I had to do the same and with J would come back to me and say that he wants a separation not Divorce... Okay so I didn't see your from the UK and your Bloody Well brought a smile to my face because hearing the accent in your post I swore I could hear your voice...I know you will do fine and trust me I have been the one screaming about not wanting this...you can be sure that I care too
Author Beebie Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks to everyone who's helping me here. Today was a dreadful day and the support I've received on this board means a lot to me and I'm really grateful. I wish I was a few months down the line. I'm hoping by then I'll be stronger and it just won't hurt as much. I'm going to do something nice tomorrow to lift myself back up. ((HUGS)) to everyone who's going through this pain. I'm thinking of you all.
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I wish I was a few months down the line. I'm hoping by then I'll be stronger and it just won't hurt as much. I'm going to do something nice tomorrow to lift myself back up. ((HUGS)) to everyone who's going through this pain. I'm thinking of you all. Share that with us ok? (((hugs back)))
FeelingLonely98 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Okay so I didn't see your from the UK and your Bloody Well brought a smile to my face because hearing the accent in your post I swore I could hear your voice...I know you will do fine and trust me I have been the one screaming about not wanting this...you can be sure that I care too Ladybug - I thought the same reading Beebie's post. I could almost hear her saying it in her accent. I'm sure your post put a smile on her face too. None of us want this - we are resigned to it because our spouses bodies have been invaded by aliens!!
Auroracoladybug Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Ladybug - I thought the same reading Beebie's post. I could almost hear her saying it in her accent. I'm sure your post put a smile on her face too. None of us want this - we are resigned to it because our spouses bodies have been invaded by aliens!! I am fortunate or unfortunate because J is still contacting me and doing things that he doesn't have to do if he didn't want me in his life...poor Tojaz has bleeding ears from me...I am praying he comes back but having to move forward with Divorce...he hasn't given me any $ for 4 months and left me with our 2yr olds daycare, a mortgage, and household bills...we all deserve to be cherished and we want that familiar face that is acting like an alien... FL98, Beebie, all my other buddies who don't want the divorce but are having to deal with it...I hope this rollercoaster stays on the high peaks more often for us to see the beautiful view...Hanging in there with you balling my eyes out
Author Beebie Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 I am fortunate or unfortunate because J is still contacting me and doing things that he doesn't have to do if he didn't want me in his life...poor Tojaz has bleeding ears from me...I am praying he comes back but having to move forward with Divorce...he hasn't given me any $ for 4 months and left me with our 2yr olds daycare, a mortgage, and household bills...we all deserve to be cherished and we want that familiar face that is acting like an alien... FL98, Beebie, all my other buddies who don't want the divorce but are having to deal with it...I hope this rollercoaster stays on the high peaks more often for us to see the beautiful view...Hanging in there with you balling my eyes out Oh Ladybug (I love your username), people keep telling me it won't always feel like this. Somehow we've got to believe this too. We're going through a process none of us on here want but I really hope that one day the sun will shine again for us all. Special hugs Ladybug. These tears have to dry up eventually.
JaneDoe35 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Hello Beebie, my heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing. I can imagine how hard this must be for you. Keep coming back here..everyone will take good care of you.
MizzBlue72 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Beebie I read your story - I am very sorry... I KNOW how hard it is to divorce.... You will get through this. It's his loss. We can be stronger without men in our lives. I think we need to take a look and understand that they never have and never will define who we really are !! We gave them the power at one time - but never ever again. Hang in there .... some days are better than others. And even though my ex is a PRICK and a half ... I have days where I am so lonely I can scream ...
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