Tincup Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I had been dating a women for the past year and a half. I am divorced and have two kids which I have 50% custody of. The women also divorced with two kids as well. Her kids are older than mine and in college. We really seemed to get along well, and had a great deal in common. We do have parental styles. She is very strict with her kids, almost in an obsessed way. She texts both of her kids probably 20 times a day, and talks to the one in college every day (he is a senior in college). I broke up with her a few days ago because she way highly critical of the way I raise my kids. We talked about the whole thing and she really thinks that she is correct, and that the way she raises her kids is the only way to do it. She actually said to me that she can't believe that handle things the way I do. I take my kids very seriously. I think I do a fantastic job with them. There are many different ways to parent children. I handle mine the best way that I know. I did not see things changing. I still love her very much, but she does not see things from any other perspective than her own.
brokenrightnow Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Do you want her back? have you talked to her since you broke up with her?
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 You can raise your children the way you see fit, and the way best fits them. She shouldn't criticise you, unless she literally feels that they treat her bad and you allow it, then she may have a point. But if not, then each to their own.
Author Tincup Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 I have not spoken with her since the breakup. We have "brokenup" several times during the year and a half. All the other times really were for silly reasons. She has a issue with her cell phone. She would get really mad at me if she texted me and I did not respond in a timely manner. That was very important to her that you respond to her when she texted. We also would have issues if she did not see me as much as she wanted to. Since we do not live together, and both have kids and families there are times when we don't see each other. We did see each other several times a week, but not every day. If something happened and we did not see each other when we normally would she would get mad. She has a quick temper, meaning if she got mad when she did not see me she would question the relationship. Each time we would talk and changes would be made. I now sleep with me cell phone on at my bedside. We also made sure we saw each other more often. Okay I am spilling my guts so here we go...everytime we see each other we end up in bed. She wants to have sex everytime she sees me. While I really like the sex, it is strange to me that she wants to be with me all the time. I know this is not an issue that is probably very common. This is the first time that I have broken off things with her. This is also the first time that the reason was for something other than me not responding to a text message within an hour of it being sent to me.
floods88 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 she sounds like a bit of a control freak. is she quite an insecure person? it seems as though she's scared that you aren't as into her as she is with you. if you really love her and feel as though shes 'the one', then try and work things out. if you don't feel that way, then let her go before it becomes a seriously messy relationship
Author Tincup Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 I think she does have control issues. I think I saw that in the way she deals with her kids. The fact that a senior in college calls his mother every day is strange to me. On the other side, she seemed very independent to me. We both went through rough divorces (both our spouses cheated on us). She told me on our first date that she never would get married again, or would never live with someone. So our relationship from the start was more of a part time one since I had smaller kids (S13, D11). Many times if we had plans to do something she would say "I don't feel like going out, lets have a quiet evening at home instead". That always meant that we would end up in bed. I would say that probably 90% of the times we saw each other during the year and a half we ended up in bed. At times I felt like that was all I was good for. But this time when she was so critical of the way I was dealing with an issue with my son turned me so sour. She even told me when we were breaking up that "I will find out in the future that she was right" when it came to my parenting style.
Lost&Found Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Wow that sounds a lot like my ex. Everything from the getting angry or paranoid when I didn't reply to texts to being mad if we couldn't spend enough time together to always wanting to have sex. She would send me a text then 15 minutes later if I didn't reply she would say something like, "You must have company," or some other lame thing - not realizing I might not actually have my phone in my pocket when I'm at home. If we had plans to see each other on Friday and then I had to break them because my ex had to work and couldn't take the kids, she got soooo mad. She was so sweet at times but when she went off its like I was a deer in the headlights and there was nothing I could do but let her vent. Look up "Borderline Personality Disorder" and that's her.
Author Tincup Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 I don't know about a personality disorder. I do know that she fell for me very hard and very fast. Within maybe two weeks of dating she told me that she loved me. She came on like a ton of bricks. I liked and needed that a bit coming off my divorce. She knew my Ex wife and everything that happened. Our sex life was amazing, without doubt the best sex that I have ever had. We seemed to get along really well, had a lot in common. We just ended up at the same place every two or three months. I either did not reply to a text, or she did not see me enough. She just has an amazingly quick temper. Not really a temper that I would see. She never really got mad at my to my face. For example one night I had a LONG day at work and went over to her house. I talked my ass off for about an hour or so straight. I was so relieved and thankful to have her there for me to vent to. But in the end that night I wanted to go home and sleep. She wanted to have sex. That particular night I did not want to and simply needed a good night sleep. By the time I got home that night I already had a text message slamming me for not caring about her needs. When do you know that you made the right choice and quit second guessing yourself? I love her, and loved being with her most of the time. I just felt like I had such a small margin for error. One wrong move and I would get slammed. I was probably getting 50 or so text messages from her a day. Most people would love getting the attention that I was getting.
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