Facing a major dilemma

[CK8]

Hi

 

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and it was all going well until I got to know one of my mates better on a holiday (I had known him for about a year but not been very close). Anyway now the three of us (me, boyfriend and our friend) are sharing a house together and I have started to realise that I really fancy the other bloke and I have loads more fun with him than I do with my boyfriend.

 

Now I seem to get irritated with my boyfriend very easily even though he hasn't done anything wrong and I know he loves me very much but I just can't rekindle the feelings I had for him before I got to know this other guy.

 

I have no idea what to do, I know my boyfriend will be absolutely gutted if I split up with him but if I don't I will probably keep hurting him anyway by pushing him away whenever he tries to get close. What can I do to minimise his heartbreak? It'd be so awkward the actual process of moving out etc too, I just don't know what to do!

 

Any advice would be massively appreciated

[Space Ritual]

Well I am afraid there is not any real good way to go about this except with honesty.

 

I'm gonna give it to you straight, without any sugar coating. I think it best.

 

Chances are if you have been feeling like this that he has already picked up on the vibe.

You are not the first person this has happened to and you wont be the last. All I can say is that you can be rest assured that this will be the end of the friendship between the two guys of course, and probably your current BF will think terribly of you either way. So what ever you do, do not say anything to him in the area of "we can still be friends". That will never happen, he will not want to be friends with you after you lay this on him. To even suggest it will be an insult to the injury. Maybe you can down the road, but don't even think about it when you tell him.

 

With that being said the longer you hold this back from him is just hurting your BF more and more. I know you are scared. I know we cant choose whom we fall in love with, but please just be honest and tell him TODAY. I also think since this happened that it should be YOU and your new guy that offer to move out. Your current BF did nothing to deserve this so he should not have to suffer any more indignity than what you are about to put him through.

 

There are always consequences to these actions, young lady. To put it off any longer is selfish and unnecessary. He may thank you later for being honest with him. He may not be so ready to part ways gently the longer you keep it from him. Just handle it with as much tact as possible. Because he will be floored, so remember that you will have to expect a very negative reaction from him, and will most likely lose some mutual friends as a result as well. But do it in a way that leaves him some dignity

 

 

This is the price you will have to pay for your feelings.

 

 

Good Luck

[kickintheaz]

I think Space Ritual said it all, but may I ask.. 3 years with your boyf and suddenly new boy moves in and ye have fun.. does new boy have similar feelings? has anything happened between ye? I know after 3 years my relationship(s) in the past kinda hit a wall for a while and everyone else was so much entertaining but I got thru at least one of em and carried on til other issues surfaced. Have you completely fallen out of love with boyf? If so then space rituals post is the way to go. No games, just do it. If not and you do think there is a chance with you and boyf then you need to find a way to get back what you and new boy have, the fun part.. if thats the case, can new boy be asked to leave? maybe with him out of the picture you will realise what ya want/have? It kinda sounds like you are in the beginnings of some kind of rebound/honeymoon phase with new boy already although you may not have had romantic encounters yet. Maybe he's just a distraction for other issues you have with boyf?

I would suggest if you are going to talk to him, do it elsewhere than in the house and if its to say what space ritual has advised, have somewhere else to stay that night. Boyf is going to be very hurt and very angry and being under the same roof for the initial few days is going to be very hard on him. and you. Remember emotional people are far from rational in their actions.

 

Good luck with your decisions, but make sure whatever you decide is not based on a whimsical notion that the grass is greener elsewhere, you owe it to boyf after you both have invested 3 years with each other that you are doing it all for the right reasons..

[CK8]

Thanks for the advice, nothing has happened with the other guy and I don't even know if he likes me anyway. I don't want to get him to move out because I would end up missing him....I just don't know what to do!

[kickintheaz]

hmmm, so you wanna keep new boy around cos he makes you feel good, to the detriment of your 3 year relationship? yet you aren't sure how new boy feels about you and you aren't sure what to do about your boyf.

 

What if you were to move out, just to figure things out, you appear to be in a situation that isn't allowing you get clarity on what you want. Of course you can stay and continue to have fun with new boy, but what if he doesn't want the same with you? what if he puts his friendship with your boyf first over anything you and and he may have? what if what if what if, that is all that you are going to keep asking yourself if you remain tightlipped in this situation.

 

I would say move out find out what you want, who you want, tell boyf you need some time to sort out your issues, though I know others do not advocate 'breaks' but maybe with you out of the house you can spend proper 1 on 1 time with boyf, dating etc and leave new boy out of the picture for the moment.

 

If you absolutely find out you do not want the relationship, refer to previous posts and be honest with boyf.

 

Do not string this out for his and more importantly for your sake... it will consume you and that will lead down a path that you do not want to go on...