kis Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I have had a problem of fantasizing about someone else almost everytime I have sex with my husband. I cant seem to stop. Wondering if anyone else has this problem? How often? Thoughts?
bloggervenus Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 IMO, there are no rules when it comes to the psychology of sex. People have soooooooooooooooooo many different ways of thinking and feeling and so many different preferences that you just have to trust what works for you and do it. If you are thinking about someone else during sex with your husband, and if that makes sex more enjoyable for you, let it be. Are you feeling guilty about it, or is it taking the fun out? Don't feel guilty... all I can say... Human sexuality is so misterious and complex, there is no way you can compare yourself with anyone... just be confident. Whatever works for you, is normal :-)
seibert253 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 For the first couple of years, I used to think about other women when I was with my W. Not all the time, but pretty frequently. Now my focus is on her and the sex is better than ever. As for others, whatever works.
Author kis Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 For the first couple of years, I used to think about other women when I was with my W. Not all the time, but pretty frequently. Now my focus is on her and the sex is better than ever. As for others, whatever works. Are you talking about someone famous or women you acually know?
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I have had a problem of fantasizing about someone else almost everytime I have sex with my husband. I cant seem to stop. Wondering if anyone else has this problem? How often? Thoughts? That is so messed up. It's not fair to you... to him... to anybody. Plus it's gross. If you can't love... then get out. Leave.
NowhereToHide Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 That is so messed up. It's not fair to you... to him... to anybody. Plus it's gross. If you can't love... then get out. Leave. Why is it gross? Fantasies are harmless. Yes, I fantasize about someone else sometimes while having sex with my H. Somedays more than others.
boldjack Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Fantasys are exactly that, fantasys. They are not real. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. "Some posters", have a more varied fantasy life than others. LOL
Mr-T Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Cant say I have done this with my wife, She is amazingly beautiful. But i must confess I did do it when with my ex, but then sex was a chore and I didnt really want to do it.
carhill Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 OP, is it the same person or just random people? If it's the same person, I'd take a hard look at that
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 You obviously are talking about fantasizing about OM while with your husband.. So yes, in your case it's dangerous because you're picture SOMEONE else making love to you, and it's doing damage mentally and emotionally. Sooner or later you're going to detach from your H and desire your OM MORE.
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I have had a problem of fantasizing about someone else almost everytime I have sex with my husband. I cant seem to stop. Wondering if anyone else has this problem? How often? Thoughts? It happened only with one guy.. whenever this guy was giving me oral.. (happened 2-3 times) I would fantasize about someone else.. but never happened with a 'partner'... or a bf.. I have no advices... just try to focus on your H.... if that's possible..
boldjack Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 like I said, fantasys aren't a big problem. If you shout out somebody else's name, then you might have a problem.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Why is it gross? Fantasies are harmless. Yes, I fantasize about someone else sometimes while having sex with my H. Somedays more than others. That's just messed up. As a guy, I would rather end a relationship than force you to be with me when your fantasizing about someone else. My thought is... if I'm not enough for you... then get the f*** out of my life! That way I can find someone better... and I will! I'm not sure how your husband feels about it, but I can't love someone who can't love me back.
Malenfant Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) I have had a problem of fantasizing about someone else almost everytime I have sex with my husband. I cant seem to stop. Wondering if anyone else has this problem? How often? Thoughts? i think its important to distinguish something. Do you just randomly think of people without trying to? OR Do you find you need to fantasise its someone else in order to enjoy it? If its the first, it could just be a product of a very active imagination, your mind roams free when it comes to sex. that could just be a part of your sexuality and how your mind works. if its the second, thats totally different, and would indicate that you dont actually find your H sexually arousing or stimulating. Whether its a problem to your marriage depends on which one it is. but either way, your H would probably be upset if he knew. I have never imagined i'm in bed with someone else, not with any partner. and i'd be upset if my H did while he was with me. Edited November 10, 2009 by Malenfant
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I have had a problem of fantasizing about someone else almost everytime I have sex with my husband. I cant seem to stop. Wondering if anyone else has this problem? How often? Thoughts? Why do you want to stop? I don't see the big deal.. this is YOUR fantasy... nothing wrong with having fantasies.. Just curious.
hopeful1980 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Is it someone you know? Is it someone you've had sex with before? Those two things would make it hard for me if my husband said yes to either one. If he was just thinking about Selma Hayek while we were making love, eh. . . I can't say that I care much.
NowhereToHide Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 That's just messed up. As a guy, I would rather end a relationship than force you to be with me when your fantasizing about someone else. My thought is... if I'm not enough for you... then get the f*** out of my life! That way I can find someone better... and I will! I'm not sure how your husband feels about it, but I can't love someone who can't love me back. I don't HAVE to fantasize about someone to get "off" in bed. And my H is a great lover who is more than sexually satisfying. I guess you can look at it as me wanting to mix it up a bit, if only in my head. And since when does sex=love? I never said anything about not loving my husband. Do you really think that fantasizing about someone during sex is cheating and it means you don't love someone? Really? I would say that's a pretty narrow view of love. Listen, I kind of see a difference between making love and F'ing. We do both. While my H is romantically making love to me, do I fantasize about someone else? No. But when we are getting a little more raunchy, then sometimes I do. I just don't see a problem.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I don't HAVE to fantasize about someone to get "off" in bed. And my H is a great lover who is more than sexually satisfying. I guess you can look at it as me wanting to mix it up a bit, if only in my head. And since when does sex=love? I never said anything about not loving my husband. Do you really think that fantasizing about someone during sex is cheating and it means you don't love someone? Really? I would say that's a pretty narrow view of love. Listen, I kind of see a difference between making love and F'ing. We do both. While my H is romantically making love to me, do I fantasize about someone else? No. But when we are getting a little more raunchy, then sometimes I do. I just don't see a problem. Why do you feel the need to mentally "mix things up"? There are different types of love. I love my car... I don't want to have sex with it. You can love your Husband the way I love my car, or my dog... and he can accept that if he chooses. But I'm worth WAY more than that, and I won't accept that kind of love from a SO.
hopeful1980 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Why do you feel the need to mentally "mix things up"? There are different types of love. I love my car... I don't want to have sex with it. You can love your Husband the way I love my car, or my dog... and he can accept that if he chooses. But I'm worth WAY more than that, and I won't accept that kind of love from a SO. What if the fantasy included you but another person as well? I'll admit I have fantasies that I never intend on fulfilling, but it makes me hot to think about.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 What if the fantasy included you but another person as well? I'll admit I have fantasies that I never intend on fulfilling, but it makes me hot to think about. If I'm not enough by myself... go find someone else! Why do you need to fantasize about 2 sex partners? Where does that need come from?
hopeful1980 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 If I'm not enough by myself... go find someone else! Why do you need to fantasize about 2 sex partners? Where does that need come from? I don't know. I don't need to actually have a threesome, but I think it's hot to think about while I'm having sex. I have absolutely no desire to bring another man/woman into our bedroom, I just like to think about it. That has no bearing on how I feel about my husband. He's a great guy and an amazing lover. He's more than enough for me and fulfills all of my sexual needs. My sexual idiosyncrasies have nothing to do with him.
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Fantasies are just that.. fantasies... and one partner has NO control over his/her partner's fantasies.. fantasies are the utmost personal thing.. that no one, not even ourselves have control over..
hopeful1980 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Fantasies are just that.. fantasies... and one partner has NO control over his/her partner's fantasies.. fantasies are the utmost personal thing.. that no one, not even ourselves have control over.. I feel the same way. I remember Ellen Degeneres used to have a joke about sexual fantasies that no one REALLY wants to know what they are. People think some really strange stuff, but most of them would never do it. Who are we to judge what turns another person on in their mind?
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Exactly... I don't see anything wrong with the OP having fantasy about another man.. people have that all the time.. What can you do about it.. not much I'm afraid..
NowhereToHide Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I don't know. I don't need to actually have a threesome, but I think it's hot to think about while I'm having sex. I have absolutely no desire to bring another man/woman into our bedroom, I just like to think about it. That has no bearing on how I feel about my husband. He's a great guy and an amazing lover. He's more than enough for me and fulfills all of my sexual needs. My sexual idiosyncrasies have nothing to do with him. Hopefull, I totally agree. Much of what I fantasize about I would never do, like your threesome idea. And some of these fantasies I've shared with my husband, and he loves them. So untouchable, you would probably think that looking at porn is bad too because it means that my H isn't enough for me and I don't love him? My H and I actually watch porn together. Does that mean neither one of us loves the other? What you're suggesting is just silly. Fantasies are harmless. My H has them. I have them. Do I think that my H fantasizes that he's having sex with someone else sometimes? Yeah, probably. And it doesn't bother me in the least. Sexual fantasies don't have anything to do with love.
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