Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 This place has been lots of help since now I'm no longer waiting by my phone for th off chance that he calls or texts.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Well he brought the baby back from going out to dinner, he drops me some hints but nothing as to if he had someone other than the baby with him there...said he was happier than ever back in sept. And he seems like he dosent care, like it dosent matter to him he's throwing away a family, yells this was the best desision ever, and just seems like no of this is effecting him at all. I just wish I knew if this was all a act, if he is waiting for something, or if he really truly is happier. Gosh I have a great day until I have to see him, as soon as I bring the baby in I break down.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 I serriously hate living in this house, and sleeping in the same bed were we we're together....I can't leave the house for fear of retrabution from my attacker, but I don't want to stay here because of the memories of d, me, and the girls and all our good times, of watching movies together, family meals, and putting the girls down and having adult time....and the kicker is the baby well she is the spitting image of her father, its not like I hate her, its just when I look at her I start to miss her more, or if I watch her sleep (they sleep the exact same way, they even snore the same), and I know its not her fault, its mine for putting myself in the position of being attacked....I ruined a happy marriage........I can't get tose thoughts out of my head staying in this house.
boldjack Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Have you talked to family advocacy about re-location? It seems to me that you should be having your lawyer put the rapist, under a restraining order.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Have you talked to family advocacy about re-location? It seems to me that you should be having your lawyer put the rapist, under a restraining order. Family advocacy was a big bust, didn't help me with nothing the last time I went to see them...saw them in sept trying to get a no contact order against d when he went nutty and was harrassing me, tried to get them to get his unit to have him pay some kind of ,oney to the family or get groceries, and also to give me a les so I could get wic....did they help no....went to court to get a restraining order denied it, had to go to court to get child support he only has to pay 196.80, just now got a les and that was because I went to court for it....all my dealings with family advocacy even when I was active duty was horrible most the people there could give a flying fart...re location apparently I'm supposed to be out of housing by jan 31 looking for a job but they don't grow on trees and rent for houses is about 790 at the low end...and I gotta get a house since we have dogs, and I doubt I will get a resrataining order against my attacker if they denied one for me when my husband tried to break into the house then showed his foot in front of a closing door and tried to charge me with assault........rambling again...and wondering why my microwave smells like bacon?
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Also one of d's other reason y he does not believe me is I like to watch crime shows I.e law and order, law and order c.I, s.v.u, ncis,csi, etc and my love of books, he believs I concocted my story from watching shows and reading books to cover up my misdeeds...I mean seriously he watches those shows too how can someone be so dense....I have seen that friends can rape it happened to one of my soldiers she was raped by a squad member thrown out of a moving car onto the side of a freeway!!!!! I know "friends" can do some nasty things and he does to, and he also knows I don't lie I live by karma and the golden rule....but ehh of well just venting before I try to sleep...goodnight all, and a pleasent good morning, god bless
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 So last night woke up around midnight and wrote d a very heart felt letter....now debateing if I should give it to him or not.....I just love him so much and I don't just want to give up.
boldjack Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 SM, you can't rebuild your M, by yourself. If your husband has checked out, you must begin to think more about the welfare of your kids and yourself. I would talk to your lawyer about the restraining order, against the OM. You have good reason to fear. It's really hard to get one against your husband, but should be relatively easy to get one against a stranger.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 SM, you can't rebuild your M, by yourself. If your husband has checked out, you must begin to think more about the welfare of your kids and yourself. I would talk to your lawyer about the restraining order, against the OM. You have good reason to fear. It's really hard to get one against your husband, but should be relatively easy to get one against a stranger. How do I know if he checked out though?
Author seraphim mom Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 So d totally disreagards another visit it with daughter, called him out on it, and got pissed called me a b****, and yeah said he was gonna call the cops on me for harrasment, since I pointed out to him that our children will resent him for this later on since when my mom left I didn't talk to her till I was 19, she died 4 months later....he is selfish and cares for no one else but him, since he showed that when he left and every day after when he acts like a cruel a** so yeah when I call him out on something that has to do with our mutual child he gets upset and demands a apologize from me!!!!!! Me the person he left after I had been sexually assaulted me who has to parent 2 young girls 1yr and 3yr, bymyself, have to beg him to pay child support only to have him whine about the amount 196.80 for a month, and he demands a apology from me for only telling him the truth....so pissed.
Lishy Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 why do you want this piece of poop so badly? He is showing you how heartless he is daily!
Auroracoladybug Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 why do you want this piece of poop so badly? He is showing you how heartless he is daily! We can't help who we love...I agree that he is worthless at this point for the whole family...I understand that because I am in that same boat...doesn't mean you don't want to work things out or help them or have faith that things can be better...anything is possible but the other person must make that effort too... Waiting for my H to get his heat out of his a$$ and commit to make things better for himself as well as his son and me...I will always love him and support him and I want him back but I know it took years to get to this point and it will take a long time to get back to anything different... SM one thing is to remember that you are feeding off all of the drama that he has caused, don't let him make you upset...the next time he says this is the best thing that has ever happened ignore him...LC and tell him that his step daughter misses him and leave it at that...make sure that you keep those girls doing things as sisters...in the end they have each other no matter what (that is what my mom always said to me and my sister and it rings in my ears everyday)...most importantly (I need to hear this everyday too) YOU ARE DOING FINE AS A MOTHER! There is no book of operations and take care of you and yours...
Author seraphim mom Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 I mean I seriously don't know y I love him and want him back so bad....love is a b**** right? And yeah he has been told the ball is in his court, and he never ceases to throw it in my face....thanks for the kind words and support, I'm just praying he will get his head out of his butt.
Auroracoladybug Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Which way to act...I want J to get his head out too...the question is should we show that we are strong and don't need them and or let them know how we feel...a balance I still am unsure of. I have left the ball in his court too...am showing that I am strong but left my heart out there for him too...he knows how I feel and that I am supporting him finding himself but that I love him no matter what and want to be with him...wondering what to do now you know... sorry just having a thread jack moment
Author seraphim mom Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Its cool since we are going thru like the same thing...but with d its like when I act srong he says I'm acting like a b****, or I'm angry, and when I'm weak I'm getting mocked by him....also cracked my tooth today, and I'm in pain from that so I'm acting angry.....what gives?
Author seraphim mom Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 He dosent want me back and I don't know what to do...I just want to die
boldjack Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 SM, I really feel for you but in order to make sense of it all, you need to look at this from your husband's point of view. If for no other reason, than to best decide what is best for you and your kids. It's very hard, but if you understand what is going on, you can survive this and have a better life in the future. There are 4 main issues for your husband: 1) whether or not you were raped, 2)the race of the man you had sex with, 3) The way you were handled by the police and 4) his own insecurities. These things are fueling his rage. Can you think of any reason, why he would doubt your honesty? Part of it is, no doubt, that he is going along with the police attitude of buyer's remorse. That you encouraged this other man , because he is Black. I'm sorry but racism is a big part of this. Because the man is black, your husband is looking at you as "damaged goods", and is worried about whether you might have done this because you were not satisfied with your husband, as a lover. I 'm sorry if this is painful, but I think that is his attitude. How am I doing so far? Is this making any sense? The answer to this is to agressively pursue justice against the other man, by any means necessary, and you must convince your Husband, that you were never a willing party, and that you enjoyed nothing about it. I'm sure that in AZ, there are rape survivors groups, who will help you. Forget about the Military, seek out female public attorneys , and see if you can file a civil suit against the man. You must do every thing in your power to prove your innocence. It sucks, and isn't fair, but it is what will get your husband thinking that maybe you are telling the truth, and if you can do this, maybe he will re-think the divorce.
boldjack Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I know it isn't fair for you , after all you have been through, but if you want another chance with your husband , you are going to have to fight for it.
boldjack Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Although, for my money, you are way better off without this Jacka**.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 Tried to kill myself last night...needless to say it did not work, called the suicide hotline and the guy talked some sense into me, pretty much I am a codependent....so I'm gonna start doing coda next Thursday.. Bold- I have tried everything I can to have him come bacl home and belive me, and he says he cannot, everyday its a new excuse....and I know he is doing it on purpose to get me to actually kill myself. I do not have the money to be going thru another court case, and there would be no eveidence since it happened 4 months ago, and my abuser is a relatively good guy, not been arrested since comming to az, and he would win and prob sue and I just don't have the money, d thinks the worst of a situation, he thinks everyone is out to get him...and last night when he told me he was done it ripped my heart out. And that was when I decided I no longer want to live without him...he knows I love him y would he do this to his family? The people who love him? The person who loves and married him? Why
Auroracoladybug Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Tried to kill myself last night...needless to say it did not work, called the suicide hotline and the guy talked some sense into me, pretty much I am a codependent....so I'm gonna start doing coda next Thursday.. Bold- I have tried everything I can to have him come bacl home and belive me, and he says he cannot, everyday its a new excuse....and I know he is doing it on purpose to get me to actually kill myself. I do not have the money to be going thru another court case, and there would be no eveidence since it happened 4 months ago, and my abuser is a relatively good guy, not been arrested since comming to az, and he would win and prob sue and I just don't have the money, d thinks the worst of a situation, he thinks everyone is out to get him...and last night when he told me he was done it ripped my heart out. And that was when I decided I no longer want to live without him...he knows I love him y would he do this to his family? The people who love him? The person who loves and married him? Why SM I am glad you are still with us...please remember this YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING...if he can't see it then it is his problem...The why??? It doesn't matter...your kids need you and so will others. I strongly believe there is a reason for you to be alive and you know it too! Pull up those bootstraps girl because you have a hell of a lot to live for and the most important is you. When all of my world crumbled there was much that I took for granted...watch the birds, insects, animals, clouds...etc...there is a purpose for everything...you decide what your purpose is. My thoughts are with you.
Lishy Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 you have to get help and quickly! In the meantime ask yourself this ... who is the most important person in your life? Your hubby or your kids? They did not ask to be born so to be so cruel to kill yourself is not the answer! Honey be strong, reach out and get all the help you need!
Author seraphim mom Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Pretty much doing nc unless he verbally talks to me like when he picks up the baby, been civil, almost happy go lucky when we talk, yesterday when he picked the baby up he dropped it that he was going to phoenix today, maybe to see if I flipped out, when he came back I had gotten copies of a pic cd we had from holloween, and framed it for him,it was of the girls and I remembered he said he didn't have anything to put pictures in so I got a dollar store frame, and said it was a belated b-day preseant, askd if he ws going to hpoenix for the nascar race since he loves nascar, and he said yeah he's going with the wtu, got free ticket, and dosent even have to drive, I wished him a safe and happy trip and that's been like 3 days, I know it hasn't been that long but hopefully I planted a seed and for him to see the new me he comes back
Author seraphim mom Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Also been cleaning my house and watching movies a lot....right now its legends of the fall and its at the saddest part....when samuel dies.....tear tear
Author seraphim mom Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Got like 30 min till d brings back the baby, lc since Friday, can't really be nc since we have a child, stoped smoking on Saturday, and I wish I knew what he is thinking, I mean I put on a facade so maybe he will remember why he married me and come back, but oh god it hurts to see him, and right now I'm on the verge of tears but I can't cry since he will know I was crying.....I just wish this hadn't gotten so far since I think I'm probibly not gonna get him back....just gotta remember to pray
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