tojaz Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Seraphim, Why did the cops say that this was a case of "buyers remorse",? I want you to know that I believe that what happened to you was assualt, but I'm just trying to get a grasp on the chain of events. I don't think the cops opinion has any bearing on her questions. They are unwilling to help and OP seems to have come to grips with that. No need to make her relive the details of that night for us. If in her mind and heart she was raped, then she was and nobody, not even a jury can change that. I think the bigger issue is why her husband chooses not to believe her version of events. Was he there? Had you dated this guy in the past? A history of some sort? That seems to be at the root of it all. TOJAZ
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 I never dated him at all he was only a co worker we met in feb of 09, I moved out here in aug 2008, met him at work and we became friends....little did I know of his true intentions.....also lots of people including my stbxh, and some cops believe that all women want sex, but then when we regret it we cry rape, sexual assault....that's buyers remore, yeah its like blaming the woman for being raped when all she did was wear a skirt....I'm suprised with my stxh medieval thinking he didn't do something crazy to me like a honor killing
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 My stbxh was not there he didn't want to go so he stayed home and watched the kids while he was playing his ever preasent wow game....then I when I got home with marks on me still feeling funny, I really think I was lucky for not getting pulled over but I left as soon as came too, and he asked nothing, so I went and showered and tried to act like nothing happened, wore my hair down tried to hide the marks....then it got to much for me to handle and I tried to tell him, heard like the first sentence and blew up, called me a cheating wh*** and told me to be gone by the time he came home....left that night to my friends house in town, she let us stay the night, and I came back to the house the next day thinking he had cooled down.....wrong he moved into the barracks and wanted nothing to do with me...until he wanted sex then he came home and I gave that to him since I love him, and nothing again.....I'm so mixed up
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 I know I shouldn't be thinking it but its never off my mind....that while I'm here at home hopeing, wishing, and pineing for him to come home to the 3 people who love him the most in the world, that whileim doing that he is off living in the barracks drinking, partying it up, and fooling around with some dumb wh*** that he has replaced me with, that he is doing things that me and him would do to her.....I just don't think I can handle anymore, I mean people tell me to be strong for myself and my kids, its just hard being walked out on again, my oldests dad walked out on us when I was pregnant, and now my h is walking out on us again....I don't think I can handle it again.
Lishy Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 You will handle it SM, yoou have no choice! It is so hard but you will get through it all. If he is willing to walk away after you got raped then he was not a very supportive husband anyway
boldjack Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 SM, this is a really sad comentary about our society. Date-rape or drug-related assualt happens all of the time, but very little is being done about it. I do not think, from your posts, that your husband will ever be able to believe your side of the story, without some form of counseling. Is there any way that you could have him meet with you and a family advocate? I hope so. If not, you will just have to do the best you can for your family, even if it is without your husband.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 There's two threads about this, I'm getting confused Your husband sounds like a jerk to be honest, you deserve much better.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 There's two threads about this, I'm getting confused Your husband sounds like a jerk to be honest, you deserve much better. I posted on the second chances forum first, then I saw this one and I guess my situation fits more on this one.....I'm new on this site so I don't know how to get rid of that one.....I am also having problems with all the abreviations.....and he has already said he dosent need counseling and won't do any type of threapy or talking......sorry I confused you, didn't mean too
Lishy Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Actually SM, your husband sounds like a complete idiot! You get raped and HE wont offer any type of support? It does not make sense at all! I am so sorry you are going through this
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks its actually nice to be able to get advice and support from people who either have gone thru a divorce or are further along than I am, and it kinda helps me, I mean a big help would be the my h would come home and stop being a douche bag...but we will see.....also I have been wondering if they( the dumpers and divorce wanters) enjoy seeing the ones left behind sad, and hurt.....since to me it always seems like my stbxh is playing some cruel game with my feelings....just wondering if I'm the only one who thinksthat
HarmonyHope Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks its actually nice to be able to get advice and support from people who either have gone thru a divorce or are further along than I am, and it kinda helps me, I mean a big help would be the my h would come home and stop being a douche bag...but we will see.....also I have been wondering if they( the dumpers and divorce wanters) enjoy seeing the ones left behind sad, and hurt.....since to me it always seems like my stbxh is playing some cruel game with my feelings....just wondering if I'm the only one who thinksthat You might be right that he's trying to throw digs at you. It'd make sense since he seems to be of the mindset that you cheated on him.
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Is that he is doing all this and more to hurt me, he has missed at least 5 visits with his child, refuses to have anything to do with his step daughter, who he is the only father she knows....he misses visits when they coencide with a Friday and sometimes Saturday since he has "plans" and "headaches" he knows how much it would make me flip if he was already screwing someone else....since I don't know he has taken the easy I don't give a furry rats fart about my family since its all about me and my pain way out......and if he is I hope he gets caught since the maximun punishment for ea's in the military is jail time.
Auroracoladybug Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Is that he is doing all this and more to hurt me, he has missed at least 5 visits with his child, refuses to have anything to do with his step daughter, who he is the only father she knows....he misses visits when they coencide with a Friday and sometimes Saturday since he has "plans" and "headaches" he knows how much it would make me flip if he was already screwing someone else....since I don't know he has taken the easy I don't give a furry rats fart about my family since its all about me and my pain way out......and if he is I hope he gets caught since the maximun punishment for ea's in the military is jail time. He "misses" Friday's and Saturday's...sounds like BS! I wouldn't be surprised if he is having an affair or out at the bar with buddies every time he has a "headache"...Forget about setting up time to he his daughter...he can ask to see her...he is an ass for ignoring his Step Daughter and he is just making himself more of an enemy...you are doing fine SM...I am getting more and more angry with this man...we can't help who we love but we should all try the best we can to be good to that person we love...(guess they don't love us as much as we love them...guess that was obvious too)
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 That's not what I wanted to hear...you know I always think the best of people its just a fear that has been nawing at me for a while....putting poonanny or beer ahead of his girls....I mean its understandable I mean he is "single", lives in the barracks, and the area around post is full of women of lesser reputation.....I mean he can't go without for too long, he even did it when he was in iraq...so how can I expect him to go 3.5 months since he did come back 2 weeks after he filed for some....and I gave it to him
Auroracoladybug Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 That's not what I wanted to hear...you know I always think the best of people its just a fear that has been nawing at me for a while....putting poonanny or beer ahead of his girls....I mean its understandable I mean he is "single", lives in the barracks, and the area around post is full of women of lesser reputation.....I mean he can't go without for too long, he even did it when he was in iraq...so how can I expect him to go 3.5 months since he did come back 2 weeks after he filed for some....and I gave it to him I know that is not what you wanted to hear...I am sorry:(...what do you mean "he even did it when he was in Iraq"??? Trust me you are not the only one who gave in...I did the same for a moment of intimacy that meant a lot more to me than him just a moment of normalcy...I still want J in all ways in my life but he has a lot of stuff to work out before that can happen...I pray it does happen
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Stbxh stated he left because he needed to save his heart, to salvage it and to keep his sanity.....so yeah I'm guessing its all about him
boldjack Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 SM, did you talk to him, today? And that is what he said? I really don't understand this guy. He knows that you were an unwilling participant , yet he blames you. Doesn't he have any anger at the OM? Even if my woman was willing, and I found out, I would be looking to kick the other man's ass. I'm beginning to think that this incident is being used as an excuse for your H to dump the marriage. If he cared for you , he should be willing to believe you, because you have some proof, that you didn't want this to happen.
Auroracoladybug Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 SM, did you talk to him, today? And that is what he said? I really don't understand this guy. He knows that you were an unwilling participant , yet he blames you. Doesn't he have any anger at the OM? Even if my woman was willing, and I found out, I would be looking to kick the other man's ass. I'm beginning to think that this incident is being used as an excuse for your H to dump the marriage. If he cared for you , he should be willing to believe you, because you have some proof, that you didn't want this to happen. Agreed! SM if he is not willing to look for help for himself I feel that he will just continue to go downhill and the kids don't need that
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Aurora- he hooked up with some chick while he was in iraq, when he would get bacl on the f.o.b. everytime he got back from being outside the wire, they did it in the back of a vehicle.... Boldjack- yeah that's part of my thinking I'm just holding on to the hope that he's gonna see that he acted really rash and didn't think it thru, and comes back before its to late...I mean he even stated that when we were intimate we had a connection that he's never had with anyone....or maybe he justsaid that to make me feel worse...and no he texted me and told me that...I didn't respond
Auroracoladybug Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Aurora- he hooked up with some chick while he was in iraq, when he would get bacl on the f.o.b. everytime he got back from being outside the wire, they did it in the back of a vehicle.... Boldjack- yeah that's part of my thinking I'm just holding on to the hope that he's gonna see that he acted really rash and didn't think it thru, and comes back before its to late...I mean he even stated that when we were intimate we had a connection that he's never had with anyone....or maybe he justsaid that to make me feel worse...and no he texted me and told me that...I didn't respond Good for not responding...save his sanity? he already is gone and he needs help...I am so mad at him for using duty as an excuse to have an A on you. You don't deserve this crap and he needs to get help...I am sure there are some programs that you have access to on base so look for it k...I really am worried about you and the girls...take care please
Author seraphim mom Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Good for not responding...save his sanity? he already is gone and he needs help...I am so mad at him for using duty as an excuse to have an A on you. You don't deserve this crap and he needs to get help...I am sure there are some programs that you have access to on base so look for it k...I really am worried about you and the girls...take care please Oh no he deployed in 2003 when I was junior in high school, I didn't even know he existed then we met in 2005 and got married in 2007, and how do you figure he is already gone? And don't worry hopefully me and the girls will be able to move home or to texas with some fam.....I just hope he dosent try to make me stay till2011 when he ets's.
Auroracoladybug Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Oh no he deployed in 2003 when I was junior in high school, I didn't even know he existed then we met in 2005 and got married in 2007, and how do you figure he is already gone? And don't worry hopefully me and the girls will be able to move home or to texas with some fam.....I just hope he dosent try to make me stay till2011 when he ets's. Okay sorry about the misunderstanding...sounds to me like he coping mechanism for being in a stressful situation is not there...ie having a Fbuddy after getting back in the wires...he comes home and suddenly he is too busy for the family and it is all your fault for everything that has happened...sounds like his coping with your rape is not to at all and blame you to boot! Wish you were in CO...I could probably take him!!!;)idiot!
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Okay sorry about the misunderstanding...sounds to me like he coping mechanism for being in a stressful situation is not there...ie having a Fbuddy after getting back in the wires...he comes home and suddenly he is too busy for the family and it is all your fault for everything that has happened...sounds like his coping with your rape is not to at all and blame you to boot! Wish you were in CO...I could probably take him!!!;)idiot! Yeah I just hope he hasn't gotten a toot to keep him company on his bady since that should be my job....if only he wasn't such a douche....and yeah I wish I was any place other than here...and seriously I gave up everything for him....I wanted to go career in the army, and I could have since I had one kid while I was in, but no he wanted me to be a full time mom, so I got out when my time was up, then he got tired of paying for everything so I got a job, he wanted us to make a family out here so I spent 2 grand and moved to az.....the military will not move a spouse...and then he pulls this when I need him the most ever to help me cope and get thru it....now I'm venting
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 But I have heard thru the grapevine that he might have had so a's while he was in az and I was in ca, I mean he was always so quick to acusse me and that's like the first sign of guilt...but then I really doubt it since d looks like shrek and he obviosuly isn't that good looking, but he does have a nice personality, and the fact that I'm the best looking woman he's been with not to toot my own horn but I have seen pics of his exes....I don't know I'm just hopeing for the best and to have my man home with me and the chillins
Author seraphim mom Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Just had to deal with him, he came to pick up our daughter, he totally disregarded my oldest even when she said "hi daddy", but he did look quite nice so I'm guessing he is going some where...I know I'm dwelling to much I just really miss him.....tips on how to get him back and make him miss and want me back?
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