feelingempty Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I'm barely coping thinking of the red flags he sent at the beginning, My fault for not trusting in my intuition sorry I may also have hurt him down the line. Him though his friends and work mates mattered more. Being gone all week he had a life......somewhat single I was the fool to want and have a family again and missed him well aka bitching... a lesson learned very hard I will miss what he stood for and still will weep for him but 4 years gone out of town the phone and email didn't cut. I'm trying to be strong at 45 I'm scared really will I ever find a true love the type you can snuggle with and say anything without a look of confusion........my thoughts
adamt Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm 38 and feel i've got to start all over again. and wonder if i will meet someone else. I have a friend who's mother passed away 3 years ago, and his dad (aged 65) found it hard but 2 years on he found a girlfriend. So age doesnt matter. you just have to find and tap into the right places. but i am sure they are out there . Dont blame yourself. he decided to stop things and not work things out.
JolliX Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Don't beat yourself up over not acting on the red flags. Not paying attention to those red flags is what has me all torn up right now also. So, I'm trying to think about what all I did, what I ignored, what I said would be fine (even if I knew it wouldn't), and trying to learn how to better deal with this in the future to avoid hurint myself or someone else. I remember when I first met my ex, we got along great, talked about relationship stuff, and I saw that we were on different waves lengths in regards to relationships. I chose at the time to ignore this, figuring that dating someone with different views on that would be ok, because if things continued, we would end up seeing eye to eye. I was very wrong aboit that. We were great in regards to friends, but argued a lot as to where the relationship should be. In the end, I became more attached, and I knew this would happen because I was ready for something more serious from the start, but unfortunately for me she wasn't. My inability at that time to accept that this person that would have made a great friend would be nothing more than that, a friend, and so I let a basically false relationship grow to the point where she dumped me, I got very hurt, and now I don't even have a friend out of everything (might have hurt her too, which I am sorry for as a person, but deep inside I really hope I am not the only one of the two of us that is hurting a lot). What have I learned. To not create hope where there isn't hope. Believe it or not, hope can be found in plenty of places, but it can't be forced where it doesn't belong. Next time I see something just can't work, I will go with what is right, and not what I hope might happen. You should do the same. Learn from this, work on healing yourself, and make yourself feel better. And, next time pay attention to those red flags, and save yourself the pain.
Author feelingempty Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Thank you both of you for the insight, i know it takes time the break up has not started yet it is the 4th day of the NC stage he will be in contact soon and i'm preparing myself for not falling for his excuses nor his anger I will believe in myself again I hope...... till then all I have is LS and the wonderful people that can make me see light threw my tears sweet dreams I hope tonight
AliveAndKicking Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 If I beat myself up over every red flag I missed/ignored/blew-off I'd me a bloody mess! I'm the same age as you and I really thought I'd been around and seen enough to know better. Alas, though, I wasn't. What I encountered was an individual who was an absolute mess (psych. disordered) but sure presented an attractive package. She has the gift of gab and sold me a bill of goods a mile long. To make matters worse was once I realized that the problem was her it was too late- I was so deeply enmeshed that I did not have a clue as to where I ended and she began. It took me a LONG time and many relapses to get away from her and begin to heal. This has been the most painful mindbending experience of my life bar none. My therapist is confident that I will recover completely but I have my doubts. I guess she ought to know cuz she's the pro, right? We've been taken for a ride and instead of putting the blame where it belongs, on THEM, we end up blaming ourselves and being angry with ourselves. That's not right, is it? Hell NO it isn't! I am trying to cut myself some slack and tell myself "Hey- you loved fully and opened yourself up to her. It was SHE that did not appreciate it and instead used my soft heart to use and abuse me. It's not my fault. It happened to me because I'm a good guy and someday some good woman will recognise that and appreciate me for the same reasons my ex used me." You hang in there, give yourself a break, and I will too. What other choice do we have? To roll over and give up? No thanks. The only way we're gonna get through this crap is to fight back with all that we've got. We'll make it.
GrayClouds Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm barely coping thinking of the red flags he sent at the beginning, My fault for not trusting in my intuition sorry I may also have hurt him down the line. Him though his friends and work mates mattered more. Being gone all week he had a life......somewhat single I was the fool to want and have a family again and missed him well aka bitching... a lesson learned very hard I will miss what he stood for and still will weep for him but 4 years gone out of town the phone and email didn't cut. I'm trying to be strong at 45 I'm scared really will I ever find a true love the type you can snuggle with and say anything without a look of confusion........my thoughts The say 50 is the new 30 so that makes you 25...enjoy.
Author feelingempty Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Thank you again all the 50 the new 25 eh? I feel like 80 at this moment.....................I slept ok I hope you all did. I'm trying to calm my nerves at this moment I hate rainy days to begin with .......I'll be in touch and again ty
GrayClouds Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Bet out, even if its raining and go for a long walk. Even better if it is raining, you can cry when your doing it and know one will know. It will help you nerves, if you do it everyday for 3 weeks you will feel closer to 25 then 80.
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