Virgo1982 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Chances are, she has no clue. These types of guys are GOOD at lying and deceiving.. 10 years and she doesn't have a clue? The "friends he was with" were on facebook and didn't know where he was. If he was with the OP and couldn't be bothered, was this the first time? Doubt it. She should definitely get the hell out of dodge.
Author Ulrika Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 thank you. Your not harsh your just like the voice of my conscience. And it has only happend once, which was yesterday so i havent faced the REALITY yet. I am very strong on the outside, nobody could see any fear or emotions. Just falling for such a low character. I wish i could act tomorrow as if nothing EVER happend between us, and that will drive him nuts because hes got a taste for hunting and winning trophees i think. He will try to manipulate. To beg. or god know what. I just need to stand for myself and ignore him.or just laugh at his 20 milion girls he slept with.
Virgo1982 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I feel the guy is 'fresh'.. .methink it's more like 2-3 girls.. He's a manipulator.. and a very good liar... so he probably asks for exclusivity.. and most probable, the women fall for him.. and are exclusive.. OP.. have you used a condom? just curous You are well versed in these matters, so I hear you. But I fail to see the reason for that lie. Do you believe it's a, "Out of 20-30 girls, you're the one!"? If so, .
Author Ulrika Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 also the worst bit is that we work in the same office. We share the same computer our chairs are next to eachother, tis bassically no distance between us. The boss is never there, and the lads who work there are never in the office as they are down in the yard.That will make it unbearable. And I need to change something inside me, to get a new shell or to understand that he is not worthy and I wil be exactly like this beautiful girl his fiancee, left alone at home each night while he is with his ''friends''
datura_noir Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I think this is what they call "overlapping relationships"? When you are not fully separated from one person (that partner may not even KNOW the other is thinking of leaving), and you invest in another. It is messy. And, what is up with all these workplace affairs? No wonder the economy has tanked; everyone is too busy playing a part in "as the world turns". But, seriously, it is bad business to mix work and love. As my husband says, "don't dip your pen in company ink". Cut him off and move forward now that you have seen the light.
2sunny Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 just walk in to work and say to him "that was a mistake and will never happen again, so don't try." that makes it perfectly clear that you won't be manipulated by him again. be firm, be precise. don't believe anything he says... men like this are full of hope and promises to get sex. move him along. if he creates chaos, don't answer to any of it and certainly don't respond... that's what he's hoping for.
Author Ulrika Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 my very dear friends... yesterday was one of the hardest things ever, to walk in and to see him, with the shame in my heart and on ym face but nobody knew a thing. I COULD smile, work, be professional. It all ended well, stayed ni late at work, and as if things werent meant to be well, after in got home he rang me, desperate, to talk to me. We met, we talked, and he promissed m that today its the big day, and because he wants to be with me he would tell her and thats it. He even told our boss that he wanted to split up cos he had enough. Right. Today at work he has asked me at least 50 times if i wanted to marry him, to be with him, if i wanted hi for the rest of my life cos he was going t tell her tonight. I answered yes, i tried to reassure him that I would be there for him if he did the right thing for him first, because he was in a relationship and he wasnt happy.He got home, and txted me straight away if i wanted to see him tonight, and i said i wanted to have an early night cos i am very tired and i asked him if hed had the big TALK. He didnt like it at all, he said it didnt matter if he had the big talk or not and he wished me a good early night and he said thanks. I told him that he was taking the piss and he txed back ''oh yeah'' to which i havent answered because I was too shocked. So basically have I been fooled??
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 YES you've been fooled. WHY on earth would you want a serial cheater? A man who sleeps around with many women behind his wife's back? He is bullcrapping you, keeping you interested and on your toes so you won't lose interest in him. He's play a cat/mouse game with you.. And, if you believe him, want this guy, sorry to be harsh, but you need to go talk to someone and get counselling. THIS GUY IS an IDIOT! I don't understand what you actually see in him.
Author Ulrika Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 I think its because i didnt care about me if i can say this horrible truth. And although he was below my all standards I enjoyed spending time with him, laughing, just being 'friends' and when we actually got to that physical stage i think i didnt care about me, sold myself cheap and wearing the guilt and the shame. I laugh at myself, he would have never left her, there were only words and deep down you know , but because you dont really care about yourself you keep fooling yourself. Last night when i was conforting him, she was ringing and ringing him and all he could say to her was that he was having a pint in the pub, and poor girl was telling him that its all lies because she had already checked the puc and he wasnt there. So i could hear in the background her asking him if he was seeing someonelse and he kept going on and on that he was in the pub and she should go to bed. Anyway, i consider it was completely my fault it was as if i have asked to be fooled, pathetic, maybe because i dont believe that somebody really 'different' exists or that I could ever meet that person. All i want is him to go, to leave this job, because it will be terrible to work in the same office especially that i went completely off him now and I DONT really know how to approach the situation as I deeply despise him for what he is like. If i could only detach...
Author Ulrika Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 isnt it very strange, that as we speak now, just because I ignore him, he keeps sending me txts...what is it, is it his big ego, his insecurities, is he just mad to conquer every single woman alive?
2sunny Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 isnt it very strange, that as we speak now, just because I ignore him, he keeps sending me txts...what is it, is it his big ego, his insecurities, is he just mad to conquer every single woman alive? yes. and is this the way you prefer to see your life every day with this man? if so, why? he's scum... why would you even consider this for a moment?
torranceshipman Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Urgh...he's a fool. And a sleazebag. First off, how would anyone even know you had sex? And secondly if it gets you in trouble at work, e.g if workplace romances are banned, he'd be in trouble as well so it's doubtful he'd tell. And if he does, just deny it. If he has txts as proof just change.your number and deny that number was ever yours. Then just stop engaging in anything other than work talk and don't respond back to ANY of his texts...he's acted with zero respect to you and his girlfriend and doesn't deserve any respect back from you.
Author Ulrika Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 My dear friends... I have been absent for a while...things have turned out to be a nightmare in the end...if you remember my story...with the man from work..I stood up for myself and chose not to answer back to his tricks. I wish I could it had worked but did it? I started concentrate on the job very seriously and completely rejected him. In return he became cmpletely engulfeld enmeshed obsessed with me making my life at work hell. He split up from his fiancee got her and all his friends to ring me to beg me to accept him I did not answer I was very firm.He started acting bizzare, I had the impression he was trying to win all the males colleagus attention and sympathy with gossip...but I was firm. Things got worse. He started making mistakes at work, couldnt concentrate at all, and I realised i was hating him and despising him because I could see his true face.I thought I could work with him but the way he was trying to make all things personal at work made it impossible. The last two weeks have been nightmare. Everybody could see he was a mess. The boss didnt know which way to go with him because it was very obvious even for the boss that he was there for me not for work. We agreed me and the boss that from then on he would not be allowed in the office only down in the yard. It didnt help. The mistakes would not stop i wouldnt have the right information off him and I started to complain to people above me that i didnt have the right information to work with at the office level. (the information I should have had to receive from the yard would not come to me, so that implied him not delivering it) So yesterday the boss came in and moved him to another department 2 min away from the place we are now.The pressure was tremendous. He bitterly said to me ''now you've got me where you wanted, you have got all for yourself to run it!' I said nothing. he was completely irrational and he left me with a lot of things to fix behind him at work. He told me victoriously that he had told the boss that the reason he couldnt work with me!!! and he was making mistakes!!! at work was because he started seeing me and when I heard that he is going to get married I stopped everything so it affected him!!!!I said that in my eyes it was no relationship and i told my boss that I had not seen him ...which i had indeed. He blushed. anyway as from monday i will have a new chap the one this one replaces from the other department and I feel still shocked, scared and worried for my future, my job, I did not expect that ...i need so much your thoughts..thanks for all your support
hopeless4u Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 hi everybody. I am new on here but it seems the only place where i can open my heart safely and not being judged. I have been working with this man for a month, we are working in the same office, we have instantly madly liked eachother, very strong attraction but both we were with partners so we tried to control ourselves. My relationship was very wrong so I ended it without remorse but not to be with this new man.He had been in a relationship for 10 years though he is only 29 and he is engaged. We had sex once. That broke my heart somehow and left me with a huge guilt inside as I am afraid he wanted to show off and also I am worried he might tell people at work as I am the only woman working with another 4 men. He says that all he wants is to be with me, and we do enjoy our company a lot. He also says that he needs to trust me completely because if he leaves her he needs my full support and he needs to know that I'm there for him.I am desperate and I dont know what to do. I feel I made a mistake giving myself to him and I am afraid he might not do anything as in leaving that person although it seems pretty obvious he doesnt feel a lot for her. I also dont want to look like a fool in my coleagues eyes and i can only hope he will not say anything as I dont want to lose my job. I would apreciate all your advice. I am an xOW and like you I also work with my xMM, I was with him for 2yrs and he is still with his W. IMHO if he does not leave his W now he never will, I would stand back and let him sort his R out before anything more happens between you. It sounds like if he does leave her he is leaving for you, that will never work, he has to leave because there is nothing left for him to save in his R. Good luck.
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