floods88 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 hey, i really some help. my boyfriend and i were together for 3 years. a week and a half ago, we got into a stupid fight and i ended it, regretting it straight away. but now he doesnt want to be with me anymore. he moved back home and has been doing nothing but drinking and playing xbox. its been really hard and ive broken the no contact rule so many times and made a complete idiot out of myself. he told me that he doesnt want it anymore and that he wants to be single. but i know he still loves me and he told me that he misses me today when i went to get my house keys back but hes still saying that its the best for both of us. i havent eaten in all this time and have lost 8 pounds i just cant go on like this anymore. i need him back. he also said today that i can call him whenever im feeling bad cos he wants to help me through this but hes finding it really difficult to have contact with me at the moment. help!
AnthonyMalibu Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Alright, things don't sound all that terrible here. The fact that you recognize the fight as stupid is a great start. Way too often people fight about very small and insignificant things, and then regret it later on. To get him back, you need to approach the situation maturely. First, you need to leave him completely alone. Many guys feel weird around an ex after they break up with them, and this guy has flat out told him he does. By letting him have his space you're giving him time to miss you, which is what he needs right now. The good news? He already misses you. Otherwise he wouldn't say "call me when you feel down". A guy who's totally finished with the relationship wouldn't offer to keep the lines of communication so open... but a guy who's not ready to close the door completely on the relationship would. For the next few weeks you're going to have to stop calling him. No texts, no emails, no messages. I have a feeling you'll hear from him pretty quickly, because it doesn't sound like he'll be expecting you to walk away so quickly and cleanly... but that's what you must do right now, no matter how much it hurts, if you really want him back. When you finally do reconnect, you'll need to stay calm and cool about everything. Sit down with him if you can, and tell him you recognize how stupid the fight was. Let him know that you're sorry it got out of hand, and that you're going to approach things with a lot less drama from now on. Also let him know that you miss and care about him, and would love it if he came home. If he plays games and balks at the idea? Shrug your shoulders and walk away. You can't play cat and mouse with him. But I'm betting he comes around if you're strong enough not to chase him.
Author floods88 Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 thank you so much for replying, you are completely right. i have been trying not to contact but its been so hard and ive just given into temptation but i really will do that from now on. part of me knows that if i dont get in touch with him he will make contact eventually, its just that we were so close that this is a major shock to me. at least now i will really know whats going on and if he still decides to not want me... ive done the hardest part
AnthonyMalibu Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 its just that we were so close that this is a major shock to me I understand that. We've all gone through it. But what you need to realize right now is that you're not going to lose him through inaction. You may feel like calling or texting him just for the sake of "doing something", as if he's slipping away. But in reality, the more you push him the further away he goes. By instituting NC, you're actually increasing your chances of getting him to come closer.
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