JMA707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well, this month I hit around the 4 month mark since the she broke up with me. Yesterday the cat that we had gotten as a kitten together died. She had gotten outside of the house, which wasn't that unusual for her, I mean we found her as a stray kitten. This time though she was gone for more than a week which was pretty unusual. Just as I'm going out the door to put up missing flyers one of my friends calls me up and says while driving down a street near my house he saw a dead cat on the road that looked almost exactly like her. So I get in the car drive down to the intersection which is only a couple blocks away and sure enough I see what he was talking about. I got out of car went into the middle of the road and instantly i know its her..the face was kind of messed up but i could tell. pick her up take her back to my house to bury her. As I'm sitting outside, alone burying "our" cat, I just start to think about everything that happened to me the last couple of months. The first month and a half-two months i was pretty much destroyed over her leaving me. But then I started to change. I told myself that I was going to become better than I was in every way imaginable. I used her leaving me as motivation to do this knowing that she probably wouldn't even care about all the improvements i made. I mean why would she? She's happy with him right now. Still, i used it as my drive to keep going; and for awhile I really did feel better. But now, with the death of our cat I don't know...it's really kind of hard to explain. Our cat dying was hard for me not only because I loved that cat, but because of what that cat represented. We got that cat together; me and her. Every single time I played with that cat or petted that cat; anything just anything, it instantly reminded me of her. That cat was the only thing I had left in my life that connected us. Now it's gone. The only way i can put it in words is that it feels like I've hit some kind of wall or something...I mean, I just feel so apathetic towards everything. Kind of like "whats the point? F**k it" attitude. I know that this is the time for me to be healing and I really am doing my best, but for some reason I can't shake this feeling that I've been having for awhile now...I think it's because I still love her so much. I KNOW it's because i still love her. I don't know anymore. I don't understand what I'm going through anymore because I've never felt like this before. All I do know is that I shouldn't be feeling like this at this point, why should I? She's happily away in her fairly land world with her new prince charming while im just "stuck" here in mine.
mickleb Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, JMA. I think two things are happening. You have a new grief to deal with: the loss of your cat. This grief would have bought back pain of the grief of your break-up anyway but the fact that she was an important part of your relationship just compounds the confusion you are feeling with this fresh loss. It has also bought up the difficulty you are having in letting her go. This is such a hard part of the process. From my perspective, she left you, set up shop with another guy very quickly and couldn't give a toss about her cat. (I'm sure it's more complicated but I'm going on what you've said here.) Your strong emotional state is affecting your rationality, which is probably what took you so far forward, before this very sad and unfortunate event. I hope that, once you have allowed yourself to go through the difficult process of losing the cat, that you will find yourself back at a similar place to the one you were at before this recent event happened. We can feel like we're back at step one, sometimes but we rarely are back that far. You have coped (it appears) very well up until this. You will regain that strength again soon, I think. I'd like you to remember how much this person hurt you. Not because I want you to be in pain but because I'd like you to remember that FACT. And not wish for a person who did this to you to be back in your life. Hope so. Stay here as long as you need to. x
Thebob Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well, this month I hit around the 4 month mark since the she broke up with me. Yesterday the cat that we had gotten as a kitten together died. She had gotten outside of the house, which wasn't that unusual for her, I mean we found her as a stray kitten. This time though she was gone for more than a week which was pretty unusual. Just as I'm going out the door to put up missing flyers one of my friends calls me up and says while driving down a street near my house he saw a dead cat on the road that looked almost exactly like her. So I get in the car drive down to the intersection which is only a couple blocks away and sure enough I see what he was talking about. I got out of car went into the middle of the road and instantly i know its her..the face was kind of messed up but i could tell. pick her up take her back to my house to bury her. As I'm sitting outside, alone burying "our" cat, I just start to think about everything that happened to me the last couple of months. The first month and a half-two months i was pretty much destroyed over her leaving me. But then I started to change. I told myself that I was going to become better than I was in every way imaginable. I used her leaving me as motivation to do this knowing that she probably wouldn't even care about all the improvements i made. I mean why would she? She's happy with him right now. Still, i used it as my drive to keep going; and for awhile I really did feel better. But now, with the death of our cat I don't know...it's really kind of hard to explain. Our cat dying was hard for me not only because I loved that cat, but because of what that cat represented. We got that cat together; me and her. Every single time I played with that cat or petted that cat; anything just anything, it instantly reminded me of her. That cat was the only thing I had left in my life that connected us. Now it's gone. The only way i can put it in words is that it feels like I've hit some kind of wall or something...I mean, I just feel so apathetic towards everything. Kind of like "whats the point? F**k it" attitude. I know that this is the time for me to be healing and I really am doing my best, but for some reason I can't shake this feeling that I've been having for awhile now...I think it's because I still love her so much. I KNOW it's because i still love her. I don't know anymore. I don't understand what I'm going through anymore because I've never felt like this before. All I do know is that I shouldn't be feeling like this at this point, why should I? She's happily away in her fairly land world with her new prince charming while im just "stuck" here in mine. We all have sentimental values towards something that you and your ex enjoyed having or doing. Everyday there is something that pops up that brings back memories of my ex. But those will always be their and their is no way to control them except for NC. Give it time, I know its hard about a cat dieing that you and your girl enjoyed but that is life. Keep up the good work, and move on man. Were all going through this together. Thebob
AliveAndKicking Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I'm so sorry about your loss. Losing a pet is tough for sure... I've noticed that a setback in one area of my life can trigger anger, frustration,and other feelings regarding my ex/our relationship. I recently got hit with some really bad news. It immediately triggered bad feelings about my relationship. I almost instantly thought to myself "F it, man, just F it all". I felt like "What's the use in trying?". It didn't last too long because I realized that in my case it was really just self-pity. I was feeling sorry for myself and the bad news gave me just the excuse I "needed" to justify slacking off on my self-work. Once I saw my feelings for what they really were, based in self-pity, that was all I needed to get myself back on track and facing forward and upward. Thanks for your post- I needed to think about this one again.
GrayClouds Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 H#ll, all I can say is sorry, I true wish I could do more. Hang in there, check into some professional to talk to, possibly anti-depression meds if needed Try not to be hard on yourself you have a lot grieve.
Ultiman Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 This is the remnants of your feelings for your ex dying out. Trust me this is gonna be very short lived and your gonna be back on track in no time.
Surfer Girl Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Where is your ex in all this??? You both are sharing a death of a loved one.... does she know the cat has passed?
grfins Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 The last paragragh you wrote couldnt be more dead on as to how i am feeling. Its only been 2 months since my ex left and 1 month since i found out she has been cheating on me. She was my world and its all i can think about. I want to hate her but somehow in some strange way i still love her and miss her and i am having all these emotions crashing into each other. I know she is gone for good and i cant imagine month after month of feeing this way. I wish i had some great advice like many on here are able to give but all i can say is that you are not alone in the way you feel
Bulldozed Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I definitely empathize with you. I have a cat (a topic which I posted on here before) to some it was comical, in a way, it was. I honestly didn't know what to do with her? I actually thought about leaving her on my ex's bf's porch early one morning. I also consider dropping her off at the humane society, but couldn't stand that thought of her being euthanized. I've looked at that cat and have felt so many emotions, I can't even begin to elaborate...in the end, I'll love the cat for the memories she helped create. It's only been a couple of months for me, and God knows I've made my share of mistakes with my ex, but I know when this passes (and it will) we'll both be better off. My advice, go adopt a new cat for you, and you only. You have all the tools at home, I'm sure. It'll be good for you, I assure you! Take care and be strong!
Author JMA707 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Thanks for all the replys guys. I hope sooner than later i stop feeling like this because I've felt it bulding up for awhile now. The cat dying was just kind of the tipping point. It's just kind of weird for me to have such an apathetic attitude because I was always the guy with the "go-get-it" attitude. I think it's just everything I went through with my ex (she was my first real love) coupled with the fact that this has been a really hard year for me.
Author JMA707 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Where is your ex in all this??? You both are sharing a death of a loved one.... does she know the cat has passed? She doesn't even know. We haven't spoken for almost 3 months now. A month after we broke up she started seeing the guy that she had waiting in the wings and she basically broke off contact saying "I really do want to keep talking to you but I can't because we agreed not to talk to exes anymore." Anyways yeah she'll probably figure out eventually because we share alot of mutual friends and they'd tell her, but then again I really haven't told anyone about the cat dying and don't really plan on saying anything unless someone asks. I'm sure she would care if she found out, but not enough to contact me and risk anything she has going with this new guy.
Devil Inside Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Any loss can trigger our other unresolved grief issues. Your apathy was your way of coping with the loss you felt. Losing your pet, which is hard on it's own, just triggered those old emotions to get past your defense of apathy. Getting over the loss of a lover is very difficult and come in stages. It is a process. One that you are going through, and making progress through. Progress is painful, but little by little you will be given more and more of your emotion to deal with. Good luck...and be good to yourself.
Thebob Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I definitely empathize with you. I have a cat (a topic which I posted on here before) to some it was comical, in a way, it was. I honestly didn't know what to do with her? I actually thought about leaving her on my ex's bf's porch early one morning. I also consider dropping her off at the humane society, but couldn't stand that thought of her being euthanized. I've looked at that cat and have felt so many emotions, I can't even begin to elaborate...in the end, I'll love the cat for the memories she helped create. It's only been a couple of months for me, and God knows I've made my share of mistakes with my ex, but I know when this passes (and it will) we'll both be better off. My advice, go adopt a new cat for you, and you only. You have all the tools at home, I'm sure. It'll be good for you, I assure you! Take care and be strong! I wonder who you are referring this to Bulldozed =) Thebob
SValentine Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm really sorry to hear about your cat. If someone was responsible for it, that person deserves to be condemned to hell. As for your ex, i know what you mean when you say the cat "represented" your relationship. It being the only bit of memorabilia left of what you both had. I don't have a cat, but i've similar items that remind me solely of my ex too. I'm sure as you know, things don't always work out. **** happens. Sad to say, in this world, **** always happens. Don't let this bring you down, bro. I know you love her. I know what is feels like to not have that love reciprocated. But you have to stay strong. One day you'll meet someone who will make you feel better than she ever did or COULD. Give yourself some time off. Don't jump into anything if you're not ready yet. Go out, make some new friends, meet girls. Enjoy your single hood while you can. Good luck, bro
Bulldozed Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I wonder who you are referring this to Bulldozed =) Thebob I can't imagine, bro? Who could it be? LOL!!
Author JMA707 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 I'm really sorry to hear about your cat. If someone was responsible for it, that person deserves to be condemned to hell. As for your ex, i know what you mean when you say the cat "represented" your relationship. It being the only bit of memorabilia left of what you both had. I don't have a cat, but i've similar items that remind me solely of my ex too. I'm sure as you know, things don't always work out. **** happens. Sad to say, in this world, **** always happens. Don't let this bring you down, bro. I know you love her. I know what is feels like to not have that love reciprocated. But you have to stay strong. One day you'll meet someone who will make you feel better than she ever did or COULD. Give yourself some time off. Don't jump into anything if you're not ready yet. Go out, make some new friends, meet girls. Enjoy your single hood while you can. Good luck, bro I realized that the reason I'm still having these feelings is not only because i still love her but because i regret how things ended between us. Before we completely went NC I basically destroyed any chance I could've had at a future reconciliation..so yeah I'm still kinda dealin' with that. Anyways thanks everyone for your support and words of advice, it has really made lifted my mood some during this hard time. Thanks
Recommended Posts