LDR Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 After reading several threads about weight gain during marriage, I started wondering if many couples here gained weight after getting married? If you did, which factors do you think contributed to it? Did you stop working out? Was it stress? Having kids? Getting too comfortable? Does it happen with the same frequency in long term relationships living together without getting married? Im just curious. . .
GypsyRayne Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I posted about weight gain, but in my case I haven't gained weight. There was a time in our relationship before we were married that I was smaller, but I was very depressed, very stressed and didn't eat. I have always had a problem with self image, I guess. It started when I was a teen. I think I was about 125lbs and my mom would make fun of me, telling me I was a hog and things like that. I started a very unhealthy lifestyle that continued well into adulthood. I would eat very little for long periods of time and get very small, take diet pills like candy, exercise for hours every day, things like this. One day I decided this was a very stupid thing to do and I realized that in most ways I eat healty, yes I do eat things that are bad for me sometimes, but mostly not. I don't drink anything with sugar in it and haven't for years, except tea every now and then, I love juice but limit it because of calories, I have done these things for years. My problem is that my husband says things that make me feel badly about myself. Someone told me in my post I sound pudgy. So maybe I am.
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Someone told me in my post I sound pudgy. So maybe I am. Not to threadjack but I have responded to that poster - you are NOT pudgy
alphamale Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 i was married for 4 years. during that period i gained like 30 lbs and she probably gained 15 lbs. it was most likely due to the fact that we shouldn't have married each other. during and after the divorce i lost all the weight i gained. i don't know what happened to her weight gain cause i never saw her again after the seperation (she moved back to canada)
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) stbxH and I both gained weight, because we became comfortable with each other and had appalling eating habits that neither of us wanted to change. We liked unhealthy stuff and ate what we wanted and had a great time doing it. Then we both were sluggish, the sex went to nothing, and it all went downhill from there. Unhealthy food doesn't only make you look bad, it messes up your metabolism and in turn just about every other process in your body. You end up depressed, cranky and unfortunately hooked. When the body gets that 'crack' in it and gets used to it, it wants more. Changing your diet is really, really hard and anyone who says it isn't is lying. It takes dedication and a real commitment to changing your lifestyle in general. You are fighting your biochemistry on this one and it is a tough fight. That is why it is never a simple matter of "eat less and exercise". If it were that simple, there would be no overweight people in the world. It takes motivation, dedication and commitment - things that aren't always easy when you sink into a comfortable lifestyle that lets you be as lazy as you want and eat whatever/whenever you want. Double that when you find yourself stricken with illness/surgery/etc or a spouse who won't change lifestyle with you. Edited November 8, 2009 by LucreziaBorgia
ElChup Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well, I just broke up with my fiance. We have been together in that time and I gained weight. I had a lot of stress outside of the relationship during the latter two years and that caused me to start to gain weight. I have yoyo'ed since. Now I have to shed the flab if I am to get back out there, but truth be told I;m not sure if I have the energy to right now.
Author LDR Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Very interesting replies. LucreziaBorgia, did both of you have those unhealthy eating habits when you were single? Did being together made them worse? I am asking all these questions as I am a "health nut" while my bf doesn't exercise, and eats a lot of unhealthy things. He is thin, but I know that if he keeps that up, it might change. . . plus health problems in the future. It worries me, as I know eating habits from one partner may rub easily on the other. Not sure if it is a good idea to choose a partner with different eating and fitness habits, or if it might be possible to change that.
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Not sure if it is a good idea to choose a partner with different eating and fitness habits, or if it might be possible to change that. The problem in that is that you would be asking them to change. How would you feel if they asked you to change? You can encourage someone to try new things but you cannot impose it. You have a choice - be prepared to accept differing attitudes and love each other as you are (and become) or decide that this is an area you cannot compromise on and act now.
D-Lish Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I gained 30 lbs in the 4 years I dated my now ex-husband. I shed it for my wedding and then slowly put it on again. At one point I was 160lbs. It was totally due to getting too comfortable. We went out to eat and drink a lot in the early stages. I remember watching movies and drinking beer and eating crap in front of the tv - all the time! I hated the way I looked at that time. When our relationship started to fall apart, I went down to a scary 105 lbs. I just couldn't eat or sleep and it made me sick. Since our divorce I have levelled out and remain between 115-120. One thing this taught me is that I will never let myself go like that again. I've kept my shape for about 8 years now. Even when I date someone, I am careful to ensure I don't over-indulge. I keep a picture of me at my biggest beside the mirror in my bathroom- it reminds me to keep on track and stay healthy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Very interesting replies. LucreziaBorgia, did both of you have those unhealthy eating habits when you were single? Did being together made them worse? He and I both lived on coffee and cigarettes when single. When together, we went from one bad set of habits to another. They got worse when together because we were both foodies who liked to cook, and liked to eat junk food. Oh, and both of us were loungers. Neither of us gained a whole lot of weight, but enough to feel bad. When we split, we both lost the weight. He is with someone now and his weight is down. I'm single and my weight is up. Honestly, at this point I don't care either. I keep thinking I'll start a weightlifting program but I never seem to get around to it.
Author LDR Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Yes, you are completely right Anne. I have to accept the person and not expect him to change. . . I just wonder how much did people let his partner's eating habits affect them once they start living together?
hopeful1980 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I've struggled with weight my entire life. Prior to getting married, I had just lost 30 pounds and was at my thinnest. After I married my husband, I started taking on his bad habits. I started cooking the foods he liked so I could be a "good" wife to him. We both gained weight. Then I got pregnant and gained more weight. He did too. After I had my first child, it was easy to drop all the weight and my husband supported me. We lost it together. Then I got pregnant again. I didn't gain as much weight this time, but I'm still steadily losing it two years later. I'm just happy that my husband doesn't seem less attracted to me at any weight I am.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm not married, but am engaged. I did it kind of opposite though... I have struggled with my weight for the past 10 years or so. After breaking up with my ex boyfriend I decided to go on a diet, as I had gained a lot of weight. I lost about 30 pounds. After dating and getting serious with my current fiance (I was real thin when we got together) I got lazy about the working out and started eating more. I gained the weight back because I kind of figured my boyfriend loved me "anyway." I recently lost a lot of weight (like 30-40 pounds) because I want to look good in my wedding photos and I just don't want to look like that again. I will NEVER gain weight back (with the acception of pregnany) because I know how unhappy it made me. I guess my point is that when people get into a committed relationship/marriage they figure that their partner loves them anyway so they stop working to look attractive. I think it's important to look attractive for your partner AND yourself though. It keeps the chemistry alive and IMO the relationship is heathier because you are both conscious about your health. Just my two cents.
hotgurl Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I did the opposite. I lost 40 lbs after I got engaged to my husband and kept it off. except for 10 lbs My weight is directly ties in to moods. unhappy me eats and gains weight. happy me doesn't I gained from 104 to 180 while I was in a bad bad relationship. (this also included a pregnancy) No I am 150 and want to lose 25 more lbs.
PandorasBox Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I wasn't married very long to my first husband, who is now my ex. Just a few years, but I might have gained around 10lbs during that time. I dropped that weight after we were going through our separation/divorce, mainly due to stress. My husband on the other hand gained right much weight after we were married, not sure exactly how much. He let himself go in more ways than one I guess you could say. It wasn't his weight gain that turned me off from him, he was a very attractive man no matter how much weight, but it was his crappy attitude he developed about himself over the years that turned me off, especially since he was into blaming others for his choices.
OWoman Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I've been slim all of my adult life, but my weight does tend to oscillate a couple of kilos either way depending on factors like exercise, stress, etc. I'm one of those people who stops eating when they're stressed, so I tend to lose rather than gain weight from stress. I have gained a little weight (3 kg) since marrying - which I put down to moving to a cold climate, and the poorer quality of food here, as well as a more sedentary lifestyle since the weather is so much worse one tends not to go outdoors as much as back home. My H and I are both very conscious of such matters - from a health, as well as an attractiveness perspective, as he is prone to HBP. As a result we've reviewed eating - and drinking! - habits and make the effort to get out more and to get more exercise, generally. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes, whether or not he feels the increase suits me, but I also know that a substantial increase would damage our sex life because I'd feel alienated from my body.
Devil Inside Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 After I got married I gained about 40 pounds in about two years. Yeah....yikes! So did she, but at least she can use the excuse that she was pregnant. I think it was a result of the the stress of a new situation. We did the whole married with a child in the first year package. Add a full time job and being a full time student to the mix and you have the makings of some intense emotional eating. I was also very sedentary as I was either working, studying, or sitting on a coach watching tv. This year I have taken 35 of those pounds off. It feels good to have my old self back.
Recommended Posts