JolliX Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I was sitting at home last night, and I decided to visit a dating site, fill out a profile, and just see who it matched me with (a kind of view on all the other fish in the see kind of thing to verify that there are other interesting girls out there). The first site I go to, I fill out everything in great detail, and submit my profile. A little while later, I get a "Great Match for You!", and who is it that this site matches me with, my ex, the one who dumped me last week. Well, I'm feeling a bit like **** now since that is the only match it gave me, so I go to another site, on a sort of mission that that is not all there is. Take the time, fill out the profile carefully, and submit it. A little while later, I get 2 matches back. "This is great!" I think to myself, two matches on this site. Well the first one was my ex again (I drop another notch on how I feel), and the other is some random person who I don't find attractive in the least (I know, physical attraction is not all, but when looking for comfort it would have been nice to have had a match on a horible site that I thought was cute). At this point, I'm almost crying, so I can't take it anymore and go to bed. I wake up, and today I feel like absolute ****. One simple means of comfort I went to look into has seemingly told me that my only match is the damned person that broke up with me, and never really cared for me. I don't even know what to do now, this has completely destroyed the progress I've made since the breakup.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 That seriously sucks That would get to me too. BUT you only split up a week ago, that's no time at all, and I have to say that if she really never cared for you at all then you two aren't a perfect/great match.. I was sitting at home last night, and I decided to visit a dating site, fill out a profile, and just see who it matched me with (a kind of view on all the other fish in the see kind of thing to verify that there are other interesting girls out there). The first site I go to, I fill out everything in great detail, and submit my profile. A little while later, I get a "Great Match for You!", and who is it that this site matches me with, my ex, the one who dumped me last week. Well, I'm feeling a bit like **** now since that is the only match it gave me, so I go to another site, on a sort of mission that that is not all there is. Take the time, fill out the profile carefully, and submit it. A little while later, I get 2 matches back. "This is great!" I think to myself, two matches on this site. Well the first one was my ex again (I drop another notch on how I feel), and the other is some random person who I don't find attractive in the least (I know, physical attraction is not all, but when looking for comfort it would have been nice to have had a match on a horible site that I thought was cute). At this point, I'm almost crying, so I can't take it anymore and go to bed. I wake up, and today I feel like absolute ****. One simple means of comfort I went to look into has seemingly told me that my only match is the damned person that broke up with me, and never really cared for me. I don't even know what to do now, this has completely destroyed the progress I've made since the breakup.
Author JolliX Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Yeah I know, it hasn't been long at all sinc ethe break up. I know that with as much as the two of us argued, and the fact that are relationship views were so different that it wouldn't have worked out regardless of what was tried. But the biggest thing that keeps dragging me down is that for the 8 months we dated she was my best friend. We just instantly hit that off, we enjoyed all the exact same things, we could talk for hours about the stupidest stuff we both thought was cool and amazing, and even though our relationship goals didn't match, that level of friendship is what I always wanted in a relationship. Hell, I don't share that level of friendship with most of my best friends I've know for the last 15 years of my life. I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I don't have that person to talk to, to do those funs things with, and that it was 26 years before I found someone that (in regards to friendship), I got along that well with. Our dating relationship was unhealthy because of ours views, etc. but our friendship was great. And I feel guilty for telling her I couldn't be friends if we broke up, but I really couldn't stay just friends with her because of how I feel. Also doesn't help that she broke up with me (but we all know that) and was the one that started NC (which is a good thing for me), so I feel she must be having a great time right now... especially since she's on those dating sites looking for guys.
weltrav Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Reading this entry, my jaw nearly hit the floor because pretty much the exact thing happened to me almost a month ago. I joined one of the popular dating sites and filled in the info and took the question quizzes and most matches were in the 60-75% range, but wait, there was one with a 97% compatability. I click on it and see my ex, the same girl who only recently had made it seem like she wanted to get back together but then rejected me, and here she is on a dating site advertising herself to total strangers. I confronted her about it at the time, and that's when I learned that she was beginning to go on dates with a guy from that site, who I assure you had a much lower compatability match than I. I know it hurts but unless your ex realizes you are a great match, there is nothing you can do. Keep going NC like I've learned I have to do and move on. Perhaps someday they will realize their mistake, but hopefully by then we will be already healed and moved on.
GrayClouds Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Acturaally this is a good thing. You now know it is way to earler to be even thinking about someone new. Just think if it sent you the perfect person and here you are still hurting form the last and you would not be ready for them. Even worst ti could hav looked like the perfect one and turn out that they would have hurt you some more. You hear that I pitch sound going past your ear, well that is you just dodging a bullet.
Author JolliX Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Grayclouds, I know I'm not ready to look for someone else, but how is the fact that all that popped up on those sites was basically my ex supposed to make me feel? Also, how is that supposed to help me deal with the feeling that I don't have the one person that I got along with great in regards to friendship anymore?
GrayClouds Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) Grayclouds, I know I'm not ready to look for someone else, but how is the fact that all that popped up on those sites was basically my ex supposed to make me feel? Also, how is that supposed to help me deal with the feeling that I don't have the one person that I got along with great in regards to friendship anymore? You should feel like life is telling you something. Get back to focusing on your self and that the friendship you are looking for is not online, or even in another person. It is the great, fun person who is trying new things, pushing themselves to discover what makes them happy and self sufficient, that person who is making your shadow. It is about how you want to use it to make you feel, a reason to feel bad or a reason to feel like it time to reaffirm you effort to yourself. I am not saying it is wrong use it to feel bad for awhile if you want but the title of your thread suggest that maybe you really do not. This morning I woke up realizing I was crying in my dream (we all know big strong masculine men like me don't cry in real life). I was dream about the EX. I can see used that today to continue to feel bad because I am still missing my Ex or I can see it as wow subconscious is helping me to heal and feel confident I must be doing the right things to move on. I choose the latter and suspect my day is a better one for it. Edited November 8, 2009 by GrayClouds
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