confession. scared.

[FreeNow]

no. i could easily get past the guilt if i could muster up feelings for him.

 

We don't have great feelings for our spouses 24/7/365. That is reality.

 

IMHO, you don't have "feelings" for your husband because deep down you don't want to.

 

If you truly don't have feelings for him then why are you still there? Are you just using him in a way slightly different than what you have posted about the years before this?

 

if i could wake up tomorrow and love him and make him happy and be a faithful wonderful wife - i would in a heartbeat. it was almost a chemical reaction.

 

If it were some magical chemical thing then there wouldn't be something called choice. Are you a slave to this chemical reaction or are you a human being with free will?

 

when I smell him i get a little nauseous. weird i know. i can't control it. i can't even explain it.

 

Reads like a limbic system thing. Ask your therapist if somewhere along the way you linked him with something repulsive in your own mind.

 

Do you think the sights and smells in the delivery room were "wonderful"? It stunk and some of the sights were gross. However, that's how babies are born. I didn't think less of my wife, the children, or the people in the delivery room. It was reality and I still loved my wife and children.

 

(Written with care and not meant as an insult ann09...) You have some growing up to do and there is no way around it. You will either do that with an intact family or all by yourself. Either way, you will have to grow up eventually.

[FreeNow]

Because I love him more than life itself. Sorry. But I do. And always will.

 

*Sigh* This is the thinking that creates your cognitive dissonance. You choose who you love ann09... in reality we all do. So, you are choosing to love the OM, a guy that is no longer around, to the detriment of your children who are still around. You don't find that to be screwed up thinking?

[Chingaling]

Honestly, if you keep reinforcing that in your own mind then it never will.

 

 

 

There is the basic decision; the happiness for the children or yourself.

 

For some of us parents it was a no brainer. But ya know what? After a while we realized that we were happier in the long run by choosing what was best for the children.

 

Choose your own perceived happiness and if you have a conscience then it will never let you live down the guilt.

 

 

 

 

Determine to keep your family together. Stay in IC and work diligently on yourself.

 

 

I so disagree with this... how does choosing to accept that we will be miserable for the rest of our lives make us happier in the long run? No...it doesn't make the children any happier now or later, it doesn't make hubby happier in the long run, and it certainly won't make Ann feel any better. I have been down this road, and it takes a strong person to persevere in a broken marriage when their heart isn't in it.

 

What do you think Ann is? A Saint? Saint Ann? No, we are all just humans trying to do the best we can in an uncertain world. I realize that she has feelings for OM, and that makes it even more difficult for her to deal with the guilt associated with those feelings and the obligations she feels she has for her family.

 

Ann would be better off making a decision that will make her happy, so that she can be the best mother she can be to her children and grow as an individual. Ann is not unfeeling towards others, she is torn between self-sacrifice and and what she feels within herself.

 

Urging someone to stick with it when every nerve in their body is screaming for help and understanding is just cruel.

[Chingaling]

are you the poster who has 20 yrs of affair in 30 yrs M...just curious

 

Yes, Scorp...good of you to remind me.

[FreeNow]

I want to be the kind of woman now, when my feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Crap! She's up!"

 

Until the day he says "Welcome home, we've been waiting!"

[hopesndreams]

Until the day he says "Welcome home, we've been waiting!"

 

good one!!

[FreeNow]

I so disagree with this...

 

And I don't care with what you disagree.

[Chingaling]

then why give a advise when you can not fallow or not comfortable with....first you fallow your advise then preach others

 

you lived 2/3rds of your M a lie(maybe 1/5 th of life)...

 

No thread jacking allowed! This is Ann's thread...

 

I am comfortable with the support I can give Ann - she needs to know that she is not the first or only person who has felt caged in a marriage for starters. And then she needs to know that she does not have to bow to pressure to live a lie - I think we are all pretty much in agreement that her marriage is not working - and given how emotionally distraught she is at this time telling her to buckle down and suck it up for the rest of her life is probably not too encouraging. She will make a decision when she can. Until then there will be no peace for her.

 

You can message me Scorp if you like - and I can clear up a few things for ya - on the surface it may look terrible, but I'm not exactly the Scarlett Letter you think I am! Good of you to think about me though!

[Gunny376]

A love-map is a concept originated by to assist a discussion of why people like what they enjoy sexually and erotically. According to Money, it is "a developmental representation or template in the mind and in the brain depicting the idealized lover and the idealized program of sexual and erotic activity projected in imagery or actually engaged in with that lover."

 

According to Money, the word love-map was first used in 1980 in an article entitled: “Pairbonding and Before this time, as he states, Money began to talk about love-maps, in precursory form, with his students in lectures.

 

 

Overview

 

Money describes the formation of an individuals love-map as similar to the acquirement of a native language, in that it bears the mark of his or her own unique individuality, similar to an accent in a spoken language. A love-map is usually quite specific as to details of the physiognomy, build, race, and color of the ideal lover, not to mention temperament, manner, etc Since its inception, the concept of “love maps”, applied to interpersonal relationships, has found apt acceptance and is frequently referenced in love / relationship / sexual-evolution theory books as for example in Wilson and McLaughlin’s 2001 The Science of Love

 

Each of us have our own individual love-map. Its fully developed by the age of 5-8. Its indulges the five senses of sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing.

 

Once our love-maps have been set in place for the rest of our lives it will dictate who and who we're not attracted to. It answers the question we've all asked at one point in our lives? "What does she ever see in him?" Its the reason complete opposites are attracted to one another.

 

You can't change your love-map once its been set in place. That is you cannot help be attracted to the person that your love map dictates your to be attracted to.

 

Conversely you cannot make yourself feel attracted to someone.

 

Once you've meet someone whose love-map closely overlays with your own personal love-map, the brain kicks in a chemical called phenylethylamine which is a chemical cousin to amphetamines.

 

It short lived and not produced for very long but can go up to a year or more. This the chemical that gives that high from being in love, and that "in love" feeling.

 

Love, like all things bound to the universe, is non existent without some amount of physics and chemistry attached to it. As a scientist cynically pointed out, cupid’s arrows would never have been effective if they had not been first dipped in one unromantically named chemical- phenylethylamine.

 

Nor would the human body’s reaction have given us dramas like Romeo and Juliet, if oxytocin did not have its way. Together these two form the chemistry of love. The common symptoms of love, including sweaty palms, shaky knees and general restlessness, are caused by a natural chemical, Phenylethylamine (commonly dubbed the `love molecule'). Its release from the brain can be triggered from deceptively simple actions like the meeting of the eyes or touching of the hands. Heady emotions, racing pulses and heavy breathing results, and all these are (unfortunately) clinically explained as an overdose of this chemical. A very interesting thing is that chocolate is known to have very high level of this chemical…perhaps that’s the reason why it is considered a perfect gift for valentine. Or for your sweetheart.

 

The latest discovery is the arrangement of molecules in this chemicals and the whole world is excited because now, like the witches of the yore, we can actually concoct love potions. In other words, mankind could be on its way to isolating the chemical compound and making drugs that can induce these reactions in us, in other words….you take the drug, and you fall in love with the next person you see. Imagine the chaos that the world will face. But the scientists say that as of now, this discovery will be used to find out how it can help in some other chemical reactions, to cure disease or other, more useful pursuits and research (though everyone agrees what can be more useful than making someone fall with in love you!!!!)

 

At this point of time, research on the phenylethylamine molecule breakthrough could be extremely helpful in testing of chemicals related to mental illness. Parkinson’s disease could be one.

 

So what are we left with? Explanations, but nothing is still in our hands. What we know about love is still largely out of our control. For instance, infatuation. This is supposedly the first stage of falling in love, an unbearable attraction towards someone. This attraction causes a virtual explosion of nuerochemicals very similar to adrenalin. Assisted by Phenylethylamine (that speeds up the flow of information between cells), dopamine (that makes us glow and feel good), and norepinephrine (that stimulates the production of adrenalin), make our world go round, our eyes sparkle and our heart beat faster. Our entire existence then depends on the sight of the person who triggered these reactions to begin with, and as the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, our attraction becomes greater. At this stage we commit foolish mistakes which are the stuff puppy love stories are made of. Actually it is these three chemicals that combine to give us what we call infatuation. We feel we are energized, often floating on air…and the reason why people who are just falling in love can talk for hours on end… (the same person becomes boring at a later stage).

 

We can blame our chemicals for everything. We had a list of attributes ready for matching, but we just end up falling in love with the person who possesses none of them…it is , as they say, chemistry. Social obligations, other relationships, sense and sensibility, all take a back seat; our mind soars with these natural drugs. No wonder, a lover and a madman are said to be alike. Scientists also opine that this `clicking’ would be with a person with whom we can identify a parent-child situation. A person who, in our subconscious, will give us back something we feel we lost during our growing up years. For some it is security, for some others, it is warmth, and then others, just a spirit of adventure. This could be the reason why demure, well brought up girls usually fall for wastrels. This subconscious selection of mate gets our phenylethylamines and other chemicals moving. This period when our brain is awash with the love hormones lasts for different durations in different people, between six months to three years. In most of us, it settles down after that. For mercurial people, this high is missed and that’s the reason why they need another temporary high….another relationship, another chemical fix. If these love junkies stay married, they will need new relationships to keep their dope, and sometimes, bigger highs. hence bigger risks.

 

In this world of chemical signals, humans are not scientifically considered monogamous; we do not fall under the 3% of the species that are monogamous. The species that stick to one mate usually have a rich flow of another chemical called vasopressin, the monogamy chemical. Experiments done with males injected with this chemical brought out all the evidence needed. Isolating males before and after mating showed that before mating, he was indifferent to all females. But 24 hours after mating, he is hooked for life. The jealous husband syndrome sets in too.

 

Another interesting chemical is oxytoxin, the `cuddling ‘chemical. It promotes the need to be physically held, have close contact with he mate and makes both the sexes more caring. It can be released simply by a lover’s look, smell or even a fantasy.

 

So much for the chemistry of infatuation. When infatuation subsides, another chemical takes over, which is responsible for intimate relationships. These chemicals are created by endorphins. They make a relationship steadier, intimate, dependable, warm and a great sharing experience. They do not induce a giddy high, but calmness and stability…hence are the reason why people stay married. The longer they are married, the longer two people stay together, because this chemical is addictive. It is endorphins that trigger grief on a spouse’s death or long separation, those yearnings for togetherness. The two types of attachments can be summed up as follows…adrenaline love is being in love with the idea of being in love. While endorphins, we like loving someone.

 

So much for the magic of love and the realms written on it. It did come out of a bottle after all….and continues to afflict us….generations after generation

 

Ann your love-map doesn't match of that ofyour husband. It never has and it never will. You can't force it to, you can't make it do so.

 

The reason you fell for the OM is because your and his love-maps overlaid almost perfectly.

 

You cheated because you love-map dictated that you do so. That you seek out another whose love-maps matched yours.

 

We cannot choose who we're attracted to nor who we're in love or fall in love with. Our own individual love maps won't let us.

 

By staying in this marriage not only are you robbing yourself of so-called "true love" and happiness, your robbing your husband of the same. And the opportunity to go find someone whose love-map overlays with his.

 

Both of you deserve so much more out of life.

[Steadfast]

Ann, there are currently 442 posts on this subject, and I'd estimate that 98% of them offer good sound advice. Yet, you continue to to seek direction and council? Answers? My hunch is what you really want is to get what you want and not have to face any consequences. Your children, your family, husband, friends, people you'll meet in the future...all are set to decide their opinion of you.

 

That's why I said in my earlier posts to grow up. The old 'you've made your bed' line is true. Time after time (after time!) the solution has been explained. Here it is again: the reason you feel bad is because selfish people are miserable. They feel pain, guilt and frustration because of it. You're feeling it now, and looking to douse it with more selfishness. Fact: people are happiest when they are not self-centered. I realize that isn't popular thinking in '2010' but it remains true. Example A: this terrible, messed up world.

 

I honestly doubt this will help. Number 443 will fall right in line with all the others as we sit, watching from our front row seats as the wheels come off this woman's life. You do have a life Ann, waiting.

 

You have been given good advice. Trust it. But it's up to you.

Edited February 24, 2010 by Steadfast

[sotagoon]

 

My wife said the same thing, that we don't do what "other couples do". That's probably because each interaction with another human being is unique and unreproducible. The problem with comparing yourself to the "average couple" is that NO ONE IS AVERAGE! Relationship dynamics are complicated enough without looking for the answers.

 

 

 

For Chrissakes......don't people look at themselves and their partner ONLY when it comes to being happy? I mean I'm only 31 years old and I consider myself a little of an annomily sometimes because I actually think along these lines.

 

I mean come on....if anyone looks at and values what other people say and or how they act in regards to theirs or anyone else's relationship, they have no business trying to perpetuate fake/false love.

 

I think that some people just can't fathom that they can be happy if their relationship doesn't fit into some perfect little frame that you see in a movie or in that "public" image some couples put off. Personally...I'd rather my relationship/marriage look like a train wreck and yet be the happiest people in the world with each other. Why does it matter if it looks good...it should just BE good!!!

 

Ann....please, please do the stand up thing and put everyone else in your tangled web of a marriage FIRST just this one time. I promise you this...if you can do that, and really do love the OM, you will be able to ride off into the sunset with Mr. Right and at least be able to sleep easy at night. Who knows, maybe you kids will even respect you more for that?

Edited February 24, 2010 by sotagoon

[Gunny376]

Oh! Now I get it! How stupid of me to not see you absolute pundits of staying together regardless of the state of the marriage.

 

Had I only known that "back in the day!"

 

Me: "Headed out for another 'girls night out?"

Wife: Yes!

 

Me: "Here take my car! I just gassed, washed / waxed and clean her up!

Oh, in case you decide not to come home and stay out all night with your "friend" here's an extra $200. Bye love you! Hope you and 'your' friend have a good time."

 

I hope you can see this too Ann, just hold her down boys while I get this red hot branding iron out of the coals so we can brand her on the forehead with a 'scarlet letter "A"

 

The fact off the matter is that when a marriage has descended to the level of an affair? Its not going its gone and has been for sometime. There's too much water over the damn and under the bridge.

 

Everyone (to include yours truly) recommends IC and MC which is total and complete BS. In IC you go in and pour your heart and soul out, and then the SOB that your paying $200 a half hour to says to you, "Tell me how you feel about that?" Hell meet me at the corner bar, I'll listen to your story of woe, ask you the same BS question for only $25 a hour.

 

Hell I'll even buy you a drink to drown your sorrows in.

 

As far as MC goes? It really only serves one of two purposes. The first is to validate the WAS that the other party is a mental case, and two is to finally get into s*** for brains that "Yea! Its really over!"

 

As far as the kids go? Granted its not a walk in the park? But in my own personal case and in so many others I seen up close and personal? The kids wanted them to divorce.

 

Why? Because they loved their parents and want them to quit being miserable and happy again.

 

My two are perfectly well adjusted, self supporting, self sufficient. At age 6 and 10 they were both happy to see both I and their mother move on to find someone who we were more compatible with.

[Gunny376]

Got a wife and kids in Baltimore jack

I went out for a ride and I never went back

Like a river that don't know where it's flowing

I took a wrong turn and I just kept going

 

Everybodys got a hungry heart

Everybodys got a hungry heart

Lay down your money and you play your part

Everybodys got a hungry heart

[2sunny]

after a very long marriage ended - i know my kids are now happy to see me living life as a happy person and a happy Mom. same goes for their Dad.

 

life looks much different now - in a good way. the fact that they see me as a survivor and a warrior instead of the old me that played into that role of the victim who threw a big pity party speaks volumes to them.

 

i am my own person - with or without a man - and i know what happy looks like for me. and others around me get the benefit of what that happy looks like too.

 

it was all a process getting to this point but i had to become willing to try new things (letting go of the life i'd known for 23 years) - try to change - and to be open minded enough to open up a world of possibilities... that is when everything started to look different, better and new again.

 

i had hope - and hope is a beautiful thing.

 

it takes courage and strength - to do what you have never done before... but to just not try at all is just weak... a weak excuse for absolutely no effort to see what happy can actually look like for you.

[Gunny376]

after a very long marriage ended - i know my kids are now happy to see me living life as a happy person and a happy Mom. same goes for their Dad.

 

life looks much different now - in a good way. the fact that they see me as a survivor and a warrior instead of the old me that played into that role of the victim who threw a big pity party speaks volumes to them.

 

i am my own person - with or without a man - and i know what happy looks like for me. and others around me get the benefit of what that happy looks like too.

 

it was all a process getting to this point but i had to become willing to try new things (letting go of the life i'd known for 23 years) - try to change - and to be open minded enough to open up a world of possibilities... that is when everything started to look different, better and new again.

 

i had hope - and hope is a beautiful thing.

 

it takes courage and strength - to do what you have never done before... but to just not try at all is just weak... a weak excuse for absolutely no effort to see what happy can actually look like for you.

 

The problem with men is that they don't know what its like to be a woman.

 

Not that they ever can be? But they can make the effort? To at least try and understand ~ most don't.

 

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.

 

Men know about PMS!

 

But they're clueless about T-PMS ~ Tired of putting up with men's s***!

 

Men have the same problem with women.

[Gunny376]

It takes courage and strength - to do what you have never done before... but to just not try at all is just weak... a weak excuse for absolutely no effort to see what happy can actually look like for you

 

That blew me away! Profound!

 

All day strong!

 

I've no time for weak minded people ~ and that includes myself!

[Steadfast]

Gunny,

 

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not advocating staying in a loveless marriage or being someone's whipping boy just 'for the kids'. I speak for myself (and, I think, maybe a few others here) when I say what Ann has done -from the beginning- are all the wrong things. And, if I'm reading her right she's subjecting her future to more of the same. As it is and if her comments are accurate, this marriage is over. If I were her husband (wait, I was her husband!) I'd of jumped off this stinker a long time ago.

 

I think the thing that confounds many here (including myself) are the wide ranging contradictions, worn out excuses, the total lack of advice absorption and one hell of a case of the grass is greener syndrome. Thing is, I'm starting to feel for Ann's case somewhat, because if her husband isn't ready and willing to take over as the primary custodial parent in this situation, then he's just a selfish and lost as his STBXW. That's tragic.

 

There's a whole lot of tragedy going on these days, and most of the stories all seem to fit the same basic mold. True love, romance and integrity are on full life support in this society. What our 'enlightenment' has wrought!

 

Maybe those uneducated goat herders knew a little more than we give them credit for, eh Gunny?

[Gunny376]

Be part of the solution ~ not part of the problem!

 

Be part of the answers ~ not part of the question!

 

You've obviously never had a PO'd Marine on your @zz

 

No brag! Just fact!

 

Its not going to be fun and its not going to be pretty!

 

Back off of Ann with your own personal issues and beliefs. Hate that you've gone through what you've gone through.

 

But that's what it is! Your problem! Not Ann's!

 

I'm neither advocating that she leave nor stay in the marriage, (Yea I am, but its because I understand that once a woman has reached the point that she's at? Its over and there is no recovery)

[Gunny376]

Maybe those uneducated goat herders knew a little more than we give them credit for, eh Gunny?

 

Yea they knew how many goats and sheep they lost to the wolves named Jimmy Swaggart, Oral Roberts, Jim/Tammy Faye Baker, Joyce Myers (with her $25,000 gold toilet seat) and Ken Copeland.

 

You want to go Biblical book for book with me?

 

Bring it on!

 

First answer me this?

 

Who is Enoch? He's mentioned once in the KJV of the Bible. I read his book. Along with the Gospel of Judas, Mary (Madeline) James (Half-brother of Jesus) Jacob (Step-father of Jesus) along with the Dead Sea Scrolls.

 

You want to talk about American divorce law? Bring it on! I've been studying it for the last twenty years!

 

Whatever you've got! Bring it on!

 

Just back off Ann!

 

Either be part of the answers and questions ~or be gone! Just that easy and simple!

 

You want to be a missiory ~ catch a flight to Rwanda!

Edited February 24, 2010 by Gunny376

[2.50 a gallon]

Ann

 

You do not need to share you answer with the LS members.

 

Did you and the OM use a condom?

 

The reason I ask this is to maybe give you some insight.

 

In my younger days I was a player and I almost always wore a condom. Note that this was before the days of HIV. The reason I wore them was that on a couple of occassions I found that my partner had gotten pregnant.

 

In short I had been lied to. They had told me that they were on BC and in fact one on purpose got PG hoping to ensnarl me.

 

I didn't realize what was going on, but I found that there was a difference in the following days after having sex with a new partner. In the pre-condom days, at our next meeting my new partner would be all over me and was quickly developing deep feelings for me. Within minutes after meeting up again, my new partner began to get them bedroom eyes, without me even making advances.

 

After I began to religiosily using condoms, I found it easier to form a friends with benefits relationship. The bedroom eyes were not as big as before. My new partners did not seems to get so deeply attached as before. It is hard to believe, but there was a time in my live I hated to hear the words "I love you". And after I began to almost always use condoms these words came up less frequently

 

I am not a love chemical expert, but from what I understand of some of the theory, is that when a male ejaculates in a female, the woman's body then takes his deposit and begins to customize some of her love chemicals to form an exclusive bond with her lover. Thus she begins to fall in love with her lover, and her love chemicals take over, and she begins to reject the advances of other possible lovers

[Gunny376]

:mad::mad: OMG! An educated trailerr trash Marine "Redneck"

[Gunny376]

Thus she begins to fall in love with her lover, and her love chemicals take over, and she begins to reject the advances of other possible lovers

 

I work in a lab!

 

We're talking ppm that the level I work at ~ as in .0006

 

 

The level your talking about?

 

.OOOOOO1

[Steadfast]

 

You've obviously never had a PO'd Marine on your @zz

 

 

Why are you PO'd? Are you a moderator? If so I will acquiescence to your requests. If not, then I'll respectfully ignore your orders. Why the anger?

 

 

Either be part of the answers and questions ~or be gone! Just that easy and simple!

 

You want to be a missiory ~ catch a flight to Rwanda!

 

 

Like most, I use my personal and professional experiences as a base. I only answer what supports my opinion when asked; not to farm souls, but to clarify. I am quite sure this forum is not in place to discuss theology. If you really wish to discuss these matters with me it is easily done via the PM feature. In this case it'll be necessary to work through the argumentative threats before any real dialog can take place, but I'm willing.

 

Please know I do not feel above reproach or correction. I have made an effort to thoughtfully post true responses and reason, but there's always room for improvement. I wish for no enemies but will not run from them.

Edited February 24, 2010 by Steadfast

[You Go Girl]

Ok, there's not enough hours in the day to read this entire thread. But I did read the first several pages and peeked at some more.

Ann--This goes back to when you first married. You weren't ready to be married to anyone.

Now do this--think of the OM and you getting together--and then finding out that he's a cheater and he's cheating on you.

Do this because--this change that you are about to embark on MUST be about you. If you find your happiness relying on the OM--you are surely to be disappointed at some point. He is only a man, and as much as you believe you will find that great connection with him in real time--you could end up sadly and very disappointed. He must come off that pedestal you have put him up on--as someone said much earlier in this thread. He is going to be a person that you will find has many flaws. The only reason I am saying this is because I have a fear that you hold him up too high--perhaps unrealistically so! And that worries me Ann.

You've never been independent in your entire life. And that's what this whole story is all about. Ann wants to finally feel good about being Ann--and have a little courage to pursue a happiness.

It's a long long road to true independence, and it NEVER relies on another replacement relationship. If it does--the law of nature applies--and the whole thing will come crashing down.

Ann, ask yourself this. Would you leave your marriage if you found out that the OM was with a prostitute last night?

You still want to leave. But you need to leave with open eyes! You don't really know the OM because you haven't lived with him for years. It's a long-distance relationship at best.

Hurdles to adulthood can't be walked around, they must be jumped. Becoming an independent adult is one of them. You've never done that. Yes, you do need to do it to find self worth. Because you married without finding your independence first, now you must find it, many years later. You are unfulfilled and unfinished, and not yet as whole as you would like to be.

Your marriage is a two-way street, and the reason your H calls you Kiddo, and treats you as an object sexually is because he too gets what he wants from the relationship even though it is much less than healthy and real than the type of relationship you seek. You made a deal with him. You both agreed to a marriage based on roles and family wants without the love part of the equation. I don't believe he loves you anymore than you love him--you made a deal, and he wants to keep status quo.

Go--complete yourself--you never have--and you need to complete yourself. But please do it with the realization that you can't be vulnerable if the OM should turn out to be a total loser.

I am really afraid that you are relying on the idea that the OM's love is going to fulfill you--and I'm afraid that that will come crashing down as a horrific disappointment.

You want to become a strong woman, a person complete in and by themself. There's only one path to that--and it's never relying on an OM to hold your self-esteem up--which can only come from you and your pride in your own accomplishments.

So please go with the expectation that the OM relationship is going to fall apart--

and who is Ann when Ann is just alone, just Ann?

That's the scary question, isn't it?

It's the only one that matters.

[Steadfast]

 

You both agreed to a marriage based on roles and family wants without the love part of the equation.

 

 

Great point...great post. Michelle Langley has much to say about predetermined roles in her book series. I recognized much of that in my own marriage and in myself.

 

That's the lesson to be learned here I think, despite the obvious struggle Ann is facing. One must go into marriage sound of spirit and soul. Depending on someone else to complete you is a recipe for failure-