karnak Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 (edited) An enormous peace comes over me when I am in his presence. I am not talking about silly, crushing feelings. I am talking about something I have never felt before in my life. That inner peace is exactly what i felt when I was with the real "special one". Something I had never felt with any woman before, and which I did not feel with women who came later. Edited December 5, 2009 by karnak
Author ann09 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 TY for answering my questions ann. I was hoping your first response would be answered more thinking about your H but it appears it is more about the new AP. I appreciate your honesty ... Honestly, I don't believe I was ever in love with my H. I love him - care about him - but never had that feeling. So I couldn't answer it with him in mind.
Author ann09 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 That inner peace is exactly what i felt when I was with the real "special one". Something I had never felt with any woman before, and which I did not feel with women who came later. Yes. So you get it? Peace...it came to me recently when I thought about how I feel when with this man. I too have never felt this feeling before in my life. And I know, with absolute certainty, I will never feel it with anyone else in my life.
karnak Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Yes. So you get it? Peace...it came to me recently when I thought about how I feel when with this man. I too have never felt this feeling before in my life. And I know, with absolute certainty, I will never feel it with anyone else in my life. And boy, is this feeling precious... Specially in the stressful, vain, violent, cynical and bitter society in which we live nowadays.
scorpmale001 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Hey guys....wht i don't understand over here is ,why are you even suggesting this woman to stay in this M. haven't you gone through her posts,she already made up her mind . from the day 1 onwards , it was never about how she can save this M(i don't know why she is here still), may be she is looking for some sort of validation, justification(that you are not going to give it ).... somebody said, her H raped her. where is your logical brain guys....this lady is been emotionally raping(abusing) her H from last 14yrs(by with holding all her emotions) and it's still going on . on top of it she cheated on him and lied to him for years the guy did nothing but loved her, provided her for last 14yrs(best payback i have ever herd )... IMO ,Her H much much better off without this selfish creature around him....
scorpmale001 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Ann, If u r really serious abt leaving your husband, just print this thread and give it to him... i don't think he will wait for a minute to grant u wht u wanted for years....
Author ann09 Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 Scorpmale, I am just very curious. Why are you here? You're not married....you're not divorced, and, according to you - you get lucky quite frequently. So why hang around the part of a forum that deals with people going through divorce? Not sure I quite understand your motives. I kindly take advice from most people in here - but you - yeah I am not sure who you are.
2sunny Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 since you are emotionally unavailable in your M have you decided when you will physically leave your H? i think it is only fair to everyone involved to be honest and make it known that you are no longer present in your M. there no reason to keep pretending... not even for your kid's sake... kids can spot the difference between happy and ambivalent a mile away. i'm sure you can show them what happy looks like for you - whether you are alone or away - or both. to pretend is just a form of lying - they deserve to know what reality is so they can start getting used to the idea of what their future will be... that goes double for your H. i say this because - since you don't INTEND to make the M work (be it better or not) then just get it all out in the open.
scorpmale001 Posted December 5, 2009 Posted December 5, 2009 Scorpmale, I am just very curious. Why are you here? You're not married....you're not divorced, and, according to you - you get lucky quite frequently. So why hang around the part of a forum that deals with people going through divorce? Not sure I quite understand your motives. I kindly take advice from most people in here - but you - yeah I am not sure who you are. wht do u mean why iam here ?,i should have been here because i am miserable or pathetic or f'd up in mind or all of them together is that the entry level criteria for this forum...what i do not understand is. is it the problem with my advise or my status qua, if you want the real reason... i am running some batch jobs which will take at least 4-5 hrs to finish..i usually hang around hacking forums but there are no new threads to read....but this forum especially your thread caught my eye. i think i am giving some solid advise take it if you like it(guaranteed results)....
floridapad Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 Ann I think scorpmale is a bit harsh in his communication skills but he means well. Why do I say that? He's right. If you printed this thread and let your H see it you would have been able to communicate to him everything you always wanted to do but couldn't. Have you written your husband a letter communicating ALL of the thoughts on your thread (not about the OM but about your thoughts on the self perceived rape, materialistic side of him etc. etc.)?
Author ann09 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Author ann09 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 Peace,peace.... have a look at it I did. and it was beautiful.
Author ann09 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Update - my H and I have been talking and have decided to get through the holidays together for the sake of our kids. I'm seeing an attny for the first time right after the first of the year. We have been very civil and agreeable - also very busy this month. I'm having a hard time because if days go by and we don't talk about this I sense he gets a false sense of hope. So I have to remember to remain somewhat apart from him - not always easy because of the kids. This holiday is going to be very difficult for the both of us. Its our last one - so many "lasts" this year. He feels that greatly. But I'm lookinf forward to moving on with my life and bettering myself. I think he is too. He obviously doesn't want this but has grown to accept it somewhat.
Steadfast Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Update - my H and I have been talking and have decided to get through the holidays together for the sake of our kids. I'm seeing an attny for the first time right after the first of the year. We have been very civil and agreeable - also very busy this month. I'm having a hard time because if days go by and we don't talk about this I sense he gets a false sense of hope. So I have to remember to remain somewhat apart from him - not always easy because of the kids. This holiday is going to be very difficult for the both of us. Its our last one - so many "lasts" this year. He feels that greatly. But I'm lookinf forward to moving on with my life and bettering myself. I think he is too. He obviously doesn't want this but has grown to accept it somewhat. Just when I'm starting to warm up and feel some compassion for you Ann, you post something like this and yank me back to reality. God's mercy on earth I feel sorry for that man. Please, if you have a SHRED of decency left, pack your things and leave the house TODAY. Spare him your self-serving, smug attitude and cut the cord NOW. But, you'll ignore this message (like you have all the others I've posted) and do exactly what you want anyway. Gaining strength, courage and hope for your bright, sunny future. Dream on. He'll be fine, You'll get what's coming to you. People in the wrong always do and your denial won't keep it from happening. If you stay on to administer more torture, at least post his email address so we can write him. Then, do what has been advised above and print this out for him. Chances are, it would be 'problem solved' before sundown.
silic0ntoad Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Ok... I read through this entire thread. Ann, I feel for you. I may not be married, nor have children, nor be seperated. But I'll tell you what I know. First. Your husband sounds like a stand up guy. I am glad through this you are treating him with respect. Or trying your very best. As far as the "rape" thing goes, yes, that is considered rape. Secondly, if someone will rape you for sex, they clearly have internal issues. I think the Divorce is your best course of action. Finally, the OM. Ditch this guy. Anyone willing to cheat with you will cheat on you. Sure, you may have intense feelings for him- but you were vulnerable. Ever are jackals and vultures at the door of the vulnerable and weak. I can be anything you want. All I need to do is listen. Understand you. And adapt. Catch my drift? I think honestly you need to do one thing, and one thing only. Be alone. Be to yourself. Without the OM or the STBXH. Figure out YOU and what YOU NEED in a relationship and a man. Don't fall for the guy who comes knocking when you're at your lowest. I wish you all the best. I may not have marriage knowledge, but I feel for you, and for your husband. I've been cheated on or left for other people before, so I know how this sort of thing plays out. Guard your heart.
scorpmale001 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) Ann, i am happy for him...at least he decided that u are not worth it...u will definitely going to get what u wanted .... good luck... i am loosing faith in all women, it's better to quit this ****,this is my last one over here(LS)... all of you find peace thanks Edited December 11, 2009 by scorpmale001
2.50 a gallon Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Ann Thanks for the update. I am with you, this is something you need to do to find yourself. Do the children know, or are you waiting until after NY's? Do your plans still include getting a job and a place of your own? Are you going to be able to go NC with the OM? It is going to be some hard days, but in the end you should emege as a stronger mature person, with a good idea what you want out of life Wishing you the best Gallon
HeavenOrHell Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well I don't have much faith in men either, seems they get bored eventually (or quickly) and want to look for someone new and exciting to fall in love with all over again. Ann, i am happy for him...at least he decided that u are not worth it...u will definitely going to get what u wanted .... good luck... i am loosing faith in all women, it's better to quit this ****,this is my last one over here(LS)... all of you find peace thanks
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well I don't have much faith in men either, seems they get bored eventually (or quickly) and want to look for someone new and exciting to fall in love with all over again. Well, I for one am a male who would never never have done that to my STBXW. I was faithful to the end with her. I would have fought and worked through anything. Alas, she walked and gave up. I will also have a very hard time regaining trust in my upcoming dealings with women as romantic partners. I hope I never meet an "ann09" or an equivalent to my STBXW. {shudder}
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) Update - my H and I have been talking and have decided to get through the holidays together for the sake of our kids. I'm seeing an attny for the first time right after the first of the year. We have been very civil and agreeable - also very busy this month. I'm having a hard time because if days go by and we don't talk about this I sense he gets a false sense of hope. So I have to remember to remain somewhat apart from him - not always easy because of the kids. This holiday is going to be very difficult for the both of us. Its our last one - so many "lasts" this year. He feels that greatly. But I'm lookinf forward to moving on with my life and bettering myself. I think he is too. He obviously doesn't want this but has grown to accept it somewhat. Ann - your post makes me really sad - for you and the H. So, you basically decided and told him there is ZERO chance for this M but I will use you and the family so I do not have to be alone for the holidays. I guess he can count down the days and then the hours and then the minutes until Ann will walk. WOW, if I knew my STBXW was walking 18 days after d-day I think it would have been a million times worse. Or have you not told hubby that you will never give it a chance and you are walking? Ann - you really need to leave right now. My STBXW is certifiable wacky and has lost her mind but at least when she knew (or at least thought) she would never "love" me again she walked. Imagine if she said to me on 9/15, not I am leaving but "I will walk out the door forever on 10/1. In the meantime no chance for us - we're through!" Or worse yet, she knows this in her head and she didn't tell me. SAD. and pathetic, huh? Edited December 11, 2009 by FeelingLonely98
Steadfast Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well I don't have much faith in men either, seems they get bored eventually (or quickly) and want to look for someone new and exciting to fall in love with all over again. Betrayal isn't only a male or a female thing, it's just a thing. But, there are differences. Many (cheating) men long to keep wifey at home while they diddle, terrified at the thought of her finding out and spoiling the fun. Women, who tend to 'feel' their way through decisions usually decide the marriage is lacking, want out, find a man they are attracted to THEN dump hubby, re-writing the marriage in the process. I don't know which is worse. This may now be known as the 'Ann09' syndrome. I sure don't want anymore of that crap in my life either. I'd never date a woman who cheated on and left her husband. And if I found out later, it would be a deal breaker.
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 This may now be known as the 'Ann09' syndrome. I sure don't want anymore of that crap in my life either. I'd never date a woman who cheated on and left her husband. And if I found out later, it would be a deal breaker. Amen Steadfast! I'm with you! I don't think Ann09 or my STBXW will ever find a real "GOOD" guy to be with. When the guy finds out about the cheating, lying, indifference, selfishness, ... I would think they would NOT want to remain with them. And unless they started a new secret life somewhere this sordid past WILL come out quickly, no? I agree with your man vs. woman cheater description. I think they are both equally despicable and disgusting - neither is worse!
FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 It's not what you did or what you're doing Ann it's the way you did it. Adultery is NEVER acceptable...
nobmagnet Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 fl and steadfast (not ann) im am fed up with lying cheating people trying to justify leaving and hurting their so called families. They dont communicate effectively, they re-write history, they are totally ignorant to the pain the have caused previously to their "dicison" Ann is typical. its not personal. they lack empathy,deep love, and honour. we (the people left behind) are left bewildered and confused because it always takes a long time for them to withdraw and disrespect us until we are in no doubt they are gone......mind made up......gone. ann is a great example of aphycopathic (tendances) personality. Agreed she has physacaly been there for many years but not emotionally. All i hear from her is me me me me. I think the shamyou are crating at Christmas is offensive, Your children will always regard this Christmas as their worst ever trust me. A sham is a sham. it will ruin the magic. They are soooooo not daft. I speak from experience of my freinds doing it too. Hey you know best hey?? mmmmmmmmm you dont.
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