Author AH7 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 If you are set on divorce then do it the right way. Tell your lover ( I'm sorry, if you are married you CAN'T have boyfriend/girlfriends) that when you are FREE then the relationship can continue. Then sit your husband down and tell him how you feel. Not knowing your situation or your husbands "side" of this drama, it's hard to advise you to either divorce or for you and your husband to get counseling. Try communication, it's alot better then cheating! If it is truly over - get the divorce! Then you won't be a lying, sneaking, deceitful, disloyal, you get my drift cheater! You chose to cheat. You have NO right placing any of the blame for your actions on your husband, not unless he held a gun to your head and forced you to turn to someone else. I am sorry you feel marriage is disposable, I don't. My word and honor are important to me. It's called integrity and character. I had no idea I couldn't refer to my guy as a boyfriend. I stand corrected. I'll refer to him as my lover from now on. Putting the affair on hold until the divorce is not an option. I have to see my lover. No way I could wait until after the holidays to see him. I'm having a hard enough time as it is going day to day. I have no plans to EVER divulge the fact that I'm in an affair to my husband. As I've mentioned here I plan to file after the holidays and I have until then to lay the groundwork where no one will be surprised. Yes I'm a cheater. I'm not proud of it but it goes with the territory for someone in an affair. I know you'll appreciate this since you made a reference to me thinking husbands were disposable: "Husbands should be like tissues; strong, soft, and disposable." Not my quote, I heard it from a GF.
Author AH7 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 glad to hear it. so i have a question. are you going to do the right thing by your husband and do 50/50 custody? My plans are to let my husband have her every other weekend and 2 wks during the summer. And of course I would be open to special occasions.
Author AH7 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I feel so sorry for your daughter. She is about to lose her childhood because her mother couldn't keep her legs close, her mind focus and spend her energy on her marriage. Good luck when the bubble bursts and you find out that relationships that start out as affairs are just a fantasy. If he is okay with screwing another man's wife, he will screw another woman behind your back. You're pretty graphic there Adiaz! Yes I did spread my legs for another man. And at this point I have no regrets. I'm not looking for another husband. The new relationship is about sex. I'm certain things will cool down at some point and my lover may see someone else. Or me too for that matter. I have no dreams of our relationship continuing forever. My daughter is the perfect age and the divorce will have little impact on her. That's the general consensus from everyone I've confided in.
Author AH7 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 That's my target date. I'll be the first to admit I need a divorce but it's not the sort of thing you jump into blindly without thought and preparation. Hopefully I'll file the first part of January. In addition, the holidays create more stress for everyone and I just do not feel adding addtional stress during the holiday season would be appropriate.
alzup Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 That's mighty thoughtful of ya. Happy Holidays!
Dexter Morgan Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 My plans are to let my husband have her every other weekend and 2 wks during the summer. And of course I would be open to special occasions. thought so....so you cheat, and he loses yet again. how despicable. the right thing would be to share 50/50...but nobody would be in their right mind to expect you to do what is right. tell us, what is wrong with 50/50? you wouldn't get money with 50/50...thats my guess.
alzup Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Man, this piece of work is all over the interwebz... http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/8217477
Dexter Morgan Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Man, this piece of work is all over the interwebz... http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/8217477 yup, she wants the child support...otherwise, 50/50 would mean that she support her child when with her, and he supports his child when with him. child support covers more than just the child. It helps the recipient to help pay for expenses they would have regardless of a child. You can't tell me a child eats $1200 worth of food a month, or gets that much in clothing. Ya ya, I know, it pays for a roof over their head and utilities. Sorry, but those are expenses that would have been bore by the parent anyway. That is unless a person just goes out and buys one bedroom houses....which doesn't happen 99% of the time. So the fair thing to a father, especially a father who has been s##t on by such a woman, is to get 50/50 custody. The mother can pay expenses half the time, as well as the father. What is the argument AGAINST that arrangement? Only one....CS pays for more than just the child's expenses. dont even talk health care, because the father, most of the time, is responsible for paying the premiums for that, therefore not burdening what CS is suppose to cover.
MadMission Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 My plans are to let my husband have her every other weekend Why do YOU get your daughter 86% of the time, and your H only gets her 14%?? You get her for 12 out of every 14 days, and he gets her for only 2 ?? You have got to be kidding. Dad's are SO VERY important to little girls. Do not interfere in their relationship by keeping them apart like that. You will be HURTING your daughter! Is that what you want? It is one thing to hurt your H, but don't mess with your daughter's well-being. Keep the D as amicable as possible and allow her to have equal time with mom and dad. Be happy for the times she gets to spend with her dad. It is good for her. You may not like this. But, it is what happens when you divorce the father of your children. He is her dad just as much as you are her mom. And, actually, it is well documented that dad-daughter relationships are more important to the healthy emotional development of little girls. Very important. Don't mess her up and damage her by limiting their time together. Every other weekend??? OMG. Why would you do that? Think of your daughter here and what's best for HER.
65tr6 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I'll be the first to admit I need a divorce but it's not the sort of thing you jump into blindly without thought and preparation. I dont understand. You planned this all along ? You sound cold and calculated. Please tell me I am wrong. I see nothing but contempt towards your husband, the father of your two year old daughter. I hope I am way off base on how I interpret your post above. It is very scary. Did your husband physically/emotionally abuse you ? Did he cheat behind your back ?
MadMission Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Thanks, Dexter, for answering my question as to why she would do that. Duh...CS. Yup, makes sense. Anyone who would trade their child's well-being for $$$$....wow, I have even less respect for this 'woman'...if that is even possible.
alzup Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 On one website she's already divorced and her daughter is three. This one has jumped the shark.... from another site: "Yes it was more than fair to me. My EX got saddled for child support, and I have primary custody of our 3 yr old. That was my primary concern. The property we split 50/50. He moans about the child support being too high but after all, it is for his daughter's wellfare."
iamstrongernow Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 You appear to be more concerned with sex and wont your daughter crimp your style? Note sarcasm! Honestly though. I will not fault you or H but based upon what you are saying about how you want to live I do not see how child care can be a part of it. Do you believe your H is a bad father?
jayboy Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Please do yourself and your husband a favor and go to him with what has happened before it goes any futher. I know in my personal situation I would have preffered that "wake up call" rather that having to deal with the aftermath of my WW's infidelity. Listen to the other posters, as once you make that decision, the ramifications are horrifying. Your H may not even have a clue to your desperation for attention and recognition. I am betting he is comfortable in the marraige, as was I, as well as totally and completely ignorant of the monumental decision you feel you are needing to make for a breif glimpse of happiness and comfort. If you love your H, show him by trusting him with your problems. At least give him the chance he deserves to change. If you cheat, you are denying him (and yourself) the sanctity we all expect from ones spouse and their marraige... I just had to say what a beautiful post this was. I only wish my girlfriend of 8 years had read it before she embarked on an emotional affair with a work colleague. As a result of her selfishness and blatant unwillingness to communicate I am devasted as is her Mother, my parents and other family members. We had a beautiful home which is now being rented whilst we have both returned to our parents homes. It is so not worth it.....the thing I don't get is the man and the woman must contemplate the people who will get hurt and the consequences but somehow they think its still worth it....I am just glad I have the morals to never cheat whatever the circumstances, the damage to peoples souls is too much of a price to pay.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 On one website she's already divorced and her daughter is three. This one has jumped the shark.... from another site: "Yes it was more than fair to me. My EX got saddled for child support, and I have primary custody of our 3 yr old. That was my primary concern. The property we split 50/50. He moans about the child support being too high but after all, it is for his daughter's wellfare." its also to his daughter's welfare to get equal time with her father...but you think a mother like this will let that happen? naaaaah.
GorillaTheater Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 An impressive peice of troll-work: utterly vile, reprehensible, and making people want to donate money to the husband for legal expenses. Well done.
mareile Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 An impressive peice of troll-work: utterly vile, reprehensible, and making people want to donate money to the husband for legal expenses. Well done. I thought I smelt troll pretty early on - from (his or her) first several responses to posts. This OP may not have been a woman at all -just something I detect.
Miad's Princess Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) That's my target date. I'll be the first to admit I need a divorce but it's not the sort of thing you jump into blindly without thought and preparation. Hopefully I'll file the first part of January. In addition, the holidays create more stress for everyone and I just do not feel adding addtional stress during the holiday season would be appropriate. THIS IS WHAT SHE/HE WROTE ON THIS SITE! http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/8217477 November 7th 2009 Yes it was more than fair to me. My EX got saddled for child support, and I have primary custody of our 3 yr old. That was my primary concern. The property we split 50/50. He moans about the child support being too high but after all, it is for his daughter's wellfare. STRANGE BECAUSE THERE THIS PERSON STATES SHE IS ALREADY DIVORCED, YET HERE SHE IS WAITING TILL AFTER THE HOLIDAYS. CAUGHT OUT, DEF A TROLL Edited November 19, 2009 by Miad's Princess
Miad's Princess Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 P.S I TAKE AH7 WE WON'T BE SEEING YOU AROUND NOW, PRETTY HARD TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT ONE DON'T YOU THINK?
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