Space Ritual Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I'll admit I'm inexperiienced, first marriage, first affair. What I don't understand are the comments suggesting I confess to my husband immediately????? Now I wouldn't be able to continue my affair if I confessed would I? Yes I realize I'm being dishonest but I'm having an affair, not becoming a Girl Scout. One of my closest friends has had a number of affairs over the past couple of years and never been caught. I plan on doing the same until our divorce. But, in the worst case scenario where I did get caught I would not confess all but practice damage control and admit only what he knows. What would be the advantage of confessing all, unless I wanted to work on the marriage, which I do not? How self righteous of you...Jesus you are piece of work Because its at least leaving your husband some damned dignity! Jesus YOU ARE HAVING THE AFFAIR HE IS NOT! Part of being a damned adult is taking responsibility for our actions. If you come clean it will hurt him, but at least he will be spared more indignity and needless self loathing with each new revelation that will come out. Selfish idiots like you like to give people "trickle down truth" out of some strange justification that the spouse you are about to destroy needs the truth in degrees. Like you want to spoon feed him insult. When in fact the real problem is that you are just a selfish coward who wants to not be accountable for their actions. Leave a path of emotional destruction in your wake while its your Husband who is left to pick of the pieces of your deeds. Yeah you may have checked out on this marriage long ago, and that is your business. But now its the least of your problems If you had one ounce of respect or maturity you would at least have the guts to stand behind the conviction of your new found love and just come clean. If you had one iota of respect for the man you may have at one time loved and is the father of your child you will put your big girl panties on and do whats right and tell him! And before you jump my ass about ripping you a new rectum, I submit to you that if you cant handle the blowback you are getting from me or anyone on an internet forum you have stopped payment on your own reality check. This is your mess...why the hell does your husband have to be left to mop it up?
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I'll admit I'm inexperiienced, first marriage, first affair. What I don't understand are the comments suggesting I confess to my husband immediately????? Now I wouldn't be able to continue my affair if I confessed would I? Yes I realize I'm being dishonest but I'm having an affair, not becoming a Girl Scout. One of my closest friends has had a number of affairs over the past couple of years and never been caught. I plan on doing the same until our divorce. But, in the worst case scenario where I did get caught I would not confess all but practice damage control and admit only what he knows. What would be the advantage of confessing all, unless I wanted to work on the marriage, which I do not? I agree.. it is useless to admit to everything.. other than hurt the person even more.. and create 'hell' in an already dead-end M... YOu got it right.. work towards your divorce now.. and I agree . .it is much easier when the kids are very young.. Good luck!...
65tr6 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Part of being a damned adult is taking responsibility for our actions. If you come clean it will hurt him, but at least he will be spared more indignity and needless self loathing with each new revelation that will come out. If you had one iota of respect for the man you may have at one time loved and is the father of your child SR was, i thought, a bit harsh but has some great points. OP, you would be NAIVE to think that your husband wont find out what happened. He will. This is one of the most frequent answered questions on the internet. If a spouse asks for divorce out of the blue.....it is because they are in an affair. And besides, there is a chance that your husband could catch an STD or two from you assuming you will continue to sleep with both OM and your husband. Make sense ? You have a choice to admit it yourself or have your husband find out through the back door.
imagine Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Hi AH, Sex in an affair is always the best. What now? Affair partners don't always marry... because they see their affair partner as untrustworthy. Obviously you do not want to hurt your H. How long do you think that you will be able to keep the affair dark? If he does suspect that you are having an affair he may realise his fault and become another of the shriveled souls at this forum. Take time to read it.
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 SR was, i thought, a bit harsh but has some great points. OP, you would be NAIVE to think that your husband wont find out what happened. He will. This is one of the most frequent answered questions on the internet. If a spouse asks for divorce out of the blue.....it is because they are in an affair. And besides, there is a chance that your husband could catch an STD or two from you assuming you will continue to sleep with both OM and your husband. Make sense ? You have a choice to admit it yourself or have your husband find out through the back door. Huh??? he might NEVER find out.. geezzz... if no one ever tell him.. how can he possibly find out.. plus if a spouse asks for a divorce, out of the blue (I doubt it happens like that ) it could also be for many MANY other reasons.. it's NOT always because they are in an affair... (btdt) Where the hell .. do you get that???
65tr6 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Where the hell .. do you get that??? Lizzie, my dear, I found out in less than 24 hours after my wife asked for divorce. It is not rocket science. May be it is for some !
65tr6 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (I doubt it happens like that ) I agree with you. It did not happen just like that FOR OP. She checked out LOOOOONNNNNG time ago. But the poor husband has little clue.
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Lizzie, my dear, I found out in less than 24 hours after my wife asked for divorce. It is not rocket science. May be it is for some ! Then maybe you should have added that it was YOUR experience.. because it happens to you doesn't necessarily means it WILL happen to EVERYONE.. I stand by my post... it's NOT always because of an affair.. (OP, you would be NAIVE to think that your husband wont find out what happened. He will. This is one of the most frequent answered questions on the internet. If a spouse asks for divorce out of the blue.....it is because they are in an affair. And besides, there is a chance that your husband could catch an STD or two from you assuming you will continue to sleep with both OM and your husband. Make sense ? )
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I'll admit I'm inexperiienced, first marriage, first affair. What I don't understand are the comments suggesting I confess to my husband immediately????? Now I wouldn't be able to continue my affair if I confessed would I? Yes I realize I'm being dishonest but I'm having an affair, not becoming a Girl Scout. One of my closest friends has had a number of affairs over the past couple of years and never been caught. I plan on doing the same until our divorce. But, in the worst case scenario where I did get caught I would not confess all but practice damage control and admit only what he knows. What would be the advantage of confessing all, unless I wanted to work on the marriage, which I do not? Then you definately don't love your husband, don't respect him, don't care about him at all. You really don't see, or don't want to see what you're doing is just plain wrong and selfish.. I hope the divorce happens quickly - Your husband deserves to be with someone who adores and loves him.
seibert253 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I'll admit I'm inexperiienced, first marriage, first affair. What I don't understand are the comments suggesting I confess to my husband immediately????? Now I wouldn't be able to continue my affair if I confessed would I? Yes I realize I'm being dishonest but I'm having an affair, not becoming a Girl Scout. One of my closest friends has had a number of affairs over the past couple of years and never been caught. I plan on doing the same until our divorce. But, in the worst case scenario where I did get caught I would not confess all but practice damage control and admit only what he knows. What would be the advantage of confessing all, unless I wanted to work on the marriage, which I do not? Wow. When you thought you've seen and read it all, Bamn. Probably one of the most selfish things I've ever read here. AH prepare for the Karma bus, because when you least expect it, Boom. So much more I'd like to say but I'll let Dext and the others do the flaming for me. They are much better at it than I.
Author AH7 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Space Ritual – flame away to your heart’s content. I enjoy a strong difference of opinion. What you preach is not doable. I will continue my affair and of course confessing to my husband about my infidelity would certainly put a snag in its continuance. So what mess is my husband going to mop up? He will be going through a divorce. I see no mess to mop up Lizzie60 – thanks for your comments and support and especially you comments about younger children in divorce 65tr6 – my Dad has a red 65tr6. It is a thing of beauty I’ll admit and his prize possession. I think with a little attention to detail and not taking any chances I can keep my affair from my husband. As far as divorcing him out of the blue, I have established my dissatisfaction in the bedroom with numerous discussions. I’ll begin there and make a good case for my decision to divorce him Imagine – What now? More of the same! I can’t get enough. And a divorce after the holidays Lizzie60 – I totally agree Lizzie. Divorce is after all in many instances about problems other than affairs. Whichwayisup – I can’t refute anything you said. It is wrong and it is selfish. It happened, I let it happen, I’m thrilled it happened. And believe me I have every intention of continuing the affair. I have no doubt my husband will find someone worthwhile. Siebert253 – You mean I’m going to get hit by the Karma bus now? You’ve got me stressed now!!!! I have to agree with you. My affair is certainly selfish Tami-Chan –thanks for your comments and support Skump – sorry to disappoint you but I do not feel any guilt or remorse. My guy is not ruining my life. I’m the one that gave in, remember? I’ll end up divorcing my husband and that in no way will ruin my life Whichwayisup – not interested in FIXING my marriage. I’m ready to end it Freezerburn – Your sarcasm was really not helpful. BTW, I live in a no fault state, I’ll get my daughter. Of course he could still sue me for adultery but it is cost prohibitive and from what I understand adultery is very difficult to prove in a court of law Siebert253- You make a valid point. People today do not take their wedding vows seriously. All I can tell you is situations change and more importantly, people change. I can’t speak for men but I really do not think women today marry with the idea of til death do us part Tami-Chan – As you alluded, I am certainly not looking for redemption Thank you all!!!!!!!
seibert253 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 "I’ll end up divorcing my husband and that in no way will ruin my life" No, but it will put him through hell, at least for awhile. A, I actually wish you well but I think you need to do alot of self examination and I would seriously consider IC to work on the selfish thing. I do give you props for being honest to us. Now be honest with your H. Peace,
tami-chan Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I agree with you. It did not happen just like that FOR OP. She checked out LOOOOONNNNNG time ago. But the poor husband has little clue. so if that's the case, she would/could have asked for a divorce even without the affair, right?
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think the husband is better off without her!!! What kind of mother thinks like this! her daughter is only 2 years old the family isnt even given a chance to grow and evolve! I swear this kid is gonna end up resenting the mother. for a very long time. What she doing is just wrong on every level!
Richard Friedman Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 (edited) AH7, your actions seem to show complete disdain and even anger towards your husband. Is his performance sexually all there is to this? I mean surely this was a guy you loved at some point and now you're betraying him in the worst way. I would venture that most people would give more consideration to an absolute stranger. What I'm asking is what could have possibly happened to make your affection and respect for him vanish like this? Give us with some background on your marriage and the affair so we can at least get some context. Edited November 11, 2009 by Richard Friedman
Space Ritual Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 LOL....AH7 (Does that stand for Adolf Hitler7?...you display an delusional self importance that would rival him). No need to flame you any more. If you are happy with your insane judgement skills and you warped sense of entitlement I am sure someone will probably disabuse you of this notion sooner than later. I just hope you have good medical insurance. You may need it to have the large boot removed from your rectum that will surely come sometime in the future.
jnj express Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 You think you have all the bases covered, but you're writing your H. off as a total idiot, who knows and does nothing. If he even suspects anything from you, and puts a PI on you, your infidelity won't be hard to prove, and depending on how each of you conducts yourself, child custody will be decided, but then again no matter what age your daughter is, you don't care that she is gonna be shuttled and bounced around from home to home, by probably in your situation 2 very unhappy sets of parents
Author AH7 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 LOL....AH7 (Does that stand for Adolf Hitler7?...you display an delusional self importance that would rival him). No need to flame you any more. If you are happy with your insane judgement skills and you warped sense of entitlement I am sure someone will probably disabuse you of this notion sooner than later. I just hope you have good medical insurance. You may need it to have the large boot removed from your rectum that will surely come sometime in the future. Space Whatever, That's not even funny. Comparing a mere woman involved in an affair to a fascist dictator, pretty stupid actually. Ever heard of Aldeous Huxley? Probably not!! You have quite an imagination with your doomsday predictions. I hate to disappoint you but I will divorce my husband after the holidays and look forward to a new life. There will be no dire consequences or need for medical insurance.
lkjh Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 You have a two year old daughter that will look up to on how to live her life. You obviously don't love your H and you are in no way prepared for a monogamous relationship. Why don't you try doing things right, that way 30 years from now you don't look back on your life ashamed? Stay away from your bf till after christmas and then ask your H for a formal separation that will lead to divorce. After that you are free to do whatever Look I dont like what you are doing and I certainly don't think that you are a good person. Good people put others before themselves and they know that marriages are hard work and they will go through rough times. But, if this is how you want to live your life don't drag your H down that path. If he does find out it will destroy him in so many ways. Their is a girl in my grad program who's mother did the same thing to her dad, her dad found out and all hell broke loose. This all happen when the girl was young so she doesn't remember it but she is defiantly resented a little by her father for being her mothers daughter. Its not right but its the truth. Her dad treats her other sisters like princess's because they came from his new wife and he loves my friend but does not treat her the same. You can really see the toll it has taken on her. Im pretty good friends with her and it will amaze you what kids can go through when parents only think about themselves When making your next decision ask how it will affect your child
Dexter Morgan Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been involved in an emotional affair over the last two or three months. Things have escalated from an innocent lunch to meeting after work and having some pretty heavy make out sessions. My feelings for him have grown to enormous proportions. And as you might imagine I’ve pretty much lost the feelings I once had for my husband. then do your husband a favor and file for divorce. We’ve done it all except intercourse. My husband will not be back from his golf outing today until dark. So I’ve finally decided to meet my boyfriend at his place and there is no doubt we will have sex. I’m so frustrated and completely over not having my needs satisfied in the bedroom. so do your husband a favor and file for divorce.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I realize now divorce will be a certainty for me. It is an end I realize I have to start working toward. My daughter is two now and I understand the younger children are during a divorce the better they fare. So I have yet another reason to begin the divorce in the near future. My first thoughts are divorcing my husband after the holidays. Divorce certainly does not sound easy but I’m firmly convinced now it will be necessary. glad to hear it. so i have a question. are you going to do the right thing by your husband and do 50/50 custody?
Klassywife Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) If you are set on divorce then do it the right way. Tell your lover ( I'm sorry, if you are married you CAN'T have boyfriend/girlfriends) that when you are FREE then the relationship can continue. Then sit your husband down and tell him how you feel. Not knowing your situation or your husbands "side" of this drama, it's hard to advise you to either divorce or for you and your husband to get counseling. Try communication, it's alot better then cheating! If it is truly over - get the divorce! Then you won't be a lying, sneaking, deceitful, disloyal, you get my drift cheater! You chose to cheat. You have NO right placing any of the blame for your actions on your husband, not unless he held a gun to your head and forced you to turn to someone else. I am sorry you feel marriage is disposable, I don't. My word and honor are important to me. It's called integrity and character. Edited November 12, 2009 by Klassywife To add
adiaz Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I feel so sorry for your daughter. She is about to lose her childhood because her mother couldn't keep her legs close, her mind focus and spend her energy on her marriage. Good luck when the bubble bursts and you find out that relationships that start out as affairs are just a fantasy. If he is okay with screwing another man's wife, he will screw another woman behind your back.
bentnotbroken Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I am praying for the H to already know and all the selfish crap gets blown out of the water. But if he doesn't, she hasn't gotten away with anything. She only thinks she has.
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