GypsyRayne Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I was reading the post about frustratedone and her husband not wanting to have sex with her because she put on 40 lbs. This is something that bothers me and I have questions about it. The other day my husband and I were out and I noticed him looking at me with a disgusted look on his face, he was looking at my stomach, I was so humiliated and pulled my coat around me to cover myself. Now I am 5'3 and weigh 135lbs. I can't really say I was thinner when we met because I don't think I was, but I have been thinner at some point in our relationship, I was going through a stressful time and simply did not eat. After awhile I put the weight back on and a male friend said to me "I'm glad you put your weight back on, you were looking like a crack whore" All during my life I have had issues with my weight, not that I was ever overweight, I wasn't but when I looked in the mirror all I could see was fat. At one point I was 103lbs, this was a few months after I had my second child. I have a picture of me at this time in a bikini and I looked awful. Men are always telling me I look good, that I am very beautiful, etc. One day not long ago a man followed me out of the store and told me I was smokin hot. I have a teen son and he told me the other day he gets mad at his friends because the tell him he has a hot mom. So in reality I really must not look that bad. But all through my marriage, my husband has constantly made me feel bad about the way I look. Telling me I need to work out, I could lose a few pounds, I need to firm up, etc. Once he even told me that I was way more attractive than his ex wife but she had a much better body. We are about the same height but she is very small. I always notice my husband checking out other women. He looks at them in a way that I feel very disrespectful to me. It makes me feel bad about myself. They are all very thin, much thinner than me. So when does it cross a line? A line that maybe, just maybe you are ok, it is the other person who has the problem and not you? I mean I could lose weight and be this thin woman, the kind my husband seems to like, to turn him on more, but why should I? When I don't think I look bad. When others, men and women tell me I am very pretty. Thoughts?
whichwayisup Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 It's crossed a line because your H has been disrespectful towards you. If you want to lose weight, do it for YOU..Because YOU will feel better about YOU. You'll feel healthier, live longer and be more active. To just lose weight to please your H is the wrong way of looking at this.. Anyway, there's more going on than just the weight issue, it's the way your H treats you, sees you in general. Talk to him and let him know how this makes you feel. Maybe consider counselling, so each of you can grow together, learn and work through this. Him being negative and making comments about you, making you feel bad is NOT the way a husband should be treating his wife.
pricillia Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 attraction goes dedeper than looks, if he likes a certian style then he is being superficial and treating you disrespectfully. He could be jealous of how beautiful you are and making you feel inferior always wanting to please him and his whishes is helping only him but not yourself. Don't let him take away your self esteem. If this man gives you a disacerning look that is totally unsupportive, I mean really women are curvey and beautfull and I am sure that you take care of yourself without being super thin or super overweight where health problems can occur. This man needs to learn how to appreciate
Toodamnpragmatic Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I was reading the post about frustratedone and her husband not wanting to have sex with her because she put on 40 lbs. This is something that bothers me and I have questions about it. The other day my husband and I were out and I noticed him looking at me with a disgusted look on his face, he was looking at my stomach, I was so humiliated and pulled my coat around me to cover myself. Now I am 5'3 and weigh 135lbs. I can't really say I was thinner when we met because I don't think I was, but I have been thinner at some point in our relationship, I was going through a stressful time and simply did not eat. After awhile I put the weight back on and a male friend said to me "I'm glad you put your weight back on, you were looking like a crack whore" All during my life I have had issues with my weight, not that I was ever overweight, I wasn't but when I looked in the mirror all I could see was fat. At one point I was 103lbs, this was a few months after I had my second child. I have a picture of me at this time in a bikini and I looked awful. Men are always telling me I look good, that I am very beautiful, etc. One day not long ago a man followed me out of the store and told me I was smokin hot. I have a teen son and he told me the other day he gets mad at his friends because the tell him he has a hot mom. So in reality I really must not look that bad. But all through my marriage, my husband has constantly made me feel bad about the way I look. Telling me I need to work out, I could lose a few pounds, I need to firm up, etc. Once he even told me that I was way more attractive than his ex wife but she had a much better body. We are about the same height but she is very small. I always notice my husband checking out other women. He looks at them in a way that I feel very disrespectful to me. It makes me feel bad about myself. They are all very thin, much thinner than me. So when does it cross a line? A line that maybe, just maybe you are ok, it is the other person who has the problem and not you? I mean I could lose weight and be this thin woman, the kind my husband seems to like, to turn him on more, but why should I? When I don't think I look bad. When others, men and women tell me I am very pretty. Thoughts? this has nothing to do with your weight or stomach.... Other threads, yes there is a weight issue. Here it is simply a psychological powerplay. You have to decide how to handle his boorish behaviour.
clv0116 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well in all fairness 5' 3 and 135 sounds pretty pudgy.
Author GypsyRayne Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Thanks clv0116, you are very kind.
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well in all fairness 5' 3 and 135 sounds pretty pudgy. Actually this is within a healthy BMI range at 23.8.
Adunaphel Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I guess you could let your H know that you feel hurt by his passive-aggressive behaviour, kindly ask him to either go to MC and approach the issue or have a serious, honest, respectful and mature talk with each other where both of you discuss your expectations and needs. Or you could gently let your H notice that he is being a total a*****e, lovingly remind him that a lot of other men find you smoking hot, and kindly make him realize that the psychological powerplay has to stop lest you gently but strongly kick his skinny ass with your beautifully shaped legs. Bullying you into losing weight? ugh. It's the attitude that sucks, no matter whether the other person is pretty or not. But IMO in your case - with so many guys finding you very beautiful - such an attitude is also very stupid.
clv0116 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) Actually this is within a healthy BMI range at 23.8. Healthy ... no comment. She's short* and it's at the very top of the supposedly "healthy" range at any rate, so it's not like losing 15 or 20 pounds will endanger her life. *BMI is notorious for not really taking height properly into account. Edited November 8, 2009 by clv0116
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 *BMI is notorious for not really taking height properly into account. And it also does not take account of muscle weighing more than fat. Just as BMI is not a perfect system, stating the OP is podgy is also flawed when we do not know her body type/how toned she is.
clv0116 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 And it also does not take account of muscle weighing more than fat. Just as BMI is not a perfect system, stating the OP is podgy is also flawed when we do not know her body type/how toned she is. Well her husband apparently thinks so, and evidence seems to support HIM.
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well her husband apparently thinks so, and evidence seems to support HIM. I'm confused. What evidence has the husband presented here?
clv0116 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I'm confused. What evidence has the husband presented here? You are confused, I never said he presented anything. The available evidence (she says she's short and heavy) seems to validate what she says her husbands opinion is.
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 She's short and her husband says she's heavy. He is making her feel bad about herself. He is making her feel this way. The OP's husband is an absolute **** and showing a total lack of respect for his wife.
clv0116 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 She's short and her husband says she's heavy. "I am 5'3 and weigh 135lbs" Short. Heavy.
anne1707 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 This is pointless CLV, You obviously think like the OP's husband. I just hope she listens to the views of others who are more balanced.
clv0116 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 This is pointless CLV, You obviously think like the OP's husband. I just hope she listens to the views of others who are more balanced. How is it not balanced? She's at least on the verge of being overweight and losing some wouldn't be a health risk, so .... why not lose it?
whichwayisup Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 She's short and her husband says she's heavy. He is making her feel bad about herself. He is making her feel this way. The OP's husband is an absolute **** and showing a total lack of respect for his wife. Exactly. And how is putting down his wife helping her feel better, let alone help her lose some weight clv0116? She has resentment building up and yeah, maybe when she does lose weight that resentment will come out in a horrible way, so NOW is the time to talk to him, be honest and tell him he's being a jerk. He needs to love her, support her, encourage her, go to the gym with her, walk with her in the evenings, show affection, intimacy. Seems this guy ISN'T being nice PERIOD.
clv0116 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 And women wonder why men don't want to get married.
Author GypsyRayne Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 I wear a size 4 clothes. How am I heavy? What is not heavy? 2, 1, 0 what?
clv0116 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I wear a size 4 clothes. How am I heavy? What is not heavy? 2, 1, 0 what? Size 4, 2009, America, or size 4 according to the standard size charts? Standard size 4 you should have 34" bust, 24" waist and 36" hips.
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 And women wonder why men don't want to get married. Let's not go there..If you want to take it to that level, start your own thread about that.
D-Lish Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 5'3" and 135 lbs isn't pudgy, it's not fat, it's not overweight. I can't believe anyone would say such a thing. I think the comment is just designed to be antagonistic- and obviously just plain mean. Don't internalize other people's ideals- you can't possibly live up to them. When I am on the lighter side and skinny, I lose my boobs and bum...many guys aren't into that...when I am less stressed and I am a healthy weight I have my boobs and bum back. Some guys like the skinny look, most like the healthy look. Your husband doesn't sound like an ideal partner- I think that is the real issue.
clv0116 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I wear a size 4 clothes. How am I heavy? What is not heavy? 2, 1, 0 what? According to this source, at your weight you are probably a standard size 14 or so, or a US catalog size 8. If you can pack into a 4, either it's seriously vanity sized or you are really atypical.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Tell him he's an a$$. He is, he should be making you feel good, not bad. Kindly remind him of all the men you could (and in my eyes should) have, and to think twice before he opens his far too wide trap again. It's downright disrespectful. And if he has no respect for you or your feelings, he may as well not love you. You deserve more. clv, shut up.
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