adamt Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Been on here for last 4 months, so i wont go into too much detail about my split. But i'll just say that i was devasted when we split after a 3 year relationship, i dropped in a big hole and began to rebuild myself. It has been a bad year with my ex needing a major ear operation and her mum passing away, then dumping me and a few other things. So been in NC since the split. Took her off facebook. anyway, i knew at sometime i was going to bump into her and it was last night in a pub after a football match(we used to go together). We clocked each other across a busy pub. We have mutual friends so really i couldnt go hide. So after i got served at the bar i wandered to where she and our friends were. She came straight over to talk to me. That helped to break the ice and glad we werent just stood there. I felt quite relaxed. I had been preparing myself on coping with this moment for months. she noticed i had lost weight which felt good(lost 20lbs and body fat down from 33% to 15%). we talked probably 70% about how she is and her friends/family and what had been going on. she said she noticed i had taken her off facebook. i said it was for the best for me and i had no hard feelings. I said i still thought about her sometimes and realised i could have done somethings different. that was all we wanted to talk about the relationship. I asked how her dad was, she said he was finding it hard to deal with her mom passing away and she was looking after him.she said she went to the match on her own,she seems busy with work and the travel. spends little time in her own place. she then left and drove home(160 miles). i cant really read into it too much that she might have been wating for me to turn up. anyway, i was surprised how calm and relaxed i was. it was relief that i got through it ok. I realised that she probably is becoming quite lonely and too busy for a boyfriend. her priority seems to be looking after her dad. who knows how long she will have her dad as priority. she is trying to balance that with work and the travel that brings then visiting friends at weekends. she has always been quite independent. I can see her being single for a while and possibly never have kids or getting married. (she is 36 and has 2 cats) it kind of helped me think that breaking up wasnt all down to me. Today i feel a bit sad cos she has no one there to care for her and i wished it was me. But she made the choice.It does feel like she isnt interested in a boyfriend at the moment. which in a strange way i find hard to deal with. Today some feelings are coming back and shows the important of NC. I'm reflecting on the relationship and how rubbish 2009 has been. I'll be ok once i'm back at work tomorrow. But i can see how it wil set some people back and they then start to contact their ex anyway i just wanted to get it off my chest.
mickleb Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Aw. Thanks for sharing, adamt. You've done extremely well with your healing. Such a difficult situation to get your head around, too. Well done for letting go as well as you have. I remember reading another poster's signature on here that helped me with this: Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past. It's from a film. I guess this could apply to her? She 'deserves' some help, caring for her dad and some love, whilst she deals with this but she doesn't see that. Or is unable to accept it. It's a very difficult sitation for the dumpee to be left with but you have done the right thing and you will find someone who is able to accept the wonderful love you have to offer. Process this event as you need to. You are strong and you will continue to be so. Take care. x
Author adamt Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) Thanks for you words. Its as if she has only room to love one man at the moment and thats her dad. She was always the closest to him out of her sisters. It's like she is now filling the void left by her mom. She left home when she was 18. When i started goign out with her she only saw her parents once a monht or less. Its like i just want to give her a big hug/cuddle and take her away from everything. She is pretty headstrong and once her mind is made up that it is it. I had lots of things i could have said about things that might have gone wrong in the relationship. But more than likely she would have got angry and we would have made a scene, so i thought best to be just civil.we never argued with each other, we just grew apart with so much going on outside the relationship. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to say but when she talked about her dad, I said feel free to drop me an email if you want to talk to it someone about it. my intention was not to get back with her but if she was struggling. i felt sad for her and that effecting me now. I've been on a couple of dates but no one really hit the spot yet. i'm on a dating website and added one girl who added me back but stilll waiting for her to reply to a message i sent. so frustrating. i think i wont be fully over her until i fall for someone else. Today i'm fighting to keeping all those feeling back down, wierd because when i was speaking to her i was fine. NC is so important. In someways it would be easier if she started going out with someone new. this time last year she wanted to get a house together in the spring. she moved job to live nearer everyone. It messes your head up and you can think for hours. just have to accept it and try to move on editted: how crazy, just after posting this i just got a reply for the message i sent on the dating website...just the perfect medicine i need today to give me a lift!... Edited November 8, 2009 by adamt
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