crystal_lostheart Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Hey there, Just another update...can't believe it's been 2 years and how I have changed. MM left W 6 months ago.... after I walked away from him... for the 3rd time but this time I meant it and he knew it. I told him I didn't want to be part of the lies anymore and that I was moving on with my life. If I look over the course of the 3 years I have known him...what has changed? Him and me. At first I never spoke my mind to him... just kept quiet in agony constantly.. then one day I woke up and said enough. I started speaking my mind. That's what I think is missing in a lot of these types of relationships, we don't speak our mind enough. When I told MM that I could get this half assed, bulls**t relationship we had from any loser out there and that I deserved better and he had to give me something that no other man could - that's when things changed. I became confident again and didn't fall over into a heap at the thought of losing him anymore. I told him to stay at home with his W and leave me alone for good. Instead, he became scared. Then I walked. Yes he came back, left his W and yes I was very angry at him. He is very remorseful for what he has put me and his W through and we have great days and bad days trying to find our way in making our future together promising. It is a process and it is not easy when they leave - it is harder - so please be careful what you wish for. It's not all roses and there are so many trust issues you must deal with afterwards. And if there are kids involved, even harder. My point is, think carefully. If he is pulling your strings, your gut will tell you....test the waters, put yourself first, get your answer and make your decision....and it is that simple...walk away if you have to
jj33 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 How are you doing with the trust issues? Is it getting any easier? Do you feel he is fully committed to you now?
learnfrommymistakes Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 hi well I agree with what you said, I always told myself I would a lot of trust issues and other issues if my xmm became single, and it is true. He is single, but not for me...and yet I have way worse trust issues with him now, than ever before. I dont think it is a picnic in these circumstances, never did. best of luck & good for you for standing your ground. lfmm
Author crystal_lostheart Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 How are you doing with the trust issues? Is it getting any easier? Do you feel he is fully committed to you now? Sometimes it is easier - sometimes it's not... but one thing I know is that if he messes this up, he loses, not me... and he knows that too. He is committed to me, but it is a hard process, there are stages to it and that's what I found hardest to cope with. But we are making a promising future together....it's just taking a little longer than 'normal' situations
Virgo1982 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Sounds about right. I also noticed a change when I unleashed the fury on my xMM. The only difference is I told him I do not care whether he and his W renew their vows or divorce, and I meant it. I think he realizes I'm through as I have cut off all avenues of communication. It is now his choice to reflect on my words and do something for his family or find somebody else to participate in his cake eating. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and I hope you two make it. People only do to you what you allow them to.
Alpha Female Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I think he realizes I'm through as I have cut off all avenues of communication. It is now his choice to reflect on my words and do something for his family or find somebody else to participate in his cake eating. Yes, I just did the same thing, and I completely agree. I do think its easier for some MM to just slip back into a bad M, and then start cheating again with someone new. Then he can use all the same lines and lies again. ha ha! I do wonder if x-MM showed up with filed divorce papers, if I would be able to be with him again. Im not sure how much I could really trust him. I asked him about that, and he said with someone like me, he would never stray, because hed have everything he wanted at home. Whatever. Thanks for the update. Always wonder how it goes after he leaves.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Crystal, I loved your post! It's a point of view not heard that often around here. The majority of posts seem to be to the getting him to leave stage and the support drops off after he leaves and that's really where the real challenges start. I am wishing you the best of luck! Me and my hubby are celebrating our first anniversary tomorrow! It was a hard road but one that I still feel was worth taking. It sounds like you're happy with you and will be with the choices you make no matter what happens in your R. GEL
OWoman Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I am wishing you the best of luck! Me and my hubby are celebrating our first anniversary tomorrow! It was a hard road but one that I still feel was worth taking. Congrats, GEL!!! :bunny: We'll be celebrating ours early in the new year, too! Crystal - ups to you! It sounds as if things are going well. Yes, there are challenges once they leave, but as long as you're serious about being treated with respect, respect is what you will get.
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