name witheld Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Been broken up for a few months and after a period of LC, have been in NC for just over a week. Reasons given for breaking up was that some of the things I did made really upset her and she thought it would not change. Today was a rough day but I got through it and even though I've had doubts about NC, still able to stick it. How ever, after talking with a friend tonight some worries have crept through. I did try not to talk about the relationship with my friend but she managed to tell me that: She thought that I didn't care that much for girlWhilst in LC girl told my friend that things were going well and I was being really nice, but she thought it was just because of us breaking up (ouch!)Girl has told my friend that she is wanting committmentMy worry is if girl thinks the same thing and now that we are in NC it may make it worse. She so mistaken for the way I've been acting in LC that means her decision (as much as I respect it) is wrong and this is a mistake! She has convinced herself that this is true but its not. I know the risk in breaking NC so reluctant to do it, but I have these doubts!! Also its only been a week or so, at least if the worst happens its not months of NC lost.
Author name witheld Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 also something kinda weird going on as girl and friend never used to get on that well, but girl has been contacting friend more just before NC. But after NC she stopped. I can't say on here what was said but there is one thing in particular that makes me think NC was a mistake.
Weezy Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Been broken up for a few months and after a period of LC, have been in NC for just over a week. Reasons given for breaking up was that some of the things I did made really upset her and she thought it would not change. Today was a rough day but I got through it and even though I've had doubts about NC, still able to stick it. How ever, after talking with a friend tonight some worries have crept through. I did try not to talk about the relationship with my friend but she managed to tell me that: She thought that I didn't care that much for girlWhilst in LC girl told my friend that things were going well and I was being really nice, but she thought it was just because of us breaking up (ouch!)Girl has told my friend that she is wanting committment My worry is if girl thinks the same thing and now that we are in NC it may make it worse. She so mistaken for the way I've been acting in LC that means her decision (as much as I respect it) is wrong and this is a mistake! She has convinced herself that this is true but its not. I know the risk in breaking NC so reluctant to do it, but I have these doubts!! Also its only been a week or so, at least if the worst happens its not months of NC lost. Let me know if you break NC. I'm in a similar boat, got dumped after 3 years for not spending enough time, not making her my life. Had been ignoring her marriage hints and hints of her not knowing where she was going in life for a while.
cypresa Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I am utterly confused by your post! If she broke it off because she wanted more commitment from you then surely if you now feel that you can give her that commitment you should be calling her up for a chat! Why are you in NC? NC is for those people who have no power to make things right with the other person. You have the power to get her back!!! she wanted MORE from you not less!!! If you are able to give her more commitment - then you should do everything in your power to get her back. More NC will make it worse for sure. She will think that you are agreeing with her and move on. call her up and ask to meet up. But only if you truly love her and can give her the commitment she wants.
Author name witheld Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 I was in LC with her for almost two months and it didn't work. She has convinced herself that anything I say just now is just because of the breakup and will be forgotten about after things get back to normal. Really think that NC is last option and I told her it was for her. Don't think I have the power to get her back so NC. She broke NC the other day but I kept it minimal as I thought just breadcrumbs. If she keeps contact then I will be looking for a chat. ps yes I can give her more.
Weezy Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I was in LC with her for almost two months and it didn't work. She has convinced herself that anything I say just now is just because of the breakup and will be forgotten about after things get back to normal. Really think that NC is last option and I told her it was for her. Don't think I have the power to get her back so NC. She broke NC the other day but I kept it minimal as I thought just breadcrumbs. If she keeps contact then I will be looking for a chat. ps yes I can give her more. Thanks for the update. I have a feeling if I broke NC that this would happen to me too. You just cannot buck the laws of attraction, if they break it off, there is no getting them back without them missing you and wanting you back.
Author name witheld Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 well there is more to update. Girl broke NC again asking to bring some stuff round. I wasn't in (GREAT!) so it wasn't convenient. We arranged another day. When she did come round we spoke for a bit (just chat) so I was thinking if it lead to relationship talks then I would have to find an excuse to stop the meeting. Not easy when its at your own place! Before we got to that point we agreed to have tea together. She was round all in all for most of the day. During that time we did discuss some elements of the relationship and agreed to do a couple of things (ie further meetings). I have to say that I felt a lot stronger after a few weeks in NC and I was more honest and not taking all the blame for things. Still a long way to go yet but if she keeps taking steps towards me then my confidence will grow. So it looks like I'm in a limbo between NC and LC, but as long she moves towards me then thats ok. I do think at some point a more direct conversation will have to take place and hopefully it will not be me who initiates it. I still see love in her eyes and it seems like she is more open to working things out than in the beginning. (I pushed LC then because I felt it was right strategy) I want to point out in the meantime I am not waiting around for her and have been and will continue to date other people, at least until things ramp up with Girl. Next few days will be key. Think I should remain in NC for that time?
Weezy Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 well there is more to update. Girl broke NC again asking to bring some stuff round. I wasn't in (GREAT!) so it wasn't convenient. We arranged another day. When she did come round we spoke for a bit (just chat) so I was thinking if it lead to relationship talks then I would have to find an excuse to stop the meeting. Not easy when its at your own place! Before we got to that point we agreed to have tea together. She was round all in all for most of the day. During that time we did discuss some elements of the relationship and agreed to do a couple of things (ie further meetings). I have to say that I felt a lot stronger after a few weeks in NC and I was more honest and not taking all the blame for things. Still a long way to go yet but if she keeps taking steps towards me then my confidence will grow. So it looks like I'm in a limbo between NC and LC, but as long she moves towards me then thats ok. I do think at some point a more direct conversation will have to take place and hopefully it will not be me who initiates it. I still see love in her eyes and it seems like she is more open to working things out than in the beginning. (I pushed LC then because I felt it was right strategy) I want to point out in the meantime I am not waiting around for her and have been and will continue to date other people, at least until things ramp up with Girl. Next few days will be key. Think I should remain in NC for that time? I think you need to let her initiate all contact you can respond, but I wouldn't do the contacting. She has to feel like you are some what of a prize and that it's not going to be a snap to get you back. She well let you know when she wants to get full on back with you.. I promise.
Author name witheld Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Thanks for the advice. Girl came round again, but we have not spoke since. I'm just going to sit back like you say and let her initiate the contact. Still going through a bit of a rollercoaster but after every dip there does seem to be progress within me and I'm getting stronger. Found out some more info today from a friend and again I won't be specific but Girl had told friend about how an issue showed how adament I was about not having kids. The truth is I did not say that and would have been willing to compromise!! Just makes the whole thing seem like a big misunderstanding and it is so frustrating! But I will resist the urge to reach out. Weezy, I think our situtation is similar and I read your post about proposing. Have to admit that I've thought about doing the same but decided not too. Pretty much for the reasons given on your thread. I was thinking about selling my pride and joy to buy a ring, but even though it is a big gesture (ok and might even work), the fact is the other person might just think youu are doing it as an impulse to losing them and not really what you want. Nuts eh?
Weezy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks for the advice. Girl came round again, but we have not spoke since. I'm just going to sit back like you say and let her initiate the contact. Still going through a bit of a rollercoaster but after every dip there does seem to be progress within me and I'm getting stronger. Found out some more info today from a friend and again I won't be specific but Girl had told friend about how an issue showed how adament I was about not having kids. The truth is I did not say that and would have been willing to compromise!! Just makes the whole thing seem like a big misunderstanding and it is so frustrating! But I will resist the urge to reach out. Weezy, I think our situtation is similar and I read your post about proposing. Have to admit that I've thought about doing the same but decided not too. Pretty much for the reasons given on your thread. I was thinking about selling my pride and joy to buy a ring, but even though it is a big gesture (ok and might even work), the fact is the other person might just think youu are doing it as an impulse to losing them and not really what you want. Nuts eh? Yeah, I decided against it. If I break NC, then I'll just ask her to coffee and see how it goes.. Not really holding out much hope anymore...
Author name witheld Posted December 2, 2009 Author Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) Well since the last post things have been better. Firmly in LC now and not so much of a limbo between that and NC. Contact is now free and initiated from both sides. Something bad happened to me since the last post and how she has acted in relation to that has shown me that she still loves me. This has also changed my daily life and I will now be selling boys toys anyway. We have spent a few nights together and things are flirty and playful, we are not back together but I think things are positive and progressing. However, today it seems that she took a step back again in that she reduced the amount of things we are doing together this weekend (all of which were initiated by her) but I'm maybe reading too much into this! Its good anyway as it looks like I will be busy this weekend. I am very certain that she is not seeing anybody else and I do not think she has been during our split. However, I have been dating and meeting other people. We shall see what this week brings anyway. Edited December 2, 2009 by name witheld
jose resh Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 I am going through a similar situation and am really trying to figure out how to enable it to work out. Short story is that after 5 years she wants to have kids, I messed up and said the wrong things and she thinks that I don't want to get married or have kids (kids are non negotiable for her). You can read all about it here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212429/ All of this is just a major communication issue and now it seems impossible to return things to the way that they were. I was considering proposing as well but it seems like a bad idea to propose when a relationship is on such an unstable foundation. I am really trying to figure out how to proceed It seems that from everything Ive read here no contact is the way to go, however I haven't given up on the situation. It really is a difficult situation to be in. Looking forward to learning from both of your experiences.
J dub Posted December 7, 2009 Posted December 7, 2009 what is all this LC business? If you want to heal, you go in to strict NC and move forward for your health and wellbeing. LC is just delaying the inevitable. She wants more from you, if you cant give her that, be a man and let her go so she can find someone who will give her what she wants.
Author name witheld Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 I was in NC, but she broke it. The breakup and time I have spent on my own has enabled a lot of healing. If she wants more from me then I can give it to her, that is what I wanted in the first place!! More of a misunderstanding, as it seems to me.
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