hollisterbaby Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 So my bf and I have been on and off for the past 3 and a half years. I love him alot and i know that he loves me too. Right now we are on our 4th break.(I know its crazy). Anyways i met his childhood best friend last summer and we quicky became friends. We would call each other but it was always really innocent. I even tried hooking him out wit one of my girls. My bf doesnt always treat me the way he should and I always found comfort in his friend if my girls werent available to talk. Last fri after the 3 of us hung out he invited me over to his house to have a beer. He said he wanted to talk so I gave him a chance.He was very flirty and the next day I couldnt stop thinking about him. We then hung out on Monday and we ended up kissing. We also hung out Tues. and WEds. He's the sweetest guy and he really wants to be with me. He told me that its my decision if I want to continue seeing him or not b/c right now he's in California. When he comes back I have to make a decesion. What makes it so hard is because he's the sweetest guy and we have a connection. We know that we shouldnt be seeing each other because him and my "bf" have been friends since middle school. I really dont know what to do and he doesnt either.I really need outside advice from ppl besides my friends so if everyone can give me some feedback I would really appreciate it Thanks...
lkjh Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 The guy is trying for an easy hook up. You are putting too much credit into his words. People who go after their life long friends SO do not think in the future, they think in the present. He is looking for action. You need to learn that men who listen while you are down really want to hook up with you. If your bf is that bad and you guys are always breaking up you should end it for good but not for the friend. Get rid of both of them. Lastly tell your BF about his "friend". Start clean and work on yourself before you put yourself in a horrible mess
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 The guy is trying for an easy hook up. You are putting too much credit into his words. People who go after their life long friends SO do not think in the future, they think in the present. He is looking for action. You need to learn that men who listen while you are down really want to hook up with you. If your bf is that bad and you guys are always breaking up you should end it for good but not for the friend. Get rid of both of them. Lastly tell your BF about his "friend". Start clean and work on yourself before you put yourself in a horrible mess I disagree partly with the bold quote. I was friends with this guy once, (we met on holiday). Something tragic happened, I was so down, he was there for me, listened to me, we never hooked up. He said he wanted to, but had too much respect for me. It's entirely possible he's listening because he cares, course, it's also possible he's not.
carhill Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 OP, can you clarify...is the friend alluded to in the thread linked below his best friend? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t182697/ That thread will also give responders a better idea of the background here...... I'd counsel a whoa! there on the best friend for now.
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 The guy is trying for an easy hook up. You are putting too much credit into his words. People who go after their life long friends SO do not think in the future, they think in the present. He is looking for action. You need to learn that men who listen while you are down really want to hook up with you. If your bf is that bad and you guys are always breaking up you should end it for good but not for the friend. Get rid of both of them. Lastly tell your BF about his "friend". Start clean and work on yourself before you put yourself in a horrible mess Only if that man is named IKJH.
lkjh Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Only if that man is named IKJH. Let me guess tami,the guy you cheated with was there to listen right? harmfulsweetz, it doesn't always lead to hooking up but that doesn't mean that the majority of the time they don't want to. Even in your case your friend flat out told he wanted to. Haven't you notice that most affairs start with a guy listing to a frustrated housewife, and some how he "understands" what shes going through
road Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 You need to tell BF that you cheated on him with his best friend. Then you need to end your relationship with him and go NC. As to the new love of your life. Why date some one that has no morals? Why date some one that finds it not wrong to betray? He betrayed his friend. Go to and IC to find out why you think it is ok to cheat. Never forget that they will cheat with you they will cheat on you.
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Let me guess tami,the guy you cheated with was there to listen right? Actually, NO ....I met my xOM/MM (now divorced) more than a decade after my D-day....AND I did not really talk to him about my stbxh's shenanigans-just that our marriage was not conventional. I wasn't unhappy with my "marriage". What I could give in the marriage was something I chose. So no, my dear, my xOM was not my sounding board about my marriage.
mr.dream merchant Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I disagree partly with the bold quote. I was friends with this guy once, (we met on holiday). Something tragic happened, I was so down, he was there for me, listened to me, we never hooked up. He said he wanted to, but had too much respect for me. It's entirely possible he's listening because he cares, course, it's also possible he's not. Okay, NO. NO. and NO. He did want to screw you. He only told you he didn't want to to seem more of a sweetheart to you, bettering his chances of YOU wanting to **** HIM. Come on........ *face in palm*
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Okay, NO. NO. and NO. He did want to screw you. He only told you he didn't want to to seem more of a sweetheart to you, bettering his chances of YOU wanting to **** HIM. Come on........ *face in palm* LOL..."face in palm"....<sigh> games people play, eh?
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 To be fair to him, he had plenty of opportunity, I certainly made it clear I wanted to and he still didn't. My point is, that although he wanted to, he didn't. He listened because he cared, looked after me because he cared. It's a cynical world when a man cannot care for a woman and listen to a woman when in need without wanting to screw her. No offence. He made his position and feelings on me clear, but he never breached it. He listened all the time. I'm not saying it's commonplace, it's not, most men are just there for what they can get, but not all. And I'm not going to be persuaded otherwise, there are decent men out there.
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 OP, I answered your multiple post on this topic on OW/OM. As Carhill noted, you need a big whoa! on the whole situation. Way too much drama, for way too long. I'm not sure if you are trying to woo the friend away from your BF since you have felt so left out of their friendship and been so jealous of the friend, but at the end of the day, you are going to be without both of them.
boldjack Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Harmful, If this guy is such a straight up sort, why hasn't he told his "friend", that he is interested in the "friends", GF.? BTW if you were such a good person, why haven't YOU told your BF, the truth?
Javelin Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 So my bf and I have been on and off for the past 3 and a half years. I love him alot and i know that he loves me too. Right now we are on our 4th break.(I know its crazy). Anyways i met his childhood best friend last summer and we quicky became friends. We would call each other but it was always really innocent. I even tried hooking him out wit one of my girls. My bf doesnt always treat me the way he should and I always found comfort in his friend if my girls werent available to talk. Last fri after the 3 of us hung out he invited me over to his house to have a beer. He said he wanted to talk so I gave him a chance.He was very flirty and the next day I couldnt stop thinking about him. We then hung out on Monday and we ended up kissing. We also hung out Tues. and WEds. He's the sweetest guy and he really wants to be with me. He told me that its my decision if I want to continue seeing him or not b/c right now he's in California. When he comes back I have to make a decesion. What makes it so hard is because he's the sweetest guy and we have a connection. We know that we shouldnt be seeing each other because him and my "bf" have been friends since middle school. I really dont know what to do and he doesnt either.I really need outside advice from ppl besides my friends so if everyone can give me some feedback I would really appreciate it Thanks... You're falling into a bad trap, How would you feel if your best friend (a female) was befriend by boyfriend and he confided in her instead of you? How would you feel if on a, 'break' your ex-boyfriend kissed her and was considering dating her instead of you? What if all this was going on behind your back and you only found out because your now ex-boyfriend told you, he was now with your friend? Do you see where this is going?
bluestraps Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 My ex girlfriend and I were also having problems. My friend for about 18 years and my girlfriend became friends because her and I would go to his apt sometimes, hang out for a bit and leave. They would also talk on the phone . My friend I guess was there for her in stead of her talking to me about things. Looking back at this it may seem innocent but some time between july and september things changed. They decided to get together behind my back . And now they are togther.I'm a big believer in not dating , cheating with friends of ex boyfriends / girlfriends. Especialy in the way you are talking. You are going to ruin a friendship. Do you want to know you have caused pain for someone you care about Most of these problems are because of bad communication. I for instance would get a little upset when my girl would talk about things that were bothering her, and I would be less than supportive . A big mistake for me There are some guys who do have ulterior motives. The smart ones do . In my case my friend is sort of dumb ,but looking back he may have known exactly what hes doing. He really is a user and I should have known not to trust him . Thats a red flag when a friend is the confidant. From now on I dont have my girlfriends be friends with any one I know ever again .Dont do it if you love the boyfriend . Just get away.
poiuuu Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 The guy is trying for an easy hook up. You are putting too much credit into his words. People who go after their life long friends SO do not think in the future, they think in the present. He is looking for action. You need to learn that men who listen while you are down really want to hook up with you. If your bf is that bad and you guys are always breaking up you should end it for good but not for the friend. Get rid of both of them. Lastly tell your BF about his "friend". Start clean and work on yourself before you put yourself in a horrible mess I disagree, life is short. Go for it.
lkjh Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 harmful, the guy didn't take it to the next level because he didn't know how. He was probably to shy or scared to make the actual move
Dexter Morgan Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 We know that we shouldnt be seeing each other because him and my "bf" have been friends since middle school. I really dont know what to do and he doesnt either.I really need outside advice from ppl besides my friends so if everyone can give me some feedback I would really appreciate it Thanks... If you continue with this and see his friend, then be prepared to make this "break":rolleyes: between you and your so-called bf permanent.
traderho Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Seems pretty simple to me the "best friend" is a weasel with no loyalty. You are a girl who has no problems cheating on her boyfriend with his best friend. You two are perfect for each other!
cdt76 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Don't do it. It makes you look like a whore and he will lose a good friend. It happened to me. Additionally, your BF may just kick the crap out of his friend and then you are left with a guy who is hurt and you still look like a whore. Be the bigger person and just go away. If you don't want your BF get out of his life completely and don't cause any further damage. You can survive in your own life and you ddon't need his friends to comfort you. Please, it isn't the right thing to do, for any of you.
Maggotface Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Regardless of where you and this new man go I would still leave your boyfriend in the past. This is the fourth time you guys are seperated, it will probably continue in that pattern I would find something more sustainable.
Spectre Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I just can't help but laugh whenever I see a person posting that they love their bf/gf, and then going on to tell us how they cheated on them. So sadly, I'm usually laughing a LOT when reading threads on this forum, cuz people can never seem to shut up about how much they love the person they just betrayed in the worst possible way. Break up with your bf, he deserves better than you. It's trashy enough to cheat, but to do it with your bf's best friend? Does anyone have any class anymore?
bluestraps Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Some people will do whatever they want no matter who it hurts.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Harmful, If this guy is such a straight up sort, why hasn't he told his "friend", that he is interested in the "friends", GF.? BTW if you were such a good person, why haven't YOU told your BF, the truth? With regards to what exactly?
harmfulsweetz Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Possibly, lkjh, possibly. I don't doubt now that he wanted something more. I guess he could have been after more, my point wasn't that, my point was that despite his attraction to me, (or wanting a lay) he didn't. It's entirely possible for a man to be a shoulder to cry on, and not do more. Turns out though, he had a preggers fiance back home, I found this out after he told me he loved me...jeez I pick em good. Boldjack, I have told my bf the truth. If you think I was with my bf during the time with the other guy (I'm discussing on this thread) no I wasn't. I hadn't even met my bf then.
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