Bulldozed Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 When it seems we've all been dumped and our ex's are off living their lives, with nary a thought of us, or so it would seem in my case? Seriously, if we knew how insignificant we are in their lives right now, then why can't we take the same approach. I'm ****ING sick of this ****!!! We are all so much better than this!!! Seriously, i let this bitch effect me so much, I ended up losing my job over this breakup. Does she care? Who knows, her dad was a customer of mine, and he told her about it. We're in their past, they've moved on...it's just that simple. I love LS, it's provided me with great advice, and to all I'm greatly appreciative. We are better than this...lets start living, life is way too short to waste time being bitter, sad, depressed over people that in the end never deserved us! It's that simple!
rickigal Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 For me the people in this forum have helped me cope and move on with my life much more than I could on my own. We are learning to live our lives again here.
carhill Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Think of it as free therapy. I get my therapy (and occasionally support) no matter where in the world I am Facing loss is part of the path of living. IMO, those who do not are the ones who really need a space like LS. It's good work.
onewillburn Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I often wonder the same thing. There are two sides to it, I guess. On one hand coming to this site makes me think about the break up more. On the other hand, who knows what kind of foolish things I might have done if not for the support system here. In my situation, there is no support system other than a family with their own problems to worry about and friends who are too far away to really talk to with any intimacy. I never thought the end of a relationship would make me feel this way, but I went through a lot with this girl and gave up a lot of things. In the end, it wasn't for the best and now I'm dealing with the wounds and consequences. If coming to a site like this is what it takes to heal those wounds, then so be it. I can at least take pride in the fact that I'm doing something positive about the break up; ie- venting, giving and receiving advice, trying to become a better person. I haven't turned to alcohol or dire measures to get over the pain. It's an odd time for me, but I'm getting stronger and kind of feel like I'm learning a lot about myself.
clv0116 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I'm just waiting for something and watching the various train wrecks on LS.
mickleb Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 We're busily doing nothing / Working the whole day through / Trying to find lots of things not to do / We're busily going nowhere / Isn't it such a crime? / We'd like to be unhappy / But we never do have the time I've always liked that song. They're now using it in a McDonald's advert, or somesh*t, here in the UK.. Anyway, sums up my feelings. It keeps me busy, makes me happy, helps me to pass the time and who gives a toss? We have all been given a free ticket to be completely indulgent (safely, mind), as far as I'm concerned, so if I wanna spend my Saturday here, I shall.
Exit Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Yeah, it's a double-edged sword. I'm sure I've spent some nights here on the forums when I should have been out having fun and moving on. And our ex's certainly aren't at some other website trying to figure out what they did wrong. But I think overall, being here is more positive than negative. To say that having access to this website is the only thing keeping me dwelling on my breakup would be silly, I'm sure I'd still miss her whether I was a member at this forum or not. I do try to limit my time here these days, if I'm feeling miserable I come post a thread to vent, and usually sign off without even waiting for replies. Then I come back a few days later and see what people had to say. Like anything it's good in moderation, don't come here just to mope 24/7.
lilbelle Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I'm here because I'm trying to figure out what the **** is wrong with me... i need people to talk to about this and i would rather not put it all on my friends who are sick of hearing it and have their own problems. it's my escape from the dread and frustration. the loneliness. i don't want to be with anyone else. i can't be with anyone else. i know he is living his life and i am too. we keep breathing it just gets harder.
106rob Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 i found this place when i was on night shift last week and feeling very down,managed to get a signal on my iphone so just searched in google (how to deal with break up) and about 4-5 articles lead me to this place so waited till i got home and came on the laptop and joined up spend hours reading advice etc,and had the best days sleep in weeks after it just made me feel a whole lot better and i realised im not on my own and there is people worse off than me i am very thankful to this place it has helped me already and hopefully i will start getting over it all quiker because of the advice and guidence from people on here and i agree it was fcking me off how she could just move on without a care in the world tbh!
USMCHokie Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I agree with everyone on the value of this site. Not only is it great for venting and receiving advice, but helping others with a few words of wisdom here and there also serves to validate in our own minds the best way to cope with loss. Of course it could be counterproductive to spend hours and hours each day on this site, but it's a great place to come to when you're feeling particularly down or curious about something that's been on your mind and want some other opinions. There are certainly some days where I don't even think about logging onto LS, but other days when I'm at work and can't wait to get home to ask a question that had been on my mind all day. Each person will find their own use for LS...it's certainly been a positive experience for me.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I'm here, now, to repay Loveshack for saving my a$$ emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. So many people helped me out so many times whether they knew it or not. I made it through to the "other side" and I am doing pretty darn good. I think it is only right to pay it forward. Thanks everybody!
Author Bulldozed Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 AK - this place has been tremendous....despite all the great advice and the fact that i know I'm better off, i can't stop obsessing over her. I find interest in nothing...haven't set a fantasy line up in 3 wks...I have no desire to do anything except pop xanax and hope to fall asleep...i could literally walk to where she now spends her nites, and it's killing me knowing what she's doing with this guy. It's literally made me sick..never having closure with her, but instead her insisting she didn't want to break up, but just wanted some space....I'm going to be 43 in a couple of weeks...i had the one I wanted and just a month prior to our split, it was mutual on both sides. I've been NC for a 3 wks and I can't stand the thought of never seeing her again. We were great friends for 15 yrs before we ever became involved 2 yrs ago....i just feel tremendous loss at this point. I've become an emotional drain on my family, they have nothing to say anymore other than Im better off, and deep down I know that, especially the way she handled everything. I just want this to pass. What if she contacts me on my b-day on 11-22, should I even acknowledge it? She played those numbers religously on Keno when we were together or apart...
AliveAndKicking Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 AK - this place has been tremendous....despite all the great advice and the fact that i know I'm better off, i can't stop obsessing over her. I find interest in nothing...haven't set a fantasy line up in 3 wks...I have no desire to do anything except pop xanax and hope to fall asleep...i could literally walk to where she now spends her nites, and it's killing me knowing what she's doing with this guy. It's literally made me sick..never having closure with her, but instead her insisting she didn't want to break up, but just wanted some space....I'm going to be 43 in a couple of weeks...i had the one I wanted and just a month prior to our split, it was mutual on both sides. I've been NC for a 3 wks and I can't stand the thought of never seeing her again. We were great friends for 15 yrs before we ever became involved 2 yrs ago....i just feel tremendous loss at this point. I've become an emotional drain on my family, they have nothing to say anymore other than Im better off, and deep down I know that, especially the way she handled everything. I just want this to pass. What if she contacts me on my b-day on 11-22, should I even acknowledge it? She played those numbers religously on Keno when we were together or apart... It takes time and a lot of effort before your heart will come into sync with your intellect. You KNOW you'll be better off without her BUT if doesn't FEEL right. I know that dilemma well- I lived that for a couple years with my ex. It took a long time todetach emotionally. Keep at it. Know that it will take time and great effort. Xanax is addictivewith long-term use. Are you using it exactly as prescribed? It sounds as if you might be misusing it. PLEASE speak to your doctor and/or other professional regarding this issue. Also- do not attempt a cold-turkey quit if you have been usingit for a long time- it can cause seizures and worse if stopped abruptly after long-term use. Lack of closure adds insult to injury for sure. Unfortunately, my attempts at closure only led to more unanswered questions andmorepin and frustration. Inthe end we must seek and find our own closure. It ends when WE end it. Easier said than done butit CAN be done. It is a process NOT an event. I'm middle-aged as well. It seems like it gets harder as we age. Whatwas a walk inthe park in my 20's is a LOT tougher in middle-age. Just know that life ain't over, pal, and thereare plenty of good years ahead. If she contacts you for your birthday or otherwise it will most likely be for HER benefit disguised as "wondering how you're doing?" or "hope you're having a happy birthday". Do not engage! My guess is that she just wants to keep you on the line for later, if and when she needs you to fill some need of hers. If she wanted to be with she would be with you. Don't reply. It is not about her any longer- it is about YOU. Make yourself your priority. Don't waste away waiting for a crumb from her. Buck up and move forward. You can do it! Please be careful with the Xanax. Please speak with your doctor an/or therapist and if you don't have one perhaps now is the time. Hang in there!
Author Bulldozed Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 It takes time and a lot of effort before your heart will come into sync with your intellect. You KNOW you'll be better off without her BUT if doesn't FEEL right. I know that dilemma well- I lived that for a couple years with my ex. It took a long time todetach emotionally. Keep at it. Know that it will take time and great effort. Xanax is addictivewith long-term use. Are you using it exactly as prescribed? It sounds as if you might be misusing it. PLEASE speak to your doctor and/or other professional regarding this issue. Also- do not attempt a cold-turkey quit if you have been usingit for a long time- it can cause seizures and worse if stopped abruptly after long-term use. Lack of closure adds insult to injury for sure. Unfortunately, my attempts at closure only led to more unanswered questions andmorepin and frustration. Inthe end we must seek and find our own closure. It ends when WE end it. Easier said than done butit CAN be done. It is a process NOT an event. I'm middle-aged as well. It seems like it gets harder as we age. Whatwas a walk inthe park in my 20's is a LOT tougher in middle-age. Just know that life ain't over, pal, and thereare plenty of good years ahead. If she contacts you for your birthday or otherwise it will most likely be for HER benefit disguised as "wondering how you're doing?" or "hope you're having a happy birthday". Do not engage! My guess is that she just wants to keep you on the line for later, if and when she needs you to fill some need of hers. If she wanted to be with she would be with you. Don't reply. It is not about her any longer- it is about YOU. Make yourself your priority. Don't waste away waiting for a crumb from her. Buck up and move forward. You can do it! Please be careful with the Xanax. Please speak with your doctor an/or therapist and if you don't have one perhaps now is the time. Hang in there! Thanks AK! I actually take the 3 times daily, .25 mg, mildest dose. I've only had them for a month, when I shared my story with my Doc. And yes, I"ve seeing a therapist for 4 wks now. She's okay, and does seem to be insightful on some level. I know the answers, but whatever is going in my heart/head, is preventing me from truly letting go. I know it'll take time. I suspect you're right on the b-day thing. I've pretty much made up my mind I won't respond, though I expect someting in the mail, a card etc..I knwo you know my story...she's having a fling with her best friends, ex (former best friend)....her MO is to get pregnant, but giving her past poor decisions prior to me, this one will blow up in her face...starting Monday morning, 6'am sharp, I'm hitting the weights again, then working 12 hrs to grow my web business...I'm tired of letting her impact me...I'm having no impact on her while she kids herself that her new guy is the greatest thing...I know the guy, and frankly can't hold a candle to me. Here's and interesting tidbit....her mother used to ask me, "how to put up with her always trying to help her ex out (the guy was a total loser, crackhead)...I don't know how you stay with her....telling me this about her own daughter for God's sake....yet she'd tell my ex I wasn't the right guy for her...unlike her previous beau's, she's always been drawn to emotionally ****ed up project guys...so she could help them....I don't get what went wrong in her life...I guess as a long time friend to hers, it pains me to know that she continues to make bad choices....not my problems anymore! Thanks bro! Appreciate all you feedback!
JaneDoe35 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I love LoveShack and the people here, except I don't read the OW/OM cheating threads, for obvious reasons as I am a BS. Doesn't mean I think they are bad people or anything, just don't approve as I think there are plenty of lonely, single people out there for them. I feel the people here are very caring and it is so great to be able to come here anytime and read or type. I feel the pain, the hope, the fear and confusion coming from the posts and no mine sound the same. I am not alone.
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