Confused728 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Is it easier for the dumper to keep contact with someone they broke up with than it is for the dumpee? My ex and i broke up at first by mutual agreement then i wanted to work things out he didnt, but he still wants to be freinds keep in contact and possibley get back together but he said he wasnt rushing into anyting. I started NC over a month ago and he has text me four times since then. I removed him off my facebook and he was upset about this and doesnt like when i say we wont talk. My question is this-Is it as confusing for him as it is me to remain freinds? is it easier for the one that doesnt want to work things out to keep contact? of is it just as hard and confusing for them?
hopesndreams Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 The dumpers who stay in contact with the dumpees are weaning themselves off them. There is still an emotional pull for them to know what they are up to. They want to know if the dumpee is thinking about them. Pretty much an ego boost. When they have weaned themselves off, they will no longer be in contact. So, if the dumpee is replying to texts, emails, phone calls, what have you, they are helping the dumper get over them, and once the dumper does get over them and is no longer in contact, the dumpee's pain is great and sets them back in healing. Best thing for the dumpee to do is ignore any and all communication. Let them suffer for a bit. Let them feel some pain. If you keep in touch with them you are only feeding their ego and when they are done with you, you will be tossed aside.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Hmm.. don't think you can make generalisations, it's not the same for everyone, my dumper isn't staying in contact so he can wean himself off me, he has made it clear he loves (as friends) and cares about me and wants us to remain close friends, he's not a bull******. Yes I think probably in a lot of cases contact is easier for the dumper if they are sure they are no longer in love with their ex and sure they have done the right thing, contact is hard for the dumpee as they are likely to be in love still. The dumpers who stay in contact with the dumpees are weaning themselves off them. There is still an emotional pull for them to know what they are up to. They want to know if the dumpee is thinking about them. Pretty much an ego boost. When they have weaned themselves off, they will no longer be in contact. So, if the dumpee is replying to texts, emails, phone calls, what have you, they are helping the dumper get over them, and once the dumper does get over them and is no longer in contact, the dumpee's pain is great and sets them back in healing. Best thing for the dumpee to do is ignore any and all communication. Let them suffer for a bit. Let them feel some pain. If you keep in touch with them you are only feeding their ego and when they are done with you, you will be tossed aside.
Author Confused728 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 i told him i loved him he told me he loved me to... and he hated it when i said we werent goign to talk he wants to remain freinds and said he not opposed to getting back together but he not rushing into anything..whatever that means. but i went nc he contact me four times, i feel that he really wants to stay freinds but i dont want that. if i cant have him has a bf i dont want him at all.. so i dont know why he wants to be freinds and was wondering if the nc is as hard on him as it is me
hopesndreams Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Hmm.. don't think you can make generalisations, it's not the same for everyone, my dumper isn't staying in contact so he can wean himself off me, he has made it clear he loves (as friends) and cares about me and wants us to remain close friends, he's not a bull******. Yes I think probably in a lot of cases contact is easier for the dumper if they are sure they are no longer in love with their ex and sure they have done the right thing, contact is hard for the dumpee as they are likely to be in love still. My advice wasn't meant to be a generalization. My reply was given based on what I read from the poster.
Thornton Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 contact is easier for the dumper if they are sure they are no longer in love with their ex and sure they have done the right thing, contact is hard for the dumpee as they are likely to be in love still. This. If someone who dumped you does not find it hurtful to be in contact with you, they are completely over you.
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