HeartbrokenK Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Simple question - If they cheat on you, can they still be in love with you?
jwi71 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 No. Love requires respect of oneself and their partner. Cheating strips the cheater of both immediately. With the respect gone...how can there be love?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I think they can love you and care for you, but if they are 'in love' with you? That passionate 'I must have you and be with you 24/7' sort of thing that you feel when you are first together? Nah. That is the sort of consuming thing that has no room for anyone but the two people infatuated with each other. That is why you hear the old "love you but not in love with you" thing. It means that you are their security, their home base, but they are having sex with someone else.
wheelwright Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) One night stand - yes PA - maybe EA - maybe PA & EA - I doubt it! But things often come in cycles, and what was unimportant in the love stakes can be renewed between two people. And there are different elements to love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. In marriage or LTR, the commitment is there to fall back on when passion and intimacy are all but lost. And from this commitment, the passion and intimacy can be renewed should crisis loom. However, in the case of 'true love', I believe no cheating is possible (well, maybe prostitution or ONS). Just in the kind which is a comfortable, warm, settling kind of love. A partnership. Or a wonderful friendship. But then how many of us go out there prepared to offer true love. We'd be insane, no? So infidelity ends up fairly common, as people who have settled meet true lovers, but then cannot reverse previous commitments in the face of this. Hence all the heartbreak. And commitment is the most enduring element of love, albeit the emptiest. I guess I am seeing it from both sides! Edited November 8, 2009 by wheelwright
NowhereToHide Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Yes, you can. I am married and had an affair with a married man. What some people don't understand is that some people have affairs mainly because of what's missing INSIDE themselves, not always their marriage. My marriage isn't great, but I do love my H (though I would agree, not "in love" with him). I did love my xAP. I for one do believe you can love two people at the same time. Not in the same way for both, but you can.
Thornton Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I would be inclined to say no - if someone cheats on you they are no longer in love with you. They may love you as a friend and companion, but any romantic love is long gone.
bentnotbroken Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 No, real love is sacrificial. You would rather die than hurt the person you love. That's why cheaters don't love the BS or AP, they both end up hurt by their brand of selfish "love".
Space Ritual Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 NO Cheaters are just selfish cowards, no more, no less
OpenBook Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I vote No as well. When you're really in love with someone, the last thing on your mind is cheating on them.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I dont know maybe there's a compartimentilization thing when people cheat. Sometimes females and males can just block out what is right and wrong to do what they desire.... IT's sad but it does happen. And when that mental wall breaks down and they realize the bad things they've done wrong. the guilt comes crashing down. There's people who are serial cheaters that make excuses and do it anyway's. There are people who are love addicts who only care about either that emotional or physical high. Then you have people who do make bad choices but are remorseful about things. IT is what it is...
Holding-On Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Simple question - If they cheat on you, can they still be in love with you? I am trying to imagine a scenario in which that might be true. ...Soldiers under heavily traumatic conditions for a very long time may well be "in love" with their sweethearts far away but seek temporary comfort in their comrades arms I suppose. ...Spouses desperately in love with their non-sexual partners might want to stay together but after many years of trying to live a celibate life find a sexual release close to impossible to resist. (there are some people on this very board who I could see in that situation) I think someone could be "in love" and weakened or weak. Not all of us are really meant to be monogamous. For some it may be a Herculean task and a symptom of how "in love" they are with some incompatible person (by time, space or attitude) that they even try. I am not really the best person to ask though. Neat phrasing in the question however. Thanks.
Bobby2010 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Nope. No chance. It's not even worth debating.
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Define "in love"....then maybe you will find the answer to your question.
Katerina Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I dont know maybe there's a compartimentilization thing when people cheat. Sometimes females and males can just block out what is right and wrong to do what they desire.... IT's sad but it does happen. And when that mental wall breaks down and they realize the bad things they've done wrong. the guilt comes crashing down. This is what H keeps saying. His affair apparently started as an experiment, that went too far in the end.
Samantha0905 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Yes, you can. I am married and had an affair with a married man. What some people don't understand is that some people have affairs mainly because of what's missing INSIDE themselves, not always their marriage. My marriage isn't great, but I do love my H (though I would agree, not "in love" with him). I did love my xAP. I for one do believe you can love two people at the same time. Not in the same way for both, but you can. And even if it's a little bit of both -- something missing in the cheating person and something missing in their marriage -- I think, from experience, a person can love their spouse intensely and still cheat. I dont know maybe there's a compartimentilization thing when people cheat. Sometimes females and males can just block out what is right and wrong to do what they desire.... IT's sad but it does happen. And when that mental wall breaks down and they realize the bad things they've done wrong. the guilt comes crashing down. There's people who are serial cheaters that make excuses and do it anyway's. There are people who are love addicts who only care about either that emotional or physical high. Then you have people who do make bad choices but are remorseful about things. IT is what it is... I agree.
whattodonow12 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I don't think you would cheat if you really loved them in the romantic sense. You still could definitely love your spouse, but if you had the chemistry and passion there... you wouldn't cheat. Sometimes, you discover that it isn't, and there is possibly no way to get it back. I am sure that it is different for others though.
boldjack Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 They might delude themselves and say yes, in order to make the affair and the guilt easier to swallow, but truly being "in love" no of course not. The sheer amount of disrespect, selfishness and betrayal, would preclude it
Dexter Morgan Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Simple question - If they cheat on you, can they still be in love with you? oh, they will say they can, but its bs. if you are in love with someone, you won't cheat on them. just think about it, when cheating, are these people saying to themselves "I LOVE MY GF/BF/W/H!!!!!" as they are in the throws of riding someone else and boning away? don't think so.
2sure Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Sure, yes. I believe my cheating H is head over heels in love with me. But you know, its relative. He is as in love with me as he is capable of being. Its his personal full capacity. Its not enough to stop him from cheating, its not enough for me, and its not as much as he loves himself. Or some crap like that.
boldjack Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I think that a lot of the argument turns on each posters definition of being"in love". I, for one, believe that being in love requires a level of committment that would , in and of itself, make cheating an impossibility. If you are completely focused on one person, then anybody else is an unwanted distraction. JMO.
Gabriele Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 yes I believe it can happen. I don't think my h stopped loving me, he was just not coping well with life.
boldjack Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 There are only excuses for cheating, never reasons. To be "in love", you must be totally committed to that person. If you are not totally committed to that person, then you are not "in love".
faithfulone Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 From a woman's point of view, with lots of brothers....the answer is yes, in THEIR mind! Men can separate love from sex. It is easier for them to seek out sex without strings because they are not emotionally tied to the women they sleep with. They use sex with these OW as a release/escape from their everyday life. Different lips and hips. That's all. Period. Is it right? Hell no. Will they ever stop? Hell no. Women on the other hand....we can cheat but we are no longer "in love". We love who you are but cannot live with what you have become. We separate the two. We say that we have tried everything but our H is just not getting it. If we sleep with you, we have an attachment to you with the hopes that it will turn into love. Even though most women will never admit it. We yearn for the attachment, the bond, the kindling of two spirits. Therefore, making any attempts that the husband makes to "rekindle" futile. We don't want it anymore. Once we've stray we have given a part of us that we can never get back and neither will the husband.
Spark1111 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Since I believe love isn't suppose to hurt, my answer would be no. But to a cheater, whose personal needs outweigh all others, I must assume there answer to be a resounding yes. Otherwise, why would their "love" hurt so many people:BS, OW/OM, kids?
ADF Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Simple question - If they cheat on you, can they still be in love with you? If you define "love" as an emotion, yes. If you define it as how someone treat you, no. I'd go with the second definition. Anyone who cheats on you once will likely do it again; plus, if you forgive them, you are basically saying you'll put up with anything. Don't.
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