weeble78 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Ooooooh I have an annoying problem. Right I have been chatting to 2 guys on Match for the last 2 weeks. One has asked me out, the other has asked me my facebook name so we can instant message. The two are completely different: G is chattier and talks more about everyday life, asked me out on a date for dinner, M talks about abstract things and is more in the moment - we haven't talked as much and he hasn't asked me out on a date yet. This morning I was on Facebook and accepted M's friend request. I checked out his pics (sexy boy!) and to my astonishment noticed that one of the pics had G in it. Funny. So anyway, M came online and we started chatting - I said 'hey by the way I know one of the guys in one of your pics' etc etc and it turns out it's his best mate!! Now, since chatting to M I prefer him and was hoping more to go out on a date with him than G but agreed to the date with G for next Weds. M says that he won't pursue anything as G is his best mate, but if we don't click then maybe we could chat again. I said it was a damn shame as I was hoping to go out on a date with M (which he liked), but we agreed to leave it. Now, is there any nice way of saying I'd prefer to go out with M, or should I go for coffee (as that's what I arranged instead of a meal) with G and hope he doesn't like me? Oooh why do two come along at the same time!!!
stepka Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 LOL, that is awkward! I had a sort of similar thing happen: I friended on facebook one of the men I went out with several times, and when I did, I saw that a friend we had in common was one I'd been writing to for several weeks (from the same dating site). It didn't work out with the first one and then the second one stopped writing to me at the same time, which made me wonder. The first one was angry b/c I wouldn't sleep with him and have a FWB relationship, so I wondered if he'd badmouthed me to the other one, and it made me think that maybe putting dates on FB isn't such a good idea. To answer your question: you could do something creative like arrange a double date with both of them and a BFF of yours-- you guys could go somewhere fun and low pressure, and just go with the intention of having a good time and see where it goes. Afterall, not every interaction from a dating site has to be treated like a serious date--in the real world we often meet people in a similar situation to this--thru friends and while out having a good time.
A O Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Don't waste your time with 'g', you're clearly into 'm' far more. You've got yourself in a bit of a pickle. It might be best to give them both a miss, but 'g' is on a hiding to nothing (and crap could result from that). .
Author weeble78 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Buuuut the thing is, I don't really know either of them so how can I choose? Plus, what do you think M would feel like if I said I wanted to blow G off and go out with him instead? I feel like that's a bit mean really.... Ohhhh now I'm wondering why I even said I knew his friend in the first place!!!
Author weeble78 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 BTW Stepka, I can't believe that 1st guy was mad with you because you didn't want a FWB relationship!!! Is this a common theme with online dates, that they expect this kind of thing?
stepka Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 BTW Stepka, I can't believe that 1st guy was mad with you because you didn't want a FWB relationship!!! Is this a common theme with online dates, that they expect this kind of thing? No, that was the first time I ran into that, and interestingly, he was exactly my age and from my hometown, and when I lived in my hometown, a lot of the guys acted like that--like they were entitled to a POA. This didn't happen on a first date though--more like the 4th one, and I think he was just a jerk--best to find that out early. So how about the double date idea? Could that work for you?
A O Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Buuuut the thing is, I don't really know either of them so how can I choose? The initial spark is crucial. To this degree, you've already made your choice. It's hard to come back from that (for 'g'). His odds aren't good. I wouldn't try you if I were him, if I knew all this. Plus, what do you think M would feel like if I said I wanted to blow G off and go out with him instead? I feel like that's a bit mean really. That's the crap, that's the pickle you're in. Coming, or potentially coming between friends, that's a recipe for disaster. Nonetheless, 'm' is the man that floats your boat, that's patently clear. .
Author weeble78 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Stepka - well funny enough I did suggest that but M didn't want to, he wanted to bow out for his friend and wait to see if we clicked, which is fair enough. Anyway, I can't imagine going on a double date and liking both the guys!! AO - I most definitely don't want to come between friends but don't want to miss out on an opportunity either. I'm no player and they both know about it so nobody's hiding anything. I have an open mind - I think I'm going to meet G on Wednesday for a coffee and keep it short and sweet. We have had some nice chatting and I don't want to miss out on an opportunity. I find that people are very different in person, and so is the whole chemistry thing. I've spent weeks chatting to somebody thinking they're wonderful and then when meeting up, realising there is nil chemistry at all. If there is no spark, then I'll let him know, and then if M feels he wants to get back in touch I'll just have to leave the ball in his court....
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