Intensely missing an ex

[photobooth]

So I've been reading this forum and online advice for days now. I've even read the book "Re-Attraction: How to get your Ex Back in 30 Days or Less"....now of course I am not taking the book literally..but it does have some amazing valid points. I want to share my story with you all and if anyone is out there to reply and give me some advice it would lift my spirits.

 

I'm 25, and I started dating a gorgeous girl two years ago. We were long distance as I was away at college for a good 7 months. Our relationship was extremely intense and we both developed such a strong bond with each other. I went on a backpacking trip to Europe for a month after graduating college and we both told each other I love you the night before I left. She was from my home town, so I decided to move back there upon graduation and I found a really good job and we moved into an apartment together. Our relationship was a continual growing process during our living together. Everything seemed too good to be true for so so long. We took spontaneous trips to Seattle, NYC, etc...and for the next year and a half things were heating up between us. I knew she was "the one" and I started shopping for engagement rings. I was going to pop the question in December next month.

 

Then, 3 weeks ago she simply dropped a bomb on me and one night told me she was "unhappy"...I wasnt too shocked because she had stopped having sex with me, being initimate with me, and spending more time with friends. I was completely supportive of her plight and vowed to do whatever it took to make us grow again.

 

She then sat me down one night, told me she had kissed an old flame and it meant nothing. But then she moved out 4 days later, got her own apartment, took all of her things, and for the next 2 weeks I was in complete turmoil. I did my best to play it cool, but she kept assuring me it was over with the old flame. However, this last weekend on Halloween she was seen out in public with him sitting on his lap and was even introduced as her new "boyfriend". I waited a couple days before I asked her on this and it completely SHOCKED me how different of a person she seemed to be. She told me she was completely over me and had moved on with this new man. It was as if I never existed, and as if our relationship meant nothing to her. Her new man doesnt live here, is in the military, and went back to base after spending a good 4 days at her apartment with her. It was the absolute worst 4 days of my entire life imagining what they were doing in her new place.

 

Then, she went to Atlanta last Monday for a concert and we hadnt spoken in 4 days. she sent a text late at night and said she was missing me sorely and finally hit this brick wall of emotions. I refused to reply for a few more days but then she shows up at my apt claiming she needed to get a few more things. she got them and stormed off. so last night was sort of intense. she called me crying hysterically saying she made such a huge mistake and she has lost me forever. I kept playing it cool and never strung her along...just told her I am here if she needs to talk. I dont wanna be COLD and completely ignore her pain right now. But Im not quite sure how to handle the situation. I did do the no contact rule for 5 days straight but she kept texting me on how she misses me. Should I try this again?

 

.... I am living each day in SO much pain that she deceived me. I miss her more than anything and my heart yearns to have her again, but she cheated on me and Im a whirlwind of questions and emotions. Any advice guys?

Edited November 7, 2009 by photobooth

[NoneoftheAbove]

Let her prove you with her actions not words. If you believe she deserves a second chance than go for it, but make sure to yourself that she understands her mistakes and will never do them again. Other than that i'd say forget and move on, ignore her calls and text messages focus on you and the life ahead.

[photobooth]

Here is an update from a pretty heavy night last night. I REALLY need somme advice in this situation because it is now at the most crucial point where I need to make a decision.

 

so from my above story you can see that my ex cheated on me with an old flame and then started to have a "relationship" with him. well 2 nights ago, I was having a ciggarette with a mutual friend and my ex shows up OUT OF NOWHERE. She was really awkward and didnt talk to me or look at me. I felt out of place, said Hi to her, and then proceeded to leave. I said Bye to her and she didnt even look at me. As I was driving away, she texted me and said "She couldnt handle seeing me, and as soon as I walked out the door, she broke down crying uncontrollably"....so obviously seeing me (which she went out of her way to do) stirred a great deal of emotion inside of her. fastforward to last night and she kept texting me wanting to come over and just "talk"...I ignored her texts and calls all day until I finally broke down when she left a voicemail saying she was right down the road from my apt and was going to stop by for some of her "things"....

 

Well, she did stop by and I was here. When she walked into my apt, my heart just fell deep into my stomach. I was absolutely taken aback by how gorgeous she was and how much my heart felt nothing but instant happiness. I played it cool all night and we had such deep conversations about music, religion, piercings, even relationship dynamics, friends, and we listened to music we both loved while reading the lyrics. She kept telling me several times about these Brand New songs that reminded me of her. She finally sat down beside me and started flirting with me but I did not flirt back. I could the power shifting in my body and then during a song she just latched onto me and starting crying intensely. I held her so tightly and it all felt so right, but at the same time, something inside of me was telling me that she is doing this because her new boyfriend (the one she cheated with) is not here. He lives in Louisiana and we live in Florida. after the hug and cry, it became more of a casual conversation about "us" and what to do next. I never once mentioned I wanted to get back together.

 

All in all, I have tried SO hard to implement this NC rule but its not working for me. She is the "one" and I want to do everything in my power to win her back, but it has to be on MY terms and she could end up cheating on me again. She even told me that her new boyfriend (of 1 week now) LOVES her and it freaks her out. he is just a rebound boy, a **** buddy for her, and now I am just SEVERELY CONFUSED as what to do next.

 

Its Sunday and she wants to come over and watch the Saints game because its something we've done together religiously for the last 2 years. Do I ignore her today and into the future....or do I just play it cool and hang out with her?....Is she just getting validation from me because her new bloke isnt here?

 

...ahhhhh! so many questions now. If I just knew how to make this nightmare go away

[brokenrightnow]

don't meet up with her today. as much as you want to, don't do it!!!!

[NoneoftheAbove]

As you said her new dude isn't there, and it's obvious that her new guy doesn't know she tried to flirt with you are you sure she won't cheat when he comes back? Although, you already made a mistake by allowing her to come in your apartment. Don't let her use you, tell her you are busy tonight and she can't come to your place. Let her know that she isn't taking this break up seriously, in the mean time don't contact her doesn't matter if she sent you 10000 messages. Go NC and heal yourself, the reason she came back to you is because she is lonely think about this man you deserve much better don't let her play mind games with you.

[GrayClouds]

I've even read the book "Re-Attraction: How to get your Ex Back in 30 Days or Less"

.

 

LOL:laugh::):laugh::laugh::laugh: I think someone is getting better at Spamming. The title of the book should be "You May possiblely be Able to Manipulate Someone to Come Back But They Left for a Reason and That Reason is Still there and Will Leave Again and if They Don't Lucky You, Your in a Inauthentic Relationship"

 

But I admit that is a bit wordy.

 

Just in case this is not a phony post, why would you want the cheatin piece of crap back...she is pretty? How low is your self esteem do you have?

[photobooth]

.

 

LOL:laugh::):laugh::laugh::laugh: I think someone is getting better at Spamming. The title of the book should be "You May possiblely be Able to Manipulate Someone to Come Back But They Left for a Reason and That Reason is Still there and Will Leave Again and if They Don't Lucky You, Your in a Inauthentic Relationship"

 

But I admit that is a bit wordy.

 

Just in case this is not a phony post, why would you want the cheatin piece of crap back...she is pretty? How low is your self esteem do you have?

 

 

LOL at you actually. Im not a spammer at all. An actual human being who read a book that had some valid points. Im truly sorry if you've had the luxury of being in an "unathentic" relationship buddy, but this one for me is actually genuine. I want the girl back because she means the world to me, because she makes me whole and is my other half. My self esteem is fine...I'm not some god awful looking creature from the abyss who has a difficult time with females, I just got put into an extremely unfortunate situation and looking for others who can shed some decent advice.

[GrayClouds]

 

...ahhhhh! so many questions now. If I just knew how to make this nightmare go away

 

If this is real then just go NC and let it go. Read the following:

 

So you want a second chance?

 

 

She talking to about her new boyfriend, throwing it in your face. if she is that cold, why do you even want her in your life?

She is a game player and your the toy.

 

 

by the way:

Inauthentic = not authentic

Unauthentic = intended to deceive

As in:

The inauthentic relationship is doomed because your girlfriend's unauthentic actions.

Edited November 9, 2009 by GrayClouds

[Limbo21]

I think that is really harsh. I personally have never bought or read one of those books as it's about manipulation but as mentioned I'm sure there is some decent pointers in there. The OP is in obvious pain and he's reaching out like everyone else

 

For me (and I'm no expert) you HAVE to go no contact. While ever she is getting what she needs from you she'll not miss you (I'd have thought that would have been covered in that book to be honest).

 

I'm in the process of getting my ex back but it's very touch and go and that came about with nc. You have to re-group, get back some self belief and see how you feel when you've made some steps to recovery. A cheating partner may well have made a mistake - then again she may be a lifetime of pain and hurt

 

The ONLY way for you is no contact

 

Goodluck and keep posting

[amtz]

I know how you feel mate, your story is similar to mine and happened around the same time except I went completely NC and she hasn't even tried to contact me, but this... "I hit a wall" happens quiet often since they broke-up and not you, they ended something and not you... For now pain stings like a bee, but in the future you have nothing to worry about since you didn't fail no one. Would be aquard to feel bad of something you didn't even give a reason to happen so be cool just how you been all this time. As you can see her night mare is barely starting which also has a name REMORSE

 

Will pray for you

[photobooth]

Update on situation:

 

well, I caved in and let her come over yesterday evening. I went to the beach with friends for a while and found myself in such a good mood the entire day. we watched the game together and then things got sort of flirty here and there until I had to leave to meet a friend for coffee. she was finishing up a show on my tv so I left before her. we didnt talk the rest of the night and when I got back home she left a note on my counter that read "Thank you for being such an amazing person and seeing me the past 2 nights. I've had so much fun with you and I'm realzing how huge of a mistake I made. Please call me if you ever want to. xoxo"

 

I havent spoken/text her since I left last night and quite frankly, I woke up this morning feeling refreshed like I wanted to get my life back in complete order. I have this weird feeling inside that I don't NEED to see her like I did a week ago. I still love her so very much, but I'm not getting my hopes up thinking she will call or text me. Maybe seeing her for 2 nights straight and playing it cool has given me a sort of release from all of this. I cant imagine myself crawling back into the deep deep hole of crying constantly and not eating/sleeping. Im still just confused. Everyone here is telling me no contact but when trying that I was broken. Now that I've seen her a couple times, its made me feel so much better and yes, thats probably because its what I wanted b/c I lost her and yearned for her.

 

Now, where do I go from here? I feel I have the power to still go NC, but my main goal is to win her back. She isnt some cold heartless b*tch who throws everything in my face. She made a huge mistake and is indeed entering that state of remorse.

 

I'm going to Seattle this weekend (it was an impulse decision I made when I found out she cheated) to get out of town and find some clarity. Her and I have been planning to move there for a year now...so she was jealous when she found out Im going there by myself because we always went there together on vacation. My new question now is, Im flying out on Friday and return late Monday night. She told me last night she wants to be the one who meets me at the airport when I return home. I want to go NC until then and hope that meeting can be a new start for us.

[photobooth]

Monday Update:

 

So I went back to work today and continued NC for the duration of the day. Came home and did some homework, hung out with the pops for a while, and watched a movie before winding down to bed. Heard a song that made me break down and cry but it made me feel better afterwards. No texts or calls from the ex.

 

But then as Im sleeping, I start to dream about her. A gorgeous house in the city we want to move to with tiny little subliminal messages all around. I am awaken in my sleep at 4am by a text message. Its her telling me "I love you so much no matter what happens"

 

I didnt respond and got up, went to work, and now I later this morning getting atext saying she wants to meet up tonight. What shall I do?

 

I feel like she is regretting her decision to decieve me, but I just dont know how to respond

[simply]

A few things jump out at me that make me think you have not grown up to be a big boy yet.

 

- It was long distance. Is that even real?

- It was less than a year long relationship.

- She was gorgeous.

- You think the relationship was intense and amazing.

- She cheated on you.

- Your following this no contact rule you read about like its some kind of magic pill.

 

I think the problem here is that you havent found better so your still all hung up on her. You sound like a guy whos balls havent dropped yet and is still clinging on to a long distance, short term relationship, that you think was intense and amazing, with the best looking girl to ever give you a shot, but then cheated on you, and you looked for life answers in a cheesy book you found online. Am I painting the pathetic picture for you clearly enough?

 

PLEASE, get over it. Im in a similar situation, and I thought I was a sad story. But you take the cake. I could never date a guy like you, you sound like you take it up the butt. Harsh words, but truth doesnt normaly feel good.

[sean1970]

Hmmm, guessing I might be glad 'simply' missed my initial posts

[GrayClouds]

A few things jump out at me that make me think you have not grown up to be a big boy yet.

 

- It was long distance. Is that even real?

- It was less than a year long relationship.

- She was gorgeous.

- You think the relationship was intense and amazing.

- She cheated on you.

- Your following this no contact rule you read about like its some kind of magic pill.

 

I think the problem here is that you havent found better so your still all hung up on her. You sound like a guy whos balls havent dropped yet and is still clinging on to a long distance, short term relationship, that you think was intense and amazing, with the best looking girl to ever give you a shot, but then cheated on you, and you looked for life answers in a cheesy book you found online. Am I painting the pathetic picture for you clearly enough?

 

Harsh words, but truth doesnt normaly feel good.

 

wow and I though I was tuff:cool:

[simply]

Yes, it was harsh, and reading back through it again it was longer than a year and not strictly long distance, so I was wrong there and misinterpreted his situation in a way. But my point still stands, because everything else still flies. I hope it turns out right for this guy.

[photobooth]

A few things jump out at me that make me think you have not grown up to be a big boy yet.

 

- It was long distance. Is that even real?

- It was less than a year long relationship.

- She was gorgeous.

- You think the relationship was intense and amazing.

- She cheated on you.

- Your following this no contact rule you read about like its some kind of magic pill.

 

I think the problem here is that you havent found better so your still all hung up on her. You sound like a guy whos balls havent dropped yet and is still clinging on to a long distance, short term relationship, that you think was intense and amazing, with the best looking girl to ever give you a shot, but then cheated on you, and you looked for life answers in a cheesy book you found online. Am I painting the pathetic picture for you clearly enough?

 

PLEASE, get over it. Im in a similar situation, and I thought I was a sad story. But you take the cake. I could never date a guy like you, you sound like you take it up the butt. Harsh words, but truth doesnt normaly feel good.

 

 

- It was long distance. Is that even real? - Actually, it was long distance for 3 months then we lived together for nearly 2 years.

 

 

- It was less than a year long relationship. - If you were able to discern words, you would understand it was a 2 year relationship

 

 

- She was gorgeous. - I have the feeling you've had the pleasure of BBW doing you wrong so you compensate by dredging others

 

 

- You think the relationship was intense and amazing. - I don't think, I know it was based on the fact that no other person has made me feel this way, which is potentially extremely hard for someone of your cold nature to comprehend

 

 

- She cheated on you. - And this is the reason I am seeking answers, not some scorned lover who got dropped like a bad habit and only finds self preservation in talking down to others on an internet forum...sad really

 

 

- Your following this no contact rule you read about like its some kind of magic pill. - Well not really a pill...but I'd say an elixir of some sort. The kind you experience when you're a little kid who finds mystique in a Cracker Jack box toy.

 

I'm sure your similiar situation consists of a superficial relationship that had zero depth and intensity. And by the sheer sound of your words and your sad demeanor, I'd suffice it to say whoever cheated on you did it because you basically suck at life...not because something was missing or an underlying reason caused an unfortunate event. But hey champ, if thats your way of dealing with it, then so be it. If you need to find a small win in a forum, then I truly feel bad for you and anyone who is fortunate enough to call you their own.

 

Don't read my posts if you don't like it, pure and simple. I'm sure you will respond with a long drawn out inconsistent argument that makes you seem superior, but frankly it doesn't bother me. I'm going to continue with my story regardless.

[photobooth]

Update:

 

I have been NC now for 2 days straight with the ex. She sends me a text at 3am which reads "I miss you so much. I miss everything about you and you and i together. I don't know what to do"

 

Is this one I respond to...or ignore?

[whichwayisup]

The question is, she is saying she misses you, loves you etc..BUT..Is that other guy STILL in the picture? All this is so pointless if she is still seeing him or in touch with him. If she is truly serious about trying to fix thing with you, this other guy should be HISTORY and out of her life..Sadly for you, something tells me that she just misses you, and yeh probably regrets cheating on you..But, she is reacting to pure emotion, a desparation.

 

Don't take her back, atleast not now. Keep your contact limited, depending on how you feel that day and see how much you can handle.

 

Does she understand that your trust level has totally been shaken?

[sean1970]

Update:

 

I have been NC now for 2 days straight with the ex. She sends me a text at 3am which reads "I miss you so much. I miss everything about you and you and i together. I don't know what to do"

 

Is this one I respond to...or ignore?

 

She did not ask you anything, there is nothing to answer. Really dude, you need to look at it like that...

[simply]

- It was long distance. Is that even real? - Actually, it was long distance for 3 months then we lived together for nearly 2 years.

 

- It was less than a year long relationship. - If you were able to discern words, you would understand it was a 2 year relationship

 

Actually I corrected myself on this part in another post, you must have skipped over it. I am sorry that I misread this part of your situation, but I did already catch my wrong.

 

- She was gorgeous. - I have the feeling you've had the pleasure of BBW doing you wrong so you compensate by dredging others

 

Not sure what you mean here. Rephrase?

 

- You think the relationship was intense and amazing. - I don't think, I know it was based on the fact that no other person has made me feel this way, which is potentially extremely hard for someone of your cold nature to comprehend

 

Obviously the feeling wasnt mutual if she dumped you after cheating on you. So what felt amazing and intense to you was not reciprocated. You may have been feeling false feelings.

 

- She cheated on you. - And this is the reason I am seeking answers, not some scorned lover who got dropped like a bad habit and only finds self preservation in talking down to others on an internet forum...sad really

 

You sound bitter.

 

- Your following this no contact rule you read about like its some kind of magic pill. - Well not really a pill...but I'd say an elixir of some sort. The kind you experience when you're a little kid who finds mystique in a Cracker Jack box toy.

 

Magic 'elixirs' don't work any better than the begging and pleading Im sure you did during the breakup. You probably wasted your money, sorry to say. We do strange things in our desperation sometimes.

 

I'm sure your similiar situation consists of a superficial relationship that had zero depth and intensity. And by the sheer sound of your words and your sad demeanor, I'd suffice it to say whoever cheated on you did it because you basically suck at life...not because something was missing or an underlying reason caused an unfortunate event. But hey champ, if thats your way of dealing with it, then so be it. If you need to find a small win in a forum, then I truly feel bad for you and anyone who is fortunate enough to call you their own.

 

Don't read my posts if you don't like it, pure and simple. I'm sure you will respond with a long drawn out inconsistent argument that makes you seem superior, but frankly it doesn't bother me. I'm going to continue with my story regardless.

 

Thats a whole lot of assumptions being thrown my way. Ill give you the benefit of the doubt and assume youre better than that, and this is just the frustration of your situation being pointed at me. I wasnt trying to cause you further pain. Tough love you could call it?

[MinTea]

You sound like you’re doing well with not initiating contact. ☺ Whether or not to answer her when she contacts you is completely your choice. And it looks like you have been answering her… a lot…

 

Don’t want to be mean, but… Is it getting you anywhere? It sounds like she’s really stuck on the “just being friends” bit, and you don’t want to just be friends (good move, you guard that heart!). It sounds like you two have been having many conversations with each other about this, and all this talk-and-no-action is really tearing both of you up inside and instilling false hope to get back to the way things were.

 

I’m not saying that it’s impossible but from what I’ve read of your situation, you’ve done everything you possibly could have to make it clear that you don’t want to be #2 in her life. You don’t want to be the one that she only falls back on when she’s feeling down. Since she currently IS feeling down, it’s hard for you to see how things would go when her emotions become more stable. What if she leaves you again?

 

Really, the ball is in her court. She has to take the initiative to work on her personal problems, get rid of this other guy, and make things up to you. I think that she needs some time to sort herself out… alone. She has to be able to live with herself before bringing anyone else into her life. I know that you want to be there for her, but just because she says that she misses you, it doesn’t mean that things between the two of you can go back to the way that they were.

 

I know it feels terrible to just “wait for the ex to act.” I’m sort of waiting around right now (but my case is different, my ex is avoiding me instead of keeping in contact)… And the scary thing is (no matter what kind of situation you’re in), you don’t know what the other person is going to do or if they’ll even do anything at all.

 

That’s where you need to find your strength. You also need to be able to live with yourself (without being turned upside-down by your ex) before re-introducing her back into your life.

 

And at this point, actions speak louder than words. If she’s been seeing another guy, while saying she loves you, how much does she really love you? (sorry.. that’s so harsh) Maybe you can blame it on weakness or loneliness, but if this has been going on for a long while I would question her words. Does she really miss your love or does she just miss the ease of the relationship she had with you? Two very different things!

 

Perhaps she just likes the attention… Maybe she’s gunning on you being the nice guy (that you are) who answers her (eventually) when she calls. But texting at 3AM seems a bit stalker-ish to me. And her words seem rather empty with all of the “I miss yous.” (sorry again)

 

Perhaps you can wait a little longer to reply to her messages (if you choose to answer). Perhaps a few weeks if you can manage it? She needs to come up with a solid game plan to show you that she does indeed still have intimate feelings for you. When you keep replying to her, it’s as if she doesn’t have to work that hard to grab your attention.

 

She hurt YOU… and she needs to do her part to set things right instead of just talking about it.

 

Again… I’m very sorry to come off sounding harsh.

[photobooth]

The question is, she is saying she misses you, loves you etc..BUT..Is that other guy STILL in the picture? All this is so pointless if she is still seeing him or in touch with him. If she is truly serious about trying to fix thing with you, this other guy should be HISTORY and out of her life..Sadly for you, something tells me that she just misses you, and yeh probably regrets cheating on you..But, she is reacting to pure emotion, a desparation.

 

Don't take her back, atleast not now. Keep your contact limited, depending on how you feel that day and see how much you can handle.

 

Does she understand that your trust level has totally been shaken?

 

This is such a great point you made here. The other guy IS STILL in the picture and she talks to him everyday. I am starting to quickly believe that the ONE AND ONLY reason she still tries to latch on to me is because he isnt here and she needs emotional validation from me while he is away. My god, its so sick when I put it like that...but it seems to be the closest to the truth.

 

I really dont have any plans now to take her back. My trust HAS been totally shaken, broken, just shattered. And she still has the audacity to hang out with WHILE she texts him. WTF?

[photobooth]

You sound like you’re doing well with not initiating contact. ☺ Whether or not to answer her when she contacts you is completely your choice. And it looks like you have been answering her… a lot…

 

Don’t want to be mean, but… Is it getting you anywhere? It sounds like she’s really stuck on the “just being friends” bit, and you don’t want to just be friends (good move, you guard that heart!). It sounds like you two have been having many conversations with each other about this, and all this talk-and-no-action is really tearing both of you up inside and instilling false hope to get back to the way things were.

 

I’m not saying that it’s impossible but from what I’ve read of your situation, you’ve done everything you possibly could have to make it clear that you don’t want to be #2 in her life. You don’t want to be the one that she only falls back on when she’s feeling down. Since she currently IS feeling down, it’s hard for you to see how things would go when her emotions become more stable. What if she leaves you again?

 

Really, the ball is in her court. She has to take the initiative to work on her personal problems, get rid of this other guy, and make things up to you. I think that she needs some time to sort herself out… alone. She has to be able to live with herself before bringing anyone else into her life. I know that you want to be there for her, but just because she says that she misses you, it doesn’t mean that things between the two of you can go back to the way that they were.

 

I know it feels terrible to just “wait for the ex to act.” I’m sort of waiting around right now (but my case is different, my ex is avoiding me instead of keeping in contact)… And the scary thing is (no matter what kind of situation you’re in), you don’t know what the other person is going to do or if they’ll even do anything at all.

 

That’s where you need to find your strength. You also need to be able to live with yourself (without being turned upside-down by your ex) before re-introducing her back into your life.

 

And at this point, actions speak louder than words. If she’s been seeing another guy, while saying she loves you, how much does she really love you? (sorry.. that’s so harsh) Maybe you can blame it on weakness or loneliness, but if this has been going on for a long while I would question her words. Does she really miss your love or does she just miss the ease of the relationship she had with you? Two very different things!

 

Perhaps she just likes the attention… Maybe she’s gunning on you being the nice guy (that you are) who answers her (eventually) when she calls. But texting at 3AM seems a bit stalker-ish to me. And her words seem rather empty with all of the “I miss yous.” (sorry again)

 

Perhaps you can wait a little longer to reply to her messages (if you choose to answer). Perhaps a few weeks if you can manage it? She needs to come up with a solid game plan to show you that she does indeed still have intimate feelings for you. When you keep replying to her, it’s as if she doesn’t have to work that hard to grab your attention.

 

She hurt YOU… and she needs to do her part to set things right instead of just talking about it.

 

Again… I’m very sorry to come off sounding harsh.

 

 

Mintea - Thank you for that post. It was both insightful and eye opening for sure.

 

I dont believe my enabling of her emotional validation is getting ME anywhere. Sure, SHE is getting everything she wants out of the situation. She gets to hang out with me and fall asleep with him on the phone. The whole talk and no action really is tearing me up inside. It's so odd for me to have her that close to me and we arent embracing in some sort of way.

 

Like you said, I am EASILY #2 in her life right now. I truly believe if her new man lived here, I would totally be out of the picture completely and her so called "want" to see me would be erased. I have the feeling that if she is capable of coming to my apt AND can still talk to him via text, then all respect is out the window. Its just such a selfish depiction of the girl I never saw. What hurts the most is seeing this other side of her I never got to see. It was alllll about me for so long, and now the next best thing is what occupies her time, even when we are together. blatant disrespect.

 

It is like everyone here is telling me...its all about ACTION. And the only action I see is her talking to me about how she misses me, when in reality its all a damn hoax. But then why she does keep lying to herself? If she did truly miss me, it would be over with the new man and she would be trying evertything in her power to win ME back. Yet I feel like I am the one fighting for something to happen. I have to realize that my attempts to force happiness are not working at all. I dont mention him when we are together, I always play it so cool and Im so calm and cheery.

 

Last night for instance, she came over with her best friend and we all sat around for hours smoking pot like we used to. It felt so good to have her around and have deep conversations about life, but at the end of the night, she is gone somewhere else and it hits me like a rock. I believe my only out here is to initiate a full blown NC and actually stick to it.

 

But such a huge part of me is so curious to see how this will play out.

 

I am leaving tomorrow morning for Seattle for 4 days. So I know that for sure we will not see each other during this time. I've even contemplated leaving my cell phone at home so Im not tempted to text or call her.

 

*sigh*...I want to call her and tell her to f*ck off and STOP toying with me. I just really dont know....what, to do right now. She is making such a pity effort to show me she cares. Its all words, no action. But in my ridiculous mind, deep down I know..I just know she still has so much love for me. Its time for me to let go. And these next 4 days 2,000 miles away from home will be the most crucial in this situation.