JoJola Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I have been dating this guy for 5 months; last weekend we went to a Halloween Partee; unfortunately for me my grandmother had passed away early that Friday morning. That Saturday night I spent the night at his house but had to get up really early to get home and get ready for the visitation with family. Now, I did the family thing on Sunday and Monday. Tuesday night I went to see him and when I left I accidently grabbed a reciept that was mixed in with my purse.etc.....when I got home I found it and it was a reciept from Applebees Carside for two individuals dated the Sunday that I was at my grandmothers visitation....he told me he didnt do much that day and never mentioned Applebees at all...also one meal had a diet pepsi...how many men drink diet pepsi? So..........should I question him on this or jst leave it alone?
Space Ritual Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 First off, sorry for your loss Uh the first thing I would be asking myself at that point is why the hell your BF wasnt supportive enough to go to the visitation with you? Most guys would be fully supportive of their GF of 5 months and offered to lend you their shoulder to cry on. Please provide a little more detail because I don't want to needlessly send you on the conspiracy hunt if their really isn't one. Has he been acting abnormaly, or did he at the Halloween Party? Did he get drunk? was their any females that may have been paying a little too much attention to him, thinking back on it?
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 At the very least, I'd hand it to him face-to-face and say, "I accidentally grabbed this off your counter when I left the other day. It was right next to my purse." And I'd watch his reaction. If he made no effort to explain, I'd casually say, "So, you went to Applebee's Sunday night? You didn't mention that." I don't understand. You did nothing wrong. You have no evidence that he did anything wrong. But I feel that honesty is crucial in a romantic relationship. It very well could have been an oversight on his part. Or...is there any other explanation? Does he have a roommate(s)? Could a friend or family member have accidentally left that there? Just talk to him. He could have a very reasonable, innocent explanation for it. There's no harm in asking. I'm curious what you're afraid of by just asking him rather than an online forum of strangers.
Author JoJola Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 First off, sorry for your loss Uh the first thing I would be asking myself at that point is why the hell your BF wasnt supportive enough to go to the visitation with you? Most guys would be fully supportive of their GF of 5 months and offered to lend you their shoulder to cry on. Please provide a little more detail because I don't want to needlessly send you on the conspiracy hunt if their really isn't one. Has he been acting abnormaly, or did he at the Halloween Party? Did he get drunk? was their any females that may have been paying a little too much attention to him, thinking back on it? Thanks Space R Well, we have not introduced to family yet...i did not ask him to attend with me... After the funeral i expressed that i wish he would have been there, his comment was he would have went but i didnt ask..he gets funny like that sometimes...there were not any other girls at the party except for firends that he has been friends with for a long time (15yrs) He has been acting a little moody lately though...i am beginning to wonder, in fact i always have a little bit. Its been a starnge 5 months with this guy...I mean dont people jst offer to attend these things..should i have to ask? He has not met my family for my kids yet..soooo it is questionable?
Author JoJola Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 [Or...is there any other explanation? Does he have a roommate(s)? Could a friend or family member have accidentally left that there? Just talk to him. He could have a very reasonable, innocent explanation for it. There's no harm in asking. I'm curious what you're afraid of by just asking him rather than an online forum of strangers. I get good insight from the poeple on here; I jst dont want him to think that I am snoopin or anything...it was an accident, I am not good at confrontation i guess. Maybe inside i dont believe there is a reasonable explanation
Space Ritual Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Uh his answer to you would indeed be a cause for concern if it were me. "You didn't ask?" That was his reply? That kind of makes me a little more suspicious. I mean look... I am a guy. I am just a regular guy. I don't know much, but Ive been to a rodeo, a circus and been on a date or two in my 45 years. First and foremost this would have been the BEST opportunity for your BF, who has never met your family after 5 months(does he only come out at night?) to make an absolutely wonderful first impression with your family. This is pretty much mandatory stuff. Even a junior high boy who's fumbled up his GF's shirt for the first time knows that! Dear lord, he hasn't met your children yet either? And all the people at the party were HIS friends?
Space Ritual Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Uh his answer to you would indeed be a cause for concern if it were me. "You didn't ask?" That was his reply? That kind of makes me a little more suspicious. I mean look... I am a guy. I am just a regular guy. I don't know much, but Ive been to a rodeo, a circus and been on a date or two in my 45 years. First and foremost this would have been the BEST opportunity for your BF, who has never met your family after 5 months(does he only come out at night?) to make an absolutely wonderful first impression with your family. This is pretty much mandatory stuff. Even a junior high boy who's fumbled up his GF's shirt for the first time knows that! Dear lord, he hasn't met your children yet either? After 5 months. Let me guess, he does not want to "rush into that"??? I'm just saying that 5 months is a little long for him to not at least made the obligatory contact with your family...Do they think it strange? I don't care how old you are, if you were my daughter Id sure as hell would not be waiting 5 months or more to meet the guy my daughter is dating! As far as the receipt? I think at this point I'd wait until after the weekend, and see if you notice anything else odd. If you plant this on him right now AND he is doing something wrong he might go cold on you and deflect and try to project it back on you. I take it that "Carside" is takeout? Sorry, I am not familiar with the term as the only time I would ever step near an Applebees is if I was going to treat a bus load of my enemies to the Dysentery Value Meal. I advise as of right now to sit on it through the rest of the weekend and see when you are around if he has his phone on vibrate or has any weird phone or text behavior. Or if you are not around if he has any odd increments of time wherby he is out of contact (phone off, straight to VM, etc). I feel kind of bad in advising you to sit tight for now, but If you jump the gun you may never find out. However, my spidey senses are up about this.
Author JoJola Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Well, we agreed early on that family/kids were not an option until we knew we would be together...ya think he jst turns things around on me..good point! This weekend he has his kids and is also moving...soo I dont know how the contact will be...last Tuesday when I was there I commented on my kids...cause my oldest daughter (16yrs.) has asked to met him and I have put it off. When I brought this up, he commented I never aksed him to dinner....then in the same breath asked me "When is Dinner"; my response was I am not sure. I will have to sit on the Applebees thing anyway, not that I want too....I am jst scared to see his repsonse I guess. One minute he acts like I am everything to the next not knowing when he needs to be there......I am sensing there is something...he sometimes seems insecure and others like a hard ass...its back and forth! Is this a commitment issue, not ready to jst be with me and still needs to date others? But he takes me to all his functions...camping, canoeing, etc....all of his friends call me his girlfriend however he has only said that once. As for the party, he invited me and yes it was his group of friends which most of them I have hung out with plenty..a few i never met. He invited myfriends too but they had other plans. Oh God, I am so f"n confused at this point i am ready to flee, but I have that problem....running away I mean...its my saftey response I think. I jst dont understand, at this point are we a couple or are we not?
Boundary Problem Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Oh God, I am so f"n confused at this point i am ready to flee, but I have that problem....running away I mean...its my saftey response I think. I jst dont understand, at this point are we a couple or are we not? Seems like it is a watershed time. You had the death in your family and for whatever reason he didn't attend. He instead spent time with someone else, and didn't tell you about it. I would ask him if you are a couple. Unless you want a "flexible" arrangement. After 5 months, or however long, I think it is time for him to "declare himself" or take a hike.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I have another outlook on him not offering to attend. He may have wanted you to ask, to show he is welcome. He hasn't met your family for various reasons, and well, bringing a stranger into such an emotionally testing time, may be a tad too much. People like or not like, but you get what I'm saying, to grieve with people they know, and are comfortable with, not with strangers. He may not have wanted to intrude. Ask him about it, you could be blowing it up into nothing, or something. But I'd casually say 'I picked this up by accident, it was under my purse, I didn't know you liked diet pepsi.' Be casual, not accusational, ask him about the night, you'll be able to tell if he is lying by his reaction to it.
dreamergrl Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I wouldn't burn him at the steak for not being at the funeral. To me, that is not the time to people family for the first time. At all.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I get good insight from the poeple on here; Well, there's nothing wrong with that - just remember there are only two people in your relationship - him and you. I jst dont want him to think that I am snoopin or anything...it was an accident, I am not good at confrontation i guess. Maybe inside i dont believe there is a reasonable explanation It doesn't have to be a confrontation - just a simple question. I imagine a confrontation to be more like the other person has done something WRONG. You don't know that, yet. It could be innocent. Won't know until you ask. The longer you wait, though, the more it'll build up in your mind into something it quite possibly ISN'T.
Recommended Posts