hellopack Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Me and my g/f broke up a few months ago but I still find myself checking her facebook page far too regularly. When we split up, I found out that she had started seeing someone else behnd my back but had no concrete evidence. My friends advised me not to confront her as if anything was going on with her it would come out in time. I could see this guy posting comments on her wall and status' so pretty much knew and then the other day she emailed me to say they were going out. She then partially blocked her wall so I could see her photos. I am indecisive about blocking her or not. If I block her the plus point will be that I will stop checking up on her and also wont have to see her pathetic and boring status updates where she tries to show off about how funny and great her life is. On the other side if I keep her, I wont look pathetic and show that I really dont care what she sees that I am doing which slowly in my head I am begining to feel and also she wont see what a great time I am having, ( she lives in a real dump of a town and I am about to embark on a whole new life in london which I cant wait for). Also I know she was really attracted to me looks wise and her new guy is the complete opposite, therefore I want her to see what she is missing out on. I am being petty or should I just go and delete her?
McGrupp Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Also I know she was really attracted to me looks wise and her new guy is the complete opposite, therefore I want her to see what she is missing out on. wow dude. really?
The Collector Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I think it's fine when you have split up with someone to suggest 'hey, let's block each other for the time being so we don't have too much information about what the other one is doing.'
Lamak Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 The thing is you are being pathetic and lonely by looking at her page. Block her and get with No Contact. The fact that you feel the need to spy on her life, shows that you still have feelings for her.
Patrice Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I guess my question would be ... why would you want to put yourself through this? Take her off ..
Author hellopack Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Hi thanks for the replies. With regards to the looks comment, all through our relationship she used to tell me how good looking she thought I was. The funny thing was that she nearly walked out on her last b/f for a guy who looked like my near double. I am quite tall dark classic looking and her new guy is a scruffy long haired hippy type. Didnt mean to come across as beng big headed and deluded. I dont have feelings for her in terms of getting back together, just hate what she has done to me! I think you guys are right I should just go ahead and delete her.
amtz Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Look bro you are tormenting your self by looking around her facebook!!! It is strongly recommended that you delete her out of your life by all means!!! This includes facebook,myspace, IM's, phonebooks or at least till you are ready to handle the truth rather she comes back or not, this said also sooner or later she will be curious to check your life out since you have deleted her and in the long wrong makes her think MORE of what you are doing and what she lost!!! In the end most people that dump someone sooner or later will realize what they have lost!! Thats just a rule.. Why ??? Because if you did things right you have nothing to worry about unless they are dumping you because you were a jerk or abusive or something that just can't be fixed, but in the other hand if the other person pulls the famous "I don't know what I want" or "I'm confused" they will most likely get confused at some point of their life and perhaps come back... And never ever talk trash of someone you lost regardless what the other person did to you. It will only make things worse and will seem that you are in pain, instead be wise and when ever people ask about her just answer... "I haven't seen her lately" or "we broke up some time ago". Hope this helps! it certainly is helping me dealing with the pain
name witheld Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Either delete her or just stop using FB. Its the other way round for me, the dumper checks my page all the time. Sneaky bitch, well I'm not checking hers. Most of the comments are for your benefit and just mind games, she is probably checking your page too. Thats a good reason not to block, if you think that you can really avoid the temptation. That way you heal while she spies.
Patrice Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Take your power back ... focus that energy on moving on ..
Author hellopack Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Thanks for your comments Amtz. It was a very sudden break up. One week she was talking about marriage, kids etc then the next she turns round and said it was over thats that. No talking, no explanation no nothing. Even spoke to her friends and parents and they all couldnt understand what she was doing or why. We have quite a seperate friend group, I decided to hold me head up high and never bitch about her or tell them about the emails. She even keeps asking me if we can be friends because it would mean so much to her. Also she keeps speaking trying to speak to my friends and family (who do know what I do) asking to stay in touch with them. Although I have been tempted to tell her I knew about the other guy I know deep down it wouldnt achieve anything. Its only when I am bored that it eats me up. If I am busy I dont give her a second thought. I find having friends or writing on her really helps vent my thoughts and makes me think I am wasting my time even thinking about her.
name witheld Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I dunno amtz. If you treat somebody well and they leave you that doesn't make sense. If you make mistakes and they leave you well thats understandable. So to me a second chance is more likely if you've made a mistake and that they realise you are only human. The other case is more like they have decided you are not right for them even when all is well!
Author hellopack Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Just to clear up if there is any confusion, I never treated her badly, never cheated on her and in the whole of the 7 years we never had what I would class as a proper argument. Two weeks before we broke up we had a fantastic weekend together and the last 6 months were some of the best in our relationship. However in the last 3 months she had suddenly developed a new group of friends (including this new guy) and then suddenly made no effort with me. Our relationship was very mutal and we understood each other very well. Also, there is no way on earth I would take her back!!!
name witheld Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 However in the last 3 months she had suddenly developed a new group of friends (including this new guy) and then suddenly made no effort with me. That explains it then. Funny how they change around the time a new guy enters the picture.... I think that re-inforces my point on the second chances thing when you treat someone well. Maybe not, just cos you treat someone badly (or in my case not so well) doesn't meant that a new guy can't enter the scene. In fact its probably worse as the new guy being nice will make the old mistakes seem a lot worse.
amtz Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Very debatable but in the long wrong if a person is insecure they will eventually be insecure in the future regardless if the relation was excellent or a living hell (some relations are simply never going to get fixed do to the damage that each other caused)!!! In the mean time if one did things right than there is nothing to feel bad about since we did things with our heart... While the other person will sooner or later bump into a big wall and realize what they did in the past. You may ask if he or she coming back?? I don't know since I'm not the Oracle of Delfy, but I guarantee you that an unstable person will feel remorse some day... You see to them its like living a new life (new friends in your case, new experiences perhaps) and you WILL move on thats for sure, but when ever they see that you moved on they feel bad because they thought (and really do think this) that you would be in pain only to disappoint them selves to realize your better with out them!!! At this point just simply go NC and if she doesn't come back at least you will heel sooner!!! And if she does (doesn't seem you want her so bad) it would be really up to you... God it helps to type on this board, takes away the pain knowing I'm helping in some way and also knowing I'm not alone
Space Ritual Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 The best way to begin to move on is to make that person INSIGNIFICANT!, So please do yourself a favor and block her and delete her from your life. I know it is hard on a social site to do, because you will always have the temptation to have a peek. You may think to yourself "It cant't hurt". Then before you know it you will obsess on a comment that somebody left on her wall or keep going back and looking at a photo of her at a pub with some tool with his arm around her. Go forth with a chuckel knowing that she is somebody elses' problem now. They have to deal with all her insecurities and things that used to annoy you about her, and you dont!
groedy Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 The best way to begin to move on is to make that person INSIGNIFICANT!, So please do yourself a favor and block her and delete her from your life. I know it is hard on a social site to do, because you will always have the temptation to have a peek. You may think to yourself "It cant't hurt". Then before you know it you will obsess on a comment that somebody left on her wall or keep going back and looking at a photo of her at a pub with some tool with his arm around her. Go forth with a chuckel knowing that she is somebody elses' problem now. They have to deal with all her insecurities and things that used to annoy you about her, and you dont! Thanks Space Ritual, this one really helped me, and I am chuckling now. You hit my situation perfectly, the very next weekend after our break (where she accused me of cheating) her sister puts up a pic of some older guy with his arm around her and some caption about this is how all night was. Not gonna lie, it did hurt, but what is funny is she took it down a week later. So apparently she thought better about getting back at me.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I don't hate fb but I hate my addiction to checking his profile several times a day, argh.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Looks don't matter so much as personality. Delete her, show her you are moving on, don't play her petty game. Hi thanks for the replies. With regards to the looks comment, all through our relationship she used to tell me how good looking she thought I was. The funny thing was that she nearly walked out on her last b/f for a guy who looked like my near double. I am quite tall dark classic looking and her new guy is a scruffy long haired hippy type. Didnt mean to come across as beng big headed and deluded. I dont have feelings for her in terms of getting back together, just hate what she has done to me! I think you guys are right I should just go ahead and delete her.
GrayClouds Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I said it before and will again, Facebook is a pedophile who is out to molest cupid, it simple must be stopped. and don't get me started on twitter... but just let me say that it is fact the devil speaks his evil in 140 charaters or less.
adamt Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Just unfriend and block you ex. it is hard to do but in the long term you will feel better for it. Sorry but don't expect sympathy if you don't do it. It is no different than putting a match to your toes. you learn that it is physical torture and don't like it. I have been there where you are.
Author hellopack Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks for all your replies, its been really useful and to be honest just cemented what I knew all along. Since my first post a few days ago, I have been on facebook a couple of times. Even though she has appeared on my news feed, I havent looked at her profile once. I just figured to myself what do I care what she is doing. I am now really considering just deactivating my whole account. At this stage in my life, I really should be concentrating on my own life and not on her petty comments or everyone else lives. I really think some people just use facebook as a way of making everyone think their life is fantastic whereas in reality, I truly believe its the people who have to publicise everything they do who really have a pretty meaningless life.
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