Ilovecake Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Kind of hit me last night as I was falling asleep. It's not about torturing yourself or the other person and it's not about ego. You get over the person when you stop knowing them. Once they no longer fit into your daily life and become strangers to you that’s when you move on. As long as you have any contact with these people you’re keeping them front and center. Even though you have memories from the past after a while they become fuzzy and you realize you don't really know that person anymore. It's like running into an old friend from grammar school, you might have been best friends when you were kids but now most likely you don't have much to talk about. It's nice to see them but kind of uncomfortable to try and make small talk.
Odyssey Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 i agree. They eventually become people you know to people you knew. And like an old friend you might run into them again in years to come.
Author Ilovecake Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 I read somewhere and it might have even been on this website, that you can rekindle your relationship with someone but only when you are completely over them. That struck me as very true. It’s like you have to close that circle before you can start over, if you wish to do so. My best friend's parents are probably the happiest married couple I know and I love their story: They dated as teenagers and broke up after high school. Went their own separate ways and didn’t have any contact for ten years. Completely forgot about eachother. One day my friend’s mom was waiting at a bus stop on a cold rainy day and who pulls up but her old high school sweet heart (my friend’s dad). They rekindled their relationship and have been happily married for over 40 years. I guess if you’re really meant to be together something will reunite you.
Odyssey Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 sometimes, only if the chemistry is still there. people change for better or for worst.
Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Kind of hit me last night as I was falling asleep. It's not about torturing yourself or the other person and it's not about ego. You get over the person when you stop knowing them. Once they no longer fit into your daily life and become strangers to you that’s when you move on. As long as you have any contact with these people you’re keeping them front and center. Even though you have memories from the past after a while they become fuzzy and you realize you don't really know that person anymore. It's like running into an old friend from grammar school, you might have been best friends when you were kids but now most likely you don't have much to talk about. It's nice to see them but kind of uncomfortable to try and make small talk. This post really helped me to understand it better as well
Author Ilovecake Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 sometimes, only if the chemistry is still there. people change for better or for worst. Definitely, but I guess that’s partly how you would know if you’re meant to be together. After all that time the chemistry came right back for my friend’s parents. If it's not there anymore than you know you were not meant to be together for ever.
jv032889 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Yup, you become strangers. Pretend these people no longer exist. Eventually you will no longer think about them. It so much easier to forget someone you don't work with!
McGrupp Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 it really is acting like your strangers. i did 25 days NC. broke it. we had a "good" conversation and then the next day i posted my "i want to end it thread" why? nothing had changed. because hearing about her life and everything and knowing i wasnt a part of it anymore made me depressed. heraing in her voice that she didnt care anymore. so whats the point? 1 day NC!!!
Author Ilovecake Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 it really is acting like your strangers. i did 25 days NC. broke it. we had a "good" conversation and then the next day i posted my "i want to end it thread" why? nothing had changed. because hearing about her life and everything and knowing i wasnt a part of it anymore made me depressed. heraing in her voice that she didnt care anymore. so whats the point? 1 day NC!!! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I was there not that long a go but because I stopped all NC I'm starting to feel a lot better. I didn't mean pretend you don't know them. It's just that when you don't speak to someone or see them for a long time they really do become strangers to you, your brain will just categorize them differently. Right now you're still thinking about this person a lot and the more reminders you have of them the more you will think about them, it's a vicious circle. For example: Did you ever have a great friend that moved away and you swore to each other you would never lose touch? No matter how hard you tried after a while you talked less and less because your lives were going in different directions and all of a sudden you had nothing in common to talk about, you no longer relate to them. It’s a natural process, no pretending. Unfortunately with romantic relationships you're forced earlier than you're ready to break that contact and it hurts but sooner or later you will see your ex in a completely different light.
angelface78 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Ilovecake, This totally makes sense. This is how i feel. Like he is a stranger. After 5 years together he is now a complete stranger. Its sooo weird. He has done things i never thought he would do to me. I dont know him anymore
Lamak Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 One interesting thing about NC is that when the memories begin to fade, you get mourn again. Why? Because that's when you realize that you most likely won't be together again. Someone that you once cared about a large amount is gone. It's still the best option.
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