JolliX Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I'll start with the upside, and then vent. The upside is that I feel (overall) that I am feeling very good after having been dumped. My first counseling session was very helpful, I've picked up a few activities and some volunteering I've always wanted to do, and I'm reconnecting with friends. All while keeping NC going. Now the issue is that I find myself feeling very angry about how things turned out. I'm at that "I feel cheated" stage (I think) where everything I think about in regards to my ex makes me mad. So last night I sat down to think about why I was mad (figured get to the root, and don't blame if I possibly can). First was lose of companionship. She was my text buddy (amusing text, stupid pictures, etc.), anime and movie pal, and stupid events companion. Second is how she broke up with me. A text message, no face to face talk, or even phone call, and then NC (but I'm glad for the NC now, because it's helping me a lot). Third was that I still have to see her Mondays at one of my martial arts classes. I don't have to interact with her there, but her just being there, and that she brought a guy to it last Monday (who gave me a death stare) really gets on my nerves... especially since I'm the one that got her into the class, and convinced her to give it a try. Fourth was that I never got my stuff back after I even gave mine to her. I'm over this right now though, as some DVDs, video games, and possibly a couple other things I can't even remember right now are all of mine that she had, and having to interact with her to get them back isn't worth it. Finally, is what happened a little over two months ago. We were both at a party, and through her actions and comments, I reallized then that we saw our relationship in a different way, and had different goals for it. We later had a talk about breaking up (initiated by me), and she convinced me that breaking up wasn't a good option, and that things would work out because we were getting to know each other still (been dating for almost 6 months at that time). A few weeks later, I very much still felt that we weren't going to have the same goals, so I wanted to talk about breaking up again. She once again convinced me that it wasn't a good idea, because she was starting to be more serious about the relationship, and that I meant a great deal to her. Now, a couple months after all of that, me falling for her even more, and through a damned text message three days before a counseling session that I originally scheduled to work on the problems I brought to the relationship (to help my opinion possbily match better with hers), she breaks up with me!! The indignity, immaturity, and carelessness of this angers me so much!! Two months ago, I hung on the verge of breaking up with her because I felt we weren't seeing eye to eye on the relationship, I talked to her about it, was civil (emotional, but civil), and listened to her. I scheduled counseling to work on issues that I had (actual problem issues) that hindered the relationship, and to hopefully match her view of things better, and all I get after becoming even MORE devoted to the relationship is a ****ty series of text messages?! WTF!!!
GrayClouds Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 It is a good sign to be angry. It telling yourself that you see the value of yourself and the effort you put towards the relationship. It is telling yourself you deserve the same effort but did not get it. The good news is now you get to find someone who agrees with you.
Author JolliX Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Well I'm not completely over the emotional feeling of wanting her back. But I do feel a lot more anger than I want her back right now. ATM, I just can't wait until my next counseling session. I just want to bitch, and complain, and vent so much at it.
salem mark Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 jollix when your gut says breakup listen to it next time
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