WhenULove Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I'm getting out of a marriage. We have two kids and the relationship lasted 13 years. It's been a while that I've been living alone, and I've since started dating someone else. I told her from the begining this was going to have to be casual & simple for me. And she made it clear that she was looking for a more committed relationship (what woman doesnt right?). So we've been having really really good times. I love candles, slow dancing, cooking while listening to music. She's as big a suck for love songs as I am, and the romance is the best i've ever had in my life. She's a crazy social butterfly and has tons of friends. The sex is amazing too. I've enjoyed every single moment we've been together. We have a lot in common, but there are differences between us that are quite obvious. She smokes, and I just hate it. She's controling, yet not disrespectful nor belittling, just very sure of herself. And I always seem to attract controling women. She likes to banter, while I will only when I want to have fun or jokingly. There are also cultural differences, which just make us different (She's half polish, I'm French Canadian). I take her as she is, I dont judge her. So far it's been great, all in all everything I needed. But the tension always comes from time to time, that she doesn't feel like I'm 100% committed. Because I'm very 'giving', she finds it hard to walk on eggshells and curb her words, because she would like it to be more than just the casual dating we've been having. For a few months, it went on like this, until all of a sudden she wanted to call it off. I didnt know how to react to this. I definately enjoy her immensily, and I know she knows I have a lot to offer to her too. Yet the hurt of getting out of a relationship built up this wall before me, and it's hard to just open up again. I wouldn't want to lose her, and i do understand her motives for wanting more. Question is: If she really loves me, wouldn't she wait until I'm ready? I do feel my 'defences' slowly going down, and I do trust her, and I'm ready for something more meaningful than the casual dating we've been having so far. But she also seems to show signs of not wanting to get hurt also, so she's slowly started shutting down more and more lately. She had prepared her exit, now we're just in an awkward stage. Any suggestions?
New Again Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 If she really loves me, wouldn't she wait until I'm ready? If you really loved her, you wouldn't be making her wait for you, would you? Wouldn't you be ready? She shouldn't have to wait for you. I suspect one reason she feels the way she does is because you're not even divorced. You both want different things, which makes you incompatible at this time, IMO.
Author WhenULove Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) Yeah, wanting different things is right. I've been separated since feb (10 months). True enough, sometimes it feels like it's bad timing in that sense. I dont expect unconditional love, never have either. I know we do get along in this casual dating, because we can both disconnect and go to our own kids (she has two from two separate marriages!, I have my own two). Ugh... I would understand if she didnt want to wait on me also. it's not easy to keep someone holding on, but if I didnt feel strongly for her, it would be a lot easier a decision. We would have done 2-3 months and that's it. Likewise, even with her decisive nature, she can't seem to let me go easily either. Like I said, just awkward sometimes. Edited November 6, 2009 by WhenULove
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