tsubame_chan Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 So, I want to break it off with my boyfriend of 3+ years but we just bought a house together. I'm required by the HUD paperwork, and by the home buyer tax credit I took to remain in the house for at least 2 years, otherwise i'm in to the feds for $8000.00 (as I took the credit on my tax return). I just can't stand living with him anymore. He doesn't respect personal space, he has anger issues (this morning was a huge fight over signing a birthday card!!). I'm tired of fighting, being treated like a child, put on a schedule, and being constantly told everything is my fault! Also, his brother and his friend are our roommates so it's 3 to 1 (hurray for me), so if we did break up I'd have to be the one to leave, even though he doesn't want the house. He's the champion of all things spiteful. Also, I have pets, so if I moved it would be incredibly difficult to find a place in my area, and I'm not going to be that jerk that rehomes pets because they move. If we broke up and lived together, he would just make my life a living hell. I want to be grown up about this, and look at the house as a business relationship. He could move NSA, I'll get roommates and pay the mortgage/bills, and when the market looks better we can sell and walk away with money in our pockets. But he won't listen to reason. We aren't happy anymore. I can't remember why we started dating, and every day sucks. He keeps saying he wants to work things out, but he wont go to a counselor with me so I see one on my own. He's convinced he can do no wrong. I need some ideas!
jerbear Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I suggest getting rid of the house. You two are not married and the house was bought as a partnership? Depending on the state you might be considered married, so check up on that. Tell him you want to sell your part of the house and even consider taking a lose. This will force a hand on him. The pets unfortunately maybe pawns against you, but have to be done.
jbm889 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 First, is the house in just you're name? If so it's your house and you have the right to ask him to leave. You can give him a deadline to move out and if he doesnt meet it then give him an eveiction notice.. I know it sounds harsh but it may be the only way. I'm in a similar situation to you right now and totally understand where you are comming from. The hardest thing for me to accept was that its not going to be easy. The only way to get through all the mess,problems and pain that comes along with a break up is to start moving foward and walk through it. In my experience, a guy like this isn't going to change and will not make this easy on you. So just prepare yourself for that, be calm, direct and clear about what you expect to happen. This is youre life and you cant wait waste another moment being dissatified, it goes by to fast and it way to easy to fall back in to hold habbits. Be strong and feel lucky you realized that you realized this early in the relationship. I know 3 years is a long time but just imagine if you had continued to put up with it for 5,10 or even 20 years longer. Many people get so comfortable they are unable to change. You should be proud of yourself for for wanting more out of life. Go for it now and fight for your happieness. You deserve it.
Charm13 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I am in a similar situation, however, the house was in my name only. With the $8k, is it really worth your happiness for 3 years? If you sell the home or quit using it as your primary residence you are supposed to give the money back to the IRS. If I were you, that is what I would do. Sell the house, return the $8k, and move on to be happy.
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