Neill Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 My girlfriend of 2 years told me last night that she thinks we should break up as she doesnt feel a spark anymore. but she says she has only been thinking like this for about a week. Is this enough time??We are meeting up tonight to see if there is anything we can do to salvage the relationship. I love her to bits and last night has knocked me for 6. Has anybody any suggestions that would help save our relationship?
GrayClouds Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 My girlfriend of 2 years told me last night that she thinks we should break up as she doesnt feel a spark anymore. but she says she has only been thinking like this for about a week. Is this enough time??We are meeting up tonight to see if there is anything we can do to salvage the relationship. I love her to bits and last night has knocked me for 6. Has anybody any suggestions that would help save our relationship? I am sorry. I suspect that she has her mind made up and the best you can do is to leave the meeting with dignity and self respect. Likely she has been thinking about this for longer then you know or she will admit to. If it is the case no amount of pleading, begging or logic will change it. If she was intrested in saving the relationship she would have come to you with ideas to make the relationship better rather then saying she wants to leave it. Most likely she has her eye on someone else already but will never admit to it. Read this: So you want a second chance? Good Luck
littlebittle Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 a break might be good, as opposed to a breakup. maybe it will ultimately lead to a complete breakup, but this way things aren't quite so final. breaks can be good for people, and maybe she just needs some time and space to reevaluate the relationship and her feelings. it also depends on why she feels that the spark is gone. if other factors in your lives have been causing stress in the relationship, that can really affect your feelings. i think that kind of situation can often be resolved with communication and time. but if it's simply that her feelings have changed over time, i think all you can do is give each other space. whatever you do, be supportive of her decision. unless she does have "her eye on someone else already" (which you've given absolutely no indication of in your brief post), try to be positive. even if it's not what you want, you have to respect her feelings. you can be honest with her about you feel, but don't try to change her mind. good luck, you'll be ok.
GrayClouds Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 a break might be good, as opposed to a breakup. maybe it will ultimately lead to a complete breakup, but this way things aren't quite so final. . disagree, it just extends the pain and what ifs. If she want to work on the relationship you need to be together if not you need to heal and take care of yourself.
trueblue72ny Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) I am sorry. I suspect that she has her mind made up and the best you can do is to leave the meeting with dignity and self respect. Likely she has been thinking about this for longer then you know or she will admit to. If it is the case no amount of pleading, begging or logic will change it. If she was intrested in saving the relationship she would have come to you with ideas to make the relationship better rather then saying she wants to leave it. Most likely she has her eye on someone else already but will never admit to it. Read this: So you want a second chance? Good Luck ditto to this post. i know its difficult. but from an outside perspective, maybe it would be good to consider just blow off the meeting entirely. tell her some time apart will be good, and if she decides at some point she feels some kind of "spark" again to contact you too see if you are avaiable. otherwise forget it. you can't just meet up and see if you have a spark. after two years you are past that point. and if you were to actually tell her that, after that i would go no contact and begin thinking about yourself. if she is really interested she will let you know. so dont worry whether or not you will hear from her again. you will. its just how You handle it right now. and the best thing you can probably do is to do your best to let it go and let her be the initiator of communication for now. Dont get me wrong. easier said than done. I Am Fully Aware Of That. Edited November 6, 2009 by trueblue72ny
toofar Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I agree mostly with the last comment. However, most people will form their view on breaks depending on the outcome of their own. My break ended in tears. However, equally, I know a couple who did benefit from the thinking time. My personal opinion is that you shouldn't need one. It's quite simple really.. you either want to be with someone or you don't. You shouldn't need time away to come to that conclusion. It tends to be woman speak for.. we have serious problems. How many men call breaks. Unfortunately, for the moment, I think this is out of your hands.
trueblue72ny Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) agreed. & meeting up under coercion is NOT good. she is saying see ya, so let her make the move to reconcile. if you do meet up my suggestion do not beg, plead. keep it short and nice. pay for dinner and don't linger. Edited November 6, 2009 by trueblue72ny
salem mark Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 i wouldnt meet her, NC let her beg for you to take her back, try to move on
Metal_Muffin Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 My best mate and her boyfriend went on a break...ended up drifting apart, both verey stubborn and wouldnt admit they missed each other. All very foolish lol but they got back together 3 years later...through no talking they just bumped into each other. They now live together and are expecting their first child. So yea...breaks, second chances are all things that DO happen. What you need to do though is protect yourself and just giving you two some breathing space is prob a really good thing. Gives you both time to sit and marinate in what being together means to you. In the mean time NC its hard i know this but i promise it does get a little easier and you do learn to adapt. Shes the one calling the shots take some power back...for yourself. take some time for you. Let her know what shes missing and if she wants you back and your meant to be...you will
Space Ritual Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Thinking about if "for a week" is complete and utter BS. She was obviously unsure but decided that she met your replacement on Halloween...Trick or Treat, NEIL!! She found new Man Candy on the Holliday Sorry, I know it's painful, but spare yourself this indignity and blow her off. If you don't live together, wait for her to call you to pick up the stuff she left at your place. Then box it all up for her and leave it by the front door for her and her new BF to pick it up. Dont give her the benefit of attempting closure, because its overrated and really never occurs
name witheld Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I agree. Sounds like she met someone new a week ago. Probably felt like this for a while. Although you don't want to go in negative, just make sure you salvage yourself.
bluestraps Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Hi Neill, No , She needs to explain what she is missing. You should tell her to try for a certain time longer. I think couples give up too soon The spark if its gone needs to be replaced with a steady flame. What are your common interests. look at this to see if you want to be togther Do you have fun togther. Are you giving her the attention and are you doing thoes little things to keep her interest.
photobooth Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Neill - the same thing happened to me recently. but then she cheated and even started dating the guy she cheated on me. I believe others are right when they say that she has been feeling this way for a long while and is just now willing to talk with you about it. I would suggest you have a strong heart to heart conversation before she does something she regrets and the relationship is broken. try to find her underlying reason for her unhappiness and vow to fix it. dont be overly needy and whiny about it. play it cool and suprise her with a romantic night..flower petals and some wine to see how she responds
Author Neill Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Thanks everybody these comments have all been a great help, i had no where else to go for advice so I am honestly really grateful. We have decided to give each other a few days breathing space and then meet up to talk about what happened(hopefully with a clearer head). She has said that she isnt fully sure a break up is what we need but was the only thing she could think of. (said she just freaked out when she realised the "spark" had gone) She has said that there isnt anybody else and I believe her. I can only hope that whats missing in the relationship isnt completely impossible to get back. Although im trying not to get my hopes up to much. Thanks again everybody. ps sorry about the brief original post, I had been in a bit of a rush to try and decide whether or not to meet her.
GrayClouds Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Thanks everybody these comments have all been a great help, i had no where else to go for advice so I am honestly really grateful. We have decided to give each other a few days breathing space and then meet up to talk about what happened(hopefully with a clearer head). She has said that she isnt fully sure a break up is what we need but was the only thing she could think of. (said she just freaked out when she realised the "spark" had gone) She has said that there isnt anybody else and I believe her. I can only hope that whats missing in the relationship isnt completely impossible to get back. Although im trying not to get my hopes up to much. Thanks again everybody. ps sorry about the brief original post, I had been in a bit of a rush to try and decide whether or not to meet her. I suggest in the mean time read the following you may need it: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
Space Ritual Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Thanks everybody these comments have all been a great help, i had no where else to go for advice so I am honestly really grateful. We have decided to give each other a few days breathing space and then meet up to talk about what happened(hopefully with a clearer head). She has said that she isnt fully sure a break up is what we need but was the only thing she could think of. (said she just freaked out when she realised the "spark" had gone) She has said that there isnt anybody else and I believe her. I can only hope that whats missing in the relationship isnt completely impossible to get back. Although im trying not to get my hopes up to much. Thanks again everybody. ps sorry about the brief original post, I had been in a bit of a rush to try and decide whether or not to meet her. Her line about their not being somebody else is as fresh as a Foghat Concert. a few days breathing space huh? sorry Neill but don't be surprised when you have the meeting (which I expect will end poorly and in a permanent break) that you will find out within the next few weeks that she is dating somebody else. She is following a very familiar script Good luck...I hope I am wrong but I doubt I am
GoneButNotForgotten Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm inclined to agree with most of the posters so far. It is almost as if she is following the classic breakup textbook. And personally I don't do the "break" thing anymore. Once was enough for me. I can't think of many times where people came back and the relationship went on well afterwards. You probably don't want to believe what we are saying and that is fine, but remember that while each relationship is unique they still tend to follow patterns. And this is sounding like one that has run its course.
JL911 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I had a girl one time read me this right...Wanted to think about things and not to talk for a week...She broke up with me and it was possibly the best thing that ever happened to me...If this never would have happened i never would have seen what a selfish and self centered person she was and would have made it a lot harder to move on. After many months of worrying about me and having fun I happened to meet a few girls who were different, then I met one who stood out and is now my current gf and have never been happier...
adamt Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 if the spark has gone there is very little you can do to change their mind. especially a female. you have to let her go and look after yourself. either there is someone else or she has been having doubts for a while.
GrayClouds Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Her line about their not being somebody else is as fresh as a Foghat Concert. WOW Foghat reference, I am impressed.
Space Ritual Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 lol...the last time I ever saw Foghat about 15 years ago Lonesome Dave strolled up to the Mic and exclaimed..."Thanks, Chicago...We are just happy to be playing ANYWHERE"!!!
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