Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Last night i had 3 dreams of her all surronding a the same theme, her hooking up with other guys. One was of her hooking up with B which i already kno is happening the other two where random guys i dont know. i woke up at 3am crying 5am crying and finally with my alarm clock crying. Its so sad that i cant even get away from the pain in my sleep I really dont know what to do anymore im so tired of being sad
Ms. Joolie Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 If your dreams are taking over, adding to your pain, I think you need to take a serious look at how attached you are still to what you had, and why. We all want to hold on to what we had. Yet we are here because of a break up, a disruption. In other words, what we had is over. Don't torture yourself with the past. Think instead of where you are now, and the lessons learned, and how you are going to improve yourself so that that doesn't happen again. Don't look back, holding onto the pain, letting your dreams taunt you that it's over and we must move on. Rather, look back and accept what it's come to. Gently accept the situation, work at acceptance. Just let go of the broken relationship and keep letting your head clear out. Then you'll find it easier to move on.
Author Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 If your dreams are taking over, adding to your pain, I think you need to take a serious look at how attached you are still to what you had, and why. We all want to hold on to what we had. Yet we are here because of a break up, a disruption. In other words, what we had is over. Don't torture yourself with the past. Think instead of where you are now, and the lessons learned, and how you are going to improve yourself so that that doesn't happen again. Don't look back, holding onto the pain, letting your dreams taunt you that it's over and we must move on. Rather, look back and accept what it's come to. Gently accept the situation, work at acceptance. Just let go of the broken relationship and keep letting your head clear out. Then you'll find it easier to move on. This loss has been especially devastating to me because i neglected every other person in my life when i was with her. My family, i lost many friends, i completely disconnected myself from all other women, and now that she is gone i have no one else to talk to. I also decided to quit smoking weed the same time we broke up which is causing my dreams to resurface with a vengance, Marijuana has a way of disrupting the dream cycle in which stopping causes vivid lucid dreams for the first couple of weeks until the body returns to normal
Ms. Joolie Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Congratulations on your giving up of marijuana. It was your master, wasn't it? Marijuana was life, life was marijuana. And it played its hand in all your relationships. I know what that's like, believe me. But instead of marijuana, my situation was an eating disorder. And somehow I managed to love and be loved while I was consumed by this eating disorder. It was a world of it's own, and even though I had a relationship, it was me but WITH AN EATING DISORDER. That relationship failed. I'll own up to my mistake. I'll get the help I need to get better. I AM getting better. I'm in a much better place right now. I sympathize with you, Ultiman. You know, we don't even know what a relationship is LIKE without our addiction. It's something to look forward to. Something to look forward to once we get strong ourselves. We can have a relationship.... but WITHOUT the addiction this time. Or at the very least, from a new and stronger standpoint, NOT consumed by IT. And you know what? We needed that relationship... we needed that relationship to teach us this lesson.
Author Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Congratulations on your giving up of marijuana. It was your master, wasn't it? Marijuana was life, life was marijuana. And it played its hand in all your relationships. I know what that's like, believe me. But instead of marijuana, my situation was an eating disorder. And somehow I managed to love and be loved while I was consumed by this eating disorder. It was a world of it's own, and even though I had a relationship, it was me but WITH AN EATING DISORDER. That relationship failed. I'll own up to my mistake. I'll get the help I need to get better. I AM getting better. I'm in a much better place right now. I sympathize with you, Ultiman. You know, we don't even know what a relationship is LIKE without our addiction. It's something to look forward to. Something to look forward to once we get strong ourselves. We can have a relationship.... but WITHOUT the addiction this time. Or at the very least, from a new and stronger standpoint, NOT consumed by IT. And you know what? We needed that relationship... we needed that relationship to teach us this lesson. Your right. I loved her so much but i remember always wanting to leave her side to go smoke. I remember spending time with her and being angry and annoyed for no reason because i was sober. The addiction caused me to destroy the relationship something i wouldnt have done sober. She was so good to me and i spat on her face because the weed was more important. Its so sickening considering that marijuana is not even that addictive how badly it consumed my life. Sadly it took her leaving me to realize it
Odyssey Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Ultiman, have you two ever had a breakup over your addiction, in the 2.5 years together?
Author Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Ultiman, have you two ever had a breakup over your addiction, in the 2.5 years together? Yea once i made the mistake of choosing to break up with her under the influence in which i regretted it later and got back with her and another time i lied to her and she caught me which caused her to leave me but get back with me 2 days later
Ms. Joolie Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Your right. I loved her so much but i remember always wanting to leave her side to go smoke. I remember spending time with her and being angry and annoyed for no reason because i was sober. The addiction caused me to destroy the relationship something i wouldnt have done sober. She was so good to me and i spat on her face because the weed was more important. Its so sickening considering that marijuana is not even that addictive how badly it consumed my life. Sadly it took her leaving me to realize it I know. I feel that I did that, too. He was so good to me. At the end, he had so much frustration with the entire situation that he let go. And I only saw that he let go at the end because he didn't love me. sheesh. Now I see it that he held on so long because he loved me. For over three years he held on because he loved me, while I was struggling to get myself together. I wonder if he fully realizes what he's done for me. I almost want to go back and acknowledge him for this. It's a deeply felt realization that you brought to me, so thank you. I was almost forgetting about how much he really did care for me. I hope we do pick ourselves up now and never hurt someone like that again. Best wishes on your continued recovery.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 At the same time.... he could have just wanted the sex. lol ok no more about me in your thread.
Author Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 I know. I feel that I did that, too. He was so good to me. At the end, he had so much frustration with the entire situation that he let go. And I only saw that he let go at the end because he didn't love me. sheesh. Now I see it that he held on so long because he loved me. For over three years he held on because he loved me, while I was struggling to get myself together. I wonder if he fully realizes what he's done for me. I almost want to go back and acknowledge him for this. It's a deeply felt realization that you brought to me, so thank you. I was almost forgetting about how much he really did care for me. I hope we do pick ourselves up now and never hurt someone like that again. Best wishes on your continued recovery. Wow i never thought of it like that. She stayed with me cuz she loved me so much even though i constantly hurt her and hoped for me to change and day after day that i did not change would gradually destroy her hope of me not changing until she just couldnt take it anymore
Ms. Joolie Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Wow i never thought of it like that. She stayed with me cuz she loved me so much even though i constantly hurt her and hoped for me to change and day after day that i did not change would gradually destroy her hope of me not changing until she just couldnt take it anymore I think we both can accept the situation more fully now. And it's not like we can go back, can we? It's not possible. We shouldn't want too, either... we don't want to play the same role we did, and that's how they knew us. Who we were is not who we are now, and what we had is no longer possible. Personally, I choose to be incredibly grateful for the relationship, for what it taught me, for how it helped me. I choose to be grateful, not sad.
Author Ultiman Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 I think we both can accept the situation more fully now. And it's not like we can go back, can we? It's not possible. We shouldn't want too, either... we don't want to play the same role we did, and that's how they knew us. Who we were is not who we are now, and what we had is no longer possible. Personally, I choose to be incredibly grateful for the relationship, for what it taught me, for how it helped me. I choose to be grateful, not sad. Im not at that point yet. im still hoping she forgives me and comes back. Though i am grateful for the break we are taking because it has allowed me to see my flaws and the atocities i commited towards her. Still I want her to see that I have changed and come back to me
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