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Bumped into the ex who dumped me, I texted her goodbye, she responded with this

gavinus

By gavinus
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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gavinus Established Member

gavinus

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Basically I bumped into my ex who I was with for 3 years. She treated me like Cr#p, dumped me etc. I loved her a great deal and asked to marry her, she turned me down. I bumped into her in the mall recently, we talked for a bit. She told me she had changed, it was clear to me she had not, we spoke about connecting up togeather. (She said she would be my friend only if we connected once a week, etc, basically all on her terms)

I went away thought about it and sent this text to her:

"It is clear to me you have not changed, you still justify your behavior and appear to have no remorse and no respect for me. Talk is cheap, its actions that count. You still seem like an angry person and your behavior is unacceptable and I no longer tolerate that in my life, the consequence of that is goodbye please don't contact me".

She then responded with this "Thankyou for sharing your life with me over the past 4 years and for all the time, energy and love you have put in our relationship. I will never forget you or regret our time together for there was goodness there and I discovered many valuable things because of it. I wish you love, peace, health, happiness love X." Now this person has to have the last say and win at any cost and she would change her story if that benefited her. Her actions over the last few years were the complete opposite of this text and she always spoke well but her actions never matched her words. Can anybody read between the lines and say what she said? It has upset me and am unsure how to take her response, thanks heaps::

Edited by gavinus
Northwesthunny Member

Northwesthunny

Posted
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i dont know her but it sounds to me as if she is trying to make you feel bad - make you think that she has changed but obviously as you say she hasnt!

 

Seems to me she is trying to make you want her again

AnthonyMalibu Member

AnthonyMalibu

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I just don't get all this text-message crap. If you have something to say to someone, call them up and say it.

 

In all honesty, your initial response to her was pretty condescending. A simple "I'm sorry, I just don't think it would work out if we dated again" would've been more than sufficient. Instead you had to demean her, and then you've got the nerve to be upset by her response???

 

Talk is cheap...

Actions count...

You're an angry person...

Unacceptable behavior...

 

Sounds like you took out several years of anger at this girl, all at once. She responds by wishing you well, and now you're asking us to 'read between the lines' of her response?

almostpassedit Member

almostpassedit

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Posted (edited)

It looks to me like she doesn't respect you at all.

Your probably a loser in her eyes and she doesn't care what you think.

 

Chances are she already has someone else in her life and clearly does not want you. I know the truth hurts but, it is what it is.

Edited by almostpassedit
mark982 Established Member

mark982

Posted
Posted

you took your anger out on her,as op said you just should of sent a simple"it won't work" text. she on the other hand took the high road. there's really nothing to read between the lines.

AliveAndKicking Established Member

AliveAndKicking

Posted
Posted

My armchair analysis is this:

 

If she indeed treated you as poorly as you say she did (and there is no reason to not believe you) she has either:

 

A. Turned over a new leaf and is sincere in her well-wishes, etc.

 

B. She is "taking the high road" to assuage her guilt for her poor treatment of you and is now be able to say, to herself or others, "See how sweet I am? HE is the jerk in this situation."

 

Regardless of her reason(s), in the grand scheme of things, none of this matters. Let it go.

 

Don't keep the fire burning by adding more fuel, and move forward.

 

Perhaps later, much later, IF the oportunity presents itself as it did in this instance, you might offer her an apology for the harsh text, wish her well, and go on about your business.

 

Don't worry so much about this. It's no big deal. Take a deep breath, think about what you have learned from this, and carry on in a positive forward direction.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
I just don't get all this text-message crap. If you have something to say to someone, call them up and say it.

 

In all honesty, your initial response to her was pretty condescending. A simple "I'm sorry, I just don't think it would work out if we dated again" would've been more than sufficient. Instead you had to demean her, and then you've got the nerve to be upset by her response???

 

Talk is cheap...

Actions count...

You're an angry person...

Unacceptable behavior...

 

Sounds like you took out several years of anger at this girl, all at once. She responds by wishing you well, and now you're asking us to 'read between the lines' of her response?

 

Yeah... I agree...

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted

She was trying to kill you with Kindness and justify in her own mind that she offered her friendship and that you rebuffed her. In her mind it was all about her. She justifies this as thinking she took a huge step at closure by offering you the carrot of friendship. In her mind you should have been happy with that and that only. When you sent the text back saying she hadn't changed she used the response as some kind of "Head Held High" scenario in which she can say 'I offered to be friends and you rebuffed me, so this is my pleasant way of telling you what you lost:.

 

 

A little bit (but not wholly related analogy) just to give you qa biot of an idea what I mean

 

I had a young woman I was on a friendly online basis whom was a super rich gal who used to talk to me because she she liked to ask random questions of "commoners" like me.

 

I used to ask me really stupid stuff about how I felt about certain things, and everytime I'd give her an honest answer, she would respond in a generally condescending tone and tell me that I was just an idiot. So this past week I flat out told her that I would appreciate it if she would please not tyalk down to me, and that I lik4ed her and would answer her questions but that I didnt really like the attitude of her mocking my answers.

 

She sent me an email about..."Thanks for all the wonderful insights you gave me about life, but I want to end this friendship on a happy note..I wish you well...etc."

 

Its just a bunch of crap on her part.

 

Do your self a favor and dont worry about this girl..she is not worth your time. Let her be somebody elses problem

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gavinus Established Member

gavinus

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Thankyou. She did text me back and her text basically said, she did not regret our time together and she felt she was being generous by even talking to me, the ironic thing is she was physically, verbally, emotionally abusive to me, which therapy is slowly helping with. She has a huge sense of entitlement and limited remorse with zero sense of responsibility, I wish I had never bumped into her :(, it makes the notion of karma a joke

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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She responded perfectly, she showed dignity in the face on anger. Also she now has you back to focusing on her rather then you.

 

If you want the final word and to "win" start focusing back on yourself. You no chance to cure her but a small chance of helping yourself.

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gavinus Established Member

gavinus

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thanks greyclouds, I know :) I will start again

TimH Member

TimH

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Your text to her was just you being honest about this girl.She needed to hear it from you,how you really felt.I'm assuming you hadnt always stood up to her and it was a relief for you to get it off your chest.So long as you don't keep up conversation with her all's well.Now NC it.....

xxscarredxx Member

xxscarredxx

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Posted

Gavinus-

I can truly relate to what you're saying.

I don't think you're being mean/bitter/angry, at all.

I think you were probably shortchanged in the relationship, and now that you realize it, you told her how you feel and how you're not interested in her "friendship" (which could be equally damaging as the old relationship).

Instead of her acknowledging the comments you've made, she responds with all "nice things" that had nothing to do with your text.

Its a form of manipulation on her behalf. She knows what she did, and just can't fess up to it!

Stay strong, you're not alone!!

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gavinus Established Member

gavinus

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I have learnt something from this. Anger in the form of honesty changes nothing. We spoke briefly again after that. I then realized that she is the way she is, I can never make her see how she treats others so I wished her well etc instead and said goodbye. I now realize she can be a total bit*h and still sleep well at night, but for me I can't, so I figured do what I need to do to move on quickly and that was wishing her well in order for me to let go, so I did, hopefully for me it was the right thing to do :)

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Now see, if you done that in the first place....... :rolleyes::laugh:

 

Anger in the form of honesty is self-deluding, by the way.

Anger is never honest, because it comes from a place of fear and resentment.

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