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In a quandry

Limbo21

By Limbo21
in Coping

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Limbo21 Established Member

Limbo21

Posted
Posted

I have a dilema! I've been split from my ex for about 2 months now and have been NC for exactly 24 days. In that time she has sent 2 emails & 3 texts very civil, told me she loved & missed me but nothing more than that.

 

However this last week has been different ... She has sent 4 emails, 6 texts and called twice daily. Not only have I not responded but I've not actually read any of them as I feel further rejection/confirmation that's it's well & truly over is going to seriously hamper my recovery

 

I'm far from over her & won't be for many months but her persistance is making me wonder if she is asking me back (she dumped me). I guess the only thing she hasn't done is knock on my door but for all I know she may well have done that?

 

I'm in a quandry. I have reassured myself upto this point (although totally unfounded) that she is asking for me back and that has empowered me in my recovery ... but only to a point. This has now been surpassed with 'what if's' & 'why is she so eager to contact me'

 

The gamble is do I read these texts & emails and risk loosing my new found self confidence that I'm not as useless as I've been feeling or read them as a reconciliation could well be what's she's asking for?

 

The feeling of anticipation is getting stronger by the day and this is all underpinned by her twice daily calls i'm now recieving?

 

I'm familiar with breadcrumbs & validation and accept that but this feeling that she wants me back is also there. IF i do read them and it's just friendly banter I will be gutted but if I read them after I've moved on and she is indeed asking for me back I'll never forgive myself

 

Has anyone got any advice, suggestions and similar stories they can share. It starting to weight heavy on my mind

 

Thanks in advance

 

Limbo

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

Posted
Posted

i know the advice is they have to be literally knocking down your door.

 

see that i dont know about. i mean if i wanted to get back and i sent like all that communication and they didnt respond i might just move on or become bitter.

 

I would have a friend or family member read them. tell them beforehand what you are looking for and then they can answer you with a simple yes or no perhaps. and tell them not to give you any details.

Lish Established Member

Lish

Posted
Posted
I have a dilema! I've been split from my ex for about 2 months now and have been NC for exactly 24 days. In that time she has sent 2 emails & 3 texts very civil, told me she loved & missed me but nothing more than that.

 

However this last week has been different ... She has sent 4 emails, 6 texts and called twice daily. Not only have I not responded but I've not actually read any of them as I feel further rejection/confirmation that's it's well & truly over is going to seriously hamper my recovery

 

I'm far from over her & won't be for many months but her persistance is making me wonder if she is asking me back (she dumped me). I guess the only thing she hasn't done is knock on my door but for all I know she may well have done that?

 

I'm in a quandry. I have reassured myself upto this point (although totally unfounded) that she is asking for me back and that has empowered me in my recovery ... but only to a point. This has now been surpassed with 'what if's' & 'why is she so eager to contact me'

 

The gamble is do I read these texts & emails and risk loosing my new found self confidence that I'm not as useless as I've been feeling or read them as a reconciliation could well be what's she's asking for?

 

The feeling of anticipation is getting stronger by the day and this is all underpinned by her twice daily calls i'm now recieving?

 

I'm familiar with breadcrumbs & validation and accept that but this feeling that she wants me back is also there. IF i do read them and it's just friendly banter I will be gutted but if I read them after I've moved on and she is indeed asking for me back I'll never forgive myself

 

Has anyone got any advice, suggestions and similar stories they can share. It starting to weight heavy on my mind

 

Thanks in advance

 

Limbo

 

Hey =]

 

Please read the bits in bold and think about them :)

 

Reading her stuff is a huge risk, but do you think you can risk two months recovery on the fact she MIGHT be asking you back?

I know it's difficult, but in my opinion, I think you should stick to your guns and continue to ignore her.. afrerall, she broke up with you. Over the past two months, you've started move on with your life and PLEASE, whatever you do, do NOT let your heart make the decision here. People often get back with their ex because it's a quick fix for the pain...not entirely because it's the best thing for them. So use your brain!

 

I think the progress you have made is too much to risk on what she MIGHT want, don't you?

 

Good luck!

cdt76 Established Member

cdt76

Posted
Posted

I'd say don't read her texts but write her a text saying if she wants to talk it should be done in person and she knows where you will be on such and such a day/night at this time. If she doesn't show up, her loss and you know she was just throwing out breadcrumbs to keep you dangling in the wind. If she doesn't have enough courage to show up and talk in person at your place or on your terms, she isn't worth it.

Ms. Joolie Established Member

Ms. Joolie

Posted
Posted (edited)

Limbo.... I went back and read your first thread to familiarize myself with your situation. Forgive any reckless thoughts.

 

This woman that you've had a relationship with, how can she allow herself to give herself to another man while being still married? She was giving you her love while still married to another man! (She has not faced her divorced yet, so she is still married.) That is not acceptable to me, it is not tolerable. I'm sorry.

 

The relationship didn't work because this woman is all over the place... with her marriage, with God, with her religion and with you.

 

You are right to stick to your recovery. Don't go back to that mess. I know you loved her and this is hard, but take a breather now while you are outside the situation. Be strong.

 

My advice would be to ignore all her banter and wait until you feel strong enough to call her and ask what's up. But you first MUST recognize the situation for what it was. If you don't, and you feel weak as if you will cave into your feelings again, don't even think about calling.

 

Wishing you strength.

 

 

P.S No texts! Only direct communication if need be, in which YOU take control of the situation.

Edited by Ms. Joolie
AliveAndKicking Established Member

AliveAndKicking

Posted
Posted

Rather than jumping into action you are taking the time to really think about things- bravo!

 

I'm with Lish on this one. Keep moving forward- you have worked too hard to toss it all away in one fell swoop.

 

Stick with the "They will beat down the door" theory at this point (or not *shrugs*) and don't risk what you can't afford to lose: The time and effort you have invested in YOU!

 

Hang tough- be strong and brave. You're doing GREAT!

Odyssey Established Member

Odyssey

Posted
Posted

Limbo, well all the frantic texts and the missed calls, i'll say is right on schedule since she did say that she would call in early November. But i guess she's still not divorced, right? What's the text/messages say?

 

Lots of people make the mistake of dating a woman who is "practically divorced", and find themselves in the middle of heartbreak or broken bones. Even if she tells you she's divorcing, there may be two sides to the story -- in fact there most likely are, and her husband has the other half of that story.

 

Limbo you're worth having a woman all to yourself - and if she's still married, she's still married. Period.

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Limbo21 Established Member

Limbo21

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone for your advice. What you say Lish is bang on the money and any sensible man would follow your advice

 

Yes ms joolie she is still married & I appreciate you taking the time to get my back story. I do love this girl but as you quite rightly pointed out she simply is not available just yet

 

Thanks odyssey for bringing that point up, I've not thought about it but we did agree to reconnect on the 1st nov if there was any hope of moving forward (divorce in the pipeline). That would explain the amount of texts & calls I'm recieving

 

Your words of encouragement A&K always inspires me. Your fast becoming the main man when offering advice and I for one will always respect your advice - thankyou

 

I'm not going to arrange to meet her cdt76 as you suggested (but thanks anyway) as I don't feel I could face her just yet (I've lost so much weight and have agrophobia. The idea of sitting and waiting brings me out in a cold sweat

 

I'm going to follow McGrupp's advice and get my mom to read them with a simply yes or no! The anxiety is building up and I need to know to keep moving forward. I don't want to know the gory details so yes McGrupp thanks for your excellent advice (and no hard feelings from that post I sent you I hope - I was just trying to help)

 

I'll post an update tomorrow, I feel nervous but I think I've gotta know one way or the other

 

Hope I can sleep tonight?

 

Limbo

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