onewillburn Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I've had this urge recently to send a really vitriolic letter to my ex. I'm not going to, of course, but I'm curious how many of you want to break NC to vent ANGER rather than spout kind words. I'm not sure how normal it is, because I feel like the anger I feel is disproportinate to whatever remaining positive feelings there are. I've even opened up my e-mail several times over the last few weeks and just bled, having written out every nasty little thing that I could possibly say, but I eventually hit delete and went and did something else. I guess it's similar to writing a letter and then sticking it in a drawer rather than sending it. It helps to get the feelings out, but I'm in so much pain and the part of me that wants to get revenge takes control and makes me want to reciprocate that pain. I know it won't help, and I'll only end up back at square one, so I don't send. I always think of that proverb "When getting revenge, dig two graves". It's wiser to move on and better yourself, but after this break up I feel like I've been split in half. There's literally a wiser, stronger-willed, good man and an ugly, hurt, almost evil man. They're literally two vastly different sides of me and I can't always control which one comes out. Anybody experience anything similar?
rp123 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I've had this urge recently to send a really vitriolic letter to my ex. I'm not going to, of course, but I'm curious how many of you want to break NC to vent ANGER rather than spout kind words. I'm not sure how normal it is, because I feel like the anger I feel is disproportinate to whatever remaining positive feelings there are. I've even opened up my e-mail several times over the last few weeks and just bled, having written out every nasty little thing that I could possibly say, but I eventually hit delete and went and did something else. I guess it's similar to writing a letter and then sticking it in a drawer rather than sending it. It helps to get the feelings out, but I'm in so much pain and the part of me that wants to get revenge takes control and makes me want to reciprocate that pain. I know it won't help, and I'll only end up back at square one, so I don't send. I always think of that proverb "When getting revenge, dig two graves". It's wiser to move on and better yourself, but after this break up I feel like I've been split in half. There's literally a wiser, stronger-willed, good man and an ugly, hurt, almost evil man. They're literally two vastly different sides of me and I can't always control which one comes out. Anybody experience anything similar? Yes, and Yes.... The urge to address the balance is so strong. Personally I feel that I have been treated terribly, and as time passes (50+days NC), the more clear I am. At times, like you, I want to send the most vitriolic letter, and inflict as much pain as I can. But later, perhaps hours, or the next day, all I want to do is hold her, love her, and make everything right. I've come to realize that what ever I'm feeling now, will soon change to another feeling. Hang in there and save your revenge for now...
almostpassedit Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Its best to curse them out while they still have some sort of feelings for you to really get under their skin. Sending a letter months after the fact is pointless and just shows how weak you are. I waited until I knew there was 100% no chance of getting my ex back before I started to trash her, even then I with held. Funny though though, that email must of bothered her because two weeks later she called and said I was 'emailing, texting, calling' and harassing her. Boy she went hard on that lie.....
HeavenOrHell Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Yes, I alternate between wanting to say nice things to him and wanting to vent at him-mostly about the group of friends I introduced him to and who have sided with him after we split, he used to think they were an annoying clique, until he became part of them, I especially want to vent about one of them who he used to fancy and who has said she can't say that nothing will ever happen between them, I want him to know what a self centred, selfish b**** she is, her arse licking pals can't see it, but ex friends of hers can see what she is really like. I have sent a few mildly ranting emails to him since we split but I wasn't nasty as that's just not me, I think writing nasty stuff and swearing will just make our exes think they're better off without us!!
WTRanger Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Breaking NC to send nasty emails is the wrong thing to do. It just shows the other person that you are clearly not over them, that they are still a thought process in your head. Plus you give them every reason why they broke up with you in the start. Indifference is the best thing to do and it helps you move on so much quicker. Learn not to care. Every time you want to break NC, ask yourself, "Why? What good will come of this?" You will soon realize that nothing good will ever come out of it, so why care? Why waste brain energy on something that is clearly not worth your time? By all means still write the nasty letters or emails as it is a good way to cope, but just don't send them. In fact, don't even address them incase you accidental hit send. Save them and look at them a few days later and you will be glad you took the high road and didn't send them.
Author onewillburn Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Breaking NC to send nasty emails is the wrong thing to do. It just shows the other person that you are clearly not over them, that they are still a thought process in your head. Plus you give them every reason why they broke up with you in the start. Indifference is the best thing to do and it helps you move on so much quicker. Learn not to care. Every time you want to break NC, ask yourself, "Why? What good will come of this?" You will soon realize that nothing good will ever come out of it, so why care? Why waste brain energy on something that is clearly not worth your time? By all means still write the nasty letters or emails as it is a good way to cope, but just don't send them. In fact, don't even address them incase you accidental hit send. Save them and look at them a few days later and you will be glad you took the high road and didn't send them. Yeah, I agree. Indifference is where I'd like to be, but I'm sure it just takes time. I can't believe I'm still at this point, but I guess the circumstances in my life/the breaking of NC a few weeks ago really knocked me back a bit.
angelface78 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Onewillburn, I am 4 months post breakup and 30 days NC since breaking my 3 months of NC. I am at the angry stage as well. Lately ive been feeling vengeful. This is in no way my personality. For some reason though lately im sooo angry!! I just want something to happen to him! Nothing bad that would be life threatening or anything like that....but maybe his pretty little black bmw getting scratched or something like that. I pray to God to take these bad thoughts out of my mind...because i know its not my place to try to make justice. Its just that its not fair!! 5 years taking this idiots crap ...for him to throw it all out for some dumb 19 year old girl!! Im sooo angry and it seems like he is so freakin happy!!! He treated me like crap and now is with someone else who he probably treats better. I was always the bigger person in the relationship...so why does he get to find happiness!! Either way i hope i get past this stage!! I dontl ike all this anger i have!
Odyssey Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Yeah, I agree. Indifference is where I'd like to be, but I'm sure it just takes time.You'll get there - just keep fighting that urge everyday. If you want to vent, do it here. I can't believe I'm still at this point, but I guess the circumstances in my life/the breaking of NC a few weeks ago really knocked me back a bit.Yeah, that was messed up. She over-reacted big time.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I have thought about it, but you know what would happen? He would smirk and think "ha ha... she is still thinking about me". No way will I give him that pleasure.
GrayClouds Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 We all do but the smart ones dont. They do not hear what your sayimg, you look like an idiot, and it confirms that all their action are justified. You accomplish nothing except making yourself feel worst. Dignity is the best revenge.
rp123 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 We all do but the smart ones dont. They do not hear what your sayimg, you look like an idiot, and it confirms that all their action are justified. You accomplish nothing except making yourself feel worst. Dignity is the best revenge. "Dignity is the best revenge" Brilliant. Going to write that down and stick it on my wall! I will NEVER lose my dignity again. Fact. I'd rather cut my scrotum off with a rusty knife..... 50+ days NC and holding steady...
GrayClouds Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 (edited) "Dignity is the best revenge" Brilliant. Going to write that down and stick it on my wall! I will NEVER lose my dignity again. Fact. I'd rather cut my scrotum off with a rusty knife..... 50+ days NC and holding steady... LOL though I do not know how dignified you will look with a bloody infected scrotum not to mentioned the ear piercing scream you will produce in the process! Remember it's cool to look like a fool when perusing them, often its down right charming. It is not when your breaking up it, often its down right pathetic. By the way "The Hold Steady" - a great band Edited November 7, 2009 by GrayClouds
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