Watch the Signs!

[BCCA]

After a recent influx of 'is he/she interested' posts, I felt it might be beneficial to some people if I posted some quick tips. I realize that there are no hard/100% accurate rules in the world of dating, but there are some obvious signs about some one's intentions. We just need to look out for them.

 

Here are some that I consider no brainers, but for the sake of new folks, I'll include them anyway:

 

1. He/she 'just got out of a relationship'

This is an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for a lack of interest. No one turns away someone good if they are single, even if they actually did just get out of a relationship (note: most of the time, thats not even the case). At most, they may ask for patience and understanding during their healing period, but they wouldnt just turn you away. Ask yourself if Bratt Pitt or Megan Fox showed up asking for a date, would they also be told it was 'too soon'? No, no they wouldnt.

 

2. He/she is really busy with X

We all get busy, and we all suffer from a lack of enough free time, but in the early stages of dating, if someone is interested - they'll make time to see you. If they seem 'unable' to do so, you cant bet the farm theyre just trying to let you down easy. I see so many people waste weeks on flaky, wishy washy folks, when its easy to see whats really going on. If you ask someone to hang out, and they reply with 'im busy', but offer no alternatives ('we can hang out X instead'), they arent interested.

 

3. We had sex and now he/she is MIA

What you did was fall victim to someone who was just looking for easy sex, and not a commitment. We've all done it, and it sucks, but lets call a spade a spade here. If someone starts to act different post-sex, take it as a sign that it was all about the chase. They got what they wanted.

 

These are less obvious, but still should be well known:

 

4. He/she is my 'friend' so I cant go NC

No, they arent. You are infatuated with them, and have felt some hesitency on their end, so instead of walking (which is the right move), you pretend you can deal with them just being a friend (which is a waste of time). The obvious problem with this is that friends almost never turn into lovers, and if someone wasnt into you before, they arent likely to change their mind (if they do, youll most likely be re-reading #3).

 

If you have romantic interest in someone, and its not returned, walk. Dont stick around and hope that they will change their mind.

 

5. He/she frequently takes several hours to respond to me, or does not respond sometimes at all

I'm a firm believer that the manner in which someon responds to you is directly linked to their interest. The higher the interest, the quicker and more informative their response. If youre waiting 4 hours to get 'hi' back, they arent all that interested. If someone completely ignores a message you can safely assume they saw, they are absolutely NOT interested (even if they respond later to other messages)

 

6. He/she mentioned other guys/girls they were interested in

This is a SIGN if there ever was one, especially if a woman is doing this. They are telling you clearly that they are interested in people OTHER than you. This is their way of letting you know where their head is at, and its not consumed with you in the least. Take the hint, and dont stick around.

 

7. He/she doesnt want a relationship right now

Yes, they do, they just dont want one with YOU. Again, ask yourself if Derek Jeter or Brad Pitt asked them out what they would say. I promise you its not going to be any crap about wanting to be alone. Even if they want to take things slow, they certainly dont want to sit alone indefinitely staring at a dark wall. This is another method of turning you down without admitting the low interest, which leaves some confused, but it should become obvious over time that its a lie.

 

I know I have fallen victim to MANY of the lamest and most BS excuses myself, so I dont blame some people, but almost all of the stories Ive read over the last week ... there were SO many signs of dis-interest even early on, the OP's could have saved themselves a lot of time if they just thought things out a little better.

 

This is not meant to beat anyone up, but we are all responsible for our own actions. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool my twice, shame on me.

[BG1985]

While we're posting tips:

 

8. Stay off Facebook.

You will turn into a stalker and drive yourself crazy if you see an ex or a love interest interacting with people of the opposite sex on Facebook. Do yourself a favor and stay away from it.

[BCCA]

While we're posting tips:

 

8. Stay off Facebook.

You will turn into a stalker and drive yourself crazy if you see an ex or a love interest interacting with people of the opposite sex on Facebook. Do yourself a favor and stay away from it.

 

Im talking about the initial stages of asking someone out and starting to date. If youre already stalking the FB page of someone you hardly know, thats totally creepy.

 

As far as Im concerned, if I never saw any ex of mine ever again, Id die a happy man. Im not interested in re-hashing old drama.

[BG1985]

Well some of these people are already facebook friends with the person in whom they are interested. But yeah, don't communicate via their wall/inbox/chat on Facebook. It's a very passive form of communication and broadcasts you in a passive nature. Just call the girl or guy. I would even avoid texting them if you're trying to communicate something of importance.

[hopesndreams]

Thanks for posting that. I will be re-reading it 4/5 times so it sinks in. Yeah, am guilty of wanting someone I can't have coz they just aren't into me. I'm such a fool, lol.

[BG1985]

It's all a numbers game, hopesndreams. And don't put your focus on attracting the opposite sex. Work on yourself and live for yourself, and the rest will work itself out.

[boogieboy]

Should be made a sticky or something....if this doesnt get bumped, it will fall into the abyss of posts...

[BCCA]

Thanks for posting that. I will be re-reading it 4/5 times so it sinks in. Yeah, am guilty of wanting someone I can't have coz they just aren't into me. I'm such a fool, lol.

 

Listen, we ALL have dont that before. Its a fact of life, you WILL make mistakes. But learn from them! Dont keep doing the same things, or falling for the same excuses, over and over.

[Tiz]

2. He/she is really busy with X[/b]

We all get busy, and we all suffer from a lack of enough free time, but in the early stages of dating, if someone is interested - they'll make time to see you. If they seem 'unable' to do so, you cant bet the farm theyre just trying to let you down easy. I see so many people waste weeks on flaky, wishy washy folks, when its easy to see whats really going on. If you ask someone to hang out, and they reply with 'im busy', but offer no alternatives ('we can hang out X instead'), they arent interested.

 

I said this in another thread in regards to excuses a lot of women (and men) will give you the second and third excuse for breaking a date or breaking up with you rather than being upfront and giving you the real reason. Cowards

[alphamale]

this is all common sense mumbo-jumbo

[hopesndreams]

So, if you are pursuing someone and they aren't interested but they aren't telling you as such, is it best to just do a disappearing act or let them in on the fact you know they aren't interested, call them names--like coward and then disappear? Is that childish?

[alphamale]

Is that childish?

yes, because it shows that you do not understand the concept that someone is either interested or they are not. and that there is not much you can do to change their mind.

[BG1985]

Don't call them out. If you feel they are flaking, just quit contacting them. If they are really that interested, which they've done a terrible job of communicating, they will contact you. Don't count on it and try to find someone else. It's a numbers game. Have multiple people in line so you don't torture yourself over one person who really shouldn't be that important to you.

[hopesndreams]

yes, because it shows that you do not understand the concept that someone is either interested or they are not. and that there is not much you can do to change their mind.

 

Yeah, I understand that, but he led me to believe he was interested. I was played! My first time being played, am 44 years old, unbelievable ain't it? Man, I have a lot to learn.

[hopesndreams]

Don't call them out. If you feel they are flaking, just quit contacting them. If they are really that interested, which they've done a terrible job of communicating, they will contact you. Don't count on it and try to find someone else. It's a numbers game. Have multiple people in line so you don't torture yourself over one person who really shouldn't be that important to you.

 

Ok, won't call him out on it, it would just make me look simple.

[Tiz]

this is all common sense mumbo-jumbo

 

There are clueless men running around everywhere. They make the same mistakes one after another like they have the inability to learn a lesson.

[sumdude]

Thinking a FWB will turn into something more.

 

Whether you're a man or woman when someone says all they want is a FWB believe them!

 

Men do FWB to get some.

 

Women do that too but also use a FWB to help her get over the last guy while they look for the next one.

 

Ask yourself if you get attached easily, if so don't do FWB. You'll only get hurt in the end.

Edited November 6, 2009 by sumdude

[vanilla87]

The only times this doesn't apply to anyone is someone who is A sexual lol sorry had to lighten the mood a bit...

 

Anyway back to the topic at hand. I've been fed these lines before, but as I got older i started to see what was going on and knew. That's one of the reasons why I don't go after guys, cause it weeds out the ones that are interested in me and vice versa. So if anyone every feeds a line, it's just another unofficial rule of dating, like your suppose to know in general.

 

Here are some that no matter what, is basically someone letting you down gently:

"It's not you, it's me..."

"I'm too busy to be seeing anyone right now..."

"You are such a great friend..."

"This guy/girl I met is so awesome/amazing/wonderful/etc... and we talked for hours, and we connected..."

"I have a girlfriend/boyfriend..."

"I'm sorry my phone was off..."

"I don't know what I want..."

 

 

If your single and anyone that you are interested in, that calls/texts/IM's any time between 11pm-3am is either: bored, drunk, horny, or lonely and is looking for you to fill that void, be their booty call or their FWB.

 

If they truly liked you, they would make TIME for you in their hectic schedule. I mean wouldn't you if you liked someone?

 

If they like you, they will respond back from anywhere of 5 seconds to 10 minutes. Anything over 30 minutes is considered a polite response.

 

LADIES, if a guy doesn't reply back to a text that you send that just says "HI", he has already assumed thats all you wanted to say. No guy will respond back unless he likes you. If he replies back with a hi and no "what's up?" or anything similar, he is just being polite, that is all. Don't read in between the lines, you're not going to find the hidden truth, so don't push it.

 

Also, guys like girls that have a life. That means you are happy, you have friends, you are always busy during the week, if you go to school, have a job, or anything that involves something that doesn't involve sitting on your butt 24/7 and complaining about it. No guy likes a girl that doesn't have anything going for her.

 

Oh and that one above, APPLIES to guys too. Girls like a guy who has motivation to have something going for him in his life, makes him more appealing and that gives you something to talk about in conversations.

 

Wanna know how to keep someone interested in you? Don't constantly talk to that person everyday or send them a text or don't IM them. Why did I suggest that, you may ask? Cause think about it, when someone you like doesn't talk to you that day, don't you just want to do that ONE thing? Well it's called having the upper hand and becoming more alluring if that person does that. When a girl does that to a guy, he wants to chase her more and talk to her more. Same goes for the girls if a guy does that to you, you know he crave to talk to him more and more. That's how the person of interest hooks you so easily and why everyone gets so attached early on in the beginning stages of infatuation.

 

That's the thing, if you try to communicate with someone too much, you actually can push that person away and have them loose interest. This is only becoming more frequent due to the HUGE change with technology over the 5-6 years. Everyone is now just use to instant gratification, that if they don't get a text or a call back in under 30 seconds they freak out. Well don't, stay calm and just shut off your cell! You'll thank yourself later, cause when you do that you taught yourself how to not get attached so quickly. Self control over the temptation to instantly contact someone is the norm now, but don't do it, just let them contact you more, cause if they don't like you they will just fall behind and not be a huge worry for you anymore. BUT if they do like you, they WILL contact you if they are so use to talking with you.

 

Also for the ladies, once a guy gets sex from you, 9 times out of 10 he isn't come back to date you or have a relationship with you and do that whole freakin' romcom style of romance. If a guy wants you more for then just sex, he will try to hangout with you or ask you out and not make a move on you so quickly. Trust me guys like a little challenge, just don't be a prude either haha.

 

 

 

 

I know it's a lot to take in, but this is from a woman's perspective that has enough guy friend and has dealt with enough guys to know that you are all very simple and I don't get why women are so confused. So trust me I know the guidelines and know that if a guy means certain things, it's just that, nothing else....

[Tiz]

The only times this doesn't apply to anyone is someone who is A sexual lol sorry had to lighten the mood a bit...

 

Anyway back to the topic at hand. I've been fed these lines before, but as I got older i started to see what was going on and knew. That's one of the reasons why I don't go after guys, cause it weeds out the ones that are interested in me and vice versa. So if anyone every feeds a line, it's just another unofficial rule of dating, like your suppose to know in general.

 

Here are some that no matter what, is basically someone letting you down gently:

"It's not you, it's me..."

"I'm too busy to be seeing anyone right now..."

"You are such a great friend..."

"This guy/girl I met is so awesome/amazing/wonderful/etc... and we talked for hours, and we connected..."

"I have a girlfriend/boyfriend..."

"I'm sorry my phone was off..."

"I don't know what I want..."

 

 

If your single and anyone that you are interested in, that calls/texts/IM's any time between 11pm-3am is either: bored, drunk, horny, or lonely and is looking for you to fill that void, be their booty call or their FWB.

 

If they truly liked you, they would make TIME for you in their hectic schedule. I mean wouldn't you if you liked someone?

 

If they like you, they will respond back from anywhere of 5 seconds to 10 minutes. Anything over 30 minutes is considered a polite response.

 

LADIES, if a guy doesn't reply back to a text that you send that just says "HI", he has already assumed thats all you wanted to say. No guy will respond back unless he likes you. If he replies back with a hi and no "what's up?" or anything similar, he is just being polite, that is all. Don't read in between the lines, you're not going to find the hidden truth, so don't push it.

 

Also, guys like girls that have a life. That means you are happy, you have friends, you are always busy during the week, if you go to school, have a job, or anything that involves something that doesn't involve sitting on your butt 24/7 and complaining about it. No guy likes a girl that doesn't have anything going for her.

 

Oh and that one above, APPLIES to guys too. Girls like a guy who has motivation to have something going for him in his life, makes him more appealing and that gives you something to talk about in conversations.

 

Wanna know how to keep someone interested in you? Don't constantly talk to that person everyday or send them a text or don't IM them. Why did I suggest that, you may ask? Cause think about it, when someone you like doesn't talk to you that day, don't you just want to do that ONE thing? Well it's called having the upper hand and becoming more alluring if that person does that. When a girl does that to a guy, he wants to chase her more and talk to her more. Same goes for the girls if a guy does that to you, you know he crave to talk to him more and more. That's how the person of interest hooks you so easily and why everyone gets so attached early on in the beginning stages of infatuation.

 

That's the thing, if you try to communicate with someone too much, you actually can push that person away and have them loose interest. This is only becoming more frequent due to the HUGE change with technology over the 5-6 years. Everyone is now just use to instant gratification, that if they don't get a text or a call back in under 30 seconds they freak out. Well don't, stay calm and just shut off your cell! You'll thank yourself later, cause when you do that you taught yourself how to not get attached so quickly. Self control over the temptation to instantly contact someone is the norm now, but don't do it, just let them contact you more, cause if they don't like you they will just fall behind and not be a huge worry for you anymore. BUT if they do like you, they WILL contact you if they are so use to talking with you.

 

Also for the ladies, once a guy gets sex from you, 9 times out of 10 he isn't come back to date you or have a relationship with you and do that whole freakin' romcom style of romance. If a guy wants you more for then just sex, he will try to hangout with you or ask you out and not make a move on you so quickly. Trust me guys like a little challenge, just don't be a prude either haha.

 

 

 

 

I know it's a lot to take in, but this is from a woman's perspective that has enough guy friend and has dealt with enough guys to know that you are all very simple and I don't get why women are so confused. So trust me I know the guidelines and know that if a guy means certain things, it's just that, nothing else....

 

Wonderful. A woman that "gets" challenge. Kudos.

[mammax3]

Not really happy about all that, but thanks for posting this.

 

(there's not a 'but my situation is different because...' exception anywhere around here, is there?)

[miss_sapphire]

I've made a couple of mistakes mentioned in this thread. Never again!

[BCCA]

Not really happy about all that, but thanks for posting this.

 

(there's not a 'but my situation is different because...' exception anywhere around here, is there?)

 

Hey, I dont like to be the bearer of bad news man, I really dont. But Im also not going to let you slip and fall on the same spills over and over if I can help it. Life is about learning, which we do more through defeat than victory. Mistakes are fine, not learning from them isnt.

 

And no, your situation is NOT different than anything Ive heard, trust me. I know you want to believe that, but I can bet you money the situation has little to do with it. Either a girl is interested or they arent, bottom line.

[vanilla87]

There are clueless men running around everywhere. They make the same mistakes one after another like they have the inability to learn a lesson.

 

Those were the types when they were kids, burned their hand on the stove or put their finger in the outlet and never learned from the mistake of getting hurt...

[vanilla87]

Thinking a FWB will turn into something more. Whether you're a man or woman when someone says all they want is a FWB believe them!

 

It's true, don't go in with more intentions then what was originally said upfront. I can say the number one rule is keep your emotions separated that's all. If you feel that your falling for the person, then back off. You're only digging a bigger hole that you will have to lie in when you hit the wall of emotions for that person.

 

If they a state that they are not looking for a relationships, more so guys are up front about that and stick to their guys, then nothing romantic will come out after hooking-up.

 

I can say for women, if the guy immediately decides to either get up and leave your place or get dressed too quickly and says "I'll call you", he isn't going to want anything with you. I know for a fact and I think a lot of guys will start to disagree with me, but if a guy sticks around, spoons/cuddles with you, and starts trying to have an ACTUALLY conversation, small talk doesn't count, then he may in fact be trying to win you over or win you over for another booty call if the sex was that good.

 

Plus side note, I think I'm the only girl that actually doesn't like to cuddle

[vanilla87]

Wonderful. A woman that "gets" challenge. Kudos.

 

Either you just backhanded complimented me or this joke just flew over my head. Then again the internet always makes something simple that someone says come off the complete opposite because it's not a face-to-face chat... so I'm sorry if I've misinterpreted what you were originally saying...