JoJola Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I have been dating a guy for 5 months; it seems to be kind of Hot N Cold....after being with someone for this long shouldnt you know if you really care about them? One day he is profoundly sweet, kind, caring, complimentary, and then bam the next day he can completely act like he does not care a hoot bout me...and the stroy goes on! He jst recently discussed meeting my kids....guys whats going on here?
aerogurl87 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I have been dating a guy for 5 months; it seems to be kind of Hot N Cold....after being with someone for this long shouldnt you know if you really care about them? One day he is profoundly sweet, kind, caring, complimentary, and then bam the next day he can completely act like he does not care a hoot bout me...and the stroy goes on! He jst recently discussed meeting my kids....guys whats going on here? Haha when I read this post the first thing that popped up into my head was that song Hot N Cold by Katy Perry. But no really, maybe he's bipolar or maybe he wants to open up but then closes himself off again because he's afraid of being hurt again? Those are my guesses.
Author JoJola Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 That is my theme song for our relationship...bipolar has crossed my mind cause he can get extremely snappy over the slightest criticism or comments that most dont normally do ...
aerogurl87 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 That is my theme song for our relationship...bipolar has crossed my mind cause he can get extremely snappy over the slightest criticism or comments that most dont normally do ... Hmm sounds like my ex sort of. I found out after being with him for 4 months that he indeed was bipolar and he used to get irritable over the slightest thing. Felt like I was always walking on eggshells with him since one day he'd be all lovey dovey and the greatest boyfriend, but then the next day he'd be irritable and cranky. After awhile it just wore me down and messed me up pretty badly in the head. So if he is bipolar I suggest you get him to a therapist so he can learn how to manage his bipolarism before it becomes too toxic to your relationship.
Author JoJola Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I am sorry....i jst dont know what to do; he does not have health insurance so seeing a therapist is probably not an option. I guess I am not alone out here cause I am begining to feel messed up cause I never know! With a bipolar person do they act kind of selfish..self centered? I am so very confused with his actions...we went on vac. for 4 days and I was so frustrtated that I decided not to talk to him..after 4 days he started texting me all the time..saying how much he liked me, how hot I am and this went on for over a week..then as soon as I came back the Hot N Cold stuff started...does this sound familiar? Or is he jst playnin a game with me
aerogurl87 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I am sorry....i jst dont know what to do; he does not have health insurance so seeing a therapist is probably not an option. I guess I am not alone out here cause I am begining to feel messed up cause I never know! With a bipolar person do they act kind of selfish..self centered? I am so very confused with his actions...we went on vac. for 4 days and I was so frustrtated that I decided not to talk to him..after 4 days he started texting me all the time..saying how much he liked me, how hot I am and this went on for over a week..then as soon as I came back the Hot N Cold stuff started...does this sound familiar? Or is he jst playnin a game with me Oh wow I think I'm having deja vu! That sounds just like my ex. It started out kind of small at first, with these little fits he'd have every once and awhile, and then escalated to him being pissed off at me for days because I didn't agree with him or something just wasn't going his way. Then he'd be sweet and nice for awhile, tell me I was the one, the greatest girlfriend ever, blah blah blah. After awhile it got to the point where I was like forget it, this is unhealthy. But he'd cry and beg for me to stay, saying he'd get better and that he needed me. So I stayed and you know what... thanks to that bastard I had my first (and what I'm determined will be my only) mental breakdown. I just lost it one day and he wasn't even there for me because he was so concerned about him and what HE wanted and needed. So I had to wait about a week before I got this long apology and he claimed he was going to change, but by then I had made up my mind that it wasn't going to get any better and I was moving on.
Author JoJola Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Oh geezzz girl...i am sorry for your experience and this is not what i wanted to hear.:( but it just may be so! I am really hoping for the not knowing how to deal with feelins...or how to open up, ya know! He seems to like a lot of attention..strokin is what I call it..did you notice this at all? Are there any other signs I should look for???? I need to make the decision to run or stay......
aerogurl87 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) Oh geezzz girl...i am sorry for your experience and this is not what i wanted to hear.:( but it just may be so! I am really hoping for the not knowing how to deal with feelins...or how to open up, ya know! He seems to like a lot of attention..strokin is what I call it..did you notice this at all? Are there any other signs I should look for???? I need to make the decision to run or stay...... Oh yeah there were tons of things he did. Like always managing to make everything my fault even if it wasn't (you know playing the victim over and over again). Then there was the indecisiveness, one minute he wanted to marry me right away and the next he didn't even know if we were going to be together in a week. Then he became distant, decided he didn't need me because his need for validation outgrew me. Now he needed multiple women's validation to make him feel good. That's what ultimately led to the final breakdown in our relationship. But I hope he doesn't get this bad, but it can happen. Also low self esteem, some drive but he's easily distracted, and great emotional problems (trust issues, commitment issues, the whole gambit). Those were other signs that I chose to ignore dumbly. Edited November 5, 2009 by aerogurl87
Ruby Slippers Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Been there, done that, in my last relationship. It is VERY unlikely to change, and it will probably get worse. I'd dump him and not waste any more time on him. If someone is really into you and not messed up in the head, he/she doesn't pull the hot and cold crap. Period.
vanilla87 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Here is the simple truth that they won't tell you: he isn't ready to commitment or want a relationship, so he is trying to force you out of the relationship by making things very unstable so he doesn't have to break up with you. He wants you to be the bad guy and do all the dirty work. It's a very immature method that some guys will actually do, but if a guy keeps acting that way, it's not bi-polar, it's him probably unsure of wanting a commitment. If a guy likes you he will be consistent enough with his affections everyday and make some kind of effort the first 6 months, which are the "honeymoon" months of a relationship. Trust me, I've been in a relationship or two of these proportions and the only reason was that they didn't want to be tied down or had other interest in other women in their lives that they just met or have known. So don't make excuses for his behavior, just realize that maybe his interest in the relationship and you has dwindled and just look elsewhere...
aerogurl87 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Here is the simple truth that they won't tell you: he isn't ready to commitment or want a relationship, so he is trying to force you out of the relationship by making things very unstable so he doesn't have to break up with you. He wants you to be the bad guy and do all the dirty work. It's a very immature method that some guys will actually do, but if a guy keeps acting that way, it's not bi-polar, it's him probably unsure of wanting a commitment. If a guy likes you he will be consistent enough with his affections everyday and make some kind of effort the first 6 months, which are the "honeymoon" months of a relationship. Trust me, I've been in a relationship or two of these proportions and the only reason was that they didn't want to be tied down or had other interest in other women in their lives that they just met or have known. So don't make excuses for his behavior, just realize that maybe his interest in the relationship and you has dwindled and just look elsewhere... I don't know vanilla, he sounds pretty much like he could be bi polar to me and if he is the OP needs to get him to counseling ASAP although that's not always guaranteed to work. My boyfriend went and it did nothing for him basically. Then I got sucked into the role of being his "last ray of hope" and all his anger, stress, happiness, etc. was dependant upon me which was too stressful for anyone to handle. So please OP don't get sucked into that cycle because it will do nothing but eat away at your spirit until he's used you up and drops you in order to go find the next person he can do the same thing to.
miss_sapphire Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Does he realise how his behaviour is affecting your relationship? Does he kinow how upset he's making you by acting hot and cold? Does he think he has a problem - i.e. that he might be bipolar? Until he recognises there's a problem and decides to change, there's not very much you can do unfortunately, and I'd suggest running as fast as you can in the opposite direction before it's too late.
Author JoJola Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Thanks everyone! I guess I am not sure; we talk everyday consistently and see each other 2 to 3 times a week. Maybe it is a commiment issue..jst seems odd he would mention meeting my kids; this is something we have never brought up and agreed early on that we didnt want to involve children until we knew it would be a long lasting thing. Also, he seems very jealous of me being around other men..we were at the restaurant and I had to get up and go another room to talk (it was my daughter) and when I came back he said..oh was that your boyfriend; he is always asking me who I am with and what I am doing...we even have made plans for a vacation in Feb...do ya think he is really tryin to drive me away..or jst not completely ready to commit....or is this maybe the bipoloar thing...
aerogurl87 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I don't know what it is but either way he sounds controlling, kind of like this guy I dated for a month and then ended things when he came to visit me at college. He went off on me because some guy passed us in a car when we were walking around campus and was staring at me, so for the rest of the night he accused me of flirting with the guy. So that was the last straw and I ended things the next day. A man with control issues is always a huge red flag in my opinion.
Author JoJola Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Well, he never goes off on me; just comments...ive read that insecurity is a sign of bipolar. There are several instantances where it seems like he is insecure...then turns back into tough guy again....
Recommended Posts