osu5920 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Lately, I've been spending a lot more time with my ex and I was pretty sure we were getting back together. Last Friday night, we just layed on her couch talking for hours while she held my hand and laid her head on my chest. It was very "couple" ish. On Monday, I started to feel really sick and Wednesday morning I was diagnosed with swine flu. The last time I talked to her was Sunday night. She hasn't called once. We're both in grad school and I figured she would have called when she didn't see me in class... but no. It really hurts me that she hasn't even sent a text. Am I wrong here? Am I obligated to tell her I'm sick? Normally, that's not my style, but it did occur to me that maybe I upset her by not telling her I'm sick. I just haven't spent much time on the phone the last few days... just been sleeping a lot. What do you all think? Thanks!
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 You're over-analyzing this. There's also a chance that it didn't feel right doing the "couple-ish" and so she has disappeared. My ex and I were in the same situation where we had been hanging out again and everyone had assumed we were back together. When I come back in town a couple weeks later, she thought I was out of my mind when I tried to continue where we had left off. If she was genuinely concerned about your whereabouts, she would have called.
betamanlet Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Lately, I've been spending a lot more time with my ex and I was pretty sure we were getting back together. Last Friday night, we just layed on her couch talking for hours while she held my hand and laid her head on my chest. It was very "couple" ish. On Monday, I started to feel really sick and Wednesday morning I was diagnosed with swine flu. The last time I talked to her was Sunday night. She hasn't called once. We're both in grad school and I figured she would have called when she didn't see me in class... but no. It really hurts me that she hasn't even sent a text. Am I wrong here? Am I obligated to tell her I'm sick? Normally, that's not my style, but it did occur to me that maybe I upset her by not telling her I'm sick. I just haven't spent much time on the phone the last few days... just been sleeping a lot. What do you all think? Thanks! 3 possibilities: (1) she's sick herself (2) she's a flake and constantly changes her mind, and she's no longer interested (3) she's busy dating other guys.
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Lots of time, girls will act like they want you with being all lovey dovey like she did, then they will just fall off the earth. When i see/hear about this, i can't help but think she was just using the guy for emotional support.
single ape Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I have an idea.. call her! I know.. crazy.
BCCA Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The last time I talked to her was Sunday night. She hasn't called once. This tells me everything I need to know. Regardless if whether youre sick, or if she knew...its been like a week and she hasnt tried to contact you at all. I think that speaks volumes, personally.
threebyfate Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 She has no idea you're sick. All she knows is that the two of you got close on Friday night and she hasn't heard from you since.
JoJola Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Yes, if she hasn't called...that should say it all!
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 She grad school classes with him. You normally don't skip those classes, and the classes themselves typically aren't large in size. She should notice that he isn't there. This is a lack of interest on her part.
Die Hard Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) Lately, I've been spending a lot more time with my ex and I was pretty sure we were getting back together. Last Friday night, we just layed on her couch talking for hours while she held my hand and laid her head on my chest. It was very "couple" ish. On Monday, I started to feel really sick and Wednesday morning I was diagnosed with swine flu. The last time I talked to her was Sunday night. She hasn't called once. We're both in grad school and I figured she would have called when she didn't see me in class... but no. It really hurts me that she hasn't even sent a text. Am I wrong here? Am I obligated to tell her I'm sick? Normally, that's not my style, but it did occur to me that maybe I upset her by not telling her I'm sick. I just haven't spent much time on the phone the last few days... just been sleeping a lot. What do you all think? Thanks! Need lots more info: How long were you two together? How long has it been since you two broke up? Why did you break-up? Who broke up with who? Why are you spending time with your ex? Edited November 5, 2009 by Die Hard
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 None of that matters. If you go a week without seeing a girl who is either your girlfriend or at least interested in you, she will call. Interested girls always find a way to maintain contact if possible.
Die Hard Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 None of that matters. If you go a week without seeing a girl who is either your girlfriend or at least interested in you, she will call. Interested girls always find a way to maintain contact if possible. It most certainly does matter. This isn't simply a case of a woman showing a lack of interest. He has a history with this chick and there is more going on here than just a lack of interest on her part. My first impression is that she is playing games. Particularly if she is the one who did the breaking up. Why the hell would she be hanging out with him acting couplish if she dumped him. From the sound of his post, he is hoping for a reconciliation and imo, she is up to something. I need to know how long they went out and why they broke up and who did the breaking. That will shed a lot of light on what the heck is going on here.
BCCA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 It most certainly does matter. This isn't simply a case of a woman showing a lack of interest. He has a history with this chick and there is more going on here than just a lack of interest on her part. My first impression is that she is playing games. Particularly if she is the one who did the breaking up. Why the hell would she be hanging out with him acting couplish if she dumped him. From the sound of his post, he is hoping for a reconciliation and imo, she is up to something. I need to know how long they went out and why they broke up and who did the breaking. That will shed a lot of light on what the heck is going on here. I can probably answer these questions for you just based off of his post. Im almost certain he got dumped, within the last few months, and the relationship probably lasted somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 years. These are all common themes I see here all the time. If he dumped her, this post would not exist. If you go a week without seeing a girl who is either your girlfriend or at least interested in you, she will call. Interested girls always find a way to maintain contact if possible. Especially when she didnt see him in class all week. 100% agree.
Citizen Erased Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 She has no idea you're sick. All she knows is that the two of you got close on Friday night and she hasn't heard from you since. I agree with this. She's probably pissed at him for not calling.
Author osu5920 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 I'll try to answer some of these questions: 1.) The Friday night thing wasn't an isolated incident. We have been spending more and more time with each other lately. She would call me late after studying 'til midnight and stuff like that. We wouldn't talk everyday per se, but for sure at least every other day. 2.) We were together for about 4 months. 3.) We broke up in Feb. 2009 4.) She broke up with me. Reason cited: She just wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment. She was getting set to leave the state for an internship. (she's back now) It was a very clean break up because it was mostly a timing issue... good thing at a bad time. 5.) I'm not sure she knows I'm sick. But, I never skip class and we sit next to each other in class, so she must have noticed I wasn't there. I actually saw her on campus on Wednesday. The elevator door opened and she was on the otherside. I said "Hey" and walked on by because I had to puke. I really didn't want to puke on her, and that's why I just walked away quickly. I didn't text her after that because I was on my way to go teach a class, this was before I knew I had the flu. After we hung out closely on Friday night, we hung out saturday afternoon and evening at our campus football game. It was fun. Less couple-ish, but we were with a big group of friends. Sunday night she came over to watch TV for a little while. We talked a bit, and watched some TV. I had my arm around her etc. She didn't stay long bc she had an early class the next day and it was already pretty late. This was the last time I talked to her. At this point, it seems pretty clear to me that she is showing less interest by not calling. Even though she saw me on campus for a moment, the fact I didn't come to class warranted a text in my opinion. I'm still curious though... am I wrong for not having told her that I was sick sooner? Maybe she found out I was sick and was hurt by the fact I didn't tell her.
BCCA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Maybe she found out I was sick and was hurt by the fact I didn't tell her. Dude, your reaching. I dont think this is it at all. I just think she was trying to ease into a friendship, and you were trying to ease back together, and when she knew for sure thats what you had in mind, she backed off. Reason cited: She just wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment People can believe what they want, but me - I dont buy this for a second. At BEST this was the 3/4th reason she broke up with you.
crazy_grl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I'm still curious though... am I wrong for not having told her that I was sick sooner? Maybe she found out I was sick and was hurt by the fact I didn't tell her. You've been sick since Wed. You were hanging out with her Fri. and getting cuddly on Sun. How do you know she's not now sick wondering why you're not calling her asking where she is? Either call her or don't and forget about it. Stop driving yourself crazy with questions about her motives.
Stung Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I'll try to answer some of these questions:... I actually saw her on campus on Wednesday. The elevator door opened and she was on the otherside. I said "Hey" and walked on by because I had to puke. I really didn't want to puke on her, and that's why I just walked away quickly. I didn't text her after that because I was on my way to go teach a class, this was before I knew I had the flu. Is this for real? You didn't think this little tidbit was worth mentioning earlier? I'm not really going to speculate on why you broke up, or whether she is serious about getting involved with you again...but I will tell you this: if I were even toying with the idea of dating someone, and after a somewhat intimate night with a lot of flirty/romantic overtones he suddenly disappeared, didn't show up where he knew I'd be, and rudely blew me off when he ran into me in the hall, of COURSE I wouldn't call him. And, I wouldn't date him, unless he came back with a damn good explanation. I'd figure he was a flake or something and just cut my losses and move on with dignity.
BG1985 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Uh ok, Stung. I think he's doing great by not hounding her with phone calls when SHE broke up with him. I was in the same situation as OSU. Girlfriend dumped me back around February as well and after we had a post-breakup "moment," she actually tried to maintain contact with me. The ball is always in the dumper's court since they are essentially in control of the relationship at that point.
Stung Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) In no way did I ever suggest that he should be 'hounding' this woman with phone calls...I don't believe anybody should hound anyone with phone calls, ever. Unattractive, from either sex. But the reality of the situation as the OP describes it is that they dated only a short time with a clean, amicable break, and he is hoping to win her back now that she has moved back to his area and is once more available. And after spending a promising evening when it seemed like his goal might be in sight, not only did he seemingly pull a vanishing act, he seemed to be deliberately brusque and rude to her in a corridor, and then never made any attempt to explain himself. Look, if a guy I've been having an on-again-off-again thing with is suddenly rude and blows me off out of the blue, my first thought isn't, 'oh, of course, he must have swine flu.' If she is super-into him, she might call to find out what happened. Or if she has low self-esteem, she might blame herself and call to try to fix whatever she did wrong. But if she is just inhabiting the normal middle ground of uncertainty as to how she really feels about him at the moment, she's likely to chalk it up to him being a flake or a jerk, and set her sights elsewhere. He's the one biting his nails over this and asking for perspectives. That's mine. OP, I'm not trying to be unsympathetic. I'm not making any judgment calls on the quality of your relationship with this woman, I'm just giving you a little insight into what her perspective might be. If you're trying to woo this girl back, this week has been a real bust for you. I hope you recover quickly and feel yourself again. Edited November 6, 2009 by Stung
crazy_grl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I thought the brush off was on the Wed *before* hanging out, not the Wed after. But rereading what you said, osu, I can't really tell. You go back and forth on the sequence of events. My initial reaction was the same as Stung's but then when you said "She didn't stay long bc she had an early class the next day and it was already pretty late. This was the last time I talked to her." I thought that meant the Wed incident happened first. If it was after, she totally thinks you're blowing her off. There's no reason she would call you.
threebyfate Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I agree with this. She's probably pissed at him for not calling. Yup, getting close and then running away, wouldn't be unusual for some men. That this isn't the case won't change perception, unless he calls and tells her. Or he can be hurt and stubborn and lose her again, from not trying. His choice.
whimsical_memory Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 She very well could be sick too, and wondering why YOU haven't called her to check on her! Guess what fellas, we're are NOT mind readers!! Honestly, we're not!! We don't know if you're sick if you don't tell us!
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